BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (31 page)

Darren smiled, reached through the bar, grabbed Ben's nose and squeezed it laughing. Making Ben laugh out as well. He grabbed his little hand gently, and kissed his palm. "You, are just like your mama, you know that? A little imp. Full of mischievous energy with the most incredible smile I have ever seen."

Darren leaned up, pressed his forehead to the bars, "Ge'-up Ben." He climbed to his knees, holding his hands out to be taken from the bed.

"Aaah Darren, man you're gonna get me in trouble. You're supposed to be sleeping."

"Ge'-up Ben." He repeated, standing in the crib, holding his arms out to him. Ben couldn't resist, he stood, took him from the crib and held him in his arms. "Now what? You should be sleeping."

"No."

"Yes."

"No, n'sleepy Ben." He said in such a sweet little voice, that Ben wanted to hug him, kiss him. He really did look like his mother even though he had his father's coloring. With a sigh he gave in to him, "Well, if you're not sleepy, you're
just
not sleepy. But you can't get down and play, 'cause mama wants you sleeping. So you'll have to stay with me until you get sleepy, okay? Will you stay with me? Mama's busy, Mundo's chilling and Angela is too, so its just you and I." He spoke softly trying to think of what to do with him while he took a shower, second thought, "Looks like my shower is going to have to wait. Wanna go for a walk? Get some fresh air?"

Darren nodded that he did.

Ben reached into the crib, grabbed his blanket, putting it around him because the evening was slightly cool, turned and found his trainers, slipping his feet into them. Next, he came quietly down the stairs and headed for the kitchen. Crystal was kneeling at the refrigerator wiping up spilled juice when Ben entered carrying her son.

"Crystal." He called to her softly, she turned, obviously surprised and stood closing the door. "He can't sleep. We're going for a little walk." Ben informed her right away. Crystal sighed, "Darren, you do this every night." She spoke softly, approaching them, trying to keep things on a low keel hoping that he'd eventually grow tired. She stood before Ben, who was holding her son, whom at the moment, wasn't interested in coming to her. In fact, he was leaning towards Ben's shoulder. Looking at him up there, Crystal was once again reminded of how tall Ben was. Because she was barely taller than her mother, maybe an inch or two at the most, Ben's 6'2 stature had her looking up. Once more, standing close to him, played havoc with her heart. She didn't understand it. She was in love with her husband, soon to be ex-husband Victor, so then, if she was in love with Victor, why was Ben's nearness doing to her what it was, she didn't understand that at all. She was not the only one struggling with the close proximity.

This was not the first time Ben had to confront his urges. Urges that he knew he had to squash because she was in love with her husband.

"Um, come with us? Just a little night time stroll, get some fresh air in him, maybe he'll drop off to sleep." He invited. He needed to break this feeling he had with her standing there, yet, he still wanted her near.

Crystal smiled, she wasn't ready to part from him either.

"Okay. Think maybe we should invite Angela?" She offered.

He smiled, hiding his disappointment. He'd wanted to be alone with her and Darren, but answered, "Sure, if she wants to come."

Crystal walked down the hall towards the living room, "Angela, Darren is still up, Ben and I are taking him for a walk, wanna come?"

Mundo looked up at her, then looked away, his mind going once again.

Angela turned looking up at Crystal, "No, I'm getting tired, you go. I'm gonna get in the shower in a minute."

"Oh, well - okay. See you when I get back."

"Okay." Angela smiled, feeling excited.

Mundo looked at her, "What you grinning like a fool fa'?"

Kneeling as she was, her hand went to her hip, and the head rotated with her answer, "I ain't grinnin' like no fool! Fool!" She simpered.

Mundo laughed, "You best watch it lil'o'rich girl, you losing all that refined and cultured speech, startin' to sound like you from the hood." He chuckled shaking his head.

"You know what Mundo?"

"What?" He replied, distracted by what was on tv.

"I want Ben and Crystal to be together. That way, Crystal won't ever leave and go away anywhere else."

He was surprised by her saying that, turning to her his response was, "Maybe. But if she stay by herself, she won't be going anywhere else anyway."

"I know, but Ben makes her happy. I want her to be happy."

"How you know, Ben makes her happy?"

"I know he does, I can tell the way she acts when he's around." She informed him.

"You know she still married to Victor, don't you?"

"They're getting a divorce though."

"True dat, but - she need to chill a bit. Be sure of what she want."

"Don't you like Ben, Mundo?"

"Of course I do, he real cool. But you know he got a girlfriend right?"

Angela sighed, deflated, "Yeah, I know, I heard it through the grapevine." She sounded so black, Mundo flipped over on the sofa dying laughing, "Girl you know you crazy! Heard it through the grapevine, ain't you 'bout a trip."

Angela shrugged, undeterred. There was still the ball her mother mentioned to Crystal. She would make sure to mention that to Ben. She stood heading upstairs, her mind in a dreamy fantasy of Sleeping Beauty, when they danced at the end of it. She superimposed Ben's and Crystal's head on the fantasy couple and was determined to make it so. She wanted what she wanted. Her world was almost complete. She had her father, Sylvia. She had Mundo, and now Ben. She didn't need test results to prove that he was her brother, she just knew that it was true. And to make sure she always had Crystal, she wanted her married to Ben. Then she would be a McPherson, and then with Jesse James coming, they would all be together, one big amazing family, living happily ever after.

"I have to say, that it is absolutely beautiful here. I love it." Crystal spoke softly as they slowly strolled within the rich estate, surrounded by incredible landscapes, trees, bushes and gardens galore.

"I will have to agree with you, I'm glad I came." He responded.

Crystal looked up at him, smiling, "I'm glad with you. You being here, saved my baby's life. That's something I will never forget."

