Blood Loss (28 page)

She lifted her head up slowly, and looked at Gary.

You are very, very handsome.

‘I’m OK,’ said Ren. ‘I think.’ She pressed her fingers along her eye socket. ‘Ow.’

‘That’s a black eye,’ said Gary. ‘And stitches.’

‘And it didn’t even happen in the line of duty …’ said Ren.

‘It’s your duty to drive well,’ said Gary. ‘What the hell happened?’

‘I … have no idea, I was just pulling out, I didn’t see anything … I didn’t think there was a car there. I don’t know. I’m so sorry, Gary. I can’t believe this. I’ve never crashed in my entire life …’

They both unhooked their seatbelts and got out to check the damage.

‘It’s not a Safe Streets car, that much I know,’ said Gary. ‘I’ll call it in.’

‘Thank you. I’m so sorry.’

‘Let’s get you to a hospital, get checked out,’ said Gary.

‘No,’ said Ren.
I want to curl into a ball and cry.

‘Come on,’ said Gary, ‘let’s get you fixed up.’

Tall order, Mr Dettling. Tall order.

Ren sat on the sofa in Annie Lowell’s house with a glass of water in her hand and a packet of painkillers minus four beside her. The doorbell rang. She went into the hall and opened the door to Ben Rader.

‘Wow,’ he said.

‘I know,’ said Ren. ‘Not the prettiest of pictures.’ Six dissolvable stitches had zipped her cheek wound closed. She had a black left eye.

‘Does it hurt?’ said Ben.

‘Not when numbed by narcotics, no.’

He gave her a long hug. ‘You’re my height again,’ he said. He glanced down at her bare feet.

‘Don’t get used to it,’ said Ren. She kissed him. ‘Thank you so much for coming, so late.’

‘Of course I was going to come,’ he said. ‘I was worried about you. How was Gary?’

Ren made a face. ‘Not my pal.’

‘It was an accident,’ said Ben. ‘Accidents happen.’

‘I wasn’t really paying attention,’ said Ren.

‘I didn’t come over here to listen to you beat yourself up. I actually came here to be your knight in shining armor. Even though I know I won’t even get sex in return.’

‘What makes you think that?’ said Ren.

Ben walked down the small hallway. ‘It’s such a cool place,’ he said. He turned back to her. ‘But I came to the conclusion last time I was here that we would never have sex under this roof.’

Ren laughed.

‘It would be too weird, right?’ said Ben.

‘How do you even know that I’d think that?’ said Ren.

Ben shrugged. ‘Same as I know I bet your bedroom here is pink and frilly.’

‘Frilly – I love it.’
Did he go up into my room?

‘And before you ask, no, I did not snoop up there.’

Freaky.

They went into the living room and Ben sat on the sofa. Ren stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves.

‘I was looking for a book to read on the flight,’ she said. She checked her watch. ‘Which is about four hours away.’ She crouched down. ‘This is an amazing collection.’

She slid a small, blue-covered hardback from one of the shelves.

‘I was expecting a cloud of dust,’ said Ben. ‘That was kind of an anti-climax.’

‘Em, you have noticed that the place is clearly cleaned maniacally every week?’

‘I’m not saying the place is dirty,’ said Ben. ‘Just – it’s an old bookshelf, like something out of a movie. Or maybe a book …’

Ren smiled. She stood up, and opened the cover. She read the inscription, holding her hand to her heart.

‘Oh my God,’ she said.

‘What?’ said Ben. ‘Is it worth millions of dollars?’

‘Annie’s been a widow most of her life,’ said Ren. ‘She adored her husband, never looked at another man since he died.’ She held up the book. ‘He obviously sent her this as a gift,’ said Ren. ‘In 1952. He must have been away somewhere.’ She looked up at Ben. ‘If I read this out loud, I may not make it to the end, I’m warning you.’

To my beloved Annie,

Since we met, I don’t know the measure of anything. Folks talk of the beauty of a golden sunset, or the joy of sweet birdsong on a summer morning, or the wonder of a roaring waterfall.

But you are beautiful, Annie, and you are wonderful, and you are joyful. Is there any more beauty or joy or wonder to spare?

If there is, the answer is two months and four days away. For the golden sunsets, the sweet birdsong, and the roaring water will come to life for me only when you are by my side, only when they can draw from your endless reserves.

My dearest Annie, just as you are beautiful, wonderful and joyful, I am thankful and I am grateful.

