Bliss Week: Yield and Surrender (Interview With Loose Women Series)

BOOK: Bliss Week: Yield and Surrender (Interview With Loose Women Series)
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Bliss
Week: Yield and Surrender

By
Safira

 

Text
copyright © 2012

All
Rights Reserved

 

Chapel Hill, NC

Subject #283

Transcript.

Length of  Recording 1:32:42

 

Interviewer: Let’s start with your age, sex, and
place of birth.

Subject: 21, female, and, um, I don’t want to say my
place of birth. You said this was anonymous.

I:  Answer only what you wish. Your age at the time
of the encounter?

S: 19.

I: What were the circumstances?

S: It was the spring semester of my freshman year and
I was pledging for a sorority. I don’t really want to say which one. It’s about
an 8-week process and the final week is called Bliss Week. And—

I: Bliss Week? Why is it called that?

S: It used to be called Hell Week. And that became
too well-known and it became associated with hazing, which is against
university rules. So they changed it to its opposite, Bliss Week, to be cute.

I: Okay. Go on.

S: Anyway, during Bliss Week you're split up into
groups of 4 pledges and each group gets assigned a senior sister.

I: She has to be a senior?

S: Yes, a senior member of the sorority. The group
has to pick one girl to be 'The Bearer.'

I: How does the group pick her?

S: They just have to come to a mutual agreement. If
they can't agree then they're all dismissed.

I: Meaning they don't make the sorority?

S: Yes.

I: And what does 'The Bearer' do?

S: I was getting to that. The senior sister assigned
to the group assigns her a task, and she has to complete it, or else the entire
group is dismissed. And if you tell anyone about the task, even later, your
group is dismissed.

I: What do you mean by later? If they found out now,
two years later, that you're telling me about it, you and the other three girls
in your group are out of the sorority?

S: Yes. It's a way to maintain the secrecy.

I: Ah, so nobody talks because she wouldn't just be
getting only herself kicked out, she'd also be bringing trouble to her friends.

S: Yeah. I was chosen as The Bearer. Well, I wasn’t
really chosen, I volunteered. I could tell the girls in my group were a little
hesitant about me being The Bearer; I guess I was a little shy and they were worried
I might not do task. But I insisted.

I: Why did you volunteer?

S: I thought the sorority would be impressed that I
showed initiative. Also, I was sort of a nerd and was always volunteering in
class and that just carried on to the sorority.

I: So what was your task?

S: The senior sister assigned to our group told me
to meet her at the sorority house the next Friday night wearing the shortest
pair of shorts I own. So I wore my little white shorts and threw on an old
sweater and went to meet her.

I: So the rest of your group doesn't have to do
anything anymore?

S: No, only me. I'm 'The Bearer.'

I: Okay. Go on.   

S: So I go to the sorority house and she takes me to
her room. She throws a t-shirt at me and tells me to wear it. It's light blue
and I unfurl it and see 'SLUT' written on it in large, bold letters. So I put
it on and—

I: Did you hesitate?

S: No, I was mentally preparing for some crazy task
and honestly I was a little relieved. I was guessing she just wanted me to go
out and walk around wearing that shirt for a bit. It could have been worse.

I: I see. Go on.

S: So I took off my sweater and bra and put on the
t-shirt. She—

I: Was it a good fit?

S: You mean the shirt or the labeling of me as a
slut?

I: Both.

S: The shirt was sort of tight. And no, I wasn't a
slut; I had a single boyfriend almost all through that freshman year.

I: You were still with him at the time of this
story?

S: Yes.

I: Go on.

S: So yeah, she tells me to go out and hang out at
the bars and clubs that are on this main street where all the nightlife of the
campus happens. Again I was relieved that it wasn’t as crazy a task as it could
have been. But then as I’m heading out the door she says, if anyone asks you to
prove it, you prove it.

I: Prove it?

S: Yes. She said if anyone says the exact words
'prove it' I have to prove it.

I: Prove what?

S: That’s what I asked her. She said prove you're
not a liar and what it says on your shirt is true.

I: So prove you're a slut?

S: Yes.

I: How?

S: I asked her that too. She just looked into my
eyes for a long time. And then she said slowly, enunciating each word—I
remember her exact words—she said, "Take whoever says that to you
somewhere private and prove to him you are a slut."

I: Did you know this girl before this? Did she not
like you?

S: I knew her a little. We didn't really know the
seniors too well. I think she just didn't like me because I was prettier than
her. That's how it always is.

I: Did she say how long you have to be out?

S: Yes, she said until the bars close., which is
2:30.

I: Okay. So you went out wearing the shirt?

S: First I asked her if I could do it somewhere
else. There would be too many people there that knew me.

I: Did she let you?

S: She told me to get on my knees and ask.

I: And did you?

S:  Yes, I got on my knees and said “Please I can do
this task somewhere else?” She conceded, but she said only if take the bus. She
told me to go to Durham, the next college town over, about 20 minutes away.

I: Okay.

S: So I get on the bus in my little shorts and the
slut shirt. Thankfully it's not that full. There are a few college girls and
they snicker and whisper and giggle. A few older guys ogle me. But that's it
and I got off at the main street where the clubs and bars are. It's Friday
night so it's pretty crowded there.

