Boarded by Love (26 page)

“We’ve been through this, Claire. You don’t need money – we will take care of you.”

“I know you guys will, but I don’t want to depend on you my whole life. I have to stand on my own two feet.”

“I understand that, but you don’t have to do something you are ashamed of to make ends meet. We will take care of you.”

“I’m not ashamed,” I say, but that’s not the whole truth. I love doing this, but I know that Phillip and Jude won’t like it, and because of that, I’m ashamed. Shaking my head, I whisper, “I have to take care of myself.”

“I wish I could slap your mother. God rest her soul, but I mean, shit, Claire. How much do we have to do to reassure you that we aren’t going anywhere? All these years have passed. Have we left? No, we’re here for the long haul. Beside you, loving you, you know we love you, right?”

I nod, meeting her gaze. “Of course I do, but–”

“That’s all that matters,” she says, “We love you. Nothing will ever stop that. You have to quit with this. I know people have come and gone in your life, but sweetheart, we aren’t going anywhere.”

I want to trust and believe that, I do, but it’s hard. But I grew up with my mom saying, “No one stays forever,” and I believed her. Reese and Phillip could decide they are done with me in an instant. Hell, Jude could too, but while I pick up the pieces of my heart, I have to have something to fall back on. I have to have that security. Money is that. I will always have food and shelter as long as I have money.

Reaching for my hand, she squeezes my fingers and I look up at her. “Answer me this: do you like dancing onstage?”

I bite the inside of my cheek so hard I taste blood so I let up. I don’t want to answer her because I know what she’s going to say. But I also know I can’t lie to her. “I don’t like the attention sometimes. I don’t like dancing as someone else, and I don’t like when we get the drunks who try to grab me and shit, but I love the idea of burlesque.”

“Then you quit. Right now.”

I’m shaking my head before she finishes the sentence. I ignore her irritated look and say, “Reese, I need another twenty grand and I’ll quit. I’ll have enough for a studio and a decent life after I graduate. Not much longer, a month or two at the most. I want to do this investors thing too.”

Eyeing me, she doesn’t say anything for a long time, and then she asks, “I can’t talk you out of this, can I? You’re gonna do it no matter what? You know you can do the investors thing offstage.”

I nod. “Yeah, I know, but I make so much money onstage. I can’t walk away from that, plus Ms. Prissy would freak if I quit. I’m her best dancer.”

“I know, honey, but if you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it.”

“I know, but I do like it…sometimes, and I think in my heart I know y’all will never leave me, but I’m scared. I need this security. Please just let me get it and then I’ll quit. I promise.”

“Two months, that’s it.”

“Two months. Then I’ll quit. But what should I do about Jude?”

Shaking her head, she says, “Quit, or tell him.”

“I’m afraid if I tell him he’ll leave. I know it hasn’t been that long, but I don’t want to lose him.”

“If he leaves, then he doesn’t deserve you. But you need to be honest or this will blow up in your face. This is a respectable business; it’s not like being a stripper. You aren’t that.”

I know she’s right, but maybe I can just keep it quiet for another two months. Though, that just doesn’t seem right. I feel as if I’m not giving him all of me and I hate that. I know he’s an all-in kind of guy, and I feel like he deserves the same from me, but I don’t know how to share this with him.

Looking across the table, I know she’s frustrated with me. Maybe even a little hurt. “Are you mad?”

Looking at me, she says, “No. I’m hurt. I thought we’d done everything we could to make you feel secure in our love, but I guess not.”

“No, you have, I promise. I’m just scared, Reese. I love you guys. I couldn’t be the person I am without you.”

“Then quit.”

“In two months, please. Two months, Reese.”

Shaking her head, she takes in a deep breath and then lets it go. “Fine, but you need to tell Phillip too while you’re at it. Especially if this becomes something you’re going to do forever. I know that you may be scared that he’ll be mad, but I bet you he won’t. He wants whatever is going to make you happy.”

“I know that, but he still isn’t going to like that I’m onstage.”

“No, but he’ll get over it as soon as you tell him this is something you want to make into a career. You’re good at it, beautiful at it. Phillip is all about what makes us happy, and that’s all that matters. He always says as long as his girls are happy, life is good. That’s what a good man does. He loves you for all of you and supports you in what you want to do. I bet if you tell Jude the same thing, he’ll understand. You just have to believe that.”

“I love making dances and I love the sexiness of burlesque,” I admit and she smiles. “But I’m worried they won’t see it that way, they’ll think it’s stripping or something degrading. No one has ever seen my tits or vagina.”

“I agree, and I’m sure they will too.”

“I just want to be happy.”

“Then do it, baby. But be honest. Don’t hide what you are proud of. You just have to be honest. Honest about everything, Claire. Don’t hold back. I’m sure he’ll understand and support you.”

I sure do hope so.

But something tells me that, while Phillip might do as Reese says, Jude is a whole other situation.

One that scares the hell out of me.

W
hen I’m not dancing with the dance team, I’m at the studio, and when I’m not at the studio, I’m dancing at Ms. Prissy’s. Somehow, between all this, I’m also going to school, studying, and falling for Jude Sinclair a little more each day.

It’s magical, really.