Ben smiled, rubbing Darren's back, pulling the blanket up around him, "I guess all those years of being a lifeguard paid off in the greatest way ever. I still can't believe that he was out there, I mean, climbed right over the safety railing."

"I know!" She exclaimed softly. "Babies will drive you insane, especially when they're near or in their terrible twos. I thought he was in the living room with you guys."

"I tried to get him to come to me, but he was not interested in me in the slightest bit."

"Well, look at him now. I would say, that he is very interested." She murmured quietly.

Ben smiled, with Darren's head on his shoulder, he was starting to drift. He was thinking about her last line, that Darren was very interested. Ben wished that she was as interested in him. But at least, for now, she considered him her friend.

"You do surprisingly well with little ones considering the fact that you're single and so young yourself. Their own father is not even this good with them. Don't get me wrong, he loves them, but Mundo is actually more hands on with them than he is. But he tries to be a good father, he's always been a good provider, I must say that."

"Well, Jake was a good provider. He always took care of Kevin and my needs financially. But my father, Quincy - man I tell you, he is a star in my eyes. I mean, there aren't many men who will take on another man's sons and raise them as if they are his own. He did that. He did it whole soul, holding nothing back. I mean, he really loved me and Kevin. We could actually feel it."

"That's so nice to hear. So uh, when was the last time you called him, out of the blue and told him that?"

Ben looked down at her, "I haven't - told him that."

"Emmm, then, might I suggest, when we get back to the house, you getting on the phone and doing just that. Because I can tell you this, men like him deserve the greatest rewards of all. You see, I have one too. He may not have raised us from very young, as Quincy did you and Kevin, but - he's doing all in his power, to make up for all that we lacked in a father. I love me - some Papah-Shawn. You see,
he
is my hero. My brother's hero. How often do you find, a white man - stepping up to a black man's children, and saying to them, with all his heart and soul, you are mine and then ... meaning it?"

"Yeah, you're right. And that's why, I want him too. Does that make me greedy?"

"Of course not. He's your father."

"Maybe."

"I think he is."

"I hope so, I want with all my heart and being, to find, that he is my father. And I just need you to know, that its not to discount Jake. I know he loved me. In fact, he's pissed off at me right now, hurt. Gee-whiz you know, life can be so tough. Even when you don't mean to, you end up hurting the people you love, just trying to make sense out of who and what you are."

"Believe me, I know exactly what you mean. And you know what, I don't claim to be all that smart, or wise, but I'm learning that, you have to be real and true to you. Jake is too cool to let this fester in him for long. So don't worry about him. You, me, we need to make up our minds on how things in our lives effect us. And when we make a mistake, we need to own up to it and make it right. That's why I filed for a divorce. My mother sent me off to college to finish my education. I should have been focused on that, instead of tripping over the first guy that made me feel special."

"You are special Crystal."

She smiled, not really taking his words to heart, "No more so than anyone else. What makes someone special is, having the common sense, control and determination to do what they set out to do. I became like so many other girls, I fell in love, lost my virginity, and was knocked up before the second semester. Nothing special about that. I wasn't ready for marriage. I wasn't ready to deal with all the things that comes with it. I made him miserable. I didn't mean to, I just - I don't know - I just wanted to make everything so perfect, you know? Trying to prove something, to ... well, anyway - life is so convoluted, chaotic. Makes you long for perfection, which is crazy, since we're not perfect, you know? It's just that I wanted to show my mother so badly and say, see - I know what I'm doing, I have full control of my life. HA! What a joke."

"You ask me, I think you're being just a wee bit too hard on yourself."

She grew quiet, thinking. Benjamin walked along beside her, leaving her to do her thinking, as they made their way around curving sidewalks, past ornate gates, circular streets and winding roads. They needed to cross over to carry own, and without thinking, Benjamin put his hand out for Crystal to hold it crossing the street. Also not thinking, she automatically took it to be led across. He immediately handed her over to walk on the inside with him out near the curb as they carried on. Darren was fast asleep on Ben's shoulder.

"There's so much I wish I'd done differently." She finally spoke her mind once more, starting up again.

"Crystal you tried. That's all anyone can do. Just as you said, nobody's perfect, even though some people's lives have been. I think about Gail, talk about perfect. She has her perfect parents, mother and father, both professionals earning one heck of a living. Their perfect home, with their perfect son and daughter. Both doing what they're told to do. Both of them popular, and everyone wants to be like them, live like them, look like them. Even I'm guilty of that. But me, I grew up with three fathers, two present, one absent and a mother all labeled as the local McPherson whore. Quincy, everyone pitied and admired him for picking up after the McPherson's. Jake, they admired, resented and feared him, because, excuse the language I'm about to use, but, he would fuck their mother, sister or wife."

Crystal busted up laughing, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh, but you must admit, ain't nobody like Jake. He is someone that says, hey, the heck with appearances - I am what I am."

Benjamin smiled, "Hey, believe me, there have been many of a time I've laughed at his antics. But - because of him, I've had a few fights as well. You know the thing about being a McPherson, coming behind Jake and Shawn, is - that you're either admired, or hated. They received much of the admiration, I received a lot of the backlash."

"You're not feeling sorry for yourself are you?" She asked in her bold fashion.

"Nooo, I am what I am. I'm proud of what I am, who I am, and what I've become because of the influences in my life. I don't take shit from anyone and I don't give anyone any shit. I believe in working hard, giving my absolute best, but I give, work, earn, on my terms. My one life is all I get, I'm not about to waste it."

"Wow, I like that, makes sense. So, who would you say, is your greatest influence?"

"My greatest influence?"

"Yeah, the one person who has impressed you the most."

"Quincy, first. My grandparents second."