Bloom (20 page)

“I could care less about your body.” He touched the scars on my face. “If you want to know the truth ... I think a woman who can smile through suffering is way more beautiful than a photoshopped face.” He tucked my hair behind my ear. “But it doesn’t matter what I think. If you want to judge people by their skin, you’ll never allow yourself to be loved.”

“I’m scared, Vasili. I’m scared of kissing you. Of marrying you. Of being naked around you. Of going to a beach with you. What if I can’t have kids? What if you regret this? What if I need too many surgeries and you waste your life taking care of me? What if we—”

“Stop.”

I exhaled. “I’m living in tomorrow now. Yesterday. Tomorrow. How do I find today?”

“This is what you do.” He smiled, a charming little smile that turned up the corners of his eyes. “You go to bed. You wake up. And you say to yourself, ‘Vasili and I are just friends. I don’t have to kiss him or have babies with him. I just want to call my friend and see how he’s doing today.’ Can you handle that?”

“Friends.” I raised my eyebrows. “Okay. I’ll try.” I opened the car door. “Goodnight ... friend.”

He laughed. “Night, Sarah.”

Trust me, I know it’s weird, but his little idea helped. Considering him a friend took away the pressure and replaced it with the natural chemistry we always had. We were good friends simply molding into best friends. Yes, I could handle that.

Or at least I thought so.

We spent the next week talking on the phone or texting throughout our days. In the meantime I found an apartment I liked, nestled in a pretty little street on the west end of Lancaster. I put down a security deposit and planned to move in on June 1st.

Vasili supported the idea fully. He also got pushy with my doctor appointments. I had already postponed my skin graft surgery twice, but he insisted that I do it before May. So I rescheduled it for the last day in April. Only one week to go.

Ella beamed like a Lite-Brite on steroids every time I headed for the front door. “No,” I’d say, “I’m not seeing him today.” But this time I walked into the kitchen as she danced around while making her famous scones and I said, “Getting together with Vasili today.”

“Have fun ... friends.” She laughed and handed me a scone.

“No, thanks. Maybe later with some tea. We can watch
Downton
reruns when I get back.”

“No ...
Sherlock
.”

“Can’t argue with that.” I looked around the kitchen. “Do you know where I put my keys?”

“I found ‘em on the dryer. They’re on the table by the front door.”

“Thanks.” I walked over and picked them up. “I’m having coffee with Natalie first.”

Ella spun around. “What?”

“I need to talk to her and make sure she’s okay.”

“Not many women would care so much about the ex.”

“I’ve never been interested in being part of the majority.” I opened the door. “If all goes well, I have a weird, but necessary date planned for Vasili. I’ll tell you about it later.”

I sat down by the
window at Rachel’s Creperie. While
I waited I bought Natalie her favorite salted mocha drink and got myself a coffee with cream, no sugar.

She walked in and smiled. I stood and greeted her with a warm hug. The kind that lasts a few seconds longer than most. We sat down and I didn’t waste any time with small talk.

“Natalie, I am so sorry. I haven’t been able to sleep.”

She swirled her creamy drink and licked her finger. “It’s for the best. I saw it happening before you came, but didn’t want to admit it. Not even because I didn’t want to lose him. I mean, that too. But mainly I didn’t want to be rejected. Since I was the one that ended it, I feel a lot better. Plus, there’s this … well, never mind that. If I’m honest, it’s because I didn’t want to lose my pretty two-carat ring and my big day to be a bride.” She noticed my wide eyes and continued, “I know. Two-carats is a lot. That’s what he said, but he let me pick out the ring I wanted and I loved that one.”

“Was it embarrassing? Calling off the wedding while the guests showed up?”

“Nah.” She laughed. “My dad told everyone. Vasili and I had a really good talk. Kind of awkward now that I think of it. Sitting there in our wedding attire talking about our futures without each other.”

“What will you do now?”

“Gonna take that job in California. Moving in July. Starting the job in September.” She sipped her coffee.

I sipped mine.

