Blinding Trust (8 page)

Colt steadied his pace, making sure to hold out until my body stopped jerking.

I could feel him losing control. Little sounds were escaping his mouth. Finally he collapsed his head into my chest.

We both just stayed locked together trying to catch our breath. Our moment may have been over and some stress had been relieved. As much as I would have liked for it to solve all of my problems, it only reminded me of how good things could be between me and Colt if I’d only let them.

Things were going to be okay. I couldn’t stand to live without this man or any of our children. It just wasn’t an option.

Chapter 10

Colt

Things between Noah and Savanna didn’t get much better as the week progressed. Even though they spoke to each other, anyone could sense the distance between them. I hated to admit that it hurt me to see them
acting that way toward each other.

By the time the weekend came, I think Savanna just needed a break. Since her parents lived here on the ranch, even visiting them wasn’t good enough. Since Noah and Christian both had things to do, Savanna took Addy and headed to North Carolina for a couple of days.

While she was gone, I was determined to smooth things out between her and Noah, even if I had to beat some sense into him. Regardless of their blood, the two of them were family and nothing was going to change that.

Christian had a birthday to attend on Saturday, while Noah had a
lacrosse game. Once I had my daughter dropped off, we headed to the ball field. Noah was quiet at first, but he piped up when I started talking about his uncle. “I spoke to your uncle this week and he asked if you could come stay with him once his tour was over.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. This is how I see it though. Since you’ve been treatin’ your mom so terrible, I think it’s best that we wait a few more months. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be rewarded for the way you’ve been actin’.”

Right away, I could tell that I’d hit a nerve. “But, Dad! I really want to go.”

“Well, your mother really wanted her son to respect her. Do you think it’s right for me to reward you right now, Noah? Do you have any idea how much you’ve hurt her?”

He shrugged. “Not really.”

“Boy, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you best get back to the right way of actin’ before I take away more than a damn trip. Savanna is your mother and you know that. She’s loved you since the first moment you came into her life. Do you know how lucky you were to have her just accept you the way she did?”

“She wanted kids anyway. She told me that.”

“Son, she had just lost a baby. Did you know that? Before you came into our lives, we had just dealt with a serious situation. Your mother was kidnapped and held against her will by some very bad people. She tried to escape and ended up getting hurt. When she was found, she’d already lost the baby.” He hung on to my every word and I could already see the concern in his eyes as I told him about her horrific past.

“Was she sad?”

It made me sad to even talk about it. I pulled into the parking lot at the field and turned off the truck, but we just sat there. “We were both real sad. We’d been trying to have a baby for a while and nothin’ happened. Then when she finally got pregnant, tragedy hit. It ripped her heart apart. She couldn’t deal with it.”

“So how did she get better?”

“One day these people came to our door with a little boy. That little boy asked her if she was going to be his mother and from that moment she got better.”

“I don’t remember, but I know you’re talkin’ about me, dad.” He seemed sad.

I reached over and patted his shoulder. “Noah, you healed her. You healed her heart even when I couldn’t do it. She loves you unconditionally and she doesn’t deserve what you’re puttin’ her through right now. You need to figure out how to make things better.” This was his mess and if he thought he was old enough to say those kind of things, then he needed to step up and figure out how to eradicate his wrong doings.

“What do I do? Does she want me to apologize?”

“It would be a good start. She thinks you don’t love her anymore.” I knew he still did. The kid would be devastated if anything happened to her.

“It’s not that! I was just mad. I didn’t know I had an uncle and he seemed so cool. He’s all famous and stuff and mom kept saying how she didn’t like me around him. Then I heard you both sayin’ stuff about Krista and it made me mad.”

We could see his team already warming up. “Look, Noah, it’s important to make things right with your mother. I could never regret Krista havin’ you, but you need to know that we were never goin’ to stay together. We were too different. Savanna never took Krista’s place. I never even knew I had a son because she kept it from me. I get that this is hard for you and I know we need to go through this, but shutting out Savanna, who has been your only mother for the past ten plus years, just isn’t a way to solve things. She’s all you got kid.”

I heard him start to sniffle and looked over to see him crying. It took me back to a time when I said that I hated my father. I couldn’t remember why I’d said it, but I remember my mother telling me that I would never get another one.

“I’m sorry, Dad.”

“Tell it to your mother when you see her. Go on and get out there before you have to do extra laps.” I watched him hop out of the car and grab his gear, but I didn’t follow him. Savanna was out of town and all I could hope was that when she returned things were going to be resolved between her and Noah.

After the practice and the birthday party, we grabbed a pizza and went home. When Addy wasn’t around, Christian liked to act like she was one of us guys. The last time Savanna had left her with us, she’d tried to pee standing up and made a mess all over the bathroom. To make matters worse, I learned that Bella had done the same thing.

To imagine two little girls in our family wanting to be boys was just wrong in so many ways.

Even over the phone I could tell my wife thought it was funny. It was so good to hear her laugh. She was going through Hell and needed time to heal. Some people could let things go and move on. For Savanna, it took a while longer.

Since we had the whole day Sunday, I decided to put the kids to work. We started cleaning the house and ended up in the garage. I’d straightened it up before, but after years, I’d collected too much junk. Shelves full of old memories covered a whole wall. My goal was to get half of the stuff thrown away. I was tired of storing all of our Christmas decorations in the attic and shed because they wouldn’t fit in the garage. Savanna gave me a fit about it.

I started on the top shelf and handed each kid a box and then grabbed one for myself. We each sat down on the concrete floor and started looking through it. Noah had a box full of my trophies. He pulled each one out and read what sport it was for.

