Blood and Loss (Cassandra Myles Witch Series) (3 page)

Chapter 3

Lena would still be in class. Now was a perfect time to reschedule my exams. I found my advisor in her office. Morven had hated me since the first day my first year. She called me a show off in front of the whole class. It was during evaluations when the school decided who would take what class and at what level. I qualified for some second year courses and was quite proud of myself. Morven decided to take me down a peg or two by accusing me of doing so well at the expense of the other students. I didn’t even know what she meant, but it was enough to plant a seed of hate in everyone’s mind, everyone except Lena.

Morven
wouldn’t look me in the eye. She seemed very uncomfortable around me. In a perverted way, it made me feel better. I should have told her I wasn’t contagious, but I was at her mercy and I wanted to be on my best behavior. To get me out of her office as fast as possible, she assured me that rescheduling was not a problem and Monday was likely to be the best time. I was in and out in record time, with good news. I didn’t think it would go as well as it did.

On my way back to my dorm
, Aunt Marie texted me the time and place for the funeral and extended another invitation to stay with her. I didn’t want to go, but it did feel good to have options. I lay down to wait for Lena. She wouldn’t be long and I needed a quick nap.

When I
awoke, Lena was curled into my back, with her arms around my waist. When she felt me wake up, her hand came to my cheek, her tiny palm warm and soothing. Tears brimmed in my eyes. I needed to break contact and push them back down. “How were your exams?”

Lena was smart and she knew me better than anyone
did. If I needed to talk about exams, she would go along. “I think I did well, despite that bitch Morven. She knows she only has a few days left to ride my ass, so she is putting in over time.”

“She is letting me reschedule my exams. She said she would personally administer them, like I haven’t suffered enough.”

Lena snickered. Most people would have been appalled at my joke. That was why she was my best friend. “You’ll do fine. You always do. She just rides us because we are more powerful than she is. We get under her skin.”

“Can we go out tomorrow night? I have plans in the afternoon, but I wouldn’t mind going to the Deuce after that.”
Calling my parents funeral “plans” seemed wrong, but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything else.

“Sure. Did you need help with your plans tomorrow? I have the afternoon off.”

She asked so carefully, I almost said yes, but Lena would look at me with those big brown eyes, put her arms around me, and I would lose it. “No, I can do it by myself. Thanks, though.”

Lena left and I went back to sleep
. When I look back at those days, I was clearly depressed and it was my body’s way of saving my life. The less I was awake to think about what I went through, the better. Then I was just grateful. I woke up to the sun shining in our room. I was alone and couldn’t believe it was 11 a.m. I had slept through another day.

I hadn’t left myself a whole lot of time to get ready for the funeral. A quick shower and shave later
, I felt a lot better. I was a little grossed out when I found some dried blood on my body the hospital had missed when they were cleaning me up.

My whole closet was fashion a la
Addam’s family. My mother always said I dressed like someone had died, so finding something black was not going to be a problem. Finding something appropriate and hole-free was a different story. My darkest jeans and a black sweater that only had a small hole in the sleeve, which I liked to slip my thumb through was a close as I was going to get. My mother would be mortified and expect me to wear a dress, but the only LBD I had was part of a slutty witch costume I wore last year at Halloween.

I won’t bore you with the funeral details, except to say it was a lot of
“you poor thing,” awkward hugs, and looks. Aunt Marie had me glued to her side and she had an instinct for when I would become too uncomfortable. She would shoo those people away and give me some breathing room. I wish I had been able to appreciate it more. She was grieving too and I was her priority. I shouldn’t have snuck out without saying good-bye, but I wasn’t thinking straight. I was in survival mode.

An image of my
mother giving me a lecture for leaving early flashed through my head. It was the first time I realized that was never going to happen again. No guilt from Mom, no disappointed look from Dad. No one was left to judge me or guide me. Why didn’t it feel freeing? It felt like a crushing responsibility and terrifying all at once. I had no safety net anymore.

I flagged down a cab and told him to take me
to my favorite bar. The Deuce was the bar everyone from the academy went to. It felt like a second home. A second home that had lots of alcohol. Aunt Marie had tucked some emergency money in my hand when I had arrived. If drowning my sorrows kept me sane tonight, then that felt like an emergency to me. I know drinking my cares away wasn’t a long-term solution, but tonight it would have to do until I could come up with something else.

The bar was pretty
empty, except for a few working girls sipping boxed wine and waiting to start their shift. It wouldn’t take long to fill up on a Friday afternoon. I plunked down in a booth with a pitcher of draft and waited to feel better. I was looking at the bottom of my second pitcher when Lena showed up. The bar had filled in around me and I was in the mood to blow off steam.

I was feeling no pain when Lena sat across from me
. “I was waiting for you in our room. I was worried sick. Thank God Eric texted me that you were here. I called your Aunt Marie and she was worried. What were you thinking?”

“Don’t give
me guilt. Eric should mind his own business. That’s the last time he gets a big tip from me. ” I started to laugh.

“Oh, Cass, honey, please come back with me and sleep this off. We’ll have a good talk in the morning. Please.” She had tears brimming in her eyes and it made me angry
. If I could keep it together, then why couldn’t she?

“You just want to get that hot little tongue of yours on my pink petal parts.” I leaned into her and she flinched. “I’m game
; let’s go fuck.”

“No
.” She looked like I had hit her. She had no right to look like the injured party.

“I finally want to fuck you and you snap your legs shut.”
I knew I was being a total bitch. I even knew Lena was the last person who deserved it, but I couldn’t stop.

