Blindsided (17 page)

“Maybe,” I sighed. “But when he goes home, maybe … maybe the distance will be too far.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I can’t tell you that isn’t a risk. But you knew that already. I think you can overcome it.”

“Can I go to Uni in L.A?” I asked, half-jokingly, and Mum laughed.

“Your dad and I thought you might ask, but as much as we love you, we can’t afford to send you to Los Angeles based on two weeks with a boy. Plus, the deadline for applications has passed.”

“Really?” I giggled. “You really checked?”

“Yeah. We checked. But just because you can’t study there, it doesn’t mean that, if you want to keep your relationship going, we won’t send you over there next year. We might even all go together for a holiday.”

“After everything that’s happened, I didn’t think Georgia and I were going to have anything nice ever again.”

“I know I was hard on you,” Mum said. “But I needed you to understand the seriousness of what happened.”

“I always understood. So did Georgia. You must know that she would never have hurt anyone.”

“I do know. But she was so close to getting herself a criminal record, and with everything she confessed to … it was a shock.”

“It was a shock for me, too. She is more than paying for it now, though.”

“I know.” Mum took my hand, and said, “Now, it’s time you went to bed. Go and spend some time with Jesse first, though. Maybe he’ll be able to give you the answers you’re looking for.”

“Thanks,” I said, giving her a hug, “Night, Mum.”

“Goodnight, Izzy.”

With my mind full of questions and possibilities, I went through to the living room, where Jesse was still chatting to my dad. When Jesse saw me, he smiled. “Hey.”

“Would we be able to go upstairs and talk now?” I asked.

“Sure we can.”

Jesse pulled himself up with his crutches, and we both said goodnight to Dad before going up to my room.

I didn’t want to push my luck, but I felt like my mum had given me permission to close my bedroom door so Jesse and I could have complete privacy on our last night together. If not, I was in no doubt she’d be very quick to let us know.

I kicked off my pink heels, and Jesse and I curled up together on my bed on my favourite position. His arm around me, my head on his chest. It was a long time before either of us spoke. During the silence, I allowed myself to soak up the amazingness of being with him. The way his arm felt around me, how his body kept me warm, the sound of his breathing, the smell of his aftershave. The smell of him. How was I going to cope with him being so far away?

“Izzy?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

I felt him take a deep breath before he started to speak. I could tell that whatever he had to say would be big, and I wasn’t ready to look at him. Not until he was finished.

“We’ve been avoiding this serious conversation about what will happen when I go home. I know for sure that I want you in my life, Izzy, but I don’t know how we do that. I don’t know if we can be together, like, in a relationship, when we’re so far apart. The problem is, the idea of not being in a relationship with you is just … I can’t stand it. I don’t want anyone else. I don’t want you to be with anyone else, and I know that’s selfish of me, but it’s how I feel.”

The weight in my chest lifted a tiny bit. Not because I’d miss him any less because of his confession, but because he had been the first to tackle this complicated issue.

“That’s how I feel, too,” I said. “And I’ve tried to be logical about it. I’ve tried to think about all the reasons it can’t work. But I want to try anyway.”

“Really? Because next year, you’re going to be starting Uni, and there’ll be a whole bunch of new guys for you to meet there. I don’t want to stop you from doing anything. I don’t want you to feel like you don’t have a choice.”

I lifted my head, and shifted onto my side so I could see him. “I choose you.”

I loved the way his eyes sparkled when he smiled. It made butterflies flap around in my stomach, and knowing that it was a look he reserved just for me – that made it even more special.

“Well that conversation went better than I thought,” he said, letting out a slightly nervous laugh.

“Me too. I thought maybe you’d want something different.”

“Different than you?”

“Yes.”

He pressed his lips against my forehead. “Never.”

Perhaps I should have questioned him more. Should have asked why me, and not the girls back home. It wasn’t that I’d suddenly become completely sure that I was the best he could ever get, it was just a feeling. Something that told me I didn’t need to ask any more questions because we just knew. We were right together.

