Bloodchild (27 page)

"No," Colleen said defiantly, "I don't."

She rushed past her and down the hall to the stairs. She found Harlan sitting at the dining-room table, looking as distracted as he had when she had first come home. He was chewing lazily on a piece of bread.

"Harlan, you've got to go upstairs," Colleen said.

"What is it?" he asked, not much animation in his face.

"Dana doesn't look well to me. I think she's very sick."

"Well, what does the nurse say?"

"She says she's all right, just tired. But I don't believe her, Harlan. She's wrong. She's not a good nurse. She may be a good cook, but she's not a good nurse," Colleen insisted.

"Now, Colleen, I told you—"

"Something's not right, Harlan," she said with determination. "You don't have to be a nurse to know when someone looks terrible. Go see for yourself. She's as pale as a ghost and she can't even keep her eyes open. I don't think she knew who I was!" she added, her arms out for emphasis.

He stared at her a moment and then took a deep breath. "All right," he said, standing up. "You sit down and start to eat, and I'll look into it. What we don't need now is any more hysteria."

"Okay, I'll stay here and be calm if you'll just go up and look at Dana," she said, taking her seat, He shook his head and left. A little more than five minutes later he returned and took his seat again. She waited while he poured himself some wine. "Well?"

"I went in. She was sitting up in bed talking to Nurse Patio, going over the menu for the week. The nurse is a nutritionist, you know, so she's planning foods that will help build Dana up."

"But how did she look? How did she act?"

"She's a little tired. As the nurse explained, the baby was difficult today, so it's not unusual. Yes, she's pale, but not any more than she has been. The nurse says that will go away soon. She's building up her blood, giving her vitamins, but as far as her not being able to recognize anyone…"

"She didn't respond when I said hi. And then when she looked at me—"

"Yeah. She says she's sorry, but she was just waking up from a long nap. Let's start on this stuff before it gets too cold," he said, lifting the cover off the silver serving dish. "Smells delicious."

Colleen watched him serve himself the food.

"What about Dana? When does she eat?"

"She ate already. The nurse brought it up to her."

"She can't even get out of her bed," Colleen said. "Don't you see—"

"All right, already," he said. He slammed the lid of the tray down. "I told you, she's getting better. We have a nurse here. You don't have to like her. It's not important whether or not you like her, as long as she does her job. I'm tired of all this," he said.

The tears came to her eyes quickly. She shook her head. Then she got up from the table and ran out of the room.

"Colleen!"

She didn't respond. She bounded up the stairs to her bedroom and slammed the door. For a moment she just stood there. Then she flopped on her bed and began to cry, pausing when she heard the nurse's footsteps go by her door and down the stairs. She wiped her face and lay back against her pillow. The fatigue and tension had made her eyelids heavy. She kept them closed, and in seconds she was asleep.

A gentle knocking on her door woke her. She looked at her Garfield clock and realized she had been sleeping for nearly two hours.

"Who is it?" she called.

"Audra. Are you all right?"

"Oh. Come on in, Audra," Colleen said, and swung her legs out over the bed. "Hi."

"Aren't you feeling well?" Audra asked. She stood just inside the doorway, her arms full of books and notebooks.

"I'm okay. Just tired. Come in and close the door." Audra did so quickly. "Sit down," Colleen said, indicating the desk chair.

"Your brother said you weren't feeling well before, but he said it would be all right to come up to see you."

"I'm all right. He's the one who's not all right. How did he look to you?" she asked with interest. Audra shrugged.

"The same, I guess. What's supposed to be wrong with him?"

"He's been hypnotized by that… that nurse," Colleen said. "Did you see her?" she asked quickly, her eyes wide.

"You mean Rose Patio? She greeted me at the door."

"What's so funny?" Colleen asked, seeing the big smile form on Audra's face.

"I must have looked terribly shocked. I didn't know there was a nurse here, and my first thought was that something had happened to you. The nurse was amused by my expression, I guess. Anyway, she introduced herself, explained why she was here, and took me to see Harlan. I thought she was very nice."

"God, she's horrible. How can you not see that?" Audra shrugged again. "You're so oblivious to everything," Colleen said sharply. "You're too damn trusting and too nice to people who are stabbing you behind your back."

