Bliss (4 page)

I filed the last file and and logged off of my computer. Work was over with for the day and I was late for another grief meeting.

I hurried down the hallway, past the giant aquarium and hurried to the elevators slipping in before the doors shut in the nick of time.

I kept to myself not engaging in conversation with some of the staff from our office. I didn’t have it in me to play nice or
give a polite smile.

***

Jon
was standing in the center of the circle when I arrived. Giving his usual speech to the new members as well as reminding everyone of the motto—you must keep on living.

I scored a seat closest to the door. Jon smirked, continuing with his speech. It seemed he was happy to see me, which was better than I expected considering my latest breakdown.

The woman next to me stood up. “My name is Abigail. My husband died three months ago.”

Everyone welcomed Abigail to our group.

Jon focused on Abigail. “Welcome, we’re all glad you had the courage to join us.”

She took her seat, throwing a polite smile my way. “Nice to meet you.”

I shook my head. “Same to you, I’m Morgan.”

Abigail clutched her purse
. “Call me Abbi.”

I could sense her nerves. “Jon’s great. If you ever have a hard time give him a call. He really does keep his phone on day and night. Believe me I know.”

She rubbed at her arm looking at the room full of people. Some crying, some chatting, it was always overwhelming at first. I remembered how hard it was for me the first time.

“If you don’t mind me asking how long has it been since your loved one passed away?” She dug into her purse shoving a picture into my hands.

“It’s been nine months for me,” I said.

“What a handsome man,” I said studying the blonde haired blue eyed man.

“His name was Joey.” She smiled, and then frowned.

I handed over the photo. “
My husband’s name was Eric. He was killed in a car accident.”

Abi slipped a hand through her dark hair. “I’m sorry.”

“Thanks,” I said back.

Abbi crossed her arms. “Joey got sick three months after our wedding.”

She didn’t go into detail and I understood. She wasn’t at the point of accepting his fate. She could say he was sick but to talk about the process that was a different story and something that came later.

“I’m sorry to hear that. If you ever need anything give me a call,” I jotted down my number and handed it over. She was my age and
sweet, I couldn’t help but think I needed something to take my mind off of Eric.

“Actually, I was thinking about going to this bar down the street, Joey and I went to a bar every year on his birthday.” She fingered her necklace. “Today is his birthday, I thought maybe having a quick drink might put me in a better mood.”

It was sweet. “I bet it would. Sometimes I read Eric’s favorite book or watch his favorite show to feel better. I bet Joey would love that.”

“Come with me,” she said. “I could really use the company. If you don’t want to I understand.”

I weighed my choices. I could go home, climb into bed and watch old home movies. Or I could make a new friend, relate to someone who knew exactly how I felt and not worry about what happened the other day with Carter.

“I’m in,” I told her.

Once the meeting ended we walked to the bar down the street. Abbi told me all about herself. It was a sad story if I ever heard one. She and Joey met, fell head over heels for each other and just when they married he became ill and died weeks later.

She had no family and lived on her own
since sixteen. She never expected to meet Joey and when she did she dropped everything and moved to Hollywood to be with him and to be a part of his life.

Now she was alone again. It was awful.

“My mother was certifiably insane,” Abbi told me sipping at her beer. “Like in and out of mental hospitals. I never met my dad.”

I related to the lack of a father in my life. “Same here. I was raised by my mother, never met my dad.”

Abbi grabbed my arm. “I am so glad I met you. I feel like I finally found someone who understands me.”

“I feel the same way,” I told her. “Everyone around me likes to treat me like I’m fragile.”

Abbi nodded. “Everyone at works gives me sympathetic smiles all day and stop talking when I come into the room.”

I lifted my wine glass. “To joey on his birthday.”

Abbi smiled and raised her glass. “And to Eric, may they always be there to watch over us and guide us in the right paths and to the right men if we ever want to fall in love again.”

“I couldn’t have said it better,” I told her, our glasses clinked.

Abbi placed a hand on my shoulder. “I am going to get another shot, it’s no fun drinking beer if you can’t use it to chase something.”

She left the table, I stared off. Wondering how Abbi was three months in and she seemed to be doing better than I was.

And love, she wanted it like I did. Maybe I wasn’t as wrong as I thought for wanting to find another person to share my life with. Carter’s image flashed to the forefront. That sunkissed skin, the messy head of hair, with the killer smile.

Why was I even thinking about a man that was more worried about his own happiness than treating a girl right. He was dating Ana, but days before consider
ed dumping her. He flirted with me and asked me to lunch when he knew he was with my friend.

And just when I thought he might be a decent guy he proved me wrong again. He wanted a career, not a damaged girl that missed her husband more than anything.

Carter wasn’t the thing that I needed. The only thing Carter could do for me is break my heart even more than it was already broken.

So why
did I still want to get to know him?

I s
ipped on my coffee at my desk. It was morning and I was exhausted already. I tried my best to jump back into the work force and not stay at home and hide all day.

“So remember Mr. Wise, next week at noon is your appointment,” I said loudly to the old man.

“Noon,” he grumbled. “It’s not like I’d die without this appointment. I wouldn’t die would I?”

I shook my head. “Mr. Wise, the doctor thinks
it’s important you keep up with appointments until you have your blood pressure under control.”

Mr. Wise
didn’t buy it nor did he care what I had to say. He was eighty; he welcomed death. Just like every time I saw him.

He pointed a thick finger at me. “The best years are behind me.”

“Noon, Mr. Wise.” I stood handing over his appointment card.

“Such a pretty girl, nobody can see that pretty face of your
s hiding behind this old counter,” Mr. Wise coughed. “Am I correct?”

