Blush (10 page)

“You are so not punishing me.” Her knee-jerk reaction was to reject the very idea. She didn’t want that.

Did she?

Pleasure. Punishment. Maddy had never thought of the two together, but as Alex’s words twined them irrevocably in her psyche, she found that she thrilled to them.

Punishment.

Her Catholic-school upbringing, long buried, started frantically clawing through the rubble in which it had been buried. Good girls didn’t want to be punished. Good girls weren’t intrigued by secret, locked rooms that were filled with whips and chains.

“I understand that you’ll need to consider it.” Alex trailed his hand over her cheek, and as Maddy looked into his eyes, she knew that, no matter how strange this conversation was, she wanted to be with this man.

Wanting to touch him, to reassure herself that she wasn’t dreaming, Maddy lifted her hand to where his fingers still rested on her cheek, twining their hands together.

“Right.” Yes, she should probably think about this before jumping straight into his arms. This was a serious matter—whips. Pain. Punishment.

“We can talk. You can ask me anything, anything at all.” His other hand reached up to her face, so that the warmth of his palms heated her cheeks. “Think about what you like about sex. Go from there.”

“I don’t like sex.” Maddy physically recoiled as soon as she said the words, pulling back.
Shit. Shit
. Why had she said that? It was the truth—she’d never really seen what all the fuss was about—but added to it was this unfamiliar heat that Alex brought out in her, a heat that she very much wanted to explore.

She expected him to react to the strangeness of her statement—what kind of grown woman didn’t like sex? Instead his features were painted in surprise, then heat.

Clasping her tightly around the waist, he tugged her forward until she straddled his lap. The bare skin of her legs was abraded by the denim of his jeans, and Maddy could feel his hardness against her heat.

“You haven’t had sex with me.”

A
lex continued their conversation as if unaware of Maddy’s extreme arousal and nervousness. “Do you know why people embrace submission as a lifestyle, Maddy?”

She was standing beside a massive bed that was draped in steel gray sheets, in Alex Fraser’s bedroom. He was standing behind her, the lean planes of his body a whisper away from her. He was stroking his hands lightly down her spine, in a touch as light as a feather, yet her world had narrowed in to focus on that ghostly sensation.

She shook her head; she couldn’t speak. This was it, then. She was going to have sex with Alex. And if
he
couldn’t make her like it, then there wasn’t much hope.

She was pretty damn sure that she was going to like it.

“Because there is pleasure in being powerless. Being powerless is sensual, in that it allows you to explore your senses more fully than vanilla sex will ever allow you to.” His finger dipped below the neckline of her shirt to trace her shoulders, then around to paint over her collarbone. “Take off your shirt.”

“Now?” Maddy froze—what would he think of her naked? She had marks, pale scars from the car accident, that she didn’t want his assessing eyes to see.

“Take off your shirt, Madeline.” His voice became layered with steel, and she wondered what he would do if she refused.

Maddy’s mind flashed back to the room that he called the dungeon and to the mysterious tools that she’d seen. She wasn’t sure that she was ready to find out what he’d do if she refused. What else was there to do, then? After all, she wanted this, wanted
him
.

She crossed her arms at her waist and took her cotton tee in damp fingers. One swift tug and her torso was bare.

“Ah, you’re so beautiful.” Maddy felt Alex’s soft touch down her spine, exploring the bumps of her vertebrae. “That skin—cream and berries.”

The striping of his fingers dipped just below the waistband of her shorts, just above the crease of her behind, before flying back up to the nape of her neck and beginning again. This time, when he reached the clasp of her bra, he deftly undid the hooks, and the garment fell to her wrists.

“Let it fall.” Trembling like a blade of grass in the wind, she flicked her wrists and let the bra drop to the ground. His hands slid from her spine to trace her ribs, feathering over her belly.

“I am going to take off your shorts.” His voice was matter-of-fact, and Maddy knew that, whether she was scared to be naked or not, her shorts were coming off. She held her breath as his fingers worked the button from its clasp, then tugged down the zipper. The metal sounded harsh in the hushed air of the room, followed by the soft shushing of khaki as it slid over her hips and down her legs.

Maddy was naked with Alex Fraser.
Holy hell
.

“Close your eyes.”

She hesitated just a moment, and he took his hands off of her completely. She whimpered with want and need.

He clasped her tightly around her waist and brushed a kiss on the top of her head. “Good girl.” Pushing slightly, Alex guided her the few short steps to his bed, then turned her around and pushed her back. The silky softness of his plush mattress hit the backs of her knees, and she sat, then lay down, guided all the while by his hands.