"Maybe," Audra said, unperturbed by Colleen's outburst, "but these people are the ones to be pitied, riot me. They're the ones who are suffering."

"Huh?"

"They're in some mental anguish, otherwise they wouldn't be so belligerent and hurtful."

"I can't stand it," Colleen said, looking away. At this moment Audra's sweet smile and gentle, hopeful eyes were annoying. Colleen needed an ally, someone to commiserate with and share her outrage. Instead she had all-forgiving, all-loving Audra. "My sister-in-law is very sick, but my brother thinks Nurse Patio is doing everything right. Whatever she says, goes."

"Oh. Well, a nurse should know a lot more than we do about it," Audra said. "I can understand why your brother feels that way. What does Dana think?"

"She doesn't think. She's exhausted, sick," Colleen said. "Jesus," she added.

"You should pray for her," Audra said. "I'll pray for her."

Colleen looked at her innocent friend and laughed. She shook her head and went to the window. She had forgotten that the window looked down on the shed. Instantly the vivid recollection of Jillian's ugly corpse flashed across her eyes. She moaned and covered her face with her hands.

"Colleen?"

"It's all right, it's all right. Look, I'm a lot more tired than I thought. Maybe we'll go over this tomorrow. I think I'll take one more day off from school."

"Of course. I'll come over after school tomorrow if you like, and bring the additional work. I have everything written out for you on this notepad," she added, and tore the sheet out of the small pad. "I'll leave it for you, and if you feel better during the day tomorrow, you can start to catch up."

"Thanks." She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Audra."

"Oh, there's nothing for you to be sorry about." She stared at Colleen for a long moment, until Colleen realized why.

"I'm still wearing your cross. It's under my blouse. The last time I wore it outside, it bothered the baby."

"Oh?"

"Yeah," Colleen said, anxious to drive home a point that Audra might appreciate, something that would show her the negative side of the nurse. "The baby cried just as he did when he first saw you, and the nurse said it was because of the cross, because the light reflected off it and frightened him. How do you like that? She even has Dana believing it."

"Gee, I never thought of that. I'm sorry if it's true."

"It's not true, dammit. It's stupid. Don't you see?" she said, the frustration turning her face red. She extended her arms toward the floor. "Maybe the nurse doesn't like it, so she said that. Maybe she hates God," Colleen added, her eyes looking angry.

"But the baby did cry," Audra responded softly. "I suppose it doesn't hurt not to wear it out in front of him for a while," she said.

Colleen kept her arms extended and her neck stiff for a moment and then relaxed her body. She shook her head and then nodded, as if she were getting advice from an unseen source.

"What's the use?" Colleen said. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, Audra. Thanks for the work," she said, turning from her.

"You're more than welcome. I'm sorry you're not feeling well yet." She started for the door. "Oh," she said. "Isn't it wonderful about the game? I heard Teddy was fantastic."

"Yes, he was," Colleen said, her voice softer. Her heart felt lighter when she thought about Teddy. And he was supposed to come over very soon now. At least she would have him to confide in, and he would understand why she was so upset. Now that she thought about it, it was ridiculous for her to get angry at Audra. Audra was a child, kept in a world characterized by an Adam and Eve innocence. She didn't suffer because she never knew she was in pain. It would only be cruel to make her realize it, Colleen concluded.

"I wish I could have been there," Audra said, "but I do the shopping for Mrs. Finklestein today. She's eighty-one, and it's hard for her to get around anymore since she developed eye trouble."

"I know. It was a nice thing for you to do." Colleen smiled. "I'm sorry I was a bit short with you, Audra. Thanks again."

"I'll see you after school tomorrow," Audra repeated. '"Night."

" 'Night."

Colleen watched her leave and then went to the desk to look over the work she had brought. She wanted to keep herself occupied until Teddy arrived.

Audra paused at the foot of the stairs. She never liked to leave Colleen's house without saying good night or good-bye to her brother and sister-in-law. She thought it was rude just to walk out of someone's home. It was so quiet downstairs, though, that she hesitated. Nevertheless, she turned into the corridor and walked toward the kitchen, looking for Harlan. She peeked into the living room but saw no one, so she continued on, heading for the dining room.

