Blown To Pieces (PTO Murder Club Mystery Book 2) (15 page)

I unlocked Portia and climbed into the driver’s seat. I set my phone in the console and called Monica.

She picked up on the first ring. “Do you have your bowling shoes on?”

Crap, I’d forgotten that tonight was Big Tommy’s exes’ bowling night. I didn’t think my feet could take much more, but bowling shoes had to be more comfortable than my heels.

“Not yet.” I didn’t have any bowling shoes...damn it. I hated the rented ones. Not that I’d bowled in the last decade; maybe they now had disposable ones. Now, there was an idea waiting to pop—disposable bowling shoes.

“Are we bringing the boys to bowl? If not, I can have my mom watch them.” Her car door slammed.

“I think it’s fine to bring them. Hopefully we can get the lane next to the exes.” Max had never been bowling, so it should be interesting.

“See you there at seven sharp.” Monica snorted and then hung up.

Monica knew better than to think I’d be on time. I’m not a seven sharp kind of person. I’m more of a seven ten or seven fifteen or seven thirty kind of person. I wish I could tell you that I’m late because I’m one of those optimistic people who believes it will take me half the time to get there than it really does, but I’m just a poor planner. In fact, I’ve been called many things, but on-time isn’t one of them.

A little over two hours later, I pulled into High 5’s parking lot and drove around until I found a parking space. This place was busy.

“Remind me again why we’re going bowling.” Max’s expression said this had better be good, because he was missing Minecraft.

“I thought we should try something different.” I opened my door and looped my purse over my shoulder. “It’ll be fun. You’ll see.”

“Why do we have to change shoes?” Max pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose. A hatred of community shoes...I love this kid.

“You have to wear special shoes to bowl.” I really needed to find out the mystery of why bowling shoes are needed.

We walked to the front entrance. I opened the door for Max and got an eyeful of the unexpected. High 5 offered bowling, video games, laser tag, and upscale bar food. The menu posted by the door featured gourmet burgers and very fancy beers. Normally, my idea of upscale is ordering off the regular menu instead of the extra-value menu, but I was up for trying something new.

I glanced at the menu prices. Fifteen dollars for a small cheese pizza?

Did it come with a side of rubies?

I ruffled Max’s hair. “Instead of eating here, why don’t we sip tap water and hit Mickey D’s on the way home?” This place was too rich for my blood. I didn’t get paid again until next week.

The bowling lanes were state-of-the-art, and the huge arcade was full of games that beeped, blinked, and blared.

“Can I do the games instead of bowling?” Max’s blue eyes pleaded.

“You bet.” I scanned the room looking for Monica, and sure enough, she’d secured the lane next to the BTGs. I knew they were the BTGs because they all had matching pink bowling shirts with BTG stenciled in black on the back.

Landon ran over. “I’m playing the games. I got an unlimited card.” He waved the card in the air. I went over to the front desk, got an unlimited one-hour game card for Max, and picked up some bowling shoes for me.

I headed to the lane next to the BTGs and set my purse down on one of the huge, overstuffed, brown leather sofas at the beginning of each lane. By far, this was the nicest bowling alley I’d ever seen. No crappy plastic benches here—only the best in Lakeside.

“I see y’all met Monica.” I stood beside my best friend. Haley had texted that she couldn’t make it.

“Yes, she’s lovely. Monica was just telling us that the two of you are on the Bee Creek Elementary PTO board and that y’all need donations for the raffle. We’re thinking of donating a basket.” Lulu came over, gave me a hug, and then pointed to the other four ladies standing around in pink BTG shirts. “This is the lady I was telling y’all about. She was the last one to talk to Big Tommy.”

Lulu’s eyes filled, and she batted away the tears. “I promised myself that I wouldn’t cry.”

I took in the BTGs. Big Tommy definitely had a type. All of the ladies were petite and had shoulder-length or shorter blonde hair and blue eyes. Right now, all those blue eyes were tearing up.

I should have thought to bring tissues.

“Did he suffer?” one of the BTGs asked.

“No...um...it was quick.” I really hoped they didn’t want details, because I was pretty sure they wouldn’t want to know.

Lulu blinked several times, trying to suck back the tears. She put a proprietary hand on me as she led me to meet the ladies. “This is Abby—she was Big Tommy’s third wife.”