She could feel the mattress dip when Alex sat beside her. She turned toward him, started to open her eyes, but a warning growl from deep in his throat had her squeezing them shut again.

“Do you want to explore one of your senses, Madeline?” Blindly, she nodded, her hips shifting restlessly. She was conscious that, with her front to him, he could see parts of her that she’d rather he not. Strangely, he didn’t seem to mind her scars, or even to notice, and after a few minutes she relaxed a bit.

Something soft brushed over her cheek. She suspected it wasn’t his finger. It felt even softer, lighter on her skin. It moved over her cheekbone, then over her lips. It flirted with the curve of her neck, then caressed the hollow between her breasts.

She cried out when the softness played over first one nipple, then the other.

“What is that?” Maddy’s hips bucked, and her voice was a whimper.

“Shh.” Even in a whisper, he managed to admonish her. “Do you like it?”

She sighed in affirmation. The softness trailed down her belly and swept between her thighs.

“Oh.” The pressure was so soft, yet so insistent. She wanted . . . oh, she wanted more.

“Isn’t it amazing that something as insubstantial as a feather can cause so much sensation?” His voice was thick, thick with desire, she thought. “Now imagine that intensified, magnified a hundredfold.”

Maddy twisted her fingers in the sheets. She wasn’t sure if she would even survive this.

“You taste so sweet.” His tongue tasted along her jawline as his finger replaced the feather, tickling the soft skin between her thighs, and she gasped at the change in pressure.

Her eyes fluttered open, and the finger was withdrawn.

“Do that again, and I will turn you over my knee.” Alex’s voice was slightly breathless, and Maddy’s mouth fell open. She studied his face for a long moment before letting her eyes fall closed again.

He was serious. And she wanted nothing more in that moment than for his touch to return.

“Brat,” he murmured as he stroked through her slit. “You like pushing boundaries. It will be fun to teach you to submit.”

Maddy quivered under Alex’s ministrations.

He stroked back and forth through her lower lips, and she shifted restlessly. Just when she thought that she couldn’t handle it anymore, he slipped a finger inside of her and at the same time pressed against her clit with his thumb. She was so aroused from the teasing that the pressure made her shatter, her eyes flying open as stars danced in front of them.

“Ahh!” She felt as if she had lost control over her body—and reveled in the sensation. Maddy had never, never felt anything like it before. She was focused solely on the pleasure that was rocketing through her body. When the shudders subsided, she blinked slowly, taking in her surroundings as she came back to herself.

Alex had divested himself of his clothing and sheathed his erection in latex. Positioning himself between her legs as she lay on his bed, panting, he pushed her legs farther apart with rough hands and placed his cock at her entrance.

“Fuck, Maddy. I need to have you.” He slammed into her in a hard thrust, bending to cover her mouth with his own at the same time. Maddy arched up to meet him—
this
was what she’d been begging for, this feeling of fullness. He was bigger than any man she’d been with before and filled her to the point of pain. It was good pain, stretching her, making her feel alive.

His mouth swallowed her moans. He kissed her over and over, exploring her mouth as he thrusted. There was nothing teasing or gentle about his touch any longer—he was possessing her, branding her with his touch.

“Maddy.” She could feel his thighs tense, and she wrapped her legs around his waist with all of her strength. “Say my name.”

“Alex.” His pace quickened, and his hands found her breasts, pinching the tender tips and sending her flying again. “Alex!”

The feeling was shorter this time, but more intense, and her cries mingled with his own as he slammed home one final time and groaned.

She was shattered. Her mind was filled with him and only him. Next she was conscious of him withdrawing from between her legs, then of being picked up and moved so that her head lay pillowed on softness.

She had never felt more content.

•   •   •

A
lex was more than a little bit stunned. It had been years since he’d had vanilla sex, and yet the orgasm he’d just had had been an explosion that started at the base of his spine and ricocheted throughout his entire body.

Maddy . . . what was it about this woman? He’d never been overly attracted to innocence, so he didn’t think that was it. Besides, as her reaction in the kitchen, when he’d touched her locket, had shown him, she had secrets of her own, ones that she wasn’t likely to share.

No, she wasn’t as innocent as she appeared, nor as fragile. She was strong and giving, and everything about her appealed to him on a primordial level that urged him to claim her, to mark her.

Stroking fingers through her hair, he idly wondered what it would take to get her to sign his agreement. He didn’t want to hurt her, as he was sure that he ultimately would in the end, but he’d burned through the reserves that had let him try to stay away from her.

He wanted to possess her, not as a thing, but as a Dominant did a submissive woman. He knew in his gut that Maddy’s submission would be one of the most beautiful, gratifying things he’d ever experience.

