Blood Beyond Darkness (21 page)

No matter what fate had in store for me, if I were crowned, the seat next to me would be vacant. Always. For the welfare of the Fay, I would have to go on. But every time I looked at Eli, I didn’t trust I could.

“What if I don’t want to be Queen?” I whispered.

Lars slammed his fist on the desk. “It doesn’t matter what you want. It is your destiny. You must accept it and run toward it with both arms, or we will fail,” Lars countered. “And you play a part, Elighan.”

“How can I help?” One eyebrow curved up on Eli’s face.

My hackles rose. Did Lars enjoy taunting me?

“You are the only one I trust to get her all the way inside. I know for a fact you will fight and kill anything standing in Ember’s way.”

Eli tipped his head in agreement.

The burden of what was coming weighed heavily on me. A minute ago I wanted to proclaim war and attack Aneira. Now I realized what the declaration meant: a fight to death. For all of us.

“Now we have the goal clear. Go. I have some business to do and need to deal with what has happened in New York and London.” He reached for the phone, his yellow-green eyes flashed brightly, a sign of anger. There was a faint tremble in his hand. I had been around Lars enough to know he hid his feelings, retaining a composed exterior to keep everyone else around him calm. He was anything but relaxed on the inside. Aneira’s taunt bothered him more than he let on.

Eli and I left his office, the screams of agony still echoing through my head and heart.

After leaving Lars, we found most everyone downstairs in the family room, continuing to watch the updates on the news.

The same footage of the devastation replayed over and over. There wasn’t much new except for a mounting death toll. Once again, I felt the weight of what happened descend on me, the blood coating my hands, because my powers had caused it. The pain I felt for those suffering consumed my soul, placing me into an immobilized state. I felt powerless. Useless. Aneira could destroy the world with a flick of her wrist. Who was I to stop her, especially now? She had my powers. And she would flatten us.

My attention strayed to the TV showing a child crying, dried blood crusted her blonde braids. After a moment, my heart could no longer listen to her wailing for her mother. It was too much. My throat closed, cutting back my air. My hand went to my chest as I rushed to my feet and left the room.

“Em?” I heard both Kennedy and Eli call after me.

I had no idea where I was going until I sought the safety of my bedroom, my own bubble of protection. I went around my bed to the windows, facing the world outside and leaned against it, breathing shallowly. The view spun, and I let my body slip to the floor.

Kennedy’s face swam into my vision. “This isn’t your fault.” She leaned down, putting her hands on my knees. “Breathe. Concentrate on me. On my eyes.” Her fingers dug into my jeans, which helped me focus. She mumbled something, and right away a slight numbness soothed the agony and cleared away the garbled mess in my mind.

“Did you just work your Druid mojo on me?”

“Yes. You were having a panic attack. I could see it coming, and it was not going to be pretty.” She rubbed my leg. “I understand why you feel what Aneira did is more on you than anybody else, but it is not your fault. You did not wreak the destruction we saw. Don’t let Aneira get into your head. We need you to be at your best. Aneira took your powers, but she did not take away who you are.”

“I feel like those powers are who I am.”

Kennedy shook her head. “No. They add to you, but they are not you. You are much more than your abilities.”

Tears gathered under my lids. Eli had said something similar.

“You are the girl I befriended in junior high who is strong and feisty, loves deeply, and will fight to the death for those she cares about. That is who you are. You are the person I love and have missed so much.” She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose, and her brown eyes filled with tears.

I lurched forward, hugging Kennedy. “I’ve missed you so much, too. I hate you being mad at me. It’s something I hadn’t experienced before and never want to again. I love you so much.”

Kennedy sniffled, and her arms enfolded me. “Today gave me a huge dose of perspective. I was being silly. Right now all I care about is both you and Ryan are alive and in my life. All the rest can kiss my ass.”

I jerked back, my eyes wide with mocking shock. “Kennedy ... you swore.”

She giggled through a weepy snuffle and sat back on her heels. “Yep, I mean it that much.”

“Shit suddenly got serious.”

We both broke into hiccups and giggles. The release felt better than any drug could provide. Sometimes in the most tragic or sad situations, laughter was a necessity.

When we calmed somewhat, Kennedy moved next to me, leaning back against the bed. “Today made me realize I want to do something. Even if it’s really foolish.”

“What?”

“See Ryan.” Kennedy curled her hands in her lap. “I know Lars will deny us, but I need to see him. To hug him. He can’t come back here, so the only thing I can do is go to him.”

I related to the urge to go to our friend, but I shook my head. “Ken, I did and was almost killed by the Strighoul. It’s too dangerous.”

Did those words actually come out of my mouth?

Kennedy pivoted her head to look at me. “I know, but when did it ever stop you before?”