“Nice to meet you.” I stuck out my hand.

Abby swiped at her tears and smiled shyly. She dried her hand on her jean-clad thighs and shook my hand. “Nice to meet you.” Her voice was just above a whisper.

“This is Kitty.” Lulu pointed to the mini-blonde next to Abby. “She’s wife numero uno.”

Kitty pulled me into a very tight hug. I’m not much of a hugger, so it took me by surprise.

“So good to meet you.” Her voice was deep and reminded me of James Earl Jones.

“Likewise,” I squeezed out through the rib-crushing hug.

The hug lingered and lingered and lingered. Finally, Kitty stepped back, and I was able to take a full breath.

“That’s Carolina—She’s number four.” Lulu nodded to the blondes sitting on the sofa. “On her right is Mira—she was number five.”

Both ladies waved in unison.

“So, y’all are all friends?” Monica sounded as skeptical as I felt.

“We know it’s not normal, but it works for us.” Lulu dropped her hand.

“That’s something.” With Monica, it was hard to tell if it was something good or something bad. “How often did you see Big Tommy?”

“Weekly,” the BTGs replied in stereo.

“All together?” This was weird. I knew my brow was all scrunched up in a scowl, but this was strange.

“No, silly, we each have our own day. I’m Sunday.” Kitty thumbed herself on the chest. “Lulu has Monday, Abby has Tuesday, Carolina has Wednesday, and Mira has Thursday—after bowling, of course. Everyone takes Friday and Saturday off.”

OMG, they really were the senior
Sister Wivesi>.

“All of you were okay with the arrangement?” Monica loved a puzzle, but I didn’t think she was going to figure this one out.

“Yes, we’re all friends. Every time Big Tommy brought a new woman into the fold, we always seemed to get along.” Lulu nodded like this was the most normal thing in the world.

“Do y’all all live together?” Monica wasn’t going to stop until she’d figured out this puzzle.

“Oh no.” Lulu giggled like that was the craziest thing she’d ever heard. “We all have our own houses. Big Tommy bought them all for us. He developed a whole cul-de-sac just for us.”

So chili making was lucrative enough to pay for five houses and develop an entire street? Maybe I should learn to cook.

Nah...I’d rather be broke.

According to his tax return, Big Tommy had been barely breaking even. How did he have the money to buy an entire street?

“Y’all all live on the same street?” Monica studied the BTGs like they were giraffes at the zoo. “Can I ask why y’all got divorced?”

Monica jumped up on the elephant in the room and rode it like a bucking bronco.

“Some people are slutty.” Kitty eyed Lulu like she was dog shit on the bottom of her bowling shoe.

“No crying over spilled milk.” Mira’s smug look was bound to cause problems. “Big Tommy had a wandering eye.”

“Yes, but his eyes never strayed until you showed up in a bikini.” Carolina pointed to Mira. “You want slutty? There’s slutty.”

I shot Monica a what-the-hell look.

She shrugged and I-dunno-palm-upped me and then inched her way between the women and sat down on the sofa. “Sorry I touched a nerve. I’m sure everyone wants to remain friends.”

“Friends? Friends?” Lulu’s hands fisted at her sides. “I’m not half as slutty as her.” She pointed one balled fist at Abby.

“What did I do?” One corner of Abby’s mouth curved up in a smile that said she knew exactly what she’d done, and she’d enjoyed every single minute of it.

“I’m gonna knock that smug look right off your face.” Carolina’s face turned mean as she reached around Monica and slapped Mira hard across the face.

Monica dove to the floor a millisecond before Mira pounced on Carolina.

Lulu reared back a fist and popped Abby in the left eye. “You bitch. I know it was you who left that sack of dog shit on my doorstep.”

It appeared that Lulu did have some mean bones in her body. Maybe she’d saved up all of her anger at Morty and Blueberry and was taking it out on Abby.

Kitty jumped up on the sofa and yelled, “Ladies, please.”

“Shut up, you sanctimonious bitch. Big Tommy told me that he hated you,” Abby said around the blood dripping from her mouth. “Just because you’re the first wife doesn’t mean you can tell us what to do.”

“Big Tommy loved me more than all of you combined.” Kitty hurled herself WWF-style onto Abby and took Lulu down with her.

Monica crawled out of the way, and I offered her a hand up.