“It wouldn’t be right
, Cass.” She looked so fragile and small. I pictured her being torn apart. It was sick, but I couldn’t shake it from my mind.

“I have to go.”

I had this desperate need to hurt her and I didn’t know why. She grabbed my arm, but I easily pulled away. I needed to get away from her. My alcohol-soaked brain wanted to do something self-destructive and I was all for it. I spotted Goliath leaning against a post by the dance floor. He was a regular and sometime bouncer. The man was about 6’5 and 250 pounds and he was no gentle giant. Rumor had it that he liked it rough and I felt the need for a little punishment.

I was almost
over to him when I looked back at Lena. My anger flared; she had pity plastered all over her face and that was the last thing I needed. She was my best friend. She was supposed to know what I needed. I slowly licked my lips and smiled before turning back to the hulk in front of me.

Pressing my body into his, I
looked up into his broad face. His eyes were fierce blue and his head was shaved clean. Piercings dotted his whole face, concentrating on his lips and above his eyes. His foot-long goatee brushed my forehead as he looked down at me.

“Hey
, Cass,” he said with a cat-who-ate-the-canary grin.

I
smiled and placed my hands on his chest. My heart was beating faster. I had no idea he knew my name. “This place is boring tonight.”

His eyes narrowed, sizing me up. “I have all kinds of remedies for that, but I’m not sure you could handle it.”

I pressed harder into his body; he was hard. My breath was coming faster. “Try me.” My voice was barely a whisper and I wondered if he even heard me.

“Once we start
, there is no stopping.”

“So make sure I can’t
.”

His eyes widen
ed and all of a sudden, I was against the post and he was leaning all his weight on me. His massive fingers gently stroked my cheek. He leaned down to speak into my ear. “You wouldn’t be teasing me, would you, because I have wanted to tap your ass for a long time. I just figured you were a little too vanilla for me.”

I took his beer and downed it. “No teasing
; maybe I am just tired of being vanilla. Are you willing to teach me?” This was not me speaking; this was a crazy person, yet I couldn’t shut up.

“Fuck
.” His mouth was on my neck, nipping me almost to the point of pain, and then tenderly kissing me. I moaned and arched my back.

“We’re leaving
,” he growled. We headed to the back of the bar. Goliath lived in the apartment upstairs. My BFF stood in front of the exit with her hands on her hips. Her jaw was clenched and her eyes narrowed. She was pissed.

“Beat it
, Goliath. You’re not taking her anywhere.” She had to crane her neck to look into his face.

“This isn’t any of your business
, Flea.”

“This is totally my business. Don’t try that dominant crap on me. I have nothing in me that makes me a bottom. Cass is vulnerable right now. You are going to do the right thing for once and walk away.”

“Hello, standing right here, capable of making my own decisions.” She was pissing me off. I didn’t need a babysitter.

“Re
ally, Cass, are you going to degrade yourself with this piece of shit?”

My head was spinning. I had wanted to go, but now I had time to think about it, I was having second thoughts. I couldn’t let Lena boss me around
, though. If I chickened out, then she was going to want to comfort me tonight and I wanted that less.

“
I am going upstairs.” I sounded much more sure than I was.

She turned to me
. “No, you’re not.” Then she turned to Goliath. “I haven’t graduated yet; that means I’m not supposed to use magic outside of the academy. It doesn’t mean I can’t.”

He looked down and shook his head. “You have a smoking body
, vanilla girl, but I’m not risking her coming after me.”

I was secretly relieved, but I wasn’t going to let Lena know that. “Fine
. There are braver men than you in this bar.” I tried to stomp off, but my roommate grabbed my wrist. She was freakishly strong for her size. “I can do this all night, Cass, or you can come home with me and sleep this off.”

Lena
was ready for another fight, but I couldn’t give her one. I loved her and I knew she was in my corner. I had treated her like a piece of shit and she never gave up on me. Lena was determined to take care of me and I didn’t have the strength to stop her.

We walked hand in hand back to our room. By the time we got
there, I was sober, I was sad, and I was really embarrassed. I felt beaten. I had no choice but to surrender. I had run as fast as I could and everything caught up to me anyway. Lena guided me to my bed and told me to stay before she left the room.

She returned carrying a bowl of hot water and a washcloth. She laid it on my bureau while she looked through my drawers. She was looking for PJs. I usually wore oversized t-shirts to bed. Dad had a huge collection people had bought him over the years
that he rarely wore, so I took them to school to sleep in. She finally settled on Homer Simpson drinking beer. Tears streamed down my face.

Feather kisses whispered across my forehead.
“Oh, sweetie, let it out. You can’t keep that inside and you can’t fuck it away. You have to feel it, a little at a time until you don’t feel so overwhelmed.”

I numbly shook my head like I could deny my grief
. Pulling off my top, she used it to wipe away my tears. Each cheek was lightly kissed and then she dipped the washcloth in the water and washed away my make-up. She helped me on with my PJs, and then I reached in and took off my bra without disturbing my shirt.

I couldn’t stop crying. The tears were dripping onto my lap. “Let me take care of you
, Cass. Just for the weekend. You can be tough again on Monday. I owe you. I need to do this.”

I looked at her
, confused. “Why do you owe me?” My voice was shaky and I wasn’t sure she understood me.

“I didn’t know what was going to happen. We
hugged, you left, and I didn’t get any sense of danger. I should have at least gotten a feeling. I could have warned you.” She pulled down my jeans and took a brush to comb out my hair.

“I don’t blame you
, Lena. I know you can’t control when you get visions. I don’t want you to think what happened to me is your fault.”

“What’s the good of having these
powers if we can’t use them to help people?”