Blocked (26 page)

The flirty tone in which she asked the question had Decker forgetting about their unwanted audience. “How about the strawberries in chocolate sauce? I know how much you love warm chocolate.” He wagged his brows, earning a genuine smile. “What do ya say, dimples?”

“Ick.” The disapproving sound came from Becky, who stood table side with her hand tucked tightly in her husband’s. “Come on, Benny. Clearly there’s nothing more to say, and my feet hurt.”

Ben’s response came in the form of silence.

“Will you rub them when we get home, baby?”

The high-pitched question, which Decker was certain was supposed to come off sounding sexy, grated on what little nerves he had left and seemed to fall on deaf ears when it came to her husband as well.

“Ben,” Becky pouted, “you love rubbing my feet. You know it always leads to—”

“Let’s go, Bec.”

Without another word, the couple headed toward the exit. It was when Ben helped his wife into her coat just before opening the door and ushering her through that Decker saw tears well in April’s green eyes.

* * *

EACH SHAKY BREATH was an effort as April tried not only to pull in oxygen but to keep the tears that blurred her vision at bay. It wasn’t seeing Ben that devastated her—quite the contrary, in fact. On the rare occasion she’d seen him over the years, she’d actively avoided him; his entire being made her cringe. No, it was seeing him happy—his pregnant wife by his side, the way he catered to her needs and looked forward to their future—that crushed her.

“The whole time, it was me.” April didn’t realize she’d spoken her thought out loud until Decker responded.

“What was you, sweetheart?”

She saw his thumb stroking her thigh but was too numb to feel the comfort it was meant to provide.

“April, let’s get out of here so we can talk.”

She wasn’t sure if she nodded, but Decker saw what he needed to see, paid the check, and led her from the restaurant.

The cardboard boxes that held years of pain and rejection split open as the tears finally escaped her eyes. She swallowed down the lump of shame that had formed the moment she witnessed Ben and Becky head in her direction with upturned mouths and laughter on their lips. “All these years, I forced myself to believe that my husband left me because
he
was an ass. Because
he
couldn’t handle commitment. Because
he
didn’t want children.” Warm sadness trickled down her cheeks as the reality she’d kept hidden in the dark thrust itself directly into the light. “It wasn’t that he didn’t want those things. It’s that he didn’t want them with me.”

She wasn’t sure how or when she’d gotten into Decker’s car, only that she was seated and buckled in the passenger side with him in the driver’s seat. The engine idled as the heat warmed her chilled skin. She was always cold, no matter how many layers she wore. Even though the spring air was warm, she shivered as her nerves wreaked havoc on her body temperature.

Decker raised the heat and shifted in his seat. His touch was soft as he wiped moisture from her face, but his gaze was guarded. “Do you still love him, April?”

“What?” Her throat was scratchy from sobbing and her head a mess from the whole encounter, but she couldn’t have heard the question correctly.

Decker closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, as if speaking the words caused physical pain. “Do you still love your ex-husband?” His lids lifted, “Do you want him back?”

Was he insane? “Are you insane?” Anger and humiliation mixed together with anguish, creating a bitter cocktail she had no desire to imbibe. “Do I still love him? I loathe him. The sight of him makes me ill.” She heard the shrill tone seep into her voice but couldn’t pull herself back from the proverbial ledge. “Do I want him back? He didn’t just leave me—he abandoned my son, Decker. My Elijah. I couldn’t care less if he fell off the face of the earth.”

“What? Do you think I’ve waited over four years for
him
?” April’s heart slammed into her chest as the years of loneliness replayed in her mind. During all of that time, she’d never wanted for the Ben she grew to know. She only wished for the dream she’d started with. When Decker opened his mouth to speak, April cut him off. “Just take me home, Decker.”

The car was silent on the way back to her house, but her mind was filled with static. The way Ben and Becky smiled, and how he rubbed her stomach and opened the door for her…
we’re thinking of this as his first baby,
she said as she looked proud to be the one who carried that honor.
Do you want him back?
Decker had asked, the look in his eyes
like a hot poker. Did he not want her after all?