“Little doe.” Experimentally, Alex ran his hands over her naked thighs, her torso, and up to her breasts. It was never too soon to start the dance that was the relationship between a Dominant and his submissive.

Maddy sighed, arching into his touch. She stiffened when he ran his fingers between her breasts, then over the chain of her locket. Her body tensed in that moment.

He wasn’t going to open it—she’d told him no, and he would honor that. But he didn’t like having a part of her closed off, a part that he didn’t have access to.

A submissive needed to be completely open, or her Dominant couldn’t possibly provide her with what she needed.

For now, Alex just wanted to coax away one barrier—that was, he wanted Maddy to let him touch the locket, to trust that he wouldn’t open it without her permission.

“Alex.” The warning note in Maddy’s tone softened as he continued to stroke his fingers over the chain, heating the metal with his skin but never making a move to open it. He felt the muscles of her body relax, bit by bit, as she began to understand that he wouldn’t force her to discuss it.

“The locket . . .” It was Alex’s turn to tense as her big blue eyes turned up to look right at him. A Dom—not to mention a successful tycoon—learned to read people very, very well, and he could see that Maddy wanted to tell him about the secret hidden inside the brass heart.

At the last moment, she froze, the shutters in her eyes sealing away her words.

“Get some rest.” Though disappointed that she’d shied away, Alex was determined. Winning a woman’s submission was so much sweeter than having it handed to him.

He was going to do whatever he had to, to get her to sign his Dominant/submissive contract and to start the exploration of his lifestyle with him.

But for now, it was pleasant enough to hold the sweet, fascinating woman in his arms as she drifted off.

He fell asleep as well, her body entwined with his and the scent of freesia in his nose.

M
addy wakened slowly, the muscles in her body as soft and supple as candle wax. She’d slept well, better than she had at any time in recent memory.

She opened her eyes gradually, and her stomach clenched in alarm when her sleep-fogged brain realized that she wasn’t where she’d expected to be.

Her mind circled frantically, trying to piece together the events of the previous night.

Alex, waiting for her outside Dr. Gill’s office.

Her drive to his casino, excitement buzzing through her along the way.

The sensual feast that he had waiting for her . . . the delicious wine . . .

His dungeon.

Maddy sat straight up as she remembered, in vivid detail, that strange room at the end of the locked hallway. Her heart began to race.

She didn’t entirely know what she’d gotten herself into. Things between them had progressed much faster than she’d ever expected.

Warily, she glanced down at the man who was fast asleep beside her. Heat flushed her skin as she saw the intimate way his hand was curled over her thigh, as she looked down the length of him and remembered the feeling of him inside of her.

He was naked, and last night she had touched every bit of his naked self. He had touched her. He had brought her outside of herself in the pleasure they found together.

It was so incredibly new for her.

Holding her breath, Maddy removed his hand from her thigh gently. He muttered a bit, then rolled onto his back, still fast asleep. It was so tempting to bend over, to wake him with lips pressed to the pulse just below his jaw.

But the part of her that was not at all happy to be out of comfortable surroundings trumped the one that was so drawn to this beautiful, enigmatic man, and so she slid out of bed as quietly as she could.

His breathing changed, and Maddy froze, but it was only for a moment, and then he settled back into a deep sleep.

Whatever his dreams held—and truthfully, though he had been inside of her, she had no idea what they were—they were clearly better than hers.

Swallowing against the hard lump that lodged itself in her throat, Maddy clutched a hand to her naked breasts and scanned the room for her clothing. She knew that it was silly to feel exposed when the only other person in the room was sound asleep, but she did regardless.

Her clothes were lying on the floor, right where she’d dropped them the night before. She could feel herself blushing as she stooped to pick up the shorts and simple T-shirt.

She’d let herself get carried away with Alex. And though the sensible thing to do would be to accept this for what it was—a night of surprisingly good sex—she already knew that she wanted to do it again. But she had to remember her job was waiting, her therapist was waiting, and so was her bucket list.

She needed some time, some space away from the all-consuming presence of Alex to gather herself together.

Maddy raked a hand through her sex-snarled hair and turned to take one last look at him. God, but he was gorgeous. He almost hurt her eyes.

And even sound asleep, he radiated power. Dominance.

He scared the shit out of her, even as she wanted him desperately.

“Thank you.” Maddy whispered the words to the slumbering man as she left his bedroom. She would call him later—she didn’t think she’d be able to stay away—but right at that moment, she needed some space.