“
Uhhhh ... good point.”

“
Em, please.” The need in her voice sounded palpable.

“Fine. Fine.” I stared at the ceiling in defeat. “I don’t have the right to tell you not to do anything.”

The idea of seeing Mark, Ryan, and my mom developed in my head. A slow smile came to my lips. “Let’s do it.”

Her whole face lit up.

I winced at the reality of doing it. “Problem. There is no way I can go without Eli knowing. He will have me chained down in the basement faster than I can blink. And not in the fun way.”

Kennedy twisted back away from me, her gaze going to the outside. “Yeah, those Dark Dwellers make it hard to get away with anything.” She frowned, and her eyes narrowed.

I couldn’t decipher her expression. My gut told me she wasn’t talking about Jared.

“They are a pain in the butt.”

Kennedy nodded, her gaze faraway.

We sat in silence as a smile grew over my lips. “My birthday is tomorrow
...”

Kennedy’s head popped up, a conspirator glint sparkled in her eyes. “The birthday girl should get to do what she wants.”

“And I want to have a party with my friends and parents in the Otherworld.”

“Good luck.” Gabby’s voice spoke from the door. She stomped into the room and flopped across my bed, resting her chin between me and Kennedy.

Since our time in Greece, she seemed a lot more comfortable hanging around us. Deep down I knew she enjoyed the girl time, even if she would never claim the fact.

“Come on, Gab, it’s not like you are a rule follower.” I craned my neck to look at her.

“No, but I like my life, and Eli would kill me if he found out I knew and let you girls go.”

I shrugged. “And Eli knows I do what I want. No one
lets
me do anything.”

Gabby snorted.

“Besides, I’m planning to tell Eli. I can’t get far without him knowing anyway.”

“You think he’ll be okay with it? After last time?” Gabby turned on her side and propped her head on her hand. “I thought we were going to have to commit him. You are about as dumb as an imp if you think he will agree to your leaving.”

I grinned. “I have my ways of persuasion.”

Gabby’s eyebrows arched.

“Okay, they’re called blackmail and guilt.”

“Now, that is a true Fae answer.” Gabby picked at imaginary lint on my pillow, her demeanor becoming shy and hesitant. It looked all wrong on her. Especially in her punk-rock
outfit, dyed purple and black hair, and knee-high, shit-kicker boots. “I’ll back you with Eli if ...” a trace of blush spread across her cheeks. I hadn’t seen her blush or get embarrassed. Ever.

“If what?” I encouraged, curious as to what I could offer her and what would cause her to react this way.

“If ... if you could find out if Alki is seeing anyone and maybe put in a good word for me. I know it’s a bad time ... but all that’s happening made me think ... you know?”

My jaw slackened. “Was not expecting that.”

She continued to pluck at the pillow, her face flaming.

“I’m sorry. The voices in my head were jabbering loudly because I could have sworn you asked me for a favor to talk you up to my sexy Demon trainer, Alki?” I patted my ears.

“Yeah, yeah. Go ahead, enjoy yourself,
páiste gréine
.”

“Oh, I will.” I rubbed my hands together. Kennedy giggled beside me. It felt good to break away from the gut-wrenching tragedy and simply be girls for one moment.

Gabby rolled her eyes but smiled softly. She must really like him to take any kind of teasing from me.

“Okay, I will help you with Alki, but instead of helping me with Eli, you have to keep Lars distracted while we go to the Otherworld.”

She frowned, contemplating my deal. She sat up, her legs tucked underneath her. “Agreed.”

Before I considered the Gabby-Alki arrangement, I needed to talk to Eli. I found him hanging out in Cooper and West’s room. They probably needed a break from watching the bleakness of what was happening across the country and world. Something I keenly understood. The need for the comfort of friends and family in a time like this was powerful. The desire to feel his arms around me tingled in my veins, drawing me to Eli.

West called to me as I stepped into the doorway. “Hey, darlin'! Always nice to see your gorgeous figure walk through my door.”

I smiled, leaning against the frame. West lounged on his bed. Eli lay against the wall on the other end, and Cooper stretched out fully on his bed across from them.

“Let me guess. You didn’t know Eli was here, and you were coming here secretly for me?” West winked.

A suggestive smile curved my lips. “Eli who?”

Cooper and West both laughed. It got quiet again, my focus still directed on West. Eli cleared his throat.

“Oh, Eli. Hi. Didn’t see you there.” I feigned embarrassment. He simply snickered, shaking his head.

I leaped from the door, crashed onto the bed between the two men and tackled them. “Doggie pile,” Cooper shouted and jumped on top of me. The springs and I both groaned in retaliation.