“What about you?” she said.

“I’m moving into my apartment in June. On this side of town. About three blocks that way.” I pointed behind her. “Getting back into photography. Not quite ready for weddings, but I can do some engagement shoots and family sessions. Low key stuff.”

“That’s awesome.” She smirked. “What about Vasili? Are you guys together?”

“No.” I fidgeted in my seat and looked at my coffee, hoping I’d disappear into it. “We’re friends.”

She crossed her arms and leaned back. “Friends?”

“This is so strange.” I picked at a stray thread on the hem of my shirt, still avoiding eye contact. “I never wanted to be the girl who stole the groom. Looking like this, I’m not even sure why I am.”

She uncrossed her arms and pointed her finger at me. “You’re an interesting one.”

I sighed. “I wish people would stop saying that.”

“I saw pictures of you before the fire. I can’t imagine what it must be like to lose that kind of beauty. You were gorgeous.”

I slapped the table. “Thank you. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, for being the first person to admit that I’m no longer that girl.”

She twirled the ends of her hair. “Vasili always got upset at me for being honest. He said I always say the wrong thing at the worst time.”

I laughed under my breath. “Sometimes you say things out of emotion or you speak a fleeting thought aloud. I think that catches people off guard, but honesty is going to hurt some people either way. I can vouch for it.”

“I know it must be hard for you to fall in love again. As a cosmetologist, I think I put even more emphasis on looks. If a romance movie has a female lead that isn’t pretty to me, I can’t even watch it.” Her eyes darted back and forth. “That sounded much worse than I meant it. See, there I go again.”

“No, it’s true. Our culture is obsessed with appearances. Most people would take a great looking guy over an amazing actor any day. But,” I added, “there is Benedict Cumberbatch. Phenomenal actor. I truly think he’s the best of our time. Normal looking guy, but his fame and Sherlock character has got women swooning over him. They’d probably roll under moving cars to win a date with him, then be disappointed when he sparks intelligent conversations they can’t keep up with. They want a sex god, not a real person with a brain.”

She laughed.

I thought for a minute as she ordered a refill.

“I wonder if I’m the only woman who fantasizes about deep conversations of life and art with a man,” I said. “Instead of fantasizing about his fingers on my skin.”

“You may be in the minority.” She smiled. “You really do that?”

“Yeah.” I laughed. “There was this one time in high school. I went to a party with a friend. I was in the living room having philosophical discussions with quite a few guys, while my friend had fun in the pool. One after another a guy would leave and come back. When we left she told me she had sex with every guy there. Huge smile of victory on her face. I was disgusted. Seriously.”

“Oh my gosh. What did you say?”

“I told her she may get a trophy in the form of Chlamydia if she keeps it up.”

“Wow,” she said. “I do like a good celebrity crush and steamy romance, but I keep it in fantasy land.”

“Not me. I’d rather live such an amazing life that I don’t need fantasies. It’s hard to figure that out now. What an amazing life is, exactly. Sex has never been on my bucket list though. No fleeting pleasure ever has, especially now. Not to say I won’t enjoy it and all, but after this I’ve realized life isn’t about pleasure. The more I tried to force it into that mold, the more unfulfilled and depressed I became. I’m done with that feeling.”

“I really admire you, Sarah.” She ran her fingers along her necklace. “I mean that. Vasili and I have been friends for a long time, but I never ... I don’t know ... he’s so simple. I want more out of life. Traveling, great adventures, fame. Truthfully, I thought he was boring and constantly tried to wake him up, but now I can see that he’s just different. We have different passions and needs.” She twirled her hair again. “I love him, but I think we would’ve grown to despise each other.”

“Why did you wait until the wedding to end things?”

She pressed her necklace pendant—a small square with diamonds—into her chin. “This is horrible, but he has a lot of money. And I mean”—her eyes widened—“a lot.”

“You loved him because of the money?”

“No, I fell for Vasili back when he was Prom King. Before ... well, anyway ... I just held on so long, trying to convince myself that it would work, because I knew I’d have a good, stable life financially. You know he paid for my schooling?”

