BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (119 page)

"Ask me that, Lucas." His father invited.

He turned to face him, "I'd rather not, you see - I didn't come here to see you. I came here to speak with my mother. In fact, I'll leave for now and come back after you're gone. Care to let me know when that will be?"

Lucas Sr. exhaled and looked at his wife, then back to his son, "You here, Lucas, we might as well go on clear the air now."

"My air is quite clear, what's it gonna be? You sell that scrap yard or something ol'man?"

"So you know where I was?"

"Yeah, I knew."

"And you didn't come to me."

"I didn't have you, you had me. You wanted me, you knew where to find me - you knew the school I attended as well, if you didn't want to see her. What's it gonna be, you going or am I?"

Lucas Sr. stood a moment more and couldn't find the energy to argue with him. "I'm goin', you stay here, talk to your mama."

"I ain't fix your breakfast yet Lucas." Lydia fretted.

"I get something on the way." He offered, accepting things as they were.

Turning to her son, "Don't do this - he your father - at least hear him out."

"I'm not interested in anything he has to say, he made his choice all those years ago, this is mine. Look, I'll be back when he's gone." Lucas Jr. turned, grabbing the door knob to leave.

"Hol'on boy, I said I'm goin'!"

Lucas Jr. backed away clearing the door for him, looking in the opposite direction.

Lydia looked as if she would cry. Lucas Sr. took his keys from the hook - gave her a kiss and a wink. "See you for lunch."

She gave a sad smile, "Okay." Despite the fact that he'd left and not come back for the kids, she still felt responsible for it all, and thought there would never be a time when she would not look back in regret; after all, even though he was gone, he'd always sent her money for their home, for his children, and it was because of that, that she could forgive him, but his children, that was a different matter all together. After he was gone, Lydia turned to her son, "You could'ah give him a chance, ain't nobody perfect Lucas, we all make mistakes."

"I don't wanna hear that! He had a chance, every single year that went by after he left us, was his chance! Now, don't matter."

"Your sister forgave him."

"Good for her, she was always his favorite anyway."

"That ain't true Lucas."

"Mama, it don't matter to me, I just don't care, okay? Anyway, she the reason I'm here. I went by her place, she don't live there any more, where has she move to this time?"

"So you here looking for Sylvia?"

"Yeah, I am - if you wish to know."

"So, if she had been where you could find her, you wouldn't be here now then."

"Look, I'm here, aren't I?"

"For Sylvia, not me."

"What's with you mama? You want me to fall into your arms, hug and kiss and cry, and tell you I missed you? I've been a bad son, I'm home now and repented? Come on mama, let's face it - you were just barely here for us, yourself. It's not like you wanted to be - if you were given a better choice, you would have been gone! Where's Sylvia?"

Lydia couldn't speak - she couldn't make up her mind if she was hurt, or angry? "I wasn't that bad, I was here for you, all of you."

"Mama, please - let's avoid this, I just wanna know where Sylvia is."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't the best mama there is, but I was-..."

"Okay, okay, okay - so you weren't. You gave birth to us, you changed our diapers - fed us - we were clean, disciplined, what more is there, right?"

"I loved you too, Lucas."

"I'm glad to hear that mama, that's nice. Where - is - Sylvia?"

"Just like that, where Sylvia? You not gone stay, talk, give us a chance to clear the air?"

"The air is clear. The way I see it, you and he both did what you planned on doing, what more is there? You provided all the basic necessities, no extras, just the necessities. So under those circumstances, following your lead, his lead - how can you expect anything extra from me? Can you please tell me how to contact Sylvia?"

Lydia stood feeling weak in the knees from his absolute cold detachment from her. She stood facing her oldest child and son, and he treated her as if she were nothing more than a neighbor he lived down the street from long ago. She didn't know what to do, what to say to fix this. She so badly wanted to, but how? Facing him now, made her appreciate her daughter that much more. With no immediate way to fix it or answer him, she finally informed him, "Sylvia's moved to Wisconsin."

"Wisconsin? Since when?"

"Since - Armundo died."

"What?! You gotta be kidding, when did he die?"

"He was in a car accident a few years back, hit a tree."

"That's messed up! But hey, not all is lost, she's free now at least. I didn't like him too much anyway, he was fake - transparent, put on a show when I was around. Anyway, did David go with her?"

"No - she nor I have heard from David in years."

"What the heck? He said he was going to her - to chill with her a while."

