Blue (17 page)

“Meg,” Justin said as she was laying in the bed.

“What?” she asked sleepily.

“Your parents aren’t up, but you and I are now.”

“Yeah, key word there, now.”

“Only because I woke you up.” He put his arm around her and pulled her closer to him so they could at least have a little bit of privacy even if her parents were right there.

“Yeah.” She let her head fall on his shoulder and held her arms around his waist.

“Are you okay?” he asked after a while.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m really happy that you’re here right now, though.” He then leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. Justin’s arm stayed around Meganlynn, and Meganlynn’s arms stayed around Justin’s waist.

CHAPTER 10

Meganlynn was scared, but she was now out of the hospital.

“Here,” Justin said as he helped her into the car once they were leaving the hospital.

“Thanks,” she said as he helped her.

“Yeah.” They were able to go back to the house that Meganlynn wanted to be in so bad. She wanted more than anything to be normal again, but she knew that she would never be able to play like a normal teenager for the rest of the marching band season.

“How was marching band?” Meganlynn asked Justin once they had gotten on the road.

“Boring, and we really didn’t have a whole lot to do without you there. Everyone was really worried about you the days that you weren’t there. Your friends were scared to death. You were the one that kept the whole band normal, and then you were gone.”

“Why would anyone really care a whole lot about everything?”

“Because everyone loves you, and they need you to stay sane.”

“All I really want right now is to be invisible.”

“I know,” he said pulling her into his embrace and trying to comfort her the best way that he possibly could.

“What classes do you have?”

“I have every hour with you, besides seventh hour.”

“Hello?” Meganlynn’s mother answered the phone that was ringing in the front seat. “I understand. Yes. Yes.”

Once they were back to her home, they had to get her up to the front door.

“Am I allowed to go to school tomorrow?” Meganlynn asked.

“Yeah, with Justin’s help.”

“I have all of the same classes as her except seventh hour.”

“Why not seventh hour?”

“Because she had creative writing, and then I have
engineering.”

“Oh,” she answered.

“I know people that have the same class though.”

“And they would keep her away from Blue?”

“They should.”

“Should?”

“If I asked them to, then they probably would.”

“Okay, I can deal with that.”

“Okay.”

“Where did Meganlynn go?” Meganlynn’s mother asked when she saw that Meganlynn was gone.

“Probably to her room.”

“Probably? Go look.” He went down the hallway to her bedroom. They had brought everything back upstairs from the room that she had had downstairs. It would make it easier for Meganlynn to be there in her room when she wanted to be.

“Are you okay, Meg?” Justin asked when he found her.

“I guess.” Her voice was still hoarse and frail. She was barely able to talk.

“Hey, come over here.” He stepped inside of the room and sat down on her bed. “Are you okay?”

“I’m just so confused at the moment; I honestly don’t know what to do.”

“Okay, but do you know what you want?”

“I’m trying. I don’t even know if I’ll ever be able to play softball again.”

“Well, if you’re not able to, I’m sure that they’ll let you at least be their manager if they have one. They know how well you can play.”

“Maybe, but softball is the only sport that I ever actually got.” Meganlynn sat back on her bed. Justin sat on her bed and rubbed her arm.

“Well, maybe there was a reason that you weren’t supposed to play softball for however long you aren’t allowed to play softball.”

“Yeah, there probably will be, if that.”

“I think that you’ll be able to be in softball this year. I know that you’ll be fine to play softball. I just know.”

“Thanks, Justin.”

“At least softball season doesn’t start next week.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“Glad that you can see it my way.”

“Yeah.” Meganlynn was still not happy.

She had never been able to see it other ways; she just wanted everything to be the same again. She knew that her wish was barely possible and not even going to happen. She was scared and felt alone. Even with Justin sitting right by her on her bed, she still felt as though she was the only person on the face of the earth. No one in her home understood anything she was going through or what she feared. She knew that she would never be the same person that she had once been, but she would have to make the most of her bad experience.

They sat there for a while longer. Justin held Meganlynn around her waist. Her parents had brought her television up from her room in the basement and placed it in her old room. Justin turned it on and began to watch a movie with her. After about an hour and a half, Meganlynn’s mother came to the door and told them that it was time for dinner.

They sat in the living room so the whole family could watch the show that was on. Most of the shows that they were watching were funny.

“I’m going to my room,” she said, and she walked away from the rest of the family.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Justin asked.

“No, I need some time by myself.”

“Okay, I’ll be in there in a little while.”

“Fine.” She went the rest of the way without another
word.

