Blocked (4 page)

O:
You think people take you seriously?

O:
You have no respect for me or for Charlotte.

O:
She wants a powerful daddy not some man with mud under his nails and

Decker stared at the screen, waiting for the next acrid text. Thoughts of his sweet baby girl filled his mind, releasing some of the anger that flooded his gut. He would teach his daughter not to care what someone did for a living as long as they worked honest and hard. She needed to learn that love was more important than status. In that moment, he wished that he’d followed his own parents’ example.

More than thirty minutes passed as Decker paced in the work trailer, gearing up for what was sure to be an enormous argument, the likes of which they’d never had before. This time, he had no intention of backing down. This time, Olivia was going to listen to what he had to say or… or he was going to do the one thing he promised himself he’d never do. He was going to break up their family and leave her. The thought alone sent a jolt of pain directly to his stomach. While he wasn’t in love with his wife the way he’d once thought he was, he did care for her, and he’d promised her
forever
the day they said their vows, and he’d meant every word. Although they had a child, it was more important that Charlotte grow up surrounded by peace than in a home where the two parents eventually grew to hate one another. Decker let out a steady breath. No, he would get Olivia to understand that they could all be happy if they just compromised. The little voice in his head knew his good intentions were pipe dreams, but Decker chose to ignore that little voice once again. Instead, he left the trailer in search of his wife, who was now more than forty minutes late.

The distant sound of sirens once again pulled Decker’s mind back from the past. He was no longer wandering around a bustling work site, prepping himself for the impending tongue lashing. Instead, he sat stoically in the cemetery, almost a year after the very argument that had just consumed his thoughts.

Decker slid his cell out from his coat pocket. He swiped his thumb over the screen, bringing the small device to life. Scrolling through the text messages once again, he went directly to the last few sent from Olivia. She had so much anger... so much fear. He wasn’t able to see the fear back then, but now, now it was clear. She’d harbored abhorrence at the thought of not measuring up, not being good enough, and she used that fear as a weapon instead of a tool.

“I’m sorry, Olivia,” Decker spoke quietly into the cool, early spring air. “I’m so sorry that you’re gone, that you aren’t here to see how smart our daughter is, how beautiful… I know that you and I weren’t meant for each other, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t wish for your happiness.” His eyes burned as he allowed his true feelings to come to the surface. “I wasn’t
me
with you, Liv. I’m not blaming you, but I’m stating a fact. I
wasn’t
me. I think it’s time I start to find the man I once was so I can be the best daddy for our little girl, and so I can finally feel happy again.” Decker reached over and stroked the cold stone. “I will never, ever let her forget you, Olivia. That I can promise you. Rest in peace.” Decker swiped the stray tear from his cheek, stood from the bench, and pushed the baby stroller out of the cemetery.

It was time to move forward.

Chapter One

Fluffing Perfect

“ELIJAH, HONEY, WAKE up. We’re here.” April shifted her four-year-old son from one hip to the other. Her mouth ticked up as she looked down at her sleeping child.

“That boy sleeps so deep, an earthquake wouldn’t wake him,” chuckled August, April’s older brother.

“I know. It’s a blessing on the weekends and a bitch during the week. Poor kid goes to day care half asleep most days.” April passed her son to her brother’s outstretched arms and went back out to her car to gather the Christmas presents.

It was early Christmas morning, and April and both of her siblings had always kept their tradition by arriving at their parents’ house before dawn to place the gifts under the tree and prepare breakfast.

“Wait.” April lifted her index finger and turned her head, searching the first floor of her parents’ house. “It’s really quiet, Aug. Are you telling me that I actually got here before ‘I’m always early’ Ember?” April couldn’t help the rush of excitement that flooded her when her brother nodded and grinned.

November, or Ember for short, was April’s older sister, the middle child, and it seemed as though Ember had spent her entire life going out of her way to prove she was anything and everything other than the proverbial middle child, even if it meant using the full Maddox spotlight for herself. April found herself born into a competition that she didn’t care to win. Her indifference made Ember even more competitive. It took years of patience for the sisters to build a functional relationship, one filled with trust, love, and a healthy dose of rivalry.

