Blogger Girl (18 page)

Nicholas put the book down, stood up and pushed me down on the bed, sliding me farther towards the headboard. Propped on his elbows, he hovered over me and said, “No, I’m basing it on the fact that you want it to suck and I want you to get what you want.”

I recalled his hand on Mary’s lower back in the elevator and the waitress who came on too strong. He could have anyone he wanted and I couldn’t help but wonder what exactly he wanted from me. “Who are you?” I asked, tracing my fingers through his hair.

Nicholas reached for my hand and held it in his. Laughing, he said, “That’s a pretty leading question. Who are
you
?”

I bit the inside of my cheek and shrugged. “I can’t figure you out, that’s all.”

Nicholas didn’t respond. He just released my hand and flipped over on his back. I hovered over him and with my head buried in the crook of his neck mumbled, “Hellooo?”

Behind closed eyes, Nicholas asked, “What’s there to figure out?”

I lifted my head and looked into his now opened eyes. How could I possibly ask if he was serious about me or just killing time? I wasn’t even comfortable asking how many other girls he was sleeping with and
that
, I had a right to know.

Nicholas ran his fingers gently up and down my arm, the heat of his hands warming my skin. “Now it’s my turn to say ‘hello.’” Knocking lightly on my head, he said, “Anyone in there?”

“I’m here,” I said meekly.

Pulling me on top of him, he said, “Okay Missie, I think we’ve officially concluded the talking part of this meeting.”

Remembering Hannah’s perfectly manicured nails grazing Nicholas’ arm at the reunion, I tossed Hannah’s book on the floor. I didn’t want Nicholas’ bodily fluids anywhere near Hannah Marshak or her stupid book.

***

Later that night, as Nicholas slept silently beside me, I reached over and removed
Cut on the Bias
from the floor by his side of the bed. I figured if I read the first paragraph and was unimpressed, I would sleep a lot easier. After I read the first page, I skimmed to the chapter break. Since chapter one was only six pages, I read it in its entirety.

Nicholas lied. It didn’t suck.

I SAT NEXT TO BRIDGET
on her purple couch drinking Skinny Girl Margaritas and watching a marathon of
The Real Housewives of Orange Country
. It wasn’t our favorite, but there were currently no new episodes of
The Real Housewives of New York
and at least the OC was better than Beverly Hills.

I got up during a commercial to use the bathroom and when I returned to the couch, Bridget was wearing feety pajamas and had her legs stretched out on her coffee table.

Eyeing her pig-printed one-piece jumper, I laughed. “I see you’ve made yourself comfortable.”

Bridget wiggled a fuzzy pink foot at me. “Don’t you love them?”

“They’re adorbs. So long as you only bring them out for special houseguests, like me, and keep them away from those with male genitalia.”

Bridget stretched her arms above her head and yawned, not bothering to cover her mouth. “Speaking of male genitalia, how’s Nicholas Strong-rhymes-with-Long?”

“He’s good.” I hesitated before adding, “Although he works all of the time.”

“He’s an attorney. You’ve worked with them before and should know they have crazy hours. I even seem to recall you telling me you never wanted to date a lawyer.”

Sitting down next to her on the couch, I said, “That was before I started at this firm and fell in lust with Nicholas.”

Bridget smiled. “Then you have to take the good with the bad. But things are good when you’re together?”

“Definitely. We have great sex and interesting conversations.” I ran a hand through my hair. “But we definitely do more of the former than the latter.”

Bridget removed her feet from the table and bent her body toward mine. “(a) You’re in the honeymoon stage when sex should take precedence and (b) you have limited time together because he works all of the time, so sex should take precedence. I wouldn’t be too concerned.”

I knew Nicholas liked me but still had no idea if I was a temporary distraction or someone he took seriously. What if he didn’t think we were any different than me and Jonathan, i.e. “fuck buddies”? “I kind of wonder what he’s doing with me sometimes,” I admitted.

Bridget frowned. “What do you mean?”

“He’s a catch,” I said, looking down.

“And you’re not?”

“I don’t know. Nicholas is so ambitious. He’ll probably make partner in a few years. And he’s seriously cute. I catch girls checking him out all of the time.” I raised my head and looked over at Bridget who was studying me with her lips pursed.