“People are going to make fun of her when we get back in school. They are so mean at our school,” Justin said as he turned back to Meganlynn’s mother and father.

“This is her favorite TV show, and she wants to go in her room,” her father said sadly.

“Can she turn it on in her room?”

“She can now because we just hooked it up today. She’ll be surprised if she can find out that the TV station will come in.”

“We may just hear something come from her room, then.”

“Yeah, just maybe.”

“When should I go in there?”

“In about ten minutes.”

“Okay.”

Meganlynn was completely happy sitting in her room alone without anyone to see her, talk to her, or touch her. She was so scared of Blue that nothing even mattered to her anymore. Not her friends, boyfriend, movies, books, family, not even her written work.

What am I willing to
do in order to get
published?
She asked herself, trying to get her mind off of Blue.
Right now
, absolutely nothing
.
She felt as though nothing in the world could actually bring her to have a smile on her face.

Justin walked down the hallway as he wondered why she was acting the way that she was. He wondered while he walked down the hallway. He opened her door and saw her turning the TV on then sitting down on her bed and writing stuff on the notebook she had in her hands. He did not enter the room for a few seconds as he saw a tear drop from her eyes to the paper that was placed in front of her. He walked in and placed his arm around her shoulders to make her feel as though there was someone there for her no matter what.

“Megan, you’re okay. I’m here. Your parents are here. Mostly, everyone you love is here.” He shook her but all of the examples just made her cry just hearing them. “Meg, you get to go to the mall tomorrow.”

“What, do you just want me to be happy because, oh, I get to go shopping tomorrow?” she screamed at him when he was done. Her face showed the physical and emotional pain and fear that she was going through her eyes.

“No, I was just telling you some good things that are going on in your life.”

“Well, guess what! The little Christian girl has finally had a horrible experience! Forgive me for being scared! Forgive me,” she took a breath, “for having a horrible experience! Forgive me that I have absolutely no idea how in the world I am going to live through this! Forgive me because Blue wasn’t arrested! Forgive me that he chose to do all of this to me! Forgive me for never telling you why he did this even though I have absolutely no idea why he did this to me! I’m sorry that you have no want or desire to hear my issues at this point because you obviously think that can cheer me up from rape, beating, sexual harassment, and stalking! Forgive me for suddenly not being able to want to go shopping tomorrow! Forgive me for being scared! Forgive me for wanting to save my virginity for my future husband! Which, there is no way in Hell that you will ever be him! I’m sorry that you’re a jerk for not even caring enough to knock on the door when you came in! I’m sorry that you are the one person that is here instead of Johnny! Especially since you were the one that was there when Blue was raping me the first time! Forgive me for forgiving you! Forgive me for not wanting to write! Forgive me for wanting to be alone! Forgive me for making that so obvious! Forgive me for everything that I did right! Forgive me for trying to do the right thing! Forgive me for trying to do the nice, Christian thing that the Bible tells us to do! I’m sorry that you’re such a jerk that you can’t even see what in the world is actually going on right now! I’m sorry that my pain is just way too real for you to handle! I’m sorry that you know the walls between us will never fade away! I’m sorry that when I was crying, you were
never there
to wipe away all of my tears! I’m sorry that when I slept that you were
never
there to fight away all of my fears! I’m sorry that the only reason that you know everything that went on is because you were
right there
watching all of it happen! Also sorry on that subject because, that was the only way that you were
ever
going to find out!”

“Why?” he asked taken back by her comments that she had made to him.

“Because you wouldn’t have done anything anyway!” She looked over at the door to see her parents standing in the doorway. “and I was also so mad at you for just standing there while Blue was raping me! Who knows other than God for Pete’s sake?” Her voice dropped as she realized that her father was standing there. “You were right there. Standing, watching, and helping!” She screamed more at him as time went on.

“How could you possibly know that? You’ve tried so many things to forget, and Satan is always there, and he probably made you think that it actually happened. He didn’t rape you, beat you, sexually harass you, nor did he stalk you,” Justin said in a sweet, calming voice. Her parents crossed their arms as they listened to the conversation that they were having. Meganlynn’s mother tried to walk in the room, but her husband stopped her from walking in.

“I think I would know what happened that night!” she screamed back at him. “I was there and fully awake and fully able aware of what was happening. Especially since it lasted for over an hour!”

“Shut-up!” he yelled back. Her father tried to take a step forward and her mother stopped him before he got into the room. “You just shut-up and listen for once in your life!”

“No! I am not going to ‘shut-up and listen’ to one of the people who raped me! I owe nothing to you—no, not even one little ounce of respect!”