Authors: Catherine Banks
Scene 6
This is Monday, the night of the stag. JAMIE and KEVIN sit at the kitchen table. JAMIE has on nylons, a bright skirt and a T-shirt over a size DD bra that is stuffed to the max. KEVIN is putting on makeup in a makeup mirror. KEVIN is also supposed to be getting dressed up, but he seems to be avoiding it. JAMIE has to nudge him on. They are both nursing beers. CLARENCE sits in his chair flicking channels.
KEVIN
It's got to hurt, man.
JAMIE
It don't hurt.
KEVIN
Smacking the water like that.
JAMIE
If you do it right, you don't feel a fucking thing.
KEVIN
I did it from the rail. It hurt.
JAMIE
The rail's for pansies. You do it from the top frame.
You make sure you're dead centre in that hole, too, or you're dead. Ha.
When you do it right it's smooth.
KEVIN
When you're drunk out of your gourd!
JAMIE
Yeah.
(laughs)
I'll show you how, Kev. It'll get the chest hairs growing onto you.
KEVIN
Krista says you can't do it anymore when you're married.
JAMIE
If Krista told me
not
to jump off a bridge, wouldn't I?
KRISTA comes in at that moment. She reacts instantly to the scene.
KRISTA
Oh my God. Jamie! Kevin. You guys. You're not really going like that are you?
JAMIE
A little surprise for Merv, right, Kev?
JAMIE moves in on her.
KRISTA
You got lip gloss on me. Yuck, watermelon. I hate that stuff.
Did you get the washing machine?
JAMIE
I got it, but it's a piece of shit.
KRISTA
No it isn't.
JAMIE
They don't know how to take care of nothing.
KRISTA
It is only two years old. It doesn't have a scratch on it.
KEVIN laughs.
What are you laughing at?
JAMIE
He agrees with me.
KRISTA
Where is it?
JAMIE
In the shed.
KRISTA goes out.
KEVIN
You're dead meat now.
JAMIE
More eye shadow, Kev.
JAMIE pushes a pink satin dress in KEVIN's direction.
KEVIN
I don't know if I can do this, man.
JAMIE
Pink's your colour, Kev.
KEVIN takes the dress.
We'll show those bastards not to fuck withâ¦
(us)
KRISTA bursts in.
KRISTA
What did you do to it?
JAMIE
I didn't do nothing to it.
KRISTA
Well somebody beat on it with a hammer or an axe or something.
Kevin?
KEVIN
I never touched it. Well, I put it on the back of the truck.
KRISTA
You never bought it like that. What happened?
KEVIN
It fell off the truck.
KRISTA
You didn't tie it on?
JAMIE
Nope.
KEVIN
We was only goin' from there to here.
JAMIE
If Merv hadn't cut me off, it wouldn't have fallen off.
KEVIN
Merv passed him.
JAMIE
Cut me off.
KEVIN
Yeah. When Jamie pulled out to pass him, it fell off.
We didn't notice 'til we got here. Some lucky it slid off onto the side, nobody ran into it.
JAMIE
I wish it
would
have
hit Merv.
KRISTA
You had to pass him.
JAMIE
Yes I had to pass him. The shit.
I told you we don't need a washer anyway.
KRISTA
How am I suppose to do our laundry?
JAMIE
At your mother's.
KRISTA
Mom won't help us, she's told us that.
CLARENCE
In my day people didn't expect to have everything when they got married. They was willing to wait for things.
KRISTA
Oh my God. I told you.
JAMIE
No one asked you.
CLARENCE
I was only saying.
KRISTA
I
told
you.
This is what I've been
saying
.
JAMIE
Stay the fuck out of our business.
CLARENCE
I was only saying.
JAMIE
Don't.
KRISTA
That's a hundred and fifty dollars gone.
KRISTA takes out a sheet of paper and a book. She works at her homework at the table. The guys continue getting decked out for the stag.
Jesus.
I hate poetry.
JAMIE
Hey, don't you swear.
KRISTA
Jeepers
, I hate poetry.
JAMIE
Too bad, because you're marrying a poet.
KEVIN laughs.
Two lips are red
Nipples are pink
Farts in a bed
Sure do stink.
JAMIE takes a bow.
KRISTA
I told Mr. Dagly I don't have time to do an essay. I told him I'm
getting married on Saturday. He said, “I know, Krista, your colour scheme is the talk of the school.” He said he overheard two guys in the locker room, like, discussing how relieved they were that I had gone with fuchsia, because it was so much more June bride than winter mint.
JAMIE
He's a fag.
KRISTA
You don't have to say that every time.
Every time I mention Dagly you say that.
JAMIE
“Fagly.”
KRISTA
I have to do the essay, or I fail English.
JAMIE
You're not failing.
KRISTA
I know.
JAMIE
I'm telling you
you're
not failing
.
KRISTA
I said
I know
.
I don't care if I don't pass.
JAMIE
You're getting your grade twelve if it takes you twenty years.
Read the poem. Kev'll tell you what it's about.
KRISTA
Yeah, right.
KEVIN
You know I'm smarter than you, sister.
KRISTA
(reading)
“Bird Cage.
I am a bird cage
A cage of bone
With a bird
The bird in the cage of bone
Is death building his nest
When nothing is happening
One can hear him ruffle his wings.
And when one has laughed a lot
If one suddenly stops
One hears him cooing
Far down
Like a small bell.
It is a bird held captive
This death in my cage of bone
Would he not like to fