Blood and Loss (Cassandra Myles Witch Series) (15 page)

“She had been giving Ileana her essence all this time, little bits to keep her healthy. She was sacrificing her life to save our daughter. She was apologizing because she knew she was going to die while Ileana still needed her.
I told her she had done enough. Our daughter was strong; she would survive. I didn’t know if this was true, but I couldn’t have her die thinking her sacrifice was all for not.

“She died
not very long after that day, holding our daughter. I think she gave her everything she had left. She poured the last of her life into our daughter. I was positive she had given her enough to sustain her. It would be too cruel otherwise. Of course, like so many times before and since, I was wrong. It took a long time, but my little helper bee, my sunshine, my
grá mo chroí,
became weaker every day. Soon I had to carry her on our walks, and then she became even too weak for that. She took to her bed and she knew it was coming. She asked if her mother would be there. It truly broke my heart.

“She was brave and told me I had to help our people when she was gone. I held my only child in my arms as she slipped away. It was
then I learned of tears. They fell on her pale face. I wished for my death if she would live. I wanted to follow the rest of my family. It wasn’t to be. Like most of the male fae, I was still very healthy. We now had no children and very few women, but the men were left to mourn and remember. The day my little rose was buried, I went to the Queen and wanted to know what was being done. Nothing they had tried so far had any ability to repair our world. It was decided escape was our only choice. After many trials and pooling of all our magical relics, they had found a way to allow one fae to travel into this world. It was dangerous, almost certainly a death sentence. I volunteered.

“It was not lost on me that the things we thought made you weak we clung to when we needed to feel strong. We found our compassion, self-sacrifice,
and our mortality. So much loss made us see how much time we had wasted.

“It is my theory that our world cannot live without yours. When we were sealed off
, it was like a body cutting off a limb. The body can live on, but the limb is left to rot. I have been the witness to the rotting for almost 2000 years.”

The
prince was clearly drained from his tale. I wanted to reach out to him. I was too frightened that Declan would attack. He was so unstable. I needed to think.

“Prince Na’min, I can’t tell you how your story has touched me, but two normally at odds species came together to shut you away. I can’t sacrifice my own kind to save yours.”

“I would never ask that. Our kind has changed. We know loss. You of all people must know how loss can change you.”

I wasn’t moved by his dig at my parents. “Loss can change you and not always for the better.”

“I won’t lie and tell you we have become this passive
, loving society, Cassandra. We have not. I will say for better or worse, facing our own mortality has made us more human.”

“Humans have done enough damage to this world
. I don’t know if we need any help.”

“You were a primitive society
when we were locked away. We played with your superstitions and your ignorance. You don’t have that any more. You have things in your world I don’t pretend to understand. Plus, we can’t live very well in your modern cities. There is too much iron and steel. It makes us sick and weakens our magic.” He straightened, pulling himself together. “We would be most healthy living amongst the wolves or in other remote areas.”

“I can’t be alo
ne making this decision. It is too immense.”

Na’min smiled, but he still looked sad. I wondered if grief was permanently etched on his face. “I am sympathetic, but it is your decision because you are the one who must break the seals.”

If I was even capable of doing it, would I? “I want to talk to Quintus. He was the only one I know who was there when the seals were put in place.”

“If I could convince Quintus
, would you be convinced?”

“Yes!”

“Then I think you should call him and see if he will come.”

“Do you promise his safety?”
This seemed too good to be true.

“He will not be attacked by me or the wolves.”

Patrick Langois glared at Na’min, but didn’t say anything. They may have been allies, but they clearly weren’t friends.

“What will your people do when they are able to
come through?”

“I think we would want to stay here for a while. Your modern cities would be foreign to us. The wolves have said we would be welcomed. I hope just having the
wall down will heal our world. Then we could live where we have always lived.”

Something occurred to me.
“What is in it for the wolves?”

The alpha growled.
Na’min held out his hand up to silence him. “Patrick, that is a legitimate question. We have promised wealth and the return of a sacred relic we have in our possession. It would allow the wolves to communicate with one another with their minds.”

So this wasn’t just an altruistic endeavor for the wolves.
“I hope Quintus can help me, Na’min. I feel I have to be honest with you. Even if I wanted to help you with all my heart, there are no guarantees I could do it. I haven’t practiced magic for five years.”

“I am not worried
, Cassandra. You will be able to break the seal. Quintus will listen to reason and I will finally be able to help my people.” Wow! Who knew the prince was a glass half-full kind of guy.

“Well
, gentlemen, I am going to go for a walk in your beautiful woods. The retelling of my story always finds me wanting to be amongst the trees.”

The
alpha waited for Na’min to leave, and then he turned to his second. “First, we have to entertain fae and now we are asked to have vampires in our home. My son wants to mate with a human. All these sacrifices better be worth it.”

“If we get that relic, it will be worth it. It will make us the most powerful pack in the world.” It was the first time Peter had spoken. He sent me a silent warning. Apparently
, he didn’t get the memo on it being my decision.

“Take Ms. Myles to the phone room. Don’t come back here, Declan. Your behavior here today sickens me. Over a human, no less.”

“I am sorry for the lack of control. I am not sorry for my feelings
. She is good enough to get you what you want, but not good enough for me?”

Apparently
, I didn’t get a vote. Declan’s father waved us away. “Go, we will discuss this later.”

Declan hung his head. He looked so dejected. I wanted to c
omfort him. Would it hurt if I did? When we were clear of the room, I reached for him. “Declan, I am crazy mad at you, but seeing you hurt like this. Please tell me what to do.”

“You can be my mate
; nothing else will help. I am trying my best, but alphas are never denied once they pick a mate.”

“Well
, I am not a werewolf, so your alpha mojo only pisses me off. It doesn’t make me want to do anything but be as far away from you as possible.”

A low rumble came from his chest. “Maybe it should.”

“So I should just fuck you to make you feel better?”

“Don’t be crass.
” He punched the wall. The gyprock gave way like tissue paper. “Why do you have to call him? Fuck, Cass, of all people you want Quintus to come to your rescue.”

“Quintus was there. Doesn’t it make sense?”

“You could take my word for it. You could trust me. Is it that you want him to bring Lucius? So you can finish what you started last night.”

Declan was out of control. His wolf was close. I could see the animal in his eyes. I tried not to show fear. I watched enough
Dog Whisperer
to know that wasn’t a good idea. “I only want to call Quintus to help me with the task you brought me here to do. Nothing more, I promise.”

He looked a little better. “Okay
,” he whispered so low I could barely hear him.

We arrived at the phone room. No bigger than a closet, there was one small table, two chairs
, and a rotary dial phone. It reminded me of my parents’. It was even that same avocado green.

I dialed Quintus
’ cell and got his voicemail. Really. I go missing and he doesn’t pick up his phone. I hung up and dialed Lucius, hoping Declan could keep his wolf under control.

“Lucius, it’s me
, Cass.”

There was a silence. I thought he had hung up. “Are you okay
, Goldilocks?”

“Yes
.”

He let out a big sigh. “I was worried sick. I came back from the kitchen and the only thing there was your dres
s. I will have to refurnish some of your home. I may have broken a few pieces in anger. Where are you? I am coming for you.”

“I’m in Northern Alberta.” I
had to hold the phone away from my ear. He was cursing so loud.

“Lucius
, calm down. I don’t have much time. Please.”

“
Sorry, why are you there?” His voice was strained.

“Declan used fae magic to pop in and pop us out. I was out the whole time
, so I don’t know many details.”

“Has he hurt you? I will tear him in two.”
I had to listen to another round of cursing.

“They want me to break the seals for them. A fae
prince is here. He tells quite a tale, but I need to talk to Quintus. I agreed to do it if Quintus would agree.”

He hisse
d into the phone. “Quintus is not going to be convinced, Cass. He hates the fae.”

“I know
. Maybe you shouldn’t come. It could be a trap. I don’t want either of you hurt.” I did want them to come, though. It was selfish, I knew, but I was scared and both of them always made me feel safe.

“It doesn’t matter. I am coming for you.”

“I am okay
, Lucius. Declan won’t hurt me, but if you came here and it was a trap, I would never forgive myself.”

“I will not leave you the
re alone. Quintus would never do that either. If something happened to you… I would never forgive myself.”

“I… I’m sorry for getting you into this.
” Declan cleared his throat. I blushed.

“I am coming if I have to comb through all of Alberta, so just tell me how to get there and we will be there tonight.”

“I’ll put Declan on and he can tell you how to get here.”

“Cass, don’t do anyth
ing before I get there. Stay safe… I’m coming.”