Your ever-love,

Edward

Ren sat down on the sofa beside Ben. He put his arm around her. He didn’t say a word. He leaned forward, and pulled a Kleenex from the box on the table in front of them.

Ren took it from him. ‘Thanks,’ she said.

‘That was for me,’ said Ben.

Ren laughed through the tears.

‘I’m serious,’ he said. ‘You’re a heartless one.’

She looked up at him. ‘I thought you were joking,’ she said. ‘You sensitive soul.’

‘But, love is amazing,’ said Ben.

There’s a lot to be said for an untroubled man.

‘I slept with someone else,’ said Ren.

Ben looked at her. ‘Really?’

‘Yes,’ said Ren. ‘And I feel terrible about it.’

‘Why?’ said Ben.

‘Why did I do it or why do I feel terrible?’ said Ren.

‘Why do you feel terrible?’

Uh-oh
. ‘Because … of you.’

‘Well, don’t,’ said Ben.

‘OK, but I can’t help it,’ said Ren.

‘Who was it?’ said Ben.

‘Someone from before,’ said Ren. ‘Someone … I had unfinished business with.’

‘Did sleeping with him finish the business?’ said Ben.

‘Yes,’ said Ren, ‘the business is wound up, the shutters are down, the auditors have been and gone, there were rumors of fraud, but it turns out it was ultimately unfounded, and really, the business never stood a chance, and was probably only two silent partners who had more important businesses elsewhere, but were loyal to their little start-up that never really started-up.’

‘Is there potential for a new start-up, do you think?’ said Ben.

‘I do think,’ said Ren.

Ben smiled. ‘Good.’ He paused.

‘How come you’re cool with this?’ said Ren.

‘Because I know why you did it.’

‘Well, I don’t …’

‘Because you like me, and you don’t really want to, so sleeping with someone else was your way of seeing how you really felt about me, or him, or both of us … I don’t know …’

Ooh.

He smiled. ‘Rader: 1. Louderback: 0.’

‘Oh, God,’ said Ren. ‘Take that to your grave.’

‘It’s in a grave, trust me.’

‘I do,’ said Ren.

‘Paul Louderback, though … I don’t really get it.’

Ren laughed.

‘I’m sorry,’ said Ben. He took her hands and looked her in the eye. ‘It’s OK to care about someone. No-one’s going to die.’

Shut. Up.
‘I know. Thanks. And I really am sorry. It’s just … that letter was beautiful, and I …’
… am not. And I love that kind of love. And I need everything to be perfect and if it isn’t … I can’t bear it. I can’t believe in it. It scares the crap out of me. I need you to know what you’re letting yourself in for. I can’t have you thinking I’m better than I am. Because I’m a piece of shit. And really, you should know better. And weren’t you trained to have better instincts? And …

Ben kissed her, and took her in his arms. ‘There’s no need to sabotage this.’

Ren slept on the flight to Atlanta, and slept on the flight to Sarasota. It was an exercise in anthropology watching people’s reaction to her facial injury as she walked through the airports.

She rented a car and drove to Armand Circle where she was meeting Shep Collier in a restaurant called Venezia. She found him sitting in the corner with a coffee. He was dressed suitably expensively in tones of beige and cream. When he reached out to shake Ren’s hand, she could smell lemon cologne.

‘Thank you for meeting me,’ she said.

He nodded. ‘That’s not a problem.’ He called the waiter over and ordered them coffee.

‘Excuse my appearance,’ said Ren. ‘I had a minor car issue last night.’

‘It looks sore,’ said Collier.

‘It is.’

‘So, what can I help you with?’ said Collier.

‘I don’t have a lot of time,’ said Ren. ‘I know that whatever is going on, you must be under incredible pressure, or in danger. I can’t see another reason why you would lie to your family, to the entire nation, and to the FBI.’

His face stayed impassive. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

Ren leaned in to him. ‘I spoke with Tina Bowers. That girl is frightened …’
Or naively buoyant, one or the other
.

Collier blinked. ‘She is seventeen years old, and she’s been embroiled in a national scandal. Of course she’s frightened.’

‘It’s more than that,’ said Ren.

‘I’d rather not talk about Tina Bowers,’ said Collier. ‘There is nothing more that I can say to you about her.’

‘Think of Mark Whaley’s wife and children,’ said Ren. ‘I presume you looked up the story after we last spoke.’