Abby rolled out from under Lulu, whipped off a prosthetic leg, and started beating Kitty over the head with the bowling shoe end.

“Wow, I did NOT see that coming.” Loyalty dictated that I root for Lulu, but I had to give Abby some kudos. She was willing to use whatever was at hand, or, well...at foot.

“Think we should break it up?” I stepped back to avoid a stray kick from Abby’s prosthetic.

“I don’t think so. These ladies are in it to win it. My health insurance doesn’t cover girl fights.” Monica inched her way around to the back side of the sofa.

Carolina and Mira both had each other in choke holds as they rolled from the sofa onto the floor.

A bloody tooth shot out of Abby’s mouth and landed on the arm of the sofa.

“Shouldn’t we put that on ice so a dentist can reattach it?” I could wrap it in a napkin.

“That only works with fingers. I don’t think you need to ice down teeth.” Monica folded her arms against her chest. “I guess now’s a bad time to ask if they knew anyone who wanted Big Tommy dead.”

Lulu grabbed a handful of Kitty’s hair and smacked her head against the ball-return machine.

“You gotta hand it to them. These women are scrappy. They may be little, but they are mighty.” I watched as both Mira’s and Carolina’s faces turned blue. In another minute or two, both of them would be unconscious, so that would break up some of the fight.

I noticed that people had begun gathering around to watch the fight. What is it about mankind that we love to watch us some girl fights?

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw two men in black police uniforms running toward us. Crap, it was the cops. They never let anyone have any fun. Wouldn’t you know, Ben was one of them.

He grabbed the back of Abby’s neck and pulled her off of Lulu, which gave Kitty an opening to go for Lulu’s throat.

“Ladies,” Ben yelled as he body blocked Kitty. “Calm down.”

The other officer, whom I recognized as Dave Burris, tried to pry Carolina’s fingers off of Mira’s neck. “Let go of her.”

He propped his left knee on the sofa for leverage, but clearly Mira and Carolina had some serious hand strength.

Dave and Ben weren’t making much headway. I walked over to the closest table, picked up two pitchers of beer, threw one on Mira and Carolina, and dumped the other over Kitty and Lulu.

In hindsight, I should have done that sooner, but I hadn’t seen this much action since the Redeemer Lutheran softball team accused Emmaus Catholic of cheating and started what is now referred to as Jesus-gate 2010. You thought the 1992 LA riots were bad—try an angry mob of seniors with too much money and nothing but free time. The property damage was astronomical. Not to mention the injuries. There were five broken hips, three heart attacks, and someone’s eye was actually put out.

“Why didn’t you do that sooner?” Ben glared at me.

Treating his question as rhetorical was definitely in my best interest.

Ben still had Abby by the neck and was trying to stand her up. Finally, he noticed that she was minus a leg.

He hopped her over to the sofa and grabbed a pair of cuffs off his belt. “All of you are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you.”

He cuffed Lulu to Kitty. That was brave. These two women clearly hated each other, so handcuffing them together would give them the perfect opportunity to kill each other.

Dave cuffed Carolina and Mira together and then walked them to the sofa. He pulled out another pair of cuffs and cuffed Mira to Abby.

Ben pulled out his second pair of handcuffs and cuffed Abby to Kitty. “Ladies, Dave is going to walk you out to our cars. Promise me y’all will act like ladies.”

All of the BTGs studied the tops of their bowling shoes as the stood. The daisy chain of BTGs ambled their way out the front door.

“Dave, I’ll be right out.” Ben nodded to the other cop and turned to me. “Want to tell me what happened?”

“Not really.” I grinned, but the look on his face said he wasn’t falling for it. “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Monica leaned into him and whispered, “We were here to...you know, question them about Big Tommy, and all hell broke loose.”

“You could have stopped it.” Ben was scolding us.

“Yes, but then I wouldn’t have gotten to see you.” I shot him my brightest, toothiest smile.

His whole body perked up. “Would you like to see me next Thursday for dinner?”

“I could probably do that.” I waggled my eyebrows.

“Six...your place...I’ll bring the food.” Ben leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. He ran to catch up to Dave.

Monica watched him go. “Are we liking him again? True, he’s been helpful on the case, but he did bug our houses.”

“I know.” But Daman was out of town, and I was falling for Ben’s cuteness. There should be a law against too much cuteness.