“I’m here now, brat,” Ember called wedging herself through the front door her arms loaded with packages. “No, no, don’t all rush at once to help me.” Her smile stretched across her beautiful face as she wiggled into the house. “Seriously, Dad, August, I could really use some assistance. There are two more bags in my car.”

April giggled as her father and brother rushed out in the frigid winter air to retrieve what was sure to be an overabundance of gifts that Elijah didn’t need. April looked down at her beautiful son, curled up in a ball and still sleeping on the sofa. Barely a day went by that she didn’t think of Ben, the bobblehead-loving jerk-off, and how he could have walked away from such a perfect little boy, but he did. And other than the original half-assed offer for financial support, which she rejected and suggested he shove where the dolls don’t bobble, Ben had kept to his promise and stayed out of their lives. Sure, she’d seen him a few times over the years at the market, but just like the good husband and father he was, he pretended he didn’t see her and walked in the other direction.

“April, I need a hand in here.” Her mother’s heavy voice traveled the short distance from the kitchen to the family room.

“Coming.” April sighed, giving Eli a soft pat on his back before unfolding herself from the sofa and making her way toward her mother.

“Merry Christmas, dear.”

Her mom’s lips were soft against her cheek, and the familiar scent of her lotion brought back a lifetime of memories, both good and frustrating. “Merry Christmas, Mom.” April stayed silent under her mom’s watchful gaze. She knew what was coming next. It always came. 4,3,2,1—

“April, when’s the last time you had a facial? Your skin looks dry, dear. You’re only twenty-eight years old. You don’t want the face of a forty-something do you? And your hair, baby. Your hair used to be so pretty. But every time I see you, it’s pulled up in that mess of a bun. How are you ever going to find a man when you let yourself go?”

April sucked in a deep breath and released it ever so slowly.
It’s Christmas, and she’s your mother. Don’t freak out. It’s Christmas, and she’s your mother. Don’t freak out.

“Well, Mom,” April spoke, her words creeping through her clenched jaw, “thank God for me, I’m not looking to find a man. Eli and I are doing freaking great on our own.” It wasn’t until she felt the sharp sting of her nails in her palms that she realized both hands were clenched tightly into fists.

“Well,” her mother huffed, turning her back to April and moving toward the coffeepot. “I’m just saying your life would be happier with a nice guy in it.”

Don’t go there, April. Let it go. Just keep your mouth shut… don’t…
“Really, would it, Mom? I seem to remember my life being super flipping dandy with Ben.” April felt her cheeks heat as her heart thudded behind her ribs. The sarcasm was thick in her voice as she added, “Yeah, that worked out great. I was really happy back then.”

“Ellen, are you kidding me? You promised you wouldn’t start with her today.” Jack Maddox’s booming voice both startled April and comforted her. That was how it always was with her parents. While she knew she was loved by both, her mother was her biggest critic and her father her greatest champion. “You constantly ask me why she doesn’t come around as much as August and November. Well, maybe if you stopped with the insults, you’d see her more.”

With her dad’s arms wrapped around her, April felt the things she craved the most—strength and unconditional love.

“I’m not insulting our daughter, Jack.” Ellen’s round eyes and pinched brows made it nearly impossible for April to stifle her giggle.

Her mother’s truly shocked response to her father’s anger was the only reason why April loved instead of loathed her mom. The woman actually believed her
helpful hints,
as she referred to them, were a way of loving those around her. Although Ellen was definitely harder on April than her other two children, and her negativity had gotten worse over the years. April couldn’t pinpoint when it started—she only knew that she left her parents’ house with a headache and a complex more often than not, hence the reason her visits became fewer and farther between. It took a strong and confident person to be associated with Ellen Maddox.

“I was merely pointing out that she could be beautiful if she put some effort into it.”

“Ellen… “

“Well, I see we’re all getting along perfectly in here.” August chuckled, shooting April a wink. “But Eli is finally awake, and the little man is salivating over the gifts. I, of course, laid down the law and told him breakfast always comes first.” August clapped his hands together. “But we should probably get started. Hate to keep the poor kid waiting on Christmas.”