I should be overwhelmed and stressed out, but for the last six days, I’ve felt amazing. Perfect even. He makes everything so easy. It’s not hard to be with him and I enjoy that. I don’t want to work to like someone, and I feel like it shouldn’t be like that. It should be easy, and with him, it is. He’s honestly my favorite person right now, and that’s saying a lot because I love Phillip and Reese something crazy. But there is something about Jude that makes me breathless and excited for every second I get to be with him.

I just enjoy him.

I love learning things about him, discovering his likes and dislikes. I mean, he loves candy but only fruity stuff. No chocolate! I told him he was nuts, but when he told me he wasn’t a big fan of cake, I told him I didn’t think this relationship would work. He proved otherwise by kissing the hell out of me and letting me know I’m not going anywhere without him. It’s little things like that that just make me all ooey and gooey inside. He’s so fun to talk to especially when he talks about all the trouble he and his brothers got into, which was a lot. He has so many stories, and while I love his versions, I bet his mom’s versions of everything will be more entertaining. I am nervous about meeting her and the rest of his family, but in a way, I’m good with it. I know that he respects his mom and loves her more than anything, but I figure if after all this time he hadn’t been with anyone, and now he’s bringing me home, Mrs. Sinclair is bound to love me or hate me. Hoping for the first option!

While this week has been amazing getting know him even more, my favorite part besides cuddling with him has been watching him play hockey. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan of early mornings, especially when I’m out till four in the morning dancing, but I would honestly get up every single morning to watch Jude play. And I have for the last three days. I used to think that Phillip was the best player I’d ever seen, and maybe I’m being biased because I like the guy, but my God, he is phenomenal. He’s so quick, knows the game like the back of his hand, and makes the plays that need to be made. He’s a little selfish with the puck, but it’s because he knows he can score, and I admire that. He told me he’s learning to be a better team player, but he can’t resist making the big plays, and I love watching him do it.

It’s almost like he is the whole package to me. He’s sweet, romantic, and so damn honest. If he doesn’t like something, he tells me, and he makes it known when he does like something. Again, it’s just so damn easy. I can lie on him and read a book and not worry about a damn thing. It’s all just so comfortable. We fit together when we sleep, we like the same foods, and the boy can kiss my socks off. I’m falling for him. That’s all there is to it, and I can’t figure out how that makes me feel. On one hand, I am all for it – hell yeah, let’s do this! But, on the other hand, what if I give him all of me and he decides that some other girl is more worth his time? I know that every person has that fear, but unlike other people, I can’t just stop. I have to be with him – I have to see him, talk to him, and kiss him. I need him. I can’t turn around and run like I want to; I’m rooted to this guy.

Knowing that I’m going to see him in a matter of hours to head out to his family’s house makes me extremely excited. To my surprise, I’m more excited about seeing him than seeing my Assassins family, and I kinda feel like an asshole for that. These are my favorite women ever. I shouldn’t be counting down the minutes to the end of this class to see Jude, but…I am. That makes me an asshole, huh? I just can’t help it!

Taking off my shirt and sweatpants, I fold them before hitting the floor to stretch. I’m wearing my bra that Reese got me. It says “Get Sexy” on it, and on the ass of my booty shorts, it says “One pole at a time.” To say that Phillip didn’t like the outfit at all is an understatement and further supports my claim that he’s probably going to lock me up when I finally get the balls to tell him about Ms. Prissy’s. He knows that Reese used to work there, but it’s different with me. I’m his niece, basically his daughter, and I don’t think he’s going to support me. No matter how excited I am about the investors.

Just the other night, I performed and started teaching the choreographed numbers I had come up with, and Ms. Prissy was blown away. She joked that I was going to be taking over the business, and it pleased me beyond belief. I called Reese at two in the morning just to tell her. I’m excited, and a part of me can see the bright lights of Las Vegas. The only thing I hope is that Jude gets picked up by either the Ducks or the Kings… Oh, and that he stays with me when he finds out I dance for horny men.

My phone dings and I head to my bag to get it, and when I see the message is from Jude, I say, “Speak of the devil and he shall appear.”

Hey Jude: U want me to pick u back up at 5 right?

Me: Yeah, I’ll be ready, my class gets over at 4:15, I’ll be down there by then.

Hey Jude: Ok, awesome, see you soon.

Me: Great.

I go to put my phone down, but before I can, another text comes through. Leaning against the pole, I click on it and smile as I read his text.

Hey Jude: btw…I miss u a whole heck of a lot.

I smile as my heart soars. I didn’t get to see him but for a few minutes yesterday since Tuesdays are insane for both of us. I have an afternoon class, dance, and then classes here at the studio, and he has an afternoon class and hockey that night. Because of that, we only had about ten minutes to see each other and it wasn’t nearly enough, so I know exactly what he means.

Me: btw…I miss u a whole heck of a lot…more.

Hey Jude: :)

Me: <3 See you soon.

Pushing off the pole, I head to my bag and toss my phone in it. Standing up, I glance out at where ten dance poles are set up for the new class Reese and I are trying out. We already have tons of moms signing up for it, but I want to practice on my family first. The training for pole dancing was amazing, and I’ve been using a lot of what I learned from it, but mostly I use stuff from the club. My main goal is to make them feel sexy, and since that comes easily to me, this is fun. The great thing is that it encourages fitness too, and my aunt Elli has already lost ten pounds this month from doing it each week!