Before she knew it, the lights of her driveway surrounded his car, and her house stood proudly before them. Her home, the place she’d bought for her and Elijah after the divorce was final. She’d made a life for the two of them, a good life, and regardless of how much she cared for the man sitting beside her, she’d never let another guy tear her apart.

“Look, I can’t—”

“April,” he interrupted, “it’s my turn to talk.” He unfastened his seatbelt and turned his body to face her. “I’m sorry if my question upset you. It wasn’t my intention, but…” He paused. “We’ve been seeing each other for close to three months, and I just watched you fall apart over a man you once shared your life with. The father of your son.” His head tipped to the side. “I had to ask.”

April sighed. “Deck…”

“Let’s go inside like we planned. Charlie is sleeping at my mom’s tonight, so we’ll relieve August of his babysitting duties and spend quality time together, just the two of us.”

The conversation they’d had earlier in the day felt like a lifetime ago. She’d craved him, his touch, and his taste. The thought of having him, all of him, finally, had made her mouth water and her body ache, but the confrontation with Ben and everything that had happened since left her feeling exposed and raw.

“You actually still want to fuck me?” she hissed, the question crude to even her own ears. “What is it, Decker, some kind of a pity fuck?”

She watched as his clenched jaw ticked and his brown eyes blazed with an emotion she’d never before seen. His silence was deafening as he switched off the ignition, opened his car door, and closed it behind him. Frustration, anger, and sadness warred through her, each battling for top billing as she watched his solid form cross the front of the Rover to her door. When the passenger side opened, she couldn’t help but stare at the captivating man who suddenly seemed larger than life.

“Look at me, April,” he growled, nostrils flaring as he took measured breaths. “I’m not kidding. You take a long, hard look and tell me if you see—hell, if you’ve ever seen—pity in my eyes.”

The interior light of the car illuminated him, showing fierce emotions as they played across the lines of his face. While she was used to seeing sentiment in his chocolate gaze, he was correct—pity had never entered it. She’d never attached names to what she saw and felt coming from him each time he looked at her, touched her, and smiled at her. In that moment, words continued to fail her completely.

Without thought, she ran her hand over the coarse planes of his cheek. “I see something. I…”

He placed his one large hand on the dashboard and the other on the headrest behind her and leaned forward, bringing their faces just inches apart. “Yeah, you do. You want to know what you see?”

She just nodded quickly.

“You see sadness, because the woman I love is hurting, and it’s fucking killing me.”

She swallowed. He loved her?

“I needed to ask you those questions earlier, April, because I’m in this”—he gestured between the two of them—“eyes open, parachute off, no safety net. And I wanna make sure I’m not jumping alone.”

I’m in this
. His words floated in the air as her world stopped spinning. She wanted to reach out, pluck each one, and place them safely in a box where she could cherish them forever. Keep them guarded where no one, not even he, could take them away. Then, as if someone pushed “play,” all that he said sunk in.

“You love me?” she croaked as the blood whooshed through her ears.

“Actually, no, I misspoke.” Decker’s calloused fingers grazed April’s chin as he tilted her head back and looked into her eyes. “I’m
in
love with you, April. I have been for a while. I don’t need to claim your body for you to have claimed my heart. It’s been yours since the beginning.”

“Deck, I…” She stopped herself, swallowing a bitter pill of truth that she refused to give voice to. “I can’t…” Her feelings ran miles deep, but she had to keep them protected, even just a little longer—not just for her but for Elijah. If she didn’t let Decker fully into her heart, maybe she’d survive if he left.

“April,” Decker spoke, anguish suddenly replaced by assurance before he kissed her gently on the lips. “I love you, and whether or not you’re ready to admit it to yourself, I know you feel the same way about me. I can see it in your eyes, feel it in your touch, and taste it in your kiss. You show me your love in ways you can’t even begin to know but ways that mean the world to me.” Decker ran his hand through his messy hair. “Earlier, at the restaurant, when everything went down with Ben, I was proud to be by your side. You were amazing and strong, everything you always are… but the things you said afterward, the blame you shouldered…” He scrubbed his hands over his face and turned away from her.