My body temperature elevated. I looked down at the thread I completely pulled from my shirt. Every sound, even the slightest creak in my chair, bothered me. How could she be so selfish?

She pushed her empty cup into the center of the table. “I gotta get going. Heading out to New York with some girl friends of mine.” She winked. “Maybe I’ll meet this Benedict Cumby guy.”

I nodded. My thoughts were too scattered to formulate words.

She hugged me. I tapped her back with the tips of my fingers and pulled away.

“Did I offend you?” she said, clutching her purse as though it would shield her from me.

“No worries. Enjoy the Big Apple.”

“Thanks,” she said. “Enjoy Vasili.”

She pursed her lips to withhold a laugh and rushed to leave. Before the door closed she was already pressing buttons on her phone.

I shook my head and paid for her refill, then texted Vasili.
Can you meet me at 3?

He responded by the time I turned my car on.
Work till 5.

Me:
Tomorrow at 3?

Vasili: Why not tonight at 7?

Me:
Needs to be daylight. Tomorrow is supposed to have an overcast. Even better. Tomorrow at 3?

Vasili:
K dear.

A few seconds later another text lit up my screen.

I mean ... K friend.

Ella ran after me as I dashed out the front door without stopping to explain. Out of breath, we both stood in front of the baby bird.

“I woke up and saw these baby birds.” I leaned on my knees and caught my breath. “They were in a nest in the flowers outside of my window. Next thing I know this one fell out.”

“Well, what are we supposed to do?” She reached her hand toward it.

“No!” I pulled her arm. “If we touch it the mom may not accept it. Let’s get it into a box and I can put it back in the nest.”

Ella left and returned a few minutes later with a shoe box. I tucked an edge under the little guy and scooted him into the box without touching him.

“He’s so adorable.” Ella pressed her hands to her cheeks. “There’s something about baby animals.”

“Okay, let’s take him back inside.”

Ella carried the box inside and set it on the kitchen counter while I answered a text message from Vasili.

You sure you can’t get off work?
I wrote.

Vasili:
I’m so sorry. He called out and I need to fill in for his patients, but I’m completely off free tomorrow.

My heart slowed.
Ok. Tomorrow I have a photo shoot in the morning around sunrise. Can you meet me at 2?

Vasili:
Yes. I’m really really sorry. I have something planned too. See you tomorrow. I’ll call tonight at 9.

“What’s wrong?” Ella said, still smiling at the bird.

“He can’t get together today. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him.”

“Do you look like that when you don’t see me for a few days?”

“Why, of course. I have a photo shoot tomorrow that I wasn’t supposed to tell you about, but I need an assistant and Derek said I could ask you.”

“My brother?”

“He’s proposing tomorrow at sunrise. He wanted to do it on the island he took her to before, but it didn’t work out. So he’s doing it at Rock’s State Park in Maryland. It’s going to be outrageously gorgeous at sunrise. There’s a cliff that’s super high and overlooks all the trees.”

“My brother? He’s afraid of heights.”

“I don’t know. That’s the plan.”

Birds chirped outside the open kitchen window loud enough to distract us. We looked at each other, then walked to the window.

I leaned into the screen and peered around outside. Nothing. Ella slid the back door open and walked out to the deck.

I followed.

She pointed to the window sill. “Look.”

“They are looking for the baby.”

“Wow. I can’t believe it.”

Two birds flapped down, chirping frantically, and swooped right into the kitchen. Ella and I ran inside after them.

“Watch out!” I ducked and pulled Ella down as the birds flew around the kitchen.

Eventually they calmed down and landed on the counter. The baby tried to jump out of the box a few times, but failed.

Gavin appeared from around the corner. He pressed Adelaide into his chest and looked back and forth from us to the birds. “What the—”

“Shh...” Ella shooed him away.

He shook head. “What’s going on?” He stepped closer and the birds flew back outside, leaving the wee one to fend for himself. “You’re not keeping a bird, are you?”