"I know - but she never saw him, he never went to her." Lydia commented, wondering now where he'd disappeared to?

Lucas stood a moment thinking of his little brother. He couldn't believe that he wasn't with Sylvia. Because of his drug problem, he couldn't imagine him any where else. He hadn't been able to hold down a job in some time, thus was always looking for a place to stay. All he had to do was show up and Sylvia had always welcomed him in. So it made no sense to him that he wouldn't be with her now.

Watching him think and wonder, worried Lydia, "What you thinkin', Lucas?"

"It don't make no sense that David wouldn't be with Sylvia, and he's not here, so where is he? He knew how to reach me and the last time he did, we got into a bit of an argument about Sylvia, about Armundo, he didn't like him either. That's when he said he was going to Sylvia, see about her. He said, somebody had to see about her, because Armundo wasn't treating her right, said he thought he might be hitting on her."

Lydia felt her face flame with fire, he couldn't see it, but the discussion hit to the core of her. It reminded her of the times her daughter came to her - with the kids - to get away from him. And then finally, of the one time she finally asked her could she come home. Remembering her response to her then, made her feel a punch to her stomach now. Back then, it had seemed the right thing to do, back when she was harder, without empathy. She'd told her not to get involved with that Armundo, he'd come into her life and went from 0 to 60 in no time flat and just took over. Next thing she knew, her daughter was graduating from school, pregnant by him. As far as Lydia had been concerned, she'd deserved whatever she got, because she shouldn't have let him in. Therefore, she'd made her bed, she had to lie in it. She thought baling her out, would teach her nothing. She thought baling her out would make her weak. She thought baling her out, would set her up in the habit of running home every time something went wrong. After all, when Lydia left home so many years ago, she hadn't been able to go back - she'd had to endure. But now, presently, she realized that she hadn't gone back home because she was too ashamed to. She'd left promising to be a star one day, a singing sensation. Only to end up being married with babies, married to a mechanic.

Lydia felt sick, because regret offered you no mercy. Now, she wished with all her might, that she had opened the door for her daughter, to let her back in. Even though she hadn't, things hadn't turned out so bad, after all - look at her now. Look at her children. Things hadn't turned out so bad, but yet - she still felt regrets. And if that were not enough, where was her son, where is David? Before now, she thought his absence had been due to the same reasons Lucas Jr. had stayed away, now - she wasn't so sure.

Pulling her from her worrying thoughts, Lucas asked, "So, where in Wisconsin?" He was back to Sylvia once more.

Lydia looked up from the floor, at him, and wished he would just give her a chance. Just talk to her, let her tell him what she felt inside, about all the things she knew was wrong, but his mind was on one thing, finding his sister. "She bought a house - in a small town there. Camp Daniels, she married again too - gone have a baby."

"What? You got to be kidding me! Ah man, hell - well that blows that!"

"Blows what?" Lydia asked.

"I was gonna ask her if she wanted to work with me and my band. Jazz band, we tour the west coast, heading out east soon. Unfortunately, we lost our lead singer. Automatically, I thought of her, with her kids being grown now - I figured she might want to give it a go, maybe join me."

"You - into jazz?"

"Yeah, not doing too bad. Got a couple of albums out, you see - I play the piano and not bad on the sax, and Sylvia, you'd be surprised by how talented she is, she's got a voice that would blow your mind."

"I know that!" Lydia snapped, she could feel and sense the cynicism in his comment, a subtle thump on the fact she wouldn't know anything about that part of them because she never gave the time to pursue their interests. What made her sick was, the truth hurt. "For your information, I seen her perform - I know how good she is."

A look of surprise crossed his features, "So she's performing somewhere?"

"Not now she not. She entered a jazz contest a while back, I went there to see her, she won."

"Wow - sorry but, I can't imagine you giving a damn enough to see her do anything, especially sing. That must have been hard to sit through, watching your daughter out perform you, sing better than you ever could."

"Get the hell out'ah my house!" Up until then, she was feeling regretful, hurt - now - she was angry, because he was deliberately being nasty, mean, and she was still his mother. She walked to the door, opening it, saying as she did so, "You know, it may pain you to recognize me as your mama, but that's who I am! So whether you think I deserve it or not - you don't get to disrespect me like that. I have to answer to the Lord above for my wrongs! Not you! All I owe you now, is maybe - why! Nothing else! Giving only the basics, even that is deserving of some respect! You get the hell out! I ain't gone take no shit like that from you, and nobody else! I need you like I need a damn hole in my head! Tell you that right now! Seein' as how you came only for Sylvia, she ain't here! So see yo' ass off, I don't need no guilt trip! Another seven or eight years, suit me just fine!"

