Blurred Lines (Behind Closed Doors Book 2) (18 page)

“No.” I shake my head. “I can’t.”

“I promise you, it’s not as bad as you think it is.” I nod. This is worse than he thinks it will be. “It’s not, precious. You’ve been spinning it around in your mind for months. You’ve probably blown it out of proportion. Please. Tell me.”

“You were so intense that night, Wayne.” I cry. Tears spill over my cheeks. “Your kisses were so hard, they hurt, and I couldn't breathe.” His hand drops away and he steps back. “And you were… you…” I know this is not what he was expecting. “You bruised me.”

“No…I…” He steps towards me. He wraps his arms around me and holds me. He kisses the top of my hair and whispers, “Why didn't you say something?”

“I did.” I sob into his chest.

“No, precious, you didn't.”

“I cried the whole time,” I whisper and his entire body goes rigid around me. “You wouldn't stop.”

“Shush.” He soothes me but I still feel the tension in his entire frame. I don’t think his attempts to pacify me are actually meant for me. I think it’s meant for the doctor watching us. “See, I told you this wasn’t as bad as you think, precious.”

It is. I know it’s a whole lot worse than I imagined because his tone of voice is telling me so.

Chapter Nineteen

November 2011

As I walk through the airport amidst Ashleigh's security team, I watch my best friend very carefully. Her gaze darts across the terminal as she checks everyone who moves around us. It’s as though she's expecting someone. She’s spending more and more of her time away from work at her new house in Malibu. I can understand why she’d never want to leave. Honestly, it’s gorgeous, but there came a time when if she wasn’t on set, she was inside the high walled gardens and protected by a team of security personnel whom she regularly fires and replaces because they’re not up to the standard she expects.

The latest addition to the team is ex-marine Rylan Leighton. Yes, he is related to the actor and Ashleigh’s ex Dexter Leighton. He’s rarely more than a dozen feet from Ash, and my free-spirited best friend who does whatever she wants whenever she wants almost always does as she is told by Rylan. I'm starting to worry about her.

I look at Ashleigh again and wonder again about what’s going on with her. We were in New York for five days and Ashleigh took the opportunity to visit with a guy she ‘knows’ called Darryl Hawthorne. He’s Faith McKenzie’s brother and a few years ago he told her she was dead inside so I’m curious about their relationship. She deliberately went to see him without me. Surely, if they’re just friends then she wouldn’t have abandoned me without warning. I mean, it’s as though she doesn’t want him to meet me when she’s already introduced me to Faith’s son Caleb. So what’s the big deal?

I know I shouldn’t be all cranky over her clandestine meeting with some guy, but I found out through Rylan where she was and who she was with because she wasn’t answering her cell. Rylan, who barely lets her out of his sight, wasn’t with her! Who is this guy? And why does Ashleigh trust Darryl when she trusts no one else? Apparently, not even me anymore.

Abandoned by my bestie, I ended up with Mom shopping for Christmas presents, which wasn't as pleasant as I thought it was going to be. None of my bank cards would work and when I called the bank my cards had been cancelled. All of them! And I need to talk to the account holder. When I pointed out that I'm the account holder they informed me that I am not and never have been.

I don't understand. I thought we had joint ... well joint everything! Mom tells me it's probably a simple mistake and Wayne will clear it up when I get home. But it's really embarrassing when you try to pay for something and your cards are rejected. Mom had to pay for everything and when I called Wayne he said his wallet had been stolen. He hadn't expected them to cancel my cards too or he'd have called to tell me instead of waiting for my call that night.

This is just a long line of events that have happened in the twelve months since we stopped seeing Dr. Fforde. He takes my car to work when he can't find his car keys, which would be fine. But he finds them at the bottom of his gym bag at the end of his shift and I'm left carless and unable to work for an entire day. He's doing this when he knows I have something important to do, and often enough now that Ashleigh has taken to sending someone over with one of her cars. When he discovered what she does he sold my car. He won't buy me a new one. He says I don't need it.

