BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (28 page)

Sylvia's eyes rolled his way, "What makes you ask me that?"

"Oh, just, some things I'm noticing with you. At home, where you're surrounded by all thats familiar, you're okay. Even in Chicago, you were okay. But when we go places new to you, you're edgy, nervous ... and uh, you show yourself to be a bit, insecure." He tried to explain.

"Oh. Hmmm. I uh, didn't realize that I behaved any different."

"You do. So come on, 1 to 10."

Sylvia looked away sucking in a deep breath blowing it out giving the question some thought, "1 to 10 huh?!" She clarified.

"Yeah."

"Well, how do you feel with me? 1 to 10."

"Oh no you don't, I asked first."

She grinned, mimicking him in a deep voice supposedly his, "I asked first."

Making him laugh, "Come on, answer the question and be honest."

"Okay, let's see, well I'm much better than I used to be."

"Uh oh, and how is that?"

"Well, at one time - it was the last choice I would have ever made, marrying a white man. Its not something I figured into my future, you ah, certainly altered any previous notions and ideas." She smiled informing him.

"I see. So uh, so far, how am I doing?"

Sylvia chuckle, "Boy are you in a brave mood tonight."

"Have I made it that bad of an experience? I wanna know."

"You wanna know huh?"

"Yep, I do. So, how am I doing?"

She grinned, "As in, 1 to 10, lousy to Lord have mercy?"

Shawn exploded with laughing, "Wow - Lord have mercy, huh? That's a 10?"

"You got it, 10 - Lord Have Mercy."

"So like, what would five be?"

"Shawn! I don't know," she laughed, "let me think - uhm...?"

"Get a pen and paper out, 1 to 10. 1, lousy, 10 Lord have mercy and fill in 2 to 9." He instructed at a light.

"
Now
Shawn? We're going out to dinner."

"I wanna know, get pen, get paper - do it."

Laughing and shaking her head, she dug into her purse for a pen, and then into the glove compartment finding a note pad. "Okay," she began, "2 to 9 huh? Give me a second here to think about'em and write'em down."

"You've got 20 minutes, takes 40 to get to the restaurant."

"Okay." She answered, thinking a bit and then writing. Took her 5 minutes to come up with the 2 thru 9. "Ready." She announced.

"Read'em out." He went on to instruct.

Smiling she began, "1, of course, lousy-forget it."

"Hey! You tagged more on there! A forget it huh?"

"It helps to define it. Mind if I carry on?"

"By all means, this sounds interesting."

"2, we need help."

"Whoa, we don't need any help do we?"

"Would you let me get them all read. You made me do'em, now listen and let me get'em read out."

"Well hurry up - slow poke!"

Sylvia chuckled, "Oh no you did not! I'll have you know, you just slipped down a notch."

"Oh shit! Sorry about that, I won't interrupt again." He cheesed brightly trying to win it back, only serving to make her laugh out.

"Now, where was I?"

"Number 2, waiting for number 3."

"3-could be better, 4-not too bad, 5-okay, 6-better than expected, 7-I'm feelin' it-..."

Shawn laughed out, "You better believe you be feelin' it, huh." He double sucked the side of of his teeth and winked at her arrogantly.

"There you go again, you never learn, slipped down another notch." She said fighting back giggles.

"Hey now, come on man, no fair!"

"Hush up and let me finish then."

"Okay, okay - go on."

"8 is very nice, 9 is a good man, and 10, is the bomb, Lord have mercy, the best with a bag of chips." She snickered.

"Hmmm, so uh, what am I?"

"You are, let me think here, yes, you are number 7."

"What? 7! Well hell, that goes without saying, I'm better than a 7!" He complained.

"Well I had you as a 9, but you lost 2 points."

"9!? 9!? Heck with that, you know damn well, I'm a Lord - Have - Mer-ceee!" He crowed assuredly.

"Hang on here buddy, you don't get say you're a 10! That's for me to decide."