I snuggled in closer to him, trying not to think about the fact that with every passing second, he was a little bit closer to leaving. I just wanted to be in the moment with him.

“I know this is crazy soon,” he said. “But I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you.”

The butterflies flapped harder.

Nobody had ever said that to me before. Nobody other than my parents. It had seemed like something that was way off, or something that may never happen to me. Not because I was unlovable but because guys just didn’t seem to understand me. Not Jesse. He saw me. He saw me from the second he so gently asked to see my portfolio because he knew how personal my work was to me. He saw me the time nobody else knew I was uncomfortable in the dress Georgia picked out. He saw me the first time we kissed.

And I saw him.

“I love you too, Jesse.”

The words felt even more weird coming from my own lips, but I meant them completely. Jesse hooked his hand around the back of my neck and the world began to spin out of focus as he kissed me. Like we were drowning, and he needed my kisses to save him. We had just over five hours left together, and as he carefully rolled over on top of me, I knew it.

I knew I would save him.

Chapter
Twenty One – Lucky

Jesse

Five a.m. I felt heavy. Heavy with the knowledge that I had to get up, get breakfast, and get ready for Janet and Andrew to take Hunter and I to the airport.

Then I saw her. My girl. She was fast asleep beside me, her hair like a messy blonde halo around her head. Her shoulders poked out from under the covers, and I had to fight the urge to kiss them. To kiss her lips, and her eyelids.

She’d made me promise to not wake her. She said she didn’t want to watch me leave. It was a reluctant promise on my part because after the night we spent together, I would have done just about anything to look into her eyes, and see her smile one more time before I had to go.

My one night with Isabelle meant more than all of the frenzied sex I’d had with Taylor. Isabelle was gentle, sweet, beautiful. She was nervous, but I’d let her take control, set the pace so she wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. Sure, it would have been better if my knee hadn’t been so painful, but I figured, it was already busted up, so having it in an uncomfortable position for a while wouldn’t make it much worse.

It was totally worth it.

It made having to leave even more difficult, though. I wanted more of her, more time to enjoy this new discovery of being with someone who really wanted to be with me. Who wasn’t just going through the motions until something better came along.

With a sigh, I forced myself to get out of bed. I tried to distract myself from my misery by figuring out just how I was going to get back to my own room without Janet or Andrew seeing me. As much as they liked me, I didn’t think they’d be thrilled that their house guest had deflowered their daughter.

As quietly as possible, I started to get dressed, stepping carefully over the clothes we discarded the night before. My knee protested as I put my weight on it, but I took in a sharp intake of breath instead of cursing out loud. Putting my clothes on was a challenge when it hurt to bend my leg, but I managed not to crash into anything in my struggle. I was just pulling on my shirt when I heard Isabelle let out a small whimper as she rolled over. I froze. I hadn’t made a sound, but she was opening her eyes.

She was going to kill me.

Isabelle blinked a few times. It was still dark, and it took a moment for her to fully focus on me. When she did, she smiled sleepily.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I tried to be quiet.”

“You were,” she mumbled. “But I woke up anyway.”

“Go back to sleep. We’ll pretend you didn’t see me.”

She shook her head. “Come here.”

Time was a little short, but I didn’t care. I sat down beside her, and she wriggled herself closer to me. She took one arm out from under the covers, and reached for my hand.

“I’m glad I woke up,” she said.

“Me too.”

She squeezed my hand with as much strength as she could find since she’d only just been roused from sleep, and I said, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m okay. You?”

I smiled down at her. “Yeah. I’m good.”

I hadn’t had a lot of practice with the morning after, and finding the right thing to say wasn’t as easy as I’d assumed. The whole embarrassing concept of saying something like, “
Was it good for you,”
actually crossed my mind, and I had to stop myself laughing at my own lameness. Nobody says that kind of thing. I was pretty sure that line only ever came up in old movies.

“Jesse, can I tell you something?”

“Sure. Anything.”

She smiled again, and my heart did a weird jolt. She’d really got me.