Then there was a situation with my cell phone last February. I was in the middle of a call with a designer in Italy who was making the dress Ash was wearing for an awards ceremony and Wayne walked into the study and took the phone off its stand and threw it on the floor. It was smashed to smithereens and he shouted at me for hours about not bringing work home with me. But the whole reason I’ve been working from home is because he hates me not being there and he gets really upset when I don't come home in time to have his dinner ready for him when he finishes his shift. I just can't win.

After that session at the psychiatrist where I told him why I went to Ashleigh's for three days, he found excuse after excuse not to go back. Then it became my fault when we couldn't be intimate. He said if I don't want children I should say so instead of making up lies. It’s like we never shared that moment in the doctor’s office.

I'm now obsessed with ovulation charts and my body temperature and the likes so that he believes me when I say I want children. We're no longer intimate. We do the deed when it needs to be done and when I repeatedly start my period on time he’s furious. Every month he's furious.

He thinks I will my body not to get pregnant–– like I have a choice in it. And he's furious that I'm not more devastated. The fact that he's throwing the glassware and crockery around the kitchen as I cower in the corner behind him seems to have escaped his notice. It's as though he's forgotten it was unlikely I'd give him the children he wants in the first place.

I can't tell anyone. The last time I discussed it with my brother Wayne's head nearly exploded. How dare I announce his failures to my family? I wouldn’t dare tell Ashleigh we're trying for a baby. I know she promised to help us but I know how she'd react to this news. And I know exactly how he'd react to her knowing this news. Frankly, it's just not worth risking my life, with either of them.

I can't do anything or go anywhere without checking with him first. He says it's because that lunatic with a preference for petite blondes is now up to nine victims and he wants to keep me safe. I think he tracks the GPS signal in my cell phone. Somehow he knows when I've been somewhere I wasn't supposed to be.

Wayne's already in bed when Ashleigh's driver stops outside my home. I call bye to Rylan and remind Ashleigh to come to our house the day after tomorrow. It’s Thanksgiving. We're celebrating at home this year and Sean is coming. My parents are flying to LA and they're bringing Stephi with them. I can't wait.

The house is completely dark. But when I let myself in through the front door I freeze. There are tea lights flickering in little crushed glass vases creating a glitter effect along the rose petal pathway in the entrance hall.

“Wayne?” I'm a typical girl and I've melted at the candles and flowers and I'm fighting the grin wanting to spread on my lips as I follow the fragrance of my favorite food.

The path veers into the dining room. He's standing next to the table with flowers in his hands. The table is dressed with candles and covered with a selection of dim sum. “I'm so sorry I made your trip to New York awful for you, precious.”

I smile and his eyes smolder. He curls his index finger at me. It's like a magnet and he draws me into his arms. His lips close over mine before I can reply. I'm no longer lost or confused or angry. Instead I'm dizzy. He cares. I'm deliriously happy and spiraling out of control. I feel cherished. For the first time in eighteen months I want my husband.

My purse drops to the ground. My fingers explore the edge of his waistband as I tug at his t-shirt. His lips break away from mine. He looks into my eyes and asks, “It's not the right time, is it?” He's bemused. It's actually quite cute. Is it wrong that I find his cute face a turn on right now?

“Don't think so,” I reply as my fingers slip beneath his shirt. My fingers skim over his bare stomach and the excitement inside me soars. Yes, I definitely want him naked. I don't know why. I haven't felt like this about him for so long.

“So what's going on here?”

“Oh, I don't know.” I hum against his ear. I know this spot drives him wild. “You're the one who'd planned a spontaneous evening.” My lips touch the spot briefly and I feel the ripple flow through his entire body. “What is going on here?”

“I think my wife is skipping the main course and heading straight for dessert,” he whispers nervously as though he can't quite believe I'm initiating the sex. He's given up on trying a long time ago.

“Do you have a problem with that?”

“Hell no!” I'm swept into his arms and giggling as we tumble to the floor.

#

As my eyes open I realize we're still lying on the dining room floor. There are plates scattered around us from when Wayne decided to include my favorite appetizers in our long night of love making. He's still asleep but he's stretched out on the floor and all his glorious nakedness makes my tummy warm just looking at him. I run my hands over his stomach and over his chest. As I lean down to kiss him, I feel his fingers caress my behind and pull me closer. He murmurs a greeting as our lips touch.