"Ha! A 9!?"

"Ah, excuse me, a 7."

"I'm ignoring that due to no rules previous to this scale engagement, therefore, 9. What was 9 again?"

"9 is a good man. What's wrong with that?" She simpered.

"That's bullshit!"

"You 'bout to lose another point. Better quit while you ahead."

Shawn sat making faces, glancing back and forth from the road to his wife, then finally asked, "Okay, so - how could I be a 10?"

"How could you be a 10, huh?"

"Yeah, what do I need to do differently to be a 10?"

"Okay, here it is. If you didn't curse so much, using the F-word. You have a bad temper, still. Too quick and willing to hit someone, to fight. Sometimes baby you just need to ignore people, or find another way of dealing with things besides violence. That is not always the answer. I do believe that when we get back home, we should make an honest effort to get to church, at least on Sundays. So, there - if you worked on all of those things, you'd more than likely qualify as a 10."

He was quiet, thinking all of that over as he turned a corner down another street. He glanced at her, with a certain look that Sylvia was getting to know well. The look, his eyes and demeanor was the same one he took on when they first discussed the gun, the new house he wanted to build instead of adding on, when he was suspicious concerning Jake. Sylvia braced herself as more time passed, and then finally, she decided to be the one to ask, "Well? What do you have to say?"

Leaning as he drove, one hand on the steering wheel, the other relaxed between them, Sylvia swore he emulated the pose of black men as natural as breathing, he looked at her once more, nodded his head as if accepting, and said, "Fuck - that! I can live with being a 9. Hell for that matter, a 7, long as I keep makin' you feel it baby, that way, I always have something to strive for, huh?"

Sylvia shook her head, he was indeed what he was, and there was no quick or distant view in sight for changing him.

"Now, with me out in public, in unfamiliar places, what is that, 1 to 10?" he asked.

Sylvia sat staring at him a moment thinking, "I don't wanna play the rating thing anymore. Because, life is filled with extenuating circumstances. When we're in familiar surroundings, I'm comfortable and happy to be with you. When we're - well out in unfamiliar circumstances, I'm still happy with you, proud of you."

"I don't get it, then why does a change come over you?"

Sylvia sat thinking about it, looked up at him and then out of her window, "It's ... me, that I'm not happy with. I see people, looking at us and I sometimes wonder if they're thinking, what in the heck is he doing with her? Let's face it, its not like I'm a raving beauty." She smiled despite her words.

He started looking for a place to pullover.

"Ach! Shawn, do not pull over! Shawn, I mean it! Come on Shawn, please, don't. We're gonna be late." She whimpered, wishing she had kept her mouth shut.

"I don't give a shit!" He mumbled, pulling into a nearby parking lot, throwing the gear into park and turning in his seat to face his wife.

"Look at me!" He commanded.

"No Shawn, I don't wanna mess up my make-up. You're gonna say something to make me cry. Please, let's just get there, there's nothing wrong with me, I'm fine, really I am." She kept her eyes straight ahead, down, the other way, anywhere but at him.

Shawn sat gazing at her profile. "I don't like the idea of you sitting there thinking that! Who told you that you aren't beautiful?"

"No one needs to tell me that, I can see Shawn, I'm not blind. I mean, I'm not ugly, no ... but by no means, am I beautiful, let's face it. I'm not statuesque, my hips are getting wide again, my weight is ..." She shook her head, "... you on the other hand, you are ... beautiful."

"What is going on? Your weight is fine! Look at me."

"No! I mean it."

"I said - look at me, Sylvia."

"And I said, no! Now, let's go. Right now Shawn, please ... let's get there, have a nice evening. I'll be fine, I don't need you, feeling that you have to always, I don't know, see about me. I'm fine." She smiled glancing at him and then quickly away. Determined to keep her emotions at bay.

"I thought everything was okay about this at the hotel the other day?"