“Last night … I didn’t know what to expect,” she said. “And I was scared. But I’m really glad it happened. I’m glad it happened with you.”

Yup. She’d got me.

I leaned over and kissed her softly. “I had the best time with you. I don’t just mean last night,” I added, making her laugh. “The whole time with you has been awesome. And I can’t wait until I get to see you again.”

She giggled. “You haven’t even left yet.”

“Well, and excuse me in advance for saying something completely cheesy but, I miss you already.”

She took a deep breath, like maybe my words knocked the air out of her for a second. “I miss you too.”

I closed my eyes, wishing with everything I had that we had one more hour. Just one more hour to sit beside her, exchanging sappy sentiments and denying the very real truth that I had to go. I kissed her one more time, and she said, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Izzy. But-”

“You have to go,” she finished, “I know.”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

Seeing tears fill her eyes broke my heart, but she didn’t let them spill over. Instead she said, “I’m going to close my eyes now. I still don’t want to watch you leave.”

“That’s okay with me,” I told her. “But I promise to call you as soon as I get home.”

She squeezed my hand again, letting me know she understood. I didn’t think she trusted herself to speak, and I was glad because if she cried, I was going to lose it too.

We let go of each other, and I heard her roll away from me as I finished putting my clothes on. I couldn’t hear her, but I knew she was crying because her body was shaking, and it made me rush to get out of her room even faster. I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t even look back at her before I stepped out into the hallway.

I hobbled back to my own room, thankful nobody saw me. To make sure I didn’t break into un-manly tears, I busied myself by changing my clothes and checking I had everything packed.

Getting through breakfast was tough. I sat at the table with Janet, Andrew and Hunter, and tried hard to pretend that it didn’t suck to be leaving, but I don’t think I fooled anyone. I managed to force down a coffee and a single piece of dry toast, but all I really wanted was to go back to Isabelle’s room. Barely a word was spoken in the time it took us to finish eating, and load up the car to drive to the airport.

Heathrow was a crazy place, even early in the morning. Happy people were getting ready to go on vacation, or to return home after a business trip. The smiling faces only made me feel worse. They were probably heading towards the people they loved, while I was leaving one behind. I was looking forward to seeing my family, really, but all I could think about was Isabelle. The one thing I had to look forward to was having Hunter staying at my place for a week before he went home to Phoenix. It would help to have him around. I could tell he was bummed about saying goodbye to Willow. What’s that saying? Oh right, misery loves company.

There was a long wait ahead for our flight. Janet and Andrew offered to stay for a while, but they’d already sacrificed their opportunity to sleep in, so Hunter and I told them they should go home so they didn’t waste more of their morning.

Andrew shook my hand while Janet and Hunter said their goodbyes.

“It’s been really nice to meet you, Jesse,” he said. “If you ever need a place to stay in London, you’re more than welcome to crash with us.”

“Thanks,” I replied. “I had a great time with you guys, and I really appreciate everything you did for me.”

Andrew shook his head, dismissively. “It was no trouble at all. But, maybe try to avoid college parties next time you’re in town.”

“I think I can do that,” I laughed.

Janet gave me a slightly tearful smile before pulling me into a huge hug.

“It’s funny,” she said. “When I offered you and Hunter a place to stay, I thought that after a few weeks, I’d be more than ready to get rid of you both! But it’s been lovely to have you around, and we’re really going to miss you.”

“I’ll miss you all, too,” I told her. “I’m not ready to go home yet.”

“It’s such a shame you couldn’t stay for the last week, but you really do need to get that knee sorted out so you can get back to playing football again.”

It was nice of her to be so optimistic, but she knew as well as I did that there were no guarantees. She was the one who had stayed at the hospital with me for twenty-four hours, talking to the doctors. At the time, I was grateful, but looking back, I could see much more clearly how she’d put me first. She’d talked to my parents, tried to calm me down when I’d freaked out, and made sure that she found every way possible to make the rest of my time with them more comfortable.