"Hey, fine - I'll go - can I at least have Sylvia's number, her address before I go?"

Lydia looked him up and down with her disdain of old, "You see this open door? Don't let the knob hit you in the ass on the way out!"

"So you gonna be like that? All this time, this how you gonna end it?"

"Did you heah' me nigga? I said get yo'ass to steppin'." She grit out with tight lips.

"Fine! There's other places I can get it." He gulped, looking a bit contrite, a tad bit too late.

"Then speed yo'ass up there! You know me, no time for the extra bullshit - head off - 'cause I'm not kissin' nobody's ass! Least of all, yours!"

"Pffft! I should have known." He headed out the door.

"That's right, you should have! Didn't have to waste my time, nor yo'own!" She bit out following him down the stairs. Shaking his head, Lucas said nothing more, rushing down the stairs and out.

She watched him go, cloaking her hurt in anger. She knew and saw her wrongs, but she wasn't going to be talked to or treated that way by her own son. Heading back up the stairs after locking up after him, she straightened up her home, dressed and left for the scrap yard, where she spent a great deal of her time helping out there. Answering the phone, filing, and helping out where she could. She'd cleaned up the outer office as well the back room, where she cooked and fed them there. That morning, upon arriving, she gave Lucas Sr. an accounting of what took place between them. At first, all he could do was shake his head, until he commented, "Don't know what it's gone take to undo that one."

"Well - he too bitter. Unless he turn loose that arrogance, nothing we say gonna make a difference no way. Right or wrong, no child of mine gone talk to me that way. What's got me worried is David - you should'ah seen the look on his face when I said me, nor Sylvia heard from him. He was really worried, which got me worried now. Where is he Lucas?"

Stopping by the counter, sipping his coffee as he did through the day while at the scrap yard, he wondered the same. Finally he looked to his wife saying, "Thank we need to report him missing?"

Lydia nodded, "Yeah, I think we need to, somethin' not right."

Wisconsin to Chicago...

Jake was checking his load over, making sure that everything was secure and in place, that once he was rolling, it would not be going anywhere once on the highway. This was the first of his many trips under the new negotiations of his pay rise, starting off right away with a biggie. He would be dropping off three loads, which meant three stops - the last would be deposited back home at his job, however, he would be pulling into Chicago with that last one, a brief detour to collect his future wife, Vivian. It had not been apart of the original plan, but he wasn't going to turn away money, good money, because he would be relocating her that weekend, no way. He was thankful that his parents had taken the majority and largest items that would be relocated to Wisconsin with her. The things left, would fit on the back of the truck easy. As it was, it just so happened that Kevin would have to work that weekend and so wouldn't be able to bring him down to Chicago, so things couldn't have worked out better as far as Jake was concerned.

He'd spoken a little bit to Vivian about the change of plans in that Kevin wouldn't be bringing him, but he'd be arriving in the midst of work and a delivery, therefore - everything that she would be bringing, needed to be packed up Friday night, period. No waiting around, no Saturday morning moving; he would be collecting her and Paul, Friday night to return home so he could deliver the load to work Saturday morning, and letting her know, that he would also be working Saturday. He wanted to keep that overtime coming in as long as he could. Before he slowed down, he wanted to be in a position to completely pay Ben back for the money on the vanity her bought her. He wanted to knock a huge chunk out of the money he owed Shawn for her ring, if not pay it off and he wanted to also put a serious dent in his debt for the truck to his brother. Working on the house, gave him a lot of time to think. One conclusion he came to, he wasn't going to start digging into that money his mother set aside for him, no way. He feared that if he began pulling from that, they would go through it and he wasn't going to let that happen. It had to remain as a cushion for them, nothing else. He'd even budgeted how much of it he was willing to use to refurbish their home. Once he got the home up to liveable standards, that was it. No more digging in that pot. The rest would have to be done with what he earned from his job, the deliveries and the overtime. That was the reason he was going at it full force right now, unwilling to touch his money again until he absolutely had to. There was also taking on Vivian's bills. Because he pulled her out of her job, she wouldn't be able to claim unemployment, which she kept moaning about. Saying the previous night, "I can't believe I'm doing this - you don't know how hard this is for me. I mean we're down to the wire here Jake, are you positively sure, you want me to give up my job?"