Steeling herself, Maddy turned to head down the hallway to the front entrance of the penthouse. No doubt it had some fancy security on it that she would have no idea how to get around, but she was sure that Declan or someone was around somewhere. She doubted that a man as rich as Alex cleaned his own toilets.

“Hmm.” Her feet refused to move. She furrowed her brow as, instead of heading to the front door, she found herself walking to the closed door of the dungeon.

Her heart skipped a beat as she ran her fingers over the smooth metal handle. It was locked. She was sure it was locked. But she tried just the same—she couldn’t seem to help herself.

The door opened. Maddy gasped as she all but fell into the room, only barely catching herself.

It looked different in the daylight. Less sensual, more . . . well, she didn’t really have a word to describe what it looked like.

How did one describe something like this? Lost for words, she pushed the door shut behind her until only a sliver of light from the hallway showed through, then wandered across the floor aimlessly, trying to take in her surroundings without the distracting presence of Alex.

The shelf on the far side of the black-and-gray room seemed like a good place to start. Her steps were hesitant, even without anyone there to see her. But for heaven’s sake, she was heading toward a shelf that held . . . obscure things. Devices of torture. It was just slightly surreal.

Her eyes flicked over the different . . . she didn’t even know what to call them. Instruments? Maddy supposed that word would do as well as any other. Vibrators. Well, she knew what those were for, even if it had been years since she’d owned one. Something that looked kind of like a spatula, but with a long, flexible handle. A leather . . . Surely that wasn’t a feather duster. In fact, she had a good idea what that one might be for, and it made her pulse skitter. Hastily, she moved on down the shelf, her eyes open and, though wary, still greedy for information.

There was an open black box that held a handful of silicone pieces shaped like elongated lightbulbs. There was a big pottery dish of things that looked like clothespins, but with sparkly stones hanging off one end. There was a leather strap with a silver ring holding a black rubber ball centered in the strip and a pair of heavy-looking silver globes the size of golf balls.

Handcuffs. She knew what those were for, too, though she’d never used them. An image of herself cuffed to the bed that she’d just scrambled out of made her blush.

Great coils of rope hung on the walls, all different lengths and widths. Their pale straw color broke up the deep gray color of the walls, much, Maddy imagined, as a whip would mark skin.

The image suffused her with heat. The whips hung next to the ropes, a full dozen of them.

Her eyes strayed to the big wooden X that stood in the center of the room. There were silver restraints at each tip of the X, and since she wasn’t stupid, she knew what they were for.

“Shit.” She couldn’t ignore the interest that she was feeling. Maddy shook her head, squeezed her eyes tightly shut for a long moment, then moved quickly to the sideways cross.

The wood was dark and highly polished. Tentatively, she reached out and ran her fingers over it. It was smooth and cool.

She could imagine what it would feel like against her back, her arms, and her legs. Although she wanted to deny it, the daydream she was entertaining was . . . exciting. Arousing. As was the thought of one of those whips flicking against her skin, held in Alex’s powerful grasp.

Maddy gasped out loud at the thought, then chastised herself just as quickly.

“If something like this excites you, Stone, then Dr. Gill has more work to do than she thinks.” Maddy muttered the words, then, shoring up her resolve, decided that for the sake of her mental health, she needed to go.

She turned only to shriek when she found a large, masculine frame mere inches behind her. She slapped out with both hands, and the figure caught her wrists and held her tightly in place.

•   •   •

“E
asy, Maddy.” Alex slid his hands from Maddy’s wrists up to her shoulders, and electricity followed in his wake. Though she was dressed, Maddy was still bedroom eyed, her hair tousled, and he could smell the musk of sleep clinging to her skin.

He had woken just in time to see her wavy ribbons of hair slip out the door of the bedroom. Guessing where she’d wind up, he’d taken his time pulling on a pair of printed navy pajama bottoms, the drawstring holding them up just below his hip bones.

The little doe looked mortified, and he thoroughly enjoyed the accompanying blush.

“I . . .” Maddy stuttered. He wasn’t going to ask her to explain herself, though he couldn’t quite suppress the knowing grin.

She was intrigued by this room, by the idea of BDSM—by him.

He wasn’t alone in his desire.

“It’s not wrong, what you’re feeling.” It pissed Alex off to see the hint of shame in Maddy’s expression as she studied his face. Though mainstream society certainly said differently, the BDSM lifestyle wasn’t anything to be ashamed of. Nor was it about a man needing to hit a woman or about a woman needing a man because she couldn’t think for herself, or any of the dozens of other stereotypes that existed.

Some people simply had different needs, needs that couldn’t be satisfied by bland sexual relations. It wasn’t wrong; it was just different.