“In this case it’s not far from the truth,” I squeaked under the weight of men on me. Their answer was to tickle me. I wiggled against them, trying to get away. “Stop. Stop.” I laughed. Like two older brothers and a man who lived to torment me, they didn’t. They ignored my pleas.

Finally, I slithered off the bed onto the floor, getting away from them. I pulled down the hem of my top, which had crept up while trying to escape. Panting, I tried to catch my breath. “You guys are so not fair.”

“What would be the fun in that?” West scooted back, propping himself against the wall.

Cooper stood and got out from between his two large brothers. “Fair would be you getting naked.”

Eli chuckled as he moved to the edge of the bed, his feet on the uneven wood planks. He leaned his elbows on his legs. As I stood up, Eli grabbed my belt loops and tugged me between his legs. “Need something?”

I nodded.

“All right, boys, I’ll see you at training later.” Eli stood, his fingers still curled around my pants.

“Again?” Cooper’s head fell back in anguish.

“What can I say? Duty calls.” Eli smacked Cooper on the shoulder while herding me out the door.

“West, I say we go get drunk and find some deviously horny Dark Fae women,” Cooper’s voice followed us out of the cabin.

“Sounds like a brilliant plan.” I heard West chuckle.

I led Eli from the cabins toward the forest. We stopped at the edge of the woods. “You know it’s my birthday tomorrow.”

“Wow, it must be a favor big.” He crossed his arms.

“Since I can’t lie to you like a normal person, I have to try the honest, but in a full-of-shit, flattery way.”

Eli’s mouth quirked into a side grin. “Get to the point, Brycin.”

“Kennedy and I both want to go to the Otherworld to visit Ryan.” Seeing the frown cross his face, I held up my hand, stopping him before the rebuttals started. “Like I said, it’s my birthday, and I would really, really like to have a dinner with my family and friends. Like regular people do.”

Eli stepped closer to me. “First, we are anything but normal; second, there is no way Lars will let you.”

“Already taken care of.”

His forehead crunched in surprise. “He’s allowing you to leave?”

“Honestly? No, but I have someone who’s going to distract him for me.”

“Who did you cajole into agreeing to do the impossible?”

“Gabby.”

“What?” The shock on his face looked comical. “How the hell did you get her to go along with your scheme?”

“The secret’s between us. Just know I did.” I felt a smirk spread across my face. “And I’m not asking for your permission. I thought I would tell you beforehand instead of you finding out when I disappeared from your radar. This way you won’t send out a search party and get Lars involved.”

Frustration lined his forehead. “Only you and Kennedy?”

I nodded.

His brow furrowed deeper. He pressed his lips together and glowered at the ground. Neither of us spoke. A deep, heavy exhale came out before he spoke. His voice low and commanding. “Being an Alpha, I always have to think for the group. Whatever I do concerns them. Good or bad.”

“O ... kay.”

He rubbed his hand through his hair. “The point I am getting at is you need to realize you are no longer alone. You are with me. You are in a clan. You have a family ... several actually. Everything you do, say, or don’t say affects them. It affects me.”

I glanced at my feet. He was right. I wasn’t used to checking in with people or thinking for anyone other than myself. I had always been independent. But after my mom’s so-called murder, I had become an island, letting no one in, except Mark. But even with him, I kept some distance. Now my solitary island had bridges to all these other places, and I could no longer merely think of myself.

My shoulders fell with a heavy slump.

“Hey.” Eli placed his hands on my face, bringing my head back up. “I suppose since it is your birthday, you can do something foolish and precarious.”

My grin stretched greedily over my face. I pushed up on my toes and kissed him. “Thank you.”

“I am always ready for wicked behavior. You just have to include me.”

“I did.”

“No, you told me, but you weren’t including me.”

I leaned back, really taking him in. “You want to go with me and hang out with my mother and Torin?”

“I think it’s time Lily and I come to an understanding.”

I blinked in shock. “We’re going to be sitting around a dinner table, and you will have to talk to people.”

“Will there be alcohol?”

“Of course. And knowing my mom, there will be cake.”

“Then I want to be there for your birthday.”

The words felt strange coming from his mouth. I suspected he actually didn’t want to be there, but he was doing it for me. Talking to my mom was also for me. I doubted he cared if he were on my mom’s good side, but he knew I did.

“Be careful, Dragen, the dark horse you’re riding on is developing white spots.”

His eyes narrowed, and a deep growl gargled from him. He grabbed me and pressed my back into a giant boulder. My pulse zipped through my veins at the thrill of his actions. In the far distance I saw figures moving, practicing drills.

“People can see us.”

Eli shoved me harder against the rock, pinning my arms back. “I am a beast. I don’t care.” His eyes turned red, his breath hot on my neck as he leaned in. “Don’t forget what I really am and become complacent with me or think I’m someone I’m not. Ever.”