I: So you don't usually frequent this part of the
state?

S: No, I usually stayed near my own campus.

I: I see. Go on.

S: So I walk down this street for a bit. And I get
the responses you'd expect. Drunk guys yelling things as I pass by, girls
giving me various looks. Most just stare for a bit and forget about me after I
pass.

I: What kind of things did people yell?

S: The guys would yell things like "Slut!"
or "Come here baby!"  Some girl said, "Wow, classy," as I
walked past her group.

I: Were you self-conscious?

S: Yeah, of course I was self-conscious. And it was
compounded because I was alone. You usually go to places like this in a group.
That's what set me apart more. It's not like the other girls there were dressed
like nuns.

I: I see. And then?

S: I go into a bar, a few guys offer to buy me
drinks, they chat me up, nothing disrespectful. I'm thinking I'm gonna get
through this assignment easily. Before you know it an hour had passed and I
left the bar and went into a club on the next block.

I: Did the guys who chatted you up comment on your
shirt?

S: Most didn't actually. I can tell they noticed it,
it's hard to miss, but they worked hard to maintain eye contact and ignore it.
A couple guys asked and I just joked that all my other shirts were in the
laundry.

I: Why'd you leave if it was going well?

S: The ratio of guys to girls was getting too high.
You get too much attention when that happens.

I: Okay, so you went into the club...

S: I head to the lounge area and this guy starts
talking to me. He's really well dressed with this sort of newsboy hat and we're
chatting for a while and I'm thinking he's cute.

I: Were you hoping he'd say the magic words?

S: I think I was mostly hoping no one would say
those magic words so my assignment would go smoothly. But if someone were to
say it, I wouldn't have minded it being him.

I: Okay, go on.

S: So we're chatting and flirting for a while, until
these two guys spot me from the distance and come over. They're bigger than the
guy I was talking to and rudely crowd him out. One of them says, "Nice
shirt, slut." The cute newsboy hat guy tries to say something but one of
them grabs his hat and throws it into the crowd. He looked at them and then
back at me and meekly walked away.

I: He gave up that easily?

S: Yes, it completely turned me off him how he was
cowed so easily. He just left me alone with these guys.

I: Okay, go on.

S: The one doing the talking so far told the other
one to leave. "Leave me alone with the slut for a second," were the
bastard's exact words. I told myself to leave but my feet didn't move. The
place was crowded now and we were pushed together. Everything he said to me he
ended with "slut."

I: Like what?

S: "Having a good night, slut?"
"Getting enough attention with that shirt, slut?" I surprised myself
that I didn’t walk away. It was all so new to me. Usually when guys approached
me they were nervous and complimentary. I kept talking to him, but I wasn’t
really friendly.

I: How long did this last?

S: Just a few minutes. Then he said, “You seem like
the type of slut that bites her lips when she’s fucked.” And that’s when I
walked away and he yelled the magic word after me.

I: What did he say?

S: He said, “Come on, it says right on your chest
you're a slut, so prove it."

I: So if he had phrased that differently, without
using the words "prove it," you would have kept walking?

S: Yes.

I: So you went back to him...

S: Yes, and I was much more friendly this time. I caressed
his face and asked how he would like me to prove it. He told me to say
something dirty to him. I drew a blank and hesitated. He laughed and said,
"Actions speak louder than words. Come back to my place and prove
it." We looked into each other's eyes for a long time; he was trying to
call my bluff. I finally said, "Ok, let's go," and he immediately led
me by the hand out the club.

I:  So just like that you had decided to sleep with
him?

S: Well no, I hadn't explicitly decided that yet. It
had just happened so fast and suddenly here I was outside, following him. We
were walking in silence and suddenly he stopped and pinned me against the wall
and kissed me hard. When it ended he said, "You know I'm gonna fuck you,
right? You can go back if you want." He walked ahead of me without looking
back and I stood there deciding whether to keep following him or not.

I: What was going through your mind?

S: Lots of calculations were going through my mind.
I was thinking that no way would I sleep with a guy I had just met, it was just
not something I imagined I would ever do. I was thinking about my boyfriend. I
was thinking that this guy didn't deserve to kiss me like that after being so
rude to me. But I was also thinking that I had never failed to complete an
assignment in my life. I was thinking that the three other girls wouldn't make
the sorority after all that work because of me. I was also thinking that this
seemed a little adventurous and exciting and even sexy. He was almost half a
block ahead of me now and I was still standing there against the wall. And
that's when I consciously decided it.

I: To have sex with him?

S: Yes. I walked quickly in my heels and caught up
with him, grabbed his arm, and walked alongside him.

I: Were you talking as you walked.

S: No, we just walked. It wasn't that far to his
place. When we reached it he opened the door and I walked in after him. He
closed the door behind him and grabbed me from behind. He took a fistful of my
hair from the base and pulled until I was looking up at the ceiling. His other
hand was on my breasts over the t-shirt. He gave me some dirty talk and started—-

BOOK: Bliss Week: Yield and Surrender (Interview With Loose Women Series)
6.59Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
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