Chapter 18

I was leaning up against the wall when I heard the phone shatter in a shower of plastic. He rushed straight at me, grabbing my arm, and dragging me down the hallway, his strong fingers digging into my flesh, hurting me. I dug my heels in and tried not to budge. “You’re really hurting me. Stop it.”

He did stop and loosened his grip.
He didn’t say anything. He just glared at me. “What is your problem?” I asked.

“You
r dead boyfriend warned me not to touch you.”

“Lucius is not my boyfriend and I can’t help what he said to you.”

He pinned me to the wall, his hard body pressing into mine, causing me to be angry and excited, probably not the best emotions to give off in this circumstance.

“I want to do the exact opposite and touch you
everywhere. I want to tear those jeans from your body and fuck your brains out, and when Lucius gets here, I want to tell him how you screamed my name and begged me for more.” It was too hard to reconcile this Declan with the man I shared my home with.

“You have lost it.
Just please let me go.” I was proud of how steady my voice was.

“Really
, you don’t want me to kiss you here.” He kissed my neck where it meets my shoulder. Then back up and bit my ear lobe. “I want to take off this bulky sweater and see those amazing tits. I want to have them in my mouth.”

He ground himself into me. “If you do this
, I will never forgive you.” Would he really force himself on me? I couldn’t believe it was something I even had to ask.

“Don’t worry
. I won’t force you to do anything. You will beg me and I mean that.” He shifted slightly to the side. He put his hand on my stomach, wiggling his fingers just under the waistband of my pants. “If I go any further, will I feel how wet you are?”

“You go
any further, and you will feel my knee in your junk.”

He laughed. “I’d deserve it to
o. I am trying to be patient, Cass, but not claiming you is taking every bit of willpower I have.”

“
How generous of you to hold back from fucking me against my will. You are truly a good man.” I took a deep breath to help fight back my anger. “My body might want yours, but my mind hates you right now. I can’t just turn that off. You betrayed my trust. I can’t understand how you think I can just let that go.”

“I think you are being naive if you think it would have been so easy to tell you the truth back then. You cared for Quintus too and you would have had to lie to him or betray me. What would you have done? How would it have made you feel that I put you in that situation?”

“I
am not saying you had an easy choice, Declan, but you had one. I was just a pawn in this whole thing and it pisses me off.”

He ground his hard cock into my core and despite myself
, I arched into him. He kissed me chastely at first then he deepened the kiss. His tongue invaded my mouth. His hand snaked between us and started to undo my pants. I wanted him to, but it would be a bad idea no matter how good it would feel.

I pushed him away. “Give
me time. You have no right to make me wait five years and then get mad that I need a little time.”

He bent over
, clutching his stomach. I knew I couldn’t have hurt him. His face turned to me. No longer my best friend, not wolf, but something in between. “Run, Cass, my wolf is coming out. RUN!”

Don’t have to tell me thrice.
I ran from the cabin to the tree line. I caught sight of a path and made a beeline. Running to the woods to get away from a wolf wasn’t exactly the smartest plan. Apparently, terror didn’t improve my survival instincts. That wasn’t good when you were surrounded by a pack of wolves.

I needed to clear my head and I needed to try some magic. It was crazy that I didn’t want to. I was having a panic attack just thinking about it. If I didn’t try, then there was still a chance that it was still there. Removing doubt right now seemed risky to my sanity. I wished Lena were here. A pang of regret hit me. I had never contacted her again. She saved my life that day and I never looked back.

I was sure Morven meant to kill me.
I was out cold and she could have blamed it on my own foolish use of magic. Lena had stayed with me, keeping me safe until I could get away. I was going to find her when I got out of here, if only to thank her for being there for me.

The cold was seeping into my bones. I needed to get back before I froze to death. My Vancouver winter coat was no match for Alberta’s
bitter cold. A rock shaped vaguely like a chair sat under a beautiful oak tree. The seat was plastered with old leaves. It tweaked something in my brain. It had been one of my earliest lessons. Seemed like a good place to start.

I
concentrated on the slight breeze that wound around me since I had started my walk. I closed my eyes, feeling the sting on my face and the way it moved my hair in tangles around my head. I smiled when I heard quiet rustling past my ears. It was all coming back to me. I could hear Ms. Wells telling me to get to know the wind and then I could control it. If you know its habits and how it acts, then you can use that knowledge to alter it.