“Yeah. And he’s with you.” Placing her hand over mine, she said, “Where did this inferiority complex come from all of a sudden?”

I shrugged.

Jabbing me lightly in the arm with her pointer finger, she said, “Well get over it! It’s very unbecoming.”

I laughed. “Okay boss!” Bridget was right. I hated feeling “less than” or not good enough for Nicholas. It was bullshit and so not me. I vowed to snap out of it and fast. It was time for a subject change. “What about you?”

Shifting in her seat, Bridget lit up a cigarette and said, “What about me?”

“Are we going to talk about the Jonathan issue in this lifetime?”

“Not if I can help it,” Bridget mumbled before taking a drag of her cigarette.

I muted the television set. It wasn’t like we were watching anyway. “You like him though?”

A film of red cloaked Bridget’s face. “I swear I didn’t like him when he was your boyfriend.”

I knew every single one of Bridget’s crushes in high school and never suspected Jonathan was one of them. I still didn’t. “I believe you. But when did it start?”

Bridget looked down towards her dark wooden floor and appeared to contemplate. After a few moments, she lifted her face, put out her cigarette and cast her eyes back on me. “I think it was that day we all went to the Beer Garden in Queens. Jonathan and I got so drunk and started dancing the Polka with the Polish band. I had so much fun with him, but when we took the subway back into Manhattan and arrived at your apartment, he went inside with you and I walked home alone.”

I remembered that day. I hadn’t thought much of Jonathan and Bridget dancing together because Bridget always had a way of bringing out the playfulness in people. I also didn’t have strong enough romantic feelings for Jonathan to care whether he danced with another girl, certainly not Bridget who I trusted implicitly and never imagined had a crush on my ex- boyfriend/fuck buddy. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Bridget opened her eyes wide. “Because he was your boyfriend! It’s part of the unspoken girlfriend pact that you don’t covet a best friend’s old boyfriend.”

“Yeah, there’s that,” I nodded.

“And besides, he doesn’t like me.” Bridget grabbed the copy of
Real Simple Magazine
from her coffee table and started flipping through the pages.

I flashed back to our reunion pre-party when I caught Bridget and Jonathan in heated conversation on the very couch I was sitting on. “I don’t know about that, Bridge.”

Looking up from the magazine, Bridget said, “What do you mean?”

I could tell she was trying to be nonchalant but the glint in her eyes gave her away. “Jonathan’s different around you. Animated. Usually he moves at a snail’s pace but with you, he laughs. A lot! Maybe he doesn’t realize he likes you, but there’s something there. I saw it that night. Plain as I’m seeing pigs on your pajamas.”

Bridget shot me a guilty look. “Yeah, I got carried away and then realized I was flirting shamelessly with your fuck buddy and you busted me big time.”

“I admit I was a bit taken off guard. You were practically sitting on his lap.”

Her face draining of color, Bridget said, “I’m sorry. I’m such a slut.”

Almost choking on my margarita, I started laughing. “I wish you were more of a slut these days. You make me feel like a Kardashian!”

Bridget started laughing too but then took on a serious expression. “So there it is. I have feelings for Jonathan.”

I lifted my hands in the air and dropped them to my sides. “Finally. So what are you going to do about it?”

“Should I do something about it?”

“Yes!”

Bridget looked at me skeptically. “Really? What about you?”

I exhaled deeply and took a moment since I knew I would not be able to retract my next words once they came out. If things didn’t work out with Nicholas (or the next guy), I would no longer have a backup plan in Jonathan. “I’m not gonna lie, the idea of you and me having sex with the same person is kind of
Gossip Girl
for my taste, but the fact that we’ve made it all these years without so much as kissing the same guy is kind of cool, right? I don’t love Jonathan. That way. And I don’t want to stand in your way if you do.”

Bridget looked at me horrified and started singing, “
Love! Lord Above. Now you’re trying to trick me in love!
”

“Ha ha,” I said standing up. “I should get going.”

Standing up with me, Bridget said, “That’s okay, I have an appointment with two new potential clients tomorrow, including RomComs Plus. Another one I owe to you! I should get some sleep so I can wake up early and prepare. Don’t want to make you look bad by being off my game.”