“Absolutely, I think I’ll ask the doctor to move her to the door when I see him,” Carter said, grinning at the old man.

I plopped back down, my cheeks warming.

He wrapped his hands on the counter. “Somebody isn’t doing
their job. Don’t make me have to tell on you.”

I sighed dragging myself to the counter. “Let me guess, you’re here for the porn exam?”

Carter smirked, “I haven’t got that desperate yet.”

“Did you have an appointment?” It was
too early to go back and forth, even with him. I wasn’t back on a normal work schedule. Too many late nights and depression were running my sleeping.

“They sent me over, I guess they couldn’t find my paperwork so I have to get another physical,” he said. “Casting call today.”

I spun around in my chair typing in his name. Sure enough he his name was there.

“Ana coming to support you?” I stood taking the clipboard from the wall and handed it over along with some paperwork. “I bet she’s excited for you.”

Carter raised an eyebrow. “She’s working. I thought you two were best friends.”

I shrugged. “To be quite honest I’ve only known Ana for a couple of years.”

Carter leaned over the counter, his hands forming a steeple. “She gets on your nerves is what you’re saying?”

I waved the idea away before he got me in trouble. “I didn’t say that. You said that. I didn’t say
anything; look at you trying to start trouble.”

“You know, you make me wonder if you would even care if she knew you didn’t consider her your bff,” Carter said, he moved out of the way, letting a woman sign in.

I smiled. “The doctor will see you shortly.”

“So polite, no wonder the old man
likes to flirt with you,” Carter told me scoring a chocolate from the basket.

“The doctor will see you shortly, Carter. Why don’t you have a seat and go over your lines or something,” I said blowing him off.

“I need a lucky charm,” he said.

I blinked, fumbling around on my desk for god knows what. “I don’t know what
you’re talking about. I think they sell lucky rabbits feet at the gas station.”

“You.” He raised an eyebrow. “
Come to casting with me.”

I tilted my head to the side and pressed my lips together.
I hoped it was a joke. “I’m working.”

“Take a lunch,” he insisted. “I can tell by the look on your face
you’re dying to know if I land my dream role.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t think so. I think that would be Ana. I’m just Morgan, friend to your girlfriend.”

Carter shook his head. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

“You better tell her that,” I said.

He pulled at the collar of his white t-shirt, slipping his hands in his pockets. “Ana and I have an understanding.”

I laughed. “She understands that you are what she wants, and you understand nothing. You can’t lead a girl on. It will blow up in your face.”

“I’m not. And I don’t intend to.” He lifted his chin. “Come hang out. Maybe you’ll enjoy seeing me make an ass out of myself. Or better yet I might impress you.”

I checked my watch. “Fine. But you have to buy me lunch.”

“If I get this role, I’ll buy you anything you want,” he smirked.

***

The ginormous crowd gave me anxiety. I would have rather stood on the ledge of the tallest building in New York before I ever put myself in front of so many people to become an actor.

The glamor of Hollywood was exciting and intense but not my cup of tea.

Carter and I slipped through the crowd.

I took a seat, beside some nervous ball of sweat going over the same lines over and over again.

Carter took a number and stood in front of me refusing to sit.

“Are you nervous?” I asked.

He messed with his belt buckle, studying over his lines with his other hand. “
Never nervous, there’s only one thing that makes me nervous.”

I raised an eyebrow. “What’s that?”

A knowing grin appeared. “Like I would just give that away, what do I look like?”

I rolled my
eyes; I couldn’t believe I was with Carter doing something Ana would have died to be doing with him. And a secret part of me was happy that I was the one there and not her. I couldn’t help it. The more I talked to him, the more hanging around him wasn’t such a bad thing; it was starting to turn into a good thing.

Carter kept me moving, he kept me guessing, and laughing and frustrated.
I didn’t fall into the black hole of misery when he was around.

And
I knew it was selfish but it didn’t matter anymore if Ana was a factor. I wanted to know more about Carter. I didn’t want to play fair.

Looking back up I got a slap of reality. Carter
was conversing with two blondes, laying on his megawatt smile and all the right moves.

Was I falling for a playboy? Just another stupid girl destined to be another notch on Carter Sterling’s bedpost?

Carter appeared. I stood up glad the waiting game was over so we could eat. I was well past my break, but luckily nobody at the office cared if I was. They gave me leeway because of Eric. So if I didn’t return they would just think it was another breakdown and figure I went home.

“So how did it go?” I asked, collecting my purse and library book. I tucked the steamy romance back into my purse and followed him to the exit.

“I was asked to come back. They have five choices and you’re looking at one of them,” he said.

I slapped him in the arm. “
You’re kidding.”

He shook his head. “I’d never kid about something like that.”

“What did you do? Are you really that good?” I shook my head in disbelief. How could anyone be so lucky so soon in Hollywood? It was beyond me.

“Do you want to hear it?” He asked.

“Sure, why not,” I said.

He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, taking my hand in his. “I’m in love with you. And every minute of every day is pure hell when
you’re not with me.” He touched my face. “I want to be with you, I’d give up everything I love, I’d lose it all, if I could just have one last night making love to the best thing that ever walked into my life.”

My heart pounded, and my cheeks warmed. “That…was…” That was the most amazing thing I ever heard, even if it was just a line.
I wanted it to be true, with every fiber of my being Carter painted such a picture that I wanted to jump into his arms and lay one on him.

He slipped a hand through his hair. “What was it?”

“Amazing,” I said unable to form any other words.

“
I said I would buy you lunch, you still down?” He raised an eyebrow, touching his chin.

“
I’m starving.” I wanted to grab more than a bite. I wanted to tear my clothes off and let him have his way with me.