"Can I help you?" Nurse Patio asked.

Audra turned abruptly. Nurse Patio was behind her, but she hadn't heard her approach and Audra wondered from where she had come.

"I was looking for Mr. Hamilton. I wanted to say good night."

"Oh? Leaving so soon?" the nurse asked with a pained expression.

"Yes. Colleen's not feeling well enough yet. I'll return tomorrow."

"I see. That's too bad. You're the girl who gave her that beautiful cross to wear, aren't you?" Nurse Patio asked, stepping closer to her.

"Yes," Audra said. Instinctively her hands went to the small valley between her breasts where the cross had always lain. "I'm sorry if it caused any problems for the baby."

"Problems? Oh." Nurse Patio smiled. "You mean when Colleen leaned over the crib and the cross swung out? Yes, Dana got very nervous about that."

"That was the reason? I thought—"

"It's no problem as long as she remembers to keep it inside when she's near the baby. Babies grab on to things, too, and put everything in their mouths, especially babies that are breast-feeding," she said. Audra nodded. "I'm sure you understand. But I think it was a wonderful thing to give your friend. It's something personal and yet something that can be meaningful to others."

"Yes," Audra said. "That's exactly how I feel about it." She smiled. This nurse was quite nice. Why did Colleen feel so negative about her? she wondered. Was it part of her problem? Poor Colleen, unable to see the good in people, as well as the bad, she thought.

"Well, how's the schoolwork going?" Harlan asked, stepping out of the den.

"Not too well tonight, Mr. Hamilton. Colleen's not feeling that great yet, so I'll come back tomorrow. I just wanted to say good night to you," Audra said. She wondered for a moment whether or not she should tell him and the nurse more about Colleen. She was afraid Colleen would be angry with her for doing so, but she was not happy leaving her in such a bitter state up in her room. She looked at Nurse Patio, who was smiling warmly. "She's very unhappy, Mr. Hamilton."

"Yes, I know," Harlan said quickly. "We'll do what we can to make things better for her. She'll be all right," he added.

"I hope so," Audra said.

"Colleen might have overdone it today," Nurse Patio said, looking at Harlan, "considering what she's gone through. She probably shouldn't have gone to the game." She turned back to Audra, and Audra nodded. "She'll be fine in a day or so. It's nice of you to be so concerned for your friend. Colleen's lucky to have you."

"Oh, I'm lucky to have her."

"Don't worry, we'll look after her," Nurse Patio said, smiling. She patted Audra gently on the shoulder. "I'll walk you to the door," she added.

"'Night, Audra," Harlan called.

The nurse opened the door for her.

"You walked all the way?" she asked.

"Yes, I don't mind it. It's really only about a mile or so, so it's not too bad—until it starts to snow and it gets terribly cold, that is."

"Yes, I know what you mean. Well, good night Audra. I'm sure I'll see you again," she said.

"God willing," Audra said.

"Yes, God willing," Nurse Patio replied, and followed it with a short laugh. It was the only off-key note in her friendly melody, but Audra didn't think about it. She smiled back and stepped outside. Nurse Patio closed the door behind her and all was still.

Audra looked up at Colleen's bedroom window before she started down the quiet, residential street. Colleen wasn't standing there, but she thought about her troubled friend and felt sorry for her. She wished she could have done more. Tonight, before going to sleep, she would say a special prayer for her, and after she described Colleen to her mother, explaining how troubled she was, she was sure her mother would pray for her as well.

Audra turned her attention back to the street. There was a heavy silence about it, and the hush that hung over the sleepy houses and dark trees was so thick, it amplified every sound, no matter how slight it seemed. As she started down the driveway her own footsteps echoed with an unusually loud reverberation, even though she wasn't walking quickly.

Perhaps the gloomy atmosphere came from the low ceiling of clouds that blocked out the stars and moon, she thought. Even the streetlights seemed depressed by it, making their normally bright glow look thin and pale yellow. The narrow corridor of illumination barely extended past the sidewalk. She had the impression that night was still closing in, the shadows oozing over the lit areas and gradually extinguishing them. But there was no one but her to complain.