Blood Beyond Darkness (15 page)

“Lorcan took it upon himself to find a way to ‘redeem’ our clan. The Queen told him she had a secret mission no one could ever know about, and if he completed the job, she would not only restore our legacy but inundate us with riches.”

I swallowed my sadness and anger. I knew what the mission was. Kill Aisling and me.

“Cole was against it. He and Lorcan got into a huge fight about who should be the true leader. Cole, in his anger, let it slip he would never choose Lorcan as his Second, and he wanted to nominate me. Let’s say Lorcan was not pleased. He ‘challenged’ me. I won.” Eli turned away from me and shoved his hand through his hair. It curled slightly at the ends.

“I should have known Lorcan wouldn’t let it lie. I don’t know if he thought fulfilling the quest would prove he was the proper leader or what, but he went on his own to accomplish the task. My gut told me to follow him
...” Eli paused, letting out a breath of air, and his shoulders lowered. “By the time I got there, he was already in Dark Dweller form, and Aisling lay on the floor.” He fell silent again and seemed to struggle with effort to continue. “When I got to the private quarters, Lily was trying to escape the castle with you. Lily figured I came there to kill you and Aisling. The Fox clan is Light Fae, and we are Dark. Our clans have never liked each other. Seeing me there only deepened her hatred. Her prejudice is probably rightfully earned, but not for that night. I wanted nothing to do with killing any royal Fay or baby. Unfortunately, the Dae who had killed my family, the woman named Brycin, stood with you guys. I reacted. I wanted to kill her for what she did to my family. I got distracted when I heard Aisling scream. The Dae slipped away with both you and Lily.”

His gaze fell on me. My focus broke away and targeted my shoes. My hair curtained my face, walling me from his penetrating eyes.

“Lily always had it wrong about me. By the time I got to Lorcan and Aisling, I was too late. Aisling put up a fight, and she wounded Lorcan enough to draw blood. As she lay there, she chanted something and wiped the blood from Lorcan across a small blanket she clutched. At the time I did not understand it, but now I know she was placing a curse on the Dark Dweller line and attaching it to you. This is why your family symbol reacts to us, especially Lorcan. It would respond to all Dark Dwellers, but mostly to Lorcan and me. We are of the same bloodline, blood spilled near your mother’s body the night of her death.”

My glance drifted up to Eli, and I let go of the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. “Then why did you tell me you killed her? Why did you lead me to believe you helped?”

His face contorted and his eyes became distant. “Just because I didn’t kill her doesn’t make me the good guy here. I want you to know this ... I didn’t try to save your mother because I had heart, or I suddenly became moral. I didn’t. I only tried to stop Lorcan because I knew the Queen was up to something, and it was a bad deal. I did it for
my
family. Lorcan likes to blame me for being the one who got us exiled to the Otherworld because I messed up the mission, but I knew we would be exiled no matter what, especially if we completed the assignment. The Queen could not kill us, but she did not want us around for liability reasons. What would happen if anyone ever found out she had her own sister killed? Instead, her popularity and power skyrocketed as she played the grieving Queen who lost her sister to the ruthless Dark Dwellers ... exactly how she planned it.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “I cannot say given different circumstances I would have acted differently than Lorcan. Your mother could have easily been another mother I killed on another night. We were assassins. That was who we were in the Otherworld. I won’t apologize for it.”

I tried to absorb the new revelation. Lars told me earlier that truth is a funny thing. A story is not one dimensional. Each has many layers and versions and realities. I couldn’t deny Eli’s truth changed my feelings, weakening my resistance to keep him distant.

No, Ember. Hating him will be easier.

“But I was a different person then. We have changed since being on Earth.
You
changed me.” He licked his bottom lip. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve never had someone who has completely undone me.” Eli sucked in a ragged breath. “I probably won’t ever do the right thing, but I won’t be without you. Not anymore.”

I blinked, clearing my eyes. “You could have told me.”

Eli snorted and shook his head. “Would it have made a difference? I was still there. I didn’t stop him.”

“But you could have told me you tried to save her.”

“I wasn’t saving her, Ember. I was saving
us
.” His hands flew to the middle of his chest, emphasizing his point.

“Whatever your reasons, you were still trying to stop Lorcan. You could have said
something, denied it,” I yelled back, aggravation assembling in me.

“I did,” Eli barked back. “You didn’t want to hear my side, remember?”

The night in the woods after the first time we were together, when Lorcan showed up, came hurtling into my mind.

“Is this true?” I asked, my voice catching in my throat. “D-Did you kill my mom?”

“Em, it’s not wha ...” Eli finally spoke.

I cut him off. “It’s not what, Eli? Did you or did you not kill my mother?”

“It’s not that simple.”

A crazed laugh burst from my lips. “Oh, I think it is that simple.”

I had a hard time trusting people and automatically thought the worst of them. I hadn’t let Eli explain. I jumped to a conclusion. Even if he had tried to explain, would I have listened? I probably wouldn’t have heard his version. I hadn’t been ready to hear the full truth, especially about Lily and my real mother. “What about after?”

He glanced away. “The first time you returned from the Otherworld, Lily wanted to talk to me, remember?”

I nodded, already knowing what was coming.

“She begged me not to say anything. She wanted to tell you in her own way. I agreed. It was not my place but hers to say something to you. We take oaths extremely seriously in the Otherworld. Until the truth came out, I could not reveal anything.”

“Why didn’t you tell her then? You could have at least told her the circumstances,” I yelled. “It could have relieved her of the hatred and pain she felt for you. All those months she had to watch you and me together, thinking you were Aisling’s killer and nearly mine.”

He rubbed his hand at the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know. I was angry at her, too. I felt no matter what I said she would not believe it anyway. She would think I said it so I could get into your pants.”