Collier nodded.

‘I don’t believe that Mark Whaley murdered Shelby Royce,’ said Ren. ‘I believe he was set up. There was no evidence at first, but now it appears that there may be …’

‘I just don’t know how I can help you,’ said Collier.

‘You didn’t sleep with Tina Bowers, Mr Collier.’

Something in his face changed. ‘Why would I admit to sleeping with an underage prostitute if I hadn’t?’

‘Well, you tell me,’ said Ren. ‘She said that she didn’t sleep with you.’

‘She hasn’t gone on the record with this …’ said Collier.

‘You seem very sure of that,’ said Ren.

‘My lawyer would have informed me.’

That or you know the ruthlessness of the people behind this.

‘I am
not
giving up on this,’ said Ren.

Collier stared at her, for what seemed like minutes. ‘I said everything I have to say one month ago …’ He paused. ‘I was standing in front of the whole country, and I thought that was it, that was the end. I just can’t have this coming into my home any more. My family is too important to me. I love my wife too much.’

His eyes were boring into Ren’s, she could feel the intensity.

Something is going on here. What the hell is it?

‘I’m sorry I can’t help you,’ said Collier.

‘I can’t say that this will end here,’ said Ren. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Well, I can only hope,’ said Collier. ‘It’s difficult for a man like me to lose control over events in his life.’ He paused. ‘If just
one person
could take another look at what it was that first impressed them about me … well, it would be a positive step. Who knows what that could lead to?’

‘Thank you for your time, Mr Collier,’ said Ren.

Ren ran to the rental car and jumped inside. She grabbed her notebook from her purse. Paul Louderback’s advice came back to her: ‘write everything down verbatim: skim over what an interviewee is telling you and you miss vital verbal clues.’

It was simple advice that had been implanted early on, and reinforced constantly by Gary Dettling in UC training.

You can’t pull a notebook out during a drug deal.

Ren wrote down as much as she could remember of what Shep Collier said to her. She shoved the notebook in her bag, put the car in gear, and made it to the airport in half the time it had taken her to get to the restaurant.

She checked in, went to the airport shop, and bought two boxes of candy. She sat in the lounge and began to read what she had written. She underlined, she separated phrases, she closed her eyes, she remembered the nuances in his delivery: where he paused, when he stared.

She finished by writing out again the words she believed that Shep Collier wanted her to hear.

“I said everything I have to say one month ago. I was standing in front of the whole country.”

He’s talking about his press conference. When he resigned, a month ago …

‘I just can’t have this coming into my home any more.’

Whatever ‘this’ is, he is protecting his family.

‘It’s difficult for a man like me to lose control over events in his life.’

What he’s gone through is out of his hands.

‘If just
one person
could take another look at what it was that first impressed them about me … ’

Me! He didn’t mean his voters
. His eyes had riveted hers. And the first thing that had impressed Ren about him was his resignation speech. She had told him that on the phone.

‘I was impressed by parts of your resignation speech. They didn’t sound scripted.’

He had ended today with:
‘ … it would be a positive step. Who knows what that could lead to?’

Holy shit. Whatever ‘this’ is, if I can work that out, it would be a step forward, it would lead to something.

Ren pulled out her laptop, and fired it up. Her flight was being called.

No. No. No. Not now.

She went on line, she opened YouTube. She searched for Shep Collier’s press conference. Then she heard her name being called out over the tannoy.

No. I have something I have to watch right now.

Ren heard her name again. She looked up at the desk, and the three uniformed staff members with their bored faces, filing things away, shutting things down, and stretching a piece of fabric from one pole to another to stop anyone …

Ren slammed the laptop shut and ran for the desk.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

‘Have you got Wi-Fi on board?’ said Ren as she held out her ticket.

The attendant looked at her as if to say, ‘You barely have a seat.’

‘No, ma’am,’ she said.

‘Shit,’ said Ren. ‘I’m sorry, but shit.’

‘Ma’am, you really will have to make your way to the aircraft.’ A fake smile stretched across her face.

I want to punch you all. You assholes.

The plane landed at Denver airport and Ren ran. She found a bank of seats and sat down. She pulled out her laptop. Beside her, a mother leaned forward suddenly and picked up her son who had been whining on the floor in front of her. For a moment, Ren wondered if the woman thought she looked dangerous, with her black eye and air of panic, but she was focused only on her son. She stood the little boy in front of her, and held his shoulders.