Blood and Clay (24 page)

“
Did they treat your sister Alizon in the same way Miss
Jennet?
”

Roger
’
s voice was still quiet and kind but
now seemed probing. He looked expectant. Did he know what was coming? Well he
must; he must have talked to Nettie already.

“
No she was their favourite, one of them. They never touched
her. Never a harsh word to precious Lizzie.
”

I
gawped at Nettie. How could she think that? How could she be saying that? She
knew that they beat me. She couldn
’
t really think that I was their
favourite. The crowd began to glare at me again and I realised that Nettie was
still talking.

“
When she came into her powers they loved her even more. She
’
d always been their favourite, they
thought the moon and stars shone from her, then when she got her powers they
thought she were even better and they never even looked at me anymore.
”

Where
was this coming from? Nettie couldn
’
t say these things. She was my Nettie,
I was her Ali. We were sisters, best friends. I had brought her up and loved
her like she was my own babe. I
’
d been her Mam.

“
Did Alizon ever harm you Miss Jennet?
”

“
Aye. She
’
d beat me all the time and Mam never stopped her. They all
hated me they did and Lizzie were the worst. Beat me and kicked me and spat at
me regular she did.
”

Nettie
’
s voice was still little and soft and
the crowd were leaning towards her. A few women in the crowd had started to
cry. I couldn
’
t talk, couldn
’
t breathe. I felt my tongue and
throat drying as my mouth hung open. I had never beaten Nettie in my life,
never a harsh word. I took regular beatings to protect her and spare her from
Mam and Gran
’
s anger. I couldn
’
t work out what was going on. Had
they threatened her? Why was she saying these lies?

“
Miss Jennet. Your sister Alizon claims that the laming of
John Law was an accident. Is this the truth?
”

“
No, t'is a lie. She planned it for weeks. She was the most
evil of em was Lizzie. Worse
‘
n Mam and Gran. Worse than Old Chattox. She
’
s evil and she planned to kill Mr
Law. He
’
s lucky she didn
’
t.
”

“
No!
”
 
I finally found my
voice and leapt to my feet.

“
No, Nettie, why are you saying this? Are they making you
lie? I love you Nettie.
”

I
tried to get to Nettie but the Warden grabbed my shoulders and squeezed tightly
until I felt his finger might pop through my skin. Nettie leapt from the table
and ran behind Mr Nowell. She looked at the crowd then back at me with a
terrified cower.

“
Save me, save me Sir,
”
cried Nettie.

“
Mr Potts, Miss Jennet
’
s new parents may take her away now.
”

A
finely dressed man and woman came into the room and each put an arm around
Nettie.

“
Warden take Alizon Device away. Not only has her sister
given grave evidence against her but her very own grandmother told me, during
questioning, that this girl was a murderer. I find her guilty and she shall
hang with the rest tomorrow.
”

“
No, Nettie,
”
I screamed.

The
crowd seemed to multiply as they stood and cheered. Mr Nowell stood to leave,
refusing to look back at me no matter how much I screamed. The Warden dragged
me out and I screamed Nettie
’
s name one more time. As I was pulled through the door
Nettie looked back at me and her stare made my blood run cold. I could see none
of my Nettie in her anymore. The eyes that stared back at me were cold and
malicious. She looked at me with hate and then I finally gave in. My legs
sagged and the Warden dragged me out of the door.

Back
in the cell Mam had taken to sitting in the corner and rocking. She muttered
still but I couldn
’
t tell most of what she was saying. I sat in on the floor a
different corner and hugged my knees. Gran
’
s body had gone but we didn
’
t know where or when it had been
taken. My life spun in my head. How much of what I had thought was true had
really been so? Had Mam and Gran really beaten Nettie? Just a day ago I would
have believed everything Nettie told me but now I didn
’
t know what to believe. She had lied
about me though. I had only every loved her and she had lied about me. She had
the chance to save me and instead she said that I had beaten her and I was a
witch like Mam. I looked at her, at Mam. She was still rocking but she stared
at me now. One eye rolling and one focussed on my face.