Suddenly all those strange expressions and odd comments that had passed between the Dark Dwellers and my mom made sense. I was no longer mad at her for keeping reality from me, and I was not upset she kept Eli from revealing the truth. It had been her place. Not his. But because Eli did not tell her, due to his pride and stubbornness, my mom went through months of silent torture. He was probably right—at that point she was too obstinate to hear his side. She probably would have thought it a lie.
Like mother, like daughter
.

Learning what Lily went through to get me out and protect me from Aneira helped me understand her choices. I also couldn’t be upset with her belief that Eli had helped kill Aisling. If I had seen a Dark Dweller blocking the hallway and attacking the Dae named Brycin, I would have come to the same conclusion. And Eli let her continue to believe it.

All the new information felt as if my thoughts were wandering through paste. Space. I needed space.

Being close to Eli didn’t help me think clearly. I had missed him. Too much. Rubbing my head, I went around him, the door within my grasp.

“Don’t walk away from me,” Eli boomed, his Alpha authority stopping me in my tracks.

“Don’t do that! Don’t you dare command
me!” I whirled on him, glaring. “Because you suddenly aren’t Aisling’s murderer doesn’t mean my feelings have abruptly changed. I need time.”

“No.”

“What?”

“I said no,” he growled.

“You don’t tell me no!”

“Yes, I will.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

“The best you can do is
because
?” My feet moved toward the door again. “
Because
is not good enough.”

“Because ... you are mine, Brycin.”

“I am no one’s property,” I hissed, keeping my gaze on the door.

There was a slight growl in his throat. “You. Are. Mine.”

Pain burst to my chest, my head slightly shaking. I reached for the doorknob.

A frustrated cry came from him. “
Ta gra agam ort
.” His words stormed out. The Gaelic phrase suspended my hand on the knob. I understood what he had said.

I love you.

My eyes grew wide, rounding back to face him. “What?”

“You heard me.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve
never
said those words to anyone ... and certainly never thought myself capable of it.”

There was a strained pause before I spoke softly, “How do I know it’s not because I have your blood?”

Eli frowned. “My blood creates a bond, but it does not create feelings. Let’s say, hypothetically, I gave my blood to Thara, I would know where she was, but it would not cause me to like her anymore.
Believe me
. That’s not how it works.”

His words were a mixture of fire and ice. Happiness and agony. I had waited so long to hear him say something even close to this. I understood a bit more why he reacted so harshly to me when I first told him I loved him: he didn’t think I would feel the same after I found out the truth. My heart didn’t work in such a way. If we stayed together or not, I would never stop loving him. I punched the wall as frustration suffocated me like a corset. “Dammit!”

Everything seemed so twisted and turned upside down. The man I loved finally told me he loved me back, and I was going to get him killed. Fucked up didn’t even begin to cover it.

I kicked and hit whatever stood in my way. “FUCK!” I screamed again. The release felt like a drug, and I needed more of it. Something in me snapped. My hands went for anything not nailed down, throwing, hitting, and kicking everything in Lars’ office. Books were torn from the shelves, chairs thrown across the room. My hands ripped the printer cords from the wall. The printer sailed into the air, hitting the door. Chips of paint and bits of plaster crumbled out of the dent it caused. Anger. Rage. The darkness, which still resided in me, was finding its way to the surface.

“Stop!” Eli grappled for my hands, trying to block me. Blood covered his palms. It took me a moment to realize the blood was mine, from cuts on my knuckles and palms.

“No, let go!” I tried breaking from his hold. He had no idea the sick twisted truth. Would I even be able to do it in the end? Choose between Eli and the world? Without my powers, it was like punching a cement wall. I didn’t like it. I let my beast rush to the surface. I shoved at Eli. Not expecting my Dweller strength, he stumbled back and crashed into the door He barely hit before he popped forward, coming for me again. His eyes glowed bright.

“
Damnú ort
!” He barreled into me, slamming me into the opposite surface. Air was crushed out of my lungs. My Dark Dweller flared further to life.

I didn’t want to be stopped. My fury sought to break, destroy, and tear apart everything in my sight. So much I needed to let out. So many emotions I could not handle. He stood in my
way. Literally. My knee came up, and he twisted to the side.

“I won’t fall for that one again,” he rumbled, forcing me harder against the wall. It only riled me more and ... turned me on. His green eyes flashed red as he took in a whiff of my hormones filling the room. My want for him only flamed the fire of my anger.

I kicked at him again, clawing against his hold. “Get off me!”

“Stop,” he roared. I could feel the authority in his words weighing heavily on my impulse to bite and hit him. Anger ballooned in my chest.

“Stop trying to control me.” I stomped my foot on his. His grip loosened, and I took advantage, kicking at the joint in his knee. His leg buckled, causing him to fall. I stepped hard on his calf and leaped over him. He grabbed my ankle in mid-air and tugged down. I dropped hard, and my shoulder slammed into the wooden floor as I spun.

The beast in both of us was becoming more apparent, though only one of us could fully change. Breathing heavy and growling, I kicked off his hold and jumped back up. He moved faster. He wrapped an arm around my waist and jerked me back, throwing me onto Lars’ desk. Papers scattered like butterflies off the desk.

“Stop,” he ordered.

I stilled as Eli’s hand went behind my head, sharply yanking me back. His eyes were now completely red and full of feral need. A sound came from his chest, as his knee pried my legs apart. His grip on my hair tightened, almost to a painful, thrilling level. My lungs pumped air quickly in and out. He brought my bloody knuckles to his mouth, licking them. Even the slightest graze of his skin on mine was hitting painful levels. He tilted my head, turning my face to his. His lips moved down, only a breath from mine.