Today is going to be a beautiful day and I know this because I get to wake up and make love to my husband and not think about anything else at all.

“Have we got time for this?” he asks, rolling over me. I nod, capture his lips, and push my hips up to meet his as he starts to chuckle. “I guess we're making time.” He says it at the exact same moment the doorbell rings. Whoever's at the door gives it a severe knock and then calls my name. I curse and Wayne laughs. “Go,” he says, reaching for his t-shirt. “I wouldn't want your Mom and Dad to catch us butt naked on the dining room floor and they will,” he warns. “Sean has a key, remember?”

I shriek and wriggle away from him, gather up our clothes, leaving his jeans behind as I scramble up the stairs as he roars with laughter at my escape. I hear Mom and Dad shouting happy holidays as they walk in the door. Wayne tells them I was away until late last night and he'll go wake me. Then my brother starts to laugh that it looks like we had a welcome home party and directs my parents into our living room.

When I join them I notice Stephi isn't here. My mom tells me that Anna heard I'd invited Ashleigh to our Thanksgiving celebration and apparently Stephi refused to come with them. That's a real shame. I'd only seen her a few days ago, and she was still coming then. Oh, maybe I said something. My poor brother. He hasn't seen her in three months and that was only because he'd gone to New York. She hasn't been to LA since he moved out here almost four years ago. He's promised he'll go to New York for Christmas instead.

So our Thanksgiving weekend has had a bit of a sad start. I promise myself I'll make it up to Sean somehow and then Ashleigh rings to say she thought it would be wise if she didn't come after all. I tell her she must. So she does, but within minutes she makes me regret it.

Sean isn't in the mood to put up with her usual crap, and I understand why. I try discretely to get her to back off a bit. After all, she is the reason he's missing Thanksgiving with his daughter. But honestly, I thought he'd have been more annoyed that she canceled last minute.

They get into one of their usual arguments. Like I said, Ashleigh hasn't really been herself for a while. There are times when she's nearly impossible to deal with and the longer she and Sean are together the more insane their bickering gets. I'm waiting for the all-out war between them that destroys the holidays for all of us.

“For fucks sake, Ashleigh, it's Thanksgiving,” Wayne shouts at her from the other side of the room. We're in the lounge and his voice carries over the several conversations going on in the room between our families huddled together. “Will you shut the fuck up and stop spoiling it for everyone or just fucking leave?”

I brace myself for Ashleigh's temper to blow sky high. But she just looks at Sean, then my parents and then me. “It seems I've outstayed my welcome,” she says as she walks towards me. She kisses my cheek, says goodbye to my parents and friends and then walks out the door.

I look out the window and she's walking towards her car; the hazard lights flash. But she can't... then I realize she hasn't had a drink all day. Except for the odd single glass of wine, I don't remember the last time I saw Ashleigh drink alcohol. I look at Wayne. “Go after her!”

“What?” He looks at me like I've grown another head. “Hell no.”

“Wayne, she's my boss,” I cry. “I have to work for her after this. Please will you go and apologize to her?”

He rolls his eyes and sighs. “Fine, I'll do anything you want if it makes you happy.” He walks out the door.

I watch them through the window. They get into a heated argument before a passenger climbs out of the car behind them. I recognize him instantly. Has Rylan been here all day? Why the hell didn't she invite him inside?

“What’s going on with her these days?” Sean asks. So I’m not the only one whose noticed how much she’s changed since she left home. My frown deepens. “Unless it’s a must-attend engagement, I never see her anymore. She’s not dating anymore, and as much as it pains me to say this, I wish she was dating someone,
anyone,
really. And this whole attitude thing has got to stop. It’s worse than I’ve ever known it be and you didn’t see her after you left New York. Impossible is not the word.”

I look at Sean as he watches Ashleigh through the window. “If I didn’t know better,” he continues, “I’d say something’s got her running scared?” I don’t answer. I don’t have one to give but I know Ashleigh isn’t scared of anything, except the press of course. “I mean, she’s making Rylan work on Thanksgiving. Doesn’t she care that the man has kids?”