"It is, Shawn - I'm fine, let's go."

He sat staring at her. He didn't want to ignore what she was feeling. He loved her so much, that any small degree of pain, hurt or emotion she felt, went through him like a dull knife. But now, on their way out to dinner, was not the time to deal with it. Unable to help himself, he reached over and caressed her skin, his finger running along her ear. "Just let me say this, that I love you - as I've never known it possible, to love someone. And no one, have I ever seen, is more beautiful to
me
, than you ... and I've seen quite a few beauties in my time." He moved back into place, shifted the gear to drive and pulled out of the lot on the way to the restaurant. They drove for fifteen minutes or more, both quiet save for the low volume of the radio.

His peripheral vision caught her hand stroking gently beneath her eye as she maintained her gaze out the passenger side window. Despite her determination not to, a few tears were rolling. Very quietly, he heard, "You are ... a ten ... and so much ... more." She murmured softly, never turning from the window. As low as she spoke the words, he heard them loud and clear. Keeping the companionable silence between them, he reached over and took her small hand in his, holding it, squeezing it gently, his thumb stroking her bony knuckles.

Such a small gesture, filled with all the meaning in the world, filling her with all that she needed to face anything, or anyone.

*

Max had not long been off of work when he heard a knock at the door of his apartment. Flushing the toilet, he washed his hands and stood drying them, in no hurry to see who it was. He stood in the hallway beneath the arch staring at the front door wondering who was on the other side. He was wearing gym shorts, about to do a workout so it was not a welcomed interruption.

His place was simple, small living-room, kitchen, two bedrooms, a bathroom. His decor, beige and white, furniture beige, walls white. The living room sported an entertainment center that was costly, in the midst of his Pioneer stereo and TV, there were dozens of CD's, DVD's and some VHS tapes for the VCR that he still had hooked up. In the middle of it all, a picture of his mother, brother and his foster mother, Felicia Campbell. In the kitchen, the counter top displayed two blenders, a food processor, a juicer, toaster and microwave. Taking up one corner, can after can of pure creatine and Whey protein. In front of that, fresh fruit of various kinds, nuts, trail mix and supplements.

The knocking came again, this time with a voice.

"I know yo'ass home. Your car out there." Moniqua announced outside the door.

Maxwell shook his head and went to the door, snatching it open. "Can I get in the door, chill out a bit before dealing with shit from you?" He asked irritably.

"Hell no! Where the hell you been!?" She marched in getting ready to go off. "I see yo'ass got another car already. Brand, ass, new! How the hell is that, when you supposed to been off work and broke as hell!? You just now went yo'ass back to work, tol' me you broke, but a damn Mercedes out there, loaded down with so much shit, the wheels just
might
turn. Em-mm, hell naw!"

"Look, don't come up in here with no shit now! Ain't you got some nerve? You got a job yet? Hell goddamn naw, too busy got yo'ass waitin' on me! Further more, don't worry about where the hell I get my shit from! You ain't my damn wife! Not yet you ain't!"

"Ain't you some shit, where the hell you been? You ain't come by the house since that last money you sent, just gone call me - talkin 'bout, I'ah get with you later, maybe, I don't know. Shit, all this time, you better know somethin'!"

"Excuse the hell out'ah me, I been busy gettin' shot and shit, recouping and er'ythang, do you mind?"

"Nigga don't act like you was at death's door! Hell, a shot in the arm and side ain't no big deal, you still alive ain't you? Just loss a lil'blood. You still looking good, fine ass." And just like that, she turned on a dime, "You ain't miss me baby?"

"Like a mo'fuckin' diaper rash!"

She laughed walking towards him, "You so crazy, you know that? You know I be puttin' up with some shit from you. I ain't come by here to fight, come to check on you, give you a lil'lovin'. You know you want some, don' you?"

"Hell naw, I'on want shit. Yo'ass here about nothin' but some money, broke ass."

"Am I your woman or not?"