“You could never be off your game! Very cool about the new clients. It must be going around. Caroline told me that her company picked up a huge new client too. My friends are so important.”

Walking me to the door, Bridget gave me a hug and said, “You’re important too.”

I shrugged. “Whatever you say. Anyway, Daneen ‘Ms. Phony Queen’ has been giving me assignments lately even though I’m not officially her secretary. It leaves me less time to read for the blog so I’ll read tonight in bed until my eyes close.”

“
Cut on the Bias
?”

I nodded. “I want to get it over with but don’t want to give Hannah the satisfaction of knowing it was an easy-breezy fast read.”

In a quiet voice, Bridget asked, “But it is? An easy-breezy fast read?”

“It could be,” I admitted. “If the reader didn’t hate the author’s guts.”

Bridget frowned. “Sorry, chickie. I guess I shouldn’t mention that I saw a review, huh?”

I bit the inside of my cheek. “Where would you see a review?” I stammered.

Bridget lowered her gaze. “Plum Sheridan shared it on Facebook.”

“Plum Sheridan?” I yelped. “You’re friends with her on Facebook? How the hell did
that
happen?”

“She friended me after the reunion. I guess my Dumb comment didn’t offend her.” Bridget gave me a sheepish grin.

I shook my head in disbelief. “Wow. So…uh, the review was good?” If I hadn’t taken Nicholas’ advice and hidden Hannah’s newsfeeds the day I accepted her friend request, I would have seen it too. I wondered what other bloggers had been asked to provide advance reviews. Lucky for me, the answer would be revealed in good time.

Bridget pursed her lips and shrugged. “I barely read it. Just like I’m gonna barely read the book. More like not at all.”

“That makes one of us,” I said glumly.

***

Torrential downpours put a nix on my plan to meet Caroline at the Shake Shack for lunch the next day. Although the weather meant a shorter line, no burger was good enough to risk being struck by lightning, not even a Shack Burger, and so I decided to treat myself to a grilled cheese sandwich in the cafeteria as a consolation prize. The rain had clearly derailed other people’s lunch plans too since nearly every table was occupied. I had almost walked through the entire lunch room when I spotted Nicholas sitting with Daneen. They were hunched over stacks of documents. I stopped in my tracks, hating the idea of them eating together, but quickly remembered that they were spending countless hours working on the case and this was likely not the first or last meal they’d share. Daneen looked up, met my eye and quickly looked away without acknowledging me. I muttered “bitch” to myself just as Nicholas lifted his eyes from the table, stretched his arms over his head and looked my way. His lips curled into a wide grin and he motioned for me to join them.

I nodded, walked to their table and placed my tray in front of an empty chair. “Hi guys!”

Daneen looked up at me with a blank stare. “Oh, hello.”

Pretending not to notice her usual cold shoulder where I was concerned, I said, “There are absolutely no empty tables left. I should have known to come down either before 12:30 or after 2:00 in this weather to beat the crowds.”

Nicholas patted the seat next to him. “Sit with us.”

Daneen looked at me like I was a rescued stray cat she wished would get lost again. “Yes, join us if you’d like. Although, it will probably be super boring for you. We’re working.” She pointed towards the pile of papers like I wouldn’t have noticed them otherwise.

“A little break won’t kill us,” Nicholas said winking at me.

I smiled at him and took a bite of my sandwich. When no one said anything, I took another bite and decided to feign interest in what they were working on just to break the awkward silence. “So…”

“So, how long have you been a legal secretary?” Daneen interrupted.

“Almost three years,” I answered. I was too taken aback that Daneen had actually initiated a conversation with me to go into more details.

“Have you taken the LSAT yet?” Daneen asked.

Surprised by the randomness of the question, I stuttered, “Huh? Um, no.”

“You
are
going to law school, right?” She probed.

“Why do you ask?” Nicholas questioned.

Daneen looked at Nicholas like he had an eyeball in the middle of his forehead. “I just can’t imagine anyone graduating college and working as a legal secretary unless she hoped to get good recommendations from attorneys for law school.” Turning her attention to me, she said, “You went to college, right?”