As if perfectly scripted, Elijah toddled into the kitchen as fast as his little legs could carry him. “Mommy, look.” Hazel eyes danced with delight in a way that made April melt every time she looked at her son. His sweet green-brown eyes were one of the few reminders of Ben that didn’t make her cringe. “Uncle Gust gam’me a truck before breakfast. Here, see.” Her sweet boy proudly hoisted the large truck out in front of him, seeking his mom’s approval.

“It’s awesome, Eli.” April admired the shiny metal fire truck before handing it back to her son. “I love it. Please go put it down, and you can play with it and Uncle Law Maker, I mean August, after breakfast.” From the corner of her eye, she saw her brother scrub his hands over his face. “Good to see you made those rules clear, big brother.” She shook her head in mock annoyance, but only joy filled her heart. “Seriously, haven’t you learned that you can’t trust a four-year-old with a secret? Sad, August. Just sad.”

Laugher filled the kitchen as April and her siblings prepared their famous Maddox french toast (sprinkled with toasted pecans), scrambled eggs, cinnamon rolls, bacon, and fruit for their big meal.

“Umm, Ember, you know that your job was to bring
fresh
fruit for the fruit salad, right?” August teased as he grabbed the packaged peaches from his sister’s hand and held them out of reach.

April could barely contain her snort when Ember responded with an exaggerated eye roll. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to find fresh peaches in Pennsylvania this time of year? Christ, it’s nearly impossible. So help me cut the rest of the fruit and can your bullshit.”

“Looks like you managed to
can
for all of us,” April cackled, pointing at the canned peaches.

“Wow, that was a horrible joke.” Ember shook her head. “For real, not funny at all,” she added. After a brief pause, the three Maddox siblings dissolved into hysterics until breakfast was ready to be served.

* * *

“OH… A GYM membership,” April stared at the certificate in her hand and bit the inside of her lip, trying to keep the thoughts that flooded her mind from leaving her mouth.

After all, Eli was only a few feet away, and April was working hard to curtail her bad language after the
fuck-frenzy
that had occurred the previous month. There was nothing more embarrassing than being in the checkout line at the food market and having your four-year-old decide to put the word “fuck” before all of the items as you placed them on the belt.
Fucking
peas,
fucking
milk,
fucking
corn flakes—didn’t matter how cute his little voice had sounded. No more cursing in front of Elijah
.

The gift-giving portion of the morning had been wonderful. Her son was showered with more presents than any four-year-old in the history of Christmas could ever desire. Then each of the adults got the opportunity to open their packages. Everyone was happy. Both August and Ember got clothes, gift cards, and tubs of Johnson’s caramel popcorn—a treat that came directly from the boardwalk in Ocean City, New Jersey. Oh, but not April. No, she got an envelope and a case of fruity energy water. Ick, she hated water that tasted like anything other than… water.

“What the fu…”

April shot her brother a warning glare.

“Fudge. What the fudge, Mom? Why did April get a crappy gym membership when Ember and I got all of this fun stuff?”

April loved how disgusted her brother was on her behalf. She would have smiled had it not been for the fact that she wanted to choke her mother.

“Ellen, enough is enough.” Jack hoisted himself up from the floor as his brows pinched together, his voice low and angry. “That was unkind. In fact, you’re damn lucky that little guy is here right now, Ell. When they leave, you can bet your aaa…”—her father faltered, trying to replace one word for another—“abacus, that we are going to discuss this once and for all.”

The color drained from Ellen’s face as she looked around the room. She cleared her throat and addressed the family but looked directly at April. “First of all, that gym is far from crappy. It’s the best gym with the finest equipment around. Second, I didn’t just purchase the membership. I bought her private sessions with a personal trainer.”

April tried to breathe, but anger and insecurity weaved through her body like a ribbon. She considered herself to be in decent shape. No, she didn’t belong to a gym, but she ran miles on the track at the middle school where she taught every day after the students left but before she picked Eli up from day care. She also used the school’s weight room whenever she had extra time. Damn it, she was doing the best she could. While she didn’t have the perfect size-two body anymore, she was damn proud of how she juggled her job and being a single parent. Hell, she was pretty freaking satisfied with how she looked… usually.