“
So why are you here then? Did your precious Nettie Newt not
save you? Didn
’
t she tell
‘
em what a goody goody, priss you are?
”

“
No. She said I was evil.
”

“
Aye well you probably are. Born of evil you are with evil
in your blood. You act all high
‘
an mighty but you
’
re my lass and you are no better
‘
an me lady.
”

“
I try to be good.
”

“
T
’
aint no good Lizard. God don
’
t want you to be good I reckon, or he
wouldn
’
t have sent you to me and he wouldn
’
t have let Tibb and Ball and your
black dog come to us. We are doing what God wants us to.
”

“
That
’
s not so Mam. God loves us he does. You and Gran, you chose
wrong. You chose to do bad stuff. I
’
ve tried so hard not to. I didn
’
t mean to hurt that peddler and I
’
ve never hurt Nettie.
”

“
Aye well she didn
’
t save you did she?
”

“
Why Mam? Why did she turn against me? Nettie loves me, I
know she does.
”

“
Aye well it turns out she loves a bit of power more. Didn
’
t you see the shadow with her?
”

“
What?
”

“
The shadow of Tibb. Stood in the crowd he were. Looking at
her the whole time she were saying that vicious stuff about me. Like as maybe
the whole time she were talking about you an
’
all.
”

“
No.
”

My
voice came out as a whisper and suddenly her cold harsh eyes made sense. She
had a hardness in her now like Gran and Mam but not so obvious; hidden in her pretty
face so that no-one could see.

“
How? Why her?
”

“
She
’
s always had promise that one. Knows when to keep quiet and
look pretty. She were the one who came up with the plans to storm the gaol.
Asked to stay at home she did, claimed she were scared, but she came up with
more of the planning than Ma did, or me, or that old bitch Chattox. Aye she
played a blinder did little Newt. Wish I
’
d seen it sooner. Who
’
d a thought that Newt was the
daughter I
’
d been hoping for? Little bitch has damned us to death but you
gotta give it to her; she
’
s pure evil and she
’
s made me proud.
”

I
put my head against the wall. It was cool and it stopped the room from
spinning. How could I have been so blind not to see that Nettie was more like
them than me? The blind, unconditional love of a Mam had made me stupid and now
I was going to hang because I had trusted her, loved her. My Nettie. I felt
that Nettie was dead too. This wasn
’
t my Nettie. My Nettie had been sweet
and loving and innocent. Tibb had taken her and made her into something else. I
don
’
t know when he had done it but he had found a crack in our
love, maybe when I was taken away, and he had found his way into her mind. Mam
had started to cackle and hoot.

“
Where
’
s your God now Lizard? He has abandoned you just like he
has the rest of us. He
’
s not so good anyway. I hear his voice in my mind, when I
sleep, when it
’
s quiet, when I
’
m walking in the woods; all the time.
He whispers things to me; bad things. I
’
m just doing God
’
s will. When them farmers slight me,
call me names, take advantage, they
’
re bein
’
evil they are. God has always wanted
me to take vengeance. My curses are God
’
s will. He
’
s a vengeful God and I just do as he
tells me.
”

Her
rant pulled me out of my thoughts. I had lost Nettie and I was going to lose my
life but I wouldn
’
t let her take this from me. Not my beliefs. Not my hope. I
pulled my head back from the wall and looked at her.

“
That
’
s not true Mam. That isn
’
t God talking to you. That
’
s the Devil. God don
’
t whisper things in your ear; he
whispers to your heart and yours is too cold and hard to let him in.
”

“
Well if your Lord Almighty is so damned powerful how comes
he lets me do these things then? If he wanted to stop me he would right? Well
he doesn
’
t so it seems to me he don
’
t mind one bit what I
’
m doing
’”

I
stared at Mam for a while. Though I hated it, what she said seemed true. I
’
d never been to church or school;
never had anyone to ask these questions to. I
’
d thought the same things but pushed
them aside.

“
He don
’
t want us to do those things. I don
’
t know why he doesn
’
t stop us but he don
’
t want us to hurt people. Maybe we
have to make our own choices, to prove we deserve to go to Heaven. I don
’
t know. I just know you are wrong
Mam.
”

“
Aye, well you stupid wretch, God or no God you're no better
than me for them beliefs. Sure as salt is salt you
’
ll be swinging right next to me
tomorrow and your beliefs won
’
t mean a stitch.
”

I
closed my eyes and lay down. She was right. No matter what my beliefs tomorrow
I would be dead, just like her.

I
lay awake all night. Though my life had not been great I didn
’
t want to waste my last night of
being alive sleeping. It was a long night. As I lay down and listened to Mam
going off to sleep and starting to snuffle and snore I felt a deep ache in the
pit of my stomach. I had never been so afraid. It wasn
’
t the sharp, urgent fear that I felt
when Mam or Gran flew into a rage it was different. Worse, I felt like I couldn
’
t breathe. It hurt to breathe in and
breathing out made me want to vomit. I concentrated so hard on breathing that I
was almost convinced that I could just stop. Just stop breathing and die right
here, quietly in the dark. I tried but it didn
’
t work. I hadn
’
t actually believed that it would but
I was more aware than I had ever been of my body and every part of it.