“Thanks, Janet. I really wouldn’t have coped with everything if it weren’t for you and Andrew.”

“It was a small price to pay,” she said. “You’ve made Isabelle happier than I’ve ever seen her.”

The mention of her name made my insides clench, and the un-manly tears found their way back to my eyes, making Janet’s own tears fall, but she kept smiling.

“Could you … could you do something fun with her today?” I asked. “Maybe make some of that hot chocolate she loves so much, and watch some movies. Or go out for lunch, or to the mall. Keep her busy.”

Janet nodded. “I can do that. Actually, I think a day with my girls is just what we all need.” She hugged me again and as much as I fought it, I couldn’t not cry. I brushed my tears away quickly, but there was no way to hide it. I was weeping like a little girl in front of the parents of the girl I loved.

Janet kissed my cheek, but I knew she couldn’t handle it, and she turned away. Hunter slung his arm around my shoulders, and said, “I’ll take care of him, Aunt Janet.”

She managed another smile, and said, “Look after yourselves, boys.”

With one final round of goodbyes, Andrew led Janet away.

“Come on, you pussy,” Hunter said, “Get it together.”

He grinned, and I choked out a laugh. I could always count on him to cheer me up with an insult.

“You wanna tell me what happened last night?” Hunter asked, with a grin.

He couldn’t know, could he?

“We went out for dinner,” I said. “We came home.”

“Right. But this morning when I came to wake you up, you weren’t in your room. So, you really could have only been in one other place.”

I squeezed my eyes closed so I didn’t have to look at him. “Yeah. I was with Izzy.”

“Usually I’d congratulate you, and ask for the details but … she’s my cousin.”

Opening my eyes again, I said, “Am I about to get another lecture?”

“No,” he laughed. “No lectures. I was wrong to think you’d hurt her. I mean, I knew you’d never purposely do that, but I was worried that maybe she would fall for you more than you fell for her.”

“Well that didn’t happen. Look at me, I’m a wreck.”

“Yeah you are. It’s embarrassing, really.”

“Well what about you?” I said. “You didn’t look so happy to say goodbye to Willow last night.”

His cheeks coloured a little. “Oh come on, man, don’t go there!”

“I’m gonna! You really like her, huh?”

“Yeah. She’s awesome. I didn’t expect to like her so much, but she’s a cool chick.”

It was like witnessing history. Hunter finding a girl he liked enough to blush over.

After silently telling each other we’d support each other – an important part of the Bro Code – Hunter said, “I’ll go get us some coffee.”

Because I couldn’t carry anything on my crutches, we had to pile all of our bags onto a trolley, and while Hunter went to grab our drinks, I sat down beside our luggage and tried to get a hold on my myself. Setting my crutches to one side, I reached for my backpack. I’d slung a bottle of water in there the night before. As I rummaged around inside, my hand brushed against a piece of paper that wasn’t in there when I checked my hand luggage earlier. My fingers tightened around it, and I pulled it out of the bag.

In my hand were two photographs, paperclipped together, with a note scrawled onto a piece of pale yellow note paper. It read, “I couldn’t hide myself in your backpack, so these will have to do. Love always, Izzy xx.”

I smiled as I pulled the note away from the photos so I could see the image in front of me. It was a close up shot of Isabelle and me wearing our Winter Wonderland hats. We were laughing, and Izzy’s brown eyes were filled with glee at making me put a reindeer hat on my head. I rested the first picture on my lap to look at the second, and a weird, shuddering sigh left my body as I focused on the perfection. It was the photo that had fallen out of Isabelle’s portfolio the first time she’d shown it to me. The photo of her sitting on a tree stump, that had taken my breath away.

She must have dragged herself out of bed while I was having breakfast to slip them into my backpack.

I was lucky. My vacation had been fun, exciting, dangerous and depressing at times, too. I didn’t know whether I’d ever play soccer again. That was a question mark I’d have hanging over my head for a long time. But I would see Isabelle again.

Yeah. I was lucky.

THE END