Later I found Alki heading for the training field. His face seemed tired, a look I had never seen on him. Dark smudges circled his eyes, and his shoulders were starting to droop. I suspected one of his powers was he could fight endlessly without tiring. The amount of people he trained, day in and day out, would have any other Fae keeled over after the first day or so. It had been weeks, and he only now started to show signs of exhaustion.

My legs caught up with his pace.

“Grab your sword. You need to train more.” He scowled at me.

I turned toward the field. Thousands of Seelie and Unseelie mingled in clusters, swinging axes and swords. Fae were mostly old-fashioned in battle, still preferring swords to guns or their own teeth and claws to either. There would be a few on the field who didn’t follow those rules, but for the most part, it seemed like a strange honor code. To them, it was a truer fight if you could beat someone with your own hand than by a bullet.

“Actually, I came to offer help.” I huffed and had to run to match his brisk pace.

Alki slowed. “You want to help me train the soldiers?”

“Not me. I have someone else in mind.”

“Koke is helping me.”

“You are training over a thousand Fae at all hours of the day and night.
Koke and you could use some help, especially for those bodies who can change into weapons.”

Alki’s eyebrows curved up slightly at me. “And who do you recommend?”

“Gabby.” I practically shouted her name. “She would be perfect to assist with the shifters, helping them train to be more lethal in combat.” My plan might not to work, but I wasn’t about to pass him a note asking him to check the box if he thought Gabby was cute.

Alki stopped and rounded on me. “You want a Dark Dweller to assist me?”

The request was as awkward for him as it felt to me. “Um ... yeah. She’s an incredible fighter.” His narrowed eyes told me he wasn’t falling for it. “Never mind, you’re right. You and Koke have everything covered. I am sure we will be ready for war with two people training hundreds of different types of Fae, totaling over thousands.” I nodded and stepped back. “Sorry to bother you.”

Either he would ignore me or take the bait. It was up to Gabby now. Matchmaking and being indirect were not my specialties.

Eli and I walked to meet Kennedy. In the distance a tall figure stood next to her. The evening shadows kept the person’s features hidden. My first instinct assumed it was Jared, but quickly I realized the person was far too tall and powerfully built to be Jared.

My stomach plummeted to the ground. I grabbed Eli’s arm, knowing he could smell who it was. He stiffened under my touch; a low growl discharged from his chest.

“Easy, little brother,” Lorcan’s voice seeped calmly into the evening air. “I am not here to cause a problem.”

“Then why are you?” Eli’s shoulders muscles compressed together.

“I’m here to keep Kennedy safe if anything happens.”

Eli and I came to a stop only a few feet away from Kennedy and Lorcan.

“I can take care of it,” Eli gritted out.

“I am not saying you can’t, but if a group of Strighoul comes after Emmy again, who will you protect?”

“Hey!” My hands went to my hips. “I am not a damsel here and neither is Kennedy. We can take care of ourselves.”

Lorcan’s smug smile hitched his lips higher. “I never said you were a damsel. I’ve heard you are quite the tiger.” His unsaid implication of “in bed” sat heavily at the end of his sentence. “But you know without your powers, you can’t help as much as you’d like. And Kennedy’s powers aren’t for hurting people. Hers are to heal and protect.”

“I said he could come.” Kennedy shuffled her feet. “Lorcan’s right. I can’t fight like you guys can, and if something did happen, I trust he will have my back.”

Trust? Lorcan?
Those two words didn’t belong in the same sentence.

“What about Jared?” I asked.

Kennedy frowned. “He was training and seemed quite happy there. I thought it would be better if he stayed. If we do come across trouble, I know he can’t change like you two can.” She motioned at Lorcan and Eli. “I don’t want Jared to get hurt. I could not live with myself if anything happened to him.” Her words sounded sincere, as though she meant every syllable. There was little doubt she loved Jared. Her feelings toward him didn’t take away from the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach there was some connection between Kennedy and Lorcan. Whether it was only a shared respect or more, I couldn’t tell.

I shifted my weight. My mouth opened to refute the need for Lorcan, when he cut me off.

“I understand your wariness of me, Ember. I killed Aisling. It is a plain and simple fact, but I will not apologize for what I did. To me it was a job. It might seem cold and heartless to you, but it’s how we were then. Even your boy here cannot be excluded. Eli killed a lot of people, too. Someone’s mother or father.”

It was true, and I was being a hypocrite, but it felt different because Lorcan killed
my
mother.

“I’m not going to ruin your night and go inside. I know Lily would have my head served as the entree. I’m planning on staying outside, keeping guard like the good little obedient beast I am.”