Ella laughed. “Quick, Sarah. Take him back to the nest.” She shut the back door and smiled at me. “I’ve never seen anything like that. I guess when you’re meant to be with someone you’ll find a way.”

“Oh, nice try.” I held the box in front of me and took the bird back to his nest. Within seconds the mama bird came back.

For a half-hour I sat by the window and watched them. Chirping and hopping around. So cute. Somehow within that time their simple lives, bundled up in their roofless home, inspired me to fly from my nest and help others.

I left the house a few minutes later and drove to the city. Without a destination, I walked and smiled at every stranger without wondering what they’d think of me. I twirled around street signs, skipped down the brick sidewalks, and stopped to smell every single flower along the way. Every homeless person I passed begged me for a dollar, I gave them each twenty and stopped in a sandwich place, bought a few lunches, and passed them out to the same hungry people. Before I was too concerned about whether they’d spend my money on drugs instead of food. This time I tossed all that aside and gave everyone all I had.

I wore a hat to shield my skin from the sun, but at certain points I tipped my head back to soak in the rays of warmth.

It felt so good. So, so good.

Before getting back into my car, I walked into a cute Asian restaurant and peered around. I spotted a young family with four kids climbing over and under the table, then went to the back.

“Excuse me,” I said to a waitress.

“Yes ma’am?”

I whispered, “I’d like to pay for that family’s meal and make sure they get big desserts.” I pointed behind me.

She nodded. “You know them?”

“No, no.” I smiled. “But that makes it even more special, right?”

She scrunched her face and took my card. “That will be $55.78.”

“Charge $100 and tell them to get anything they want for dessert.”

The poor girl seemed so confused as she charged my card and fiddled with her apron. I reassured her that I was trying to be kind to others. She nodded her head in an awkward circle as I thanked her and turned to leave.

At the table, the mother sighed as she pulled the baby into her lap and tried to get the others to sit still. When she turned to help one of the children up from under the table, the baby grabbed her plate and flung it off the table. Bits of fried rice landed on my skirt.

“Oh, lands!” she said, standing with the baby on her hip. “I’m so sorry.”

I smiled and picked the plate up as a waitress came by with a broom.

“Life is messy, huh?” I said. “And it’s beautiful that way.”

She switched the baby to her other hip and glanced at her husband. He shrugged and looked down.

“Enjoy dessert,” I said, then walked outside.

Exhaust fumes battled the fresh spring air as I looked up at the clouds and inhaled. A group of Mennonite girls walked by laughing as a flock of birds flew overhead, their arrow pointing toward the sun. The tall, historic buildings. The perfect blend of people. The vast array of smells. The cars with “I Heart City Life” bumper stickers. Ahhhh … I closed my eyes and stored the memory in my mind.

“Life, I love you.”

The next morning I woke
up at 3:30am to the sound of
Ella tapping my nightstand. Two-and-a-half hours later we were hiding behind a bush as Derek and Miranda had a picnic on top of the rocky overlook. Red and white checkered blanket. Orange juice in wine glasses. Baked oatmeal and fruit. All the while, a golden light beamed through treetops. Thousands of trees, full of green life, surrounded them. He glanced our way when she wasn’t looking. I nudged Ella, whose grin lit up the scene more than the sun itself.

He knelt on one knee. I zoomed in with my camera, clicking as much as possible, capturing every angle I could. She wrapped her arms around his neck, smiling and crying while he pressed his hand into her back, the ring still in his other hand. With a comfortable grin, his eyes glazed over, but no tears fell. She pulled back and grabbed his hands, then flung her arms around his neck again. He laughed and kissed her cheek until she pulled away and answered his question with a kiss.

Ella bounced up and down, sniffing and shaking her head.

“Let’s go,” I whispered. “I got plenty of great shots. He wanted us to sneak off and keep the pictures a surprise.”

Ella clasped her hands together and brought them to her lips.

“Come on, Cupid. Before you have an aneurism.”