Understanding crashed over her like waves. Slipping down from the SUV, she grabbed his thick arm and urged him to face her, allowing the light from the car to shine on her face. “I understand, Deck. I get why your mind went there, and I’m sorry.” When his shoulders sagged, she found relief as well. “I got… I don’t know, angry or sad when I saw the life he was making with someone else, a life he claimed he never wanted with me.” The memory of Ben smiling as he stroked his unborn child sent a shiver through April. “The thought of him excited for a baby when he threw ours away made me sick, Deck. Can you understand that? Everything about them was the opposite of how he’d been with me. So while I don’t and I wouldn’t ever want him back, it just stung knowing that he’d found happily ever after even though he was a villain of the worst kind.”

Decker sighed, pulling her tightly into his chest. His familiar scent embraced her just as lovingly as his arms. “Sweetheart, I know what you think you saw tonight, but trust me, I was a man living in a marriage of lies. What you think was between them and what was actually going on”—he tsked—“it was two different things, babe.”

She smiled to herself as she tightened her grip around him. He was trying to be kind, inserting his own messed up former marriage in place of what she’d seen with her own eyes. She also knew she’d given her ex-husband too much head space on a night when the only man she wanted was standing right before her. While she wasn’t ready to return Decker’s words of love, she was ready to
show
him exactly how she felt. “Hey, big guy, I’m feeling kinda done with the whole topic. We’ve wasted enough time.”

* * *

DECKER HELD HER hand as she opened the front door and entered her house. August promptly ended a phone call, grabbed his keys from the coffee table, and stood up from the couch. April looked pleased at the full report August gave of the evening: what he and Eli had done, eaten for dinner, and what time he’d gone to bed. As a fellow parent, Decker knew exactly how much better he felt when he knew his daughter did well with the sitter, no matter who it was.

When August asked how their night had gone, Decker stayed quiet as April described their run-in with Ben and Becky. August’s face grew fierce as he listened to each detail, but instead of questioning his sister’s responses, he kept his jaw locked and his arms crossed.

“I’m just gonna run up real quick and check on Eli,” April announced. “I’ll be right down.”

The moment she was out of earshot, August gritted out, “Is she okay? That motherfucker did a number on her.”

“She was great with him, Aug, but after we left the restaurant, she kind of lost it.” Decker squirmed. “And I may have asked her if she still had feelings for him.”

August shook his head. “I’m sure she took that well.” Sarcasm was evident in both his voice and his expression. “No, seriously, man, I can understand why you’d wonder, especially if she reacted the way you say she did. But I can tell you, that piece of shit disgusts her. Knowing my sister, the whole scene probably wounded her pride more than her heart.”

Why hadn’t he thought of that himself?
Because you were too busy looking out for your own heart, you moron.

As if seeing his internal struggle, August clapped him on the arm. “Don’t let Ben Spears take up any more time between you and my sister. You’re a good guy, Decker, and you make her happier than I’ve ever seen her. But being left by the
first
man she ever loved, well, that changed her. So when she tries to run, and knowing my baby sis, she will try”—August leveled a sympathetic stare on Decker—“give her space, but don’t give up on her, okay?”

“I’m not leaving her, Aug.”

“Is August being the protective older brother again?” April bounced down the stairs.

Gone was her sexy black top and tight-fitting pants, and in their place was an old Bon Jovi concert tank top and sweat shorts, yet still his mouth watered at the sight of her.

“Umm…” A familiar blush kissed her cheeks as she looked from him to her brother and back. “I just figured I’d get ready for bed while I was up there.” As soon as the words left her mouth, her cheeks turned a deeper shade of crimson. “Not that he’s staying for bed,” she denied adamantly to her brother.

“Chill, Tiny.” August laughed. “I hope he does stay for bed. Just remember, if he’s not gonna cover his head”—he glared between the two of them—“make sure she’s covered instead.”

“Oh. My. God!” April gasped. “You didn’t just say that.” She swatted at her brother. “You’re just as bad as Mom!”

Decker chuckled as he watched them banter back and forth before hugging goodnight.

“I like him,” Decker confirmed as he stood behind April while she locked the front door. He swept her long blond hair over to one shoulder and pressed feather-light kisses over the other. “But I like you more.” He nibbled the sensitive flesh between her shoulder and her neck, a spot that had proven to heat her up on more than one occasion.