Christian had gotten a box that had some old toys from my mother. Honestly, I’d known that’s what it had in it. I just wanted her to feel like she was helping. In no time at all, she started playing with some old GI Joe figures
.

My box was from my college years. It was full of pictures of me and my ex that we never mention. She’d cheated on me with my best friend and had a kid by him. She was my first love and my first heart break. It was devastating to me and for the longest time, I truly believed that I never wanted to feel that way again.

Krista had just become someone to fill the void of being lonely. I knew I didn’t love her and I think she knew it too. Still, we stayed together for a while anyway. Her and her brother needed someone to look after them, and at the time, it gave me something to do.

Krista only stuck around until she couldn’t deal with me anymore. I wasn’t forthcoming and I had no intentions of ever being serious with her. It’s
a shame that I didn’t know she was pregnant. Even though I knew we weren’t going to work out, I would have taken care of her and little Noah.

She didn’t have a right to keep that from me. I don’t care what her reasons were.

I sat there looking through some old pictures, but my mind was on the day I arrived in North Carolina and got my first glimpse at a very grown up Savanna. I wanted to resent her, but from that very first day, I think I knew she was special.

“Daddy, do you have clothe
s for this doll?” Christian held up a naked GI Joe. Thank God Mattel or whoever made the damn things put plastic underwear on them.

“Sweetie, boys don’t change clothes on their dolls. Joe was a soldier. He protected us.”

“Why? What if he gets dirty?” She looked so confused.

Since he was the same size as her
Barbie’s, I just decided to appease her. “I bet he can fit into Ken’s clothes. Why don’t you go in the playroom and see?”

She jumped up and ran toward the kitchen door. “Okay!”

Noah laughed and shook his head once she was gone. “Don’t laugh at your sister, or I will tell her how you used to love playing Barbie’s with Bella.”

“Did not!”

“Did too! Now, let’s put the box of trophies in the throw away pile.”

He picked up the box, but sat it back down again. “Can I have them?”

There was at least twenty trophies in total and probably another box somewhere else. “It’s too many, Noah. Your mother wants me to clean out the garage, not put everything somewhere else in the house.”

“Can I have a few to keep? How about
just your favorite ones?”

I had to laugh at him for wanting my old junk. I got that he wanted to be like me, but it was just surreal to be someone’s idol. Still, in that very moment, I felt blessed to have him look up to me and not his rockstar uncle. It could all change after our visit, but for now, he was my little protégé.

I scooted over next to Noah and grabbed a couple trophies out of the plastic box. The first few were from college, but as I dug down, I got to the ones from when I played little league. My first championship trophy came when I was in first grade. I located the trophy with the big baseball at the top. “This was my first little league championship win. I pitched the last three innings, and it was a big deal back then because it was our first year out of coach pitch. I struck out six players that game. I remember my dad making it to the game. He was so darn proud of me that he took the whole team out for ice cream afterwards.”

Noah had a smile on his face that changed as quick as it came. “Do you miss your dad?”

“I miss him every day. I know he’s up in heaven lookin’ down at us. Sometimes, I think he keeps us safe.”

“Do you think Krista, my mom, is watchin’ over me?”

I rubbed his head. “Buddy, I know she is.”

“Do you think
she’s mad at me, too?” He looked bent out of shape over it.

“I think that she wants you to be happy and loved, which you are.” Every once in a while Noah would have these type of conversations with me. The older he got, the less they happened, but I never turned away from his questions. I knew it was important for him to always be ‘in the know’ about his mother.

“Yeah. I wish I could remember her. I only know she was pretty because I have pictures.”

“Your mother was a looker. When guys walked by her their heads would turn. She had big dimples on both of her cheeks and even when she wasn’t smilin’ you could tell they were there. Her eyes were light and beautiful and her hair had never been colored. It was naturally blonde.”

“Was she prettier than Mom?”

It was a weird question and I felt uncomfortable answering for the first time. “They are very different, but both very beautiful.”

“What if you had to choose?”

“Noah,
you know that this question has no right answer. If I say Savanna then you get your feelin’s hurt. If I say your mother, all Hell would break loose if she found out. Your mother and I were more friends than lovers. We lived together and got along just fine. I wasn’t her forever and she wasn’t mine. I know you don’t remember this, but your mother was getting married. Her new husband was trying to adopt you.”

“So I wouldn’t have been a Mitchell?”

“Well, he found out he couldn’t do it without my permission and that meant your mom had to tell me about you. I learned that she was planning on introducing us right before her accident.” I hoped he was old enough to understand the things I was telling him. If Savanna came home and things were worse with Noah, I wasn’t sure what could happen.

“Would you have said yes? Would you have let him adopt me?”

“Are you kiddin’ me? You’re my only son. I loved you from the moment I first laid eyes on you. I’d never let anyone else be your father. I know you would have had a step-dad, but I wanted to be your father. I should have been there when you were born.”

He leaned over and hugged me. “I’m glad you’re my dad.”

It was a touching moment until Christian came walking out into the garage with GI Joe in a dress and my cell phone in her hand. “Okay, Mommy. Here’s Daddy.” She handed me the phone. “Mommy wants to talk to you.”

I covered the phone with my hand. “What
happened to Joe?”

“He told me that he wanted to be a princess.” She was brushing the little hair he still had.

I shook my head, thinking about my daughter turning my beloved GI Joe gay. Poor Joe!

Hello.

Hey, babe. I just wanted you to know that I won’t be home until late. Ty’s making a big dinner for the family and they also wanted me stay.

How about
you just stay another night and drive home in the mornin’ I don’t want you out on the roads so late.

Are you sure? I miss you and the kids.

Give Addy a kiss for me and I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you, darlin’.

I love you too. Tell the kids I love them. See you in the morning sometime.