He knew from past experience, though, that he could tell her that until he ran out of breath, but ultimately it was something she would have to discover for herself.

Clearly wrestling with her conflicting shame and desire, Maddy groaned out loud and shut her eyes.

When she opened her eyes again, peeking up at him, Alex couldn’t help but smile. “This is pretty heavy talk for first thing in the morning, Maddy.” He removed his hands from her shoulders and took her hand.

Her face showed surprised. She tugged a bit, but he simply laced his fingers in hers and pulled her toward the door.

“Alex.” When she said his name, so intimately, it felt like a caress on his skin. He paused, turning back to find her looking at him with an intent stare.

Tentatively, she rose up on her tiptoes until she could brace her hands against his chest.

Lifting her chin, she brushed a kiss over the line of his jaw. Heat began to coil in his gut as she moved her lush, moist lips up until they brushed over his.

“Fuck, Maddy.” He closed his eyes and groaned as she tentatively explored his mouth, her tongue tracing the seam of his lips as she grew bolder.

She was a brave one. He had shown her his dungeon, and instead of running, she was chasing the thrill.

“Maddy, wait.” It nearly killed him, but he reached up and caught her wrists in his hands. Allowing himself to savor one final brush of her mouth over his, he pulled back, bending down to press a kiss into her soft, warm hair, then pulled her out into the hall.

“There will be plenty of time to explore each other, Maddy. But right now you need some time to think.”

•   •   •

A
s the door snicked shut behind them, she felt as though they’d left Neverland and arrived back in reality. Maddy blinked in the brighter light of the hallway.

Her eyes adjusted to the light, and she felt the desire of moments before replaced with irritation and uncertainty. “Did I do something wrong?”

Before she could even take another breath, Alex had her pressed against the wall, one hand caught in her hair, tugging her head back to expose her throat. He trailed a line of hot kisses over the skin, ones that left her weak in the knees. At the same time, he took her hand and, sliding it between their bodies, pressed her palm against the length of his erection.

“You’ve done everything just right, Maddy.” When her hand squeezed involuntarily, he arched into the touch. “I’m trying to be a gentleman here.”

“I’m sorry.” Her voice was contrite. “I’m also sorry I went into your—room.” She blurted out the apology before he could get mad at her, though she still wasn’t about to call it a dungeon. It sounded absurd. Normal people didn’t have dungeons in their homes.

Nothing about Alex was normal.

He eyed her with speculation, and with a hand placed at the small of her back, ushered her down the hallway.

“I left the door unlocked on purpose, Maddy. I hoped you’d be curious to go back and explore.”

She inhaled deeply; she’d thought she was off the hook, and instead he’d gotten her right where he wanted her.

Alex Fraser was going to be a hard man to say no to—she doubted that he heard the word very often. But this was wrong on so many levels. A man like him didn’t belong with a woman like her, for starters. Then there was the whole reality of her life, which, while slowly getting better, was still a tangle of strings where there had once been a tapestry.

Alex’s lifestyle was only going to make that tangle tighter, not coax the strings back into their proper place.

“I’ve got to go, Alex.” At the end of the hall, by the front entryway, Maddy turned to face him, though she didn’t meet his eyes. He was wearing those glasses of his again, and he looked so sexy in them that it broke her concentration. He hadn’t done anything to make her feel embarrassed, but still, this was the second time she’d all but thrown herself at him and he’d rejected her. “Thank you . . . um, thank you.”

How did one say goodbye in this kind of relationship . . . or whatever this thing between them was? She almost felt as though she should hold out her hand and offer to shake.

She settled for stooping to grab her purse, which was tucked under the table in the entryway.

“I should spank you for trying to sneak out.”

Maddy dropped the purse she’d just picked up and stood abruptly as the words shocked all sense right out of her. She looked straight into his eyes, and her mouth fell open.

“I beg your pardon?” She tried to put some frost into her words—he’d just told her he wanted to
spank
her—but she couldn’t find the chill. No, instead his words made her think of his hand across her bare bottom, striking her until her flesh turned pink from his touch.

She wanted it. She craved it.

She was going insane.

“You heard me.” Damn it, he
knew
what kind of pull he had over her. “I’m glad you went exploring, little one. I’m not glad that you tried to sneak away without an explanation or a goodbye. If you were my submissive, that kind of behavior would have me turning you over my knee.”

Maddy tried to mask her face into indignation. She was fairly certain that she didn’t succeed.

“That doesn’t make me any more inclined to accept your offer, Alex.” She didn’t like being chastised like a child, but damn it, she still couldn’t help the sensation that his words had wrought.