My heart was pounding and everything but the breeze fell away. My fingers danced in the air faste
r and faster, gathering the air like cotton candy on a stick. It was happening. Faster and faster, my own little wind tunnel twirled around my fingers. When it was going fast enough, I released it like a top. The mini tornado touched down on my stone chair, clearing it of leaves. They danced in the air like rust-colored butterflies.

A snapped twig broke my concentration and the leaves plummeted to the ground. I started to cry. I didn’t know if it was happy tears or sad. I still had my magic, but it seemed such a small task compared to what might lie ahead. Breaking the seals seemed like an impossible
mission.

“You did well, young one.”

Na’min was standing behind me. His eyes were sad as usual, but his lip did curl up slightly
, startling me.

“I can barely stir leaves.
Do you really think I can be of any help to you? Maybe all your efforts to get me here was a fool’s errand.”

“How do you say
it? You were just rusty. You don’t use a muscle for five years; do you expect it to work its best the first time?” His graceful form came closer. I couldn’t picture him as a ruthless warrior. He looked like a gentle giant. I knew firsthand looks could be deceiving.

“No
, I guess not.”

“Can I hold your hand?”

I didn’t hesitate and held it out to him. The prince seemed to be the only one around here who was into asking. It felt like everyone else just told me what to do. He took it in both of his. It felt neither hot nor cold. It was like holding hands with pure energy. No pain, just an intense sensitivity. He would be amazing in bed.

“Your magic is very strong
, Cassandra. Maybe as strong as I have ever felt. Quintus was that strong, I suppose, but he refused to embrace his full gifts.”

“Why?”

“That is something only he can answer. As for you, the trick is to allow the magic to do what it will. Magic can be stubborn and it doesn’t like to be pushed.”

“Are you saying I am trying too hard?”
He nodded.

“Can I walk you back?”

“Yes, please, I’d like that.” He offered me his arm and I took it. Fae had a natural glamour. Did I like him because of that? Supernatural creatures could really have you second-guessing yourself.

“Quintus and I know each other and he will not be happy to see me.”

“I heard.”

“
He has good reason, Cassandra. I killed his wife and I didn’t know it at the time, but she was pregnant.”

“
Oh, God.” No wonder he was so closed off.

“It was war. She was wielding a sword. I could have subdued her easily.
She had no business using a sword. To me, she was being an arrogant human, thinking she could stand against me, a fae prince. I couldn’t let that insult stand.” He shook his head. When he began to speak again, his voice was barely a whisper. “I was a fool, Cassandra. I was the arrogant one. At the time, I would have bragged about it, but now it is hard to admit. I toyed with her. She had no experience in combat. She could barely wield the sword’s weight. I treated her as cat would a mouse. I toyed with her. In the end, she was the personification of death by a thousand cuts.”

He was quiet for a while. A look of horror struck across his perfect face. He was reliving it in his mind. “She was so brave. Every time I thought she was down for good
, she would raise herself on shaky legs, barely able to raise the sword. She never stopped. I see her now as one of the bravest women I have ever met. Then she was just a fun game. I killed her not by ending her suffering, but by stabbing her in her stomach. She started to scream, my baby, my baby. I walked away, not even looking back. Though I heard her one more time, when my own Illeanna died. She screamed those words in my ears.”

I gently squeezed his bicep.
He was shaking. “You have changed. You are not the same person.” Was I just being a sucker? This man was affecting me. I wanted to help him. The question was, did he deserve it?

“
Does it even matter? I am different, but I still did some very horrific things. I killed her that way to hurt him. I thought killing her would weaken the druid. I was very wrong.”

“
He was the one who worked feverishly to find a way to seal us in. I hadn’t weakened the man, but forged him in steel. I gave him the fire he needed to accomplish what happened. I was responsible for the death of my world.”

“Are you trying to say Quintus was responsible for the
seals in the first place?”

“No, as with anything as complicated as war
, no one thing can be blamed. A million little things lead up to the conclusion, but it is usually one thing that tips the scales and my personal battle with Quintus was that one thing.”

“So
getting Quintus here was just to placate me because you know he won’t agree?”

“Oh
, no, I am certain he will.”

“Wh
y?”

He took back his arm and k
issed my forehead. “I am going to allow him to kill me.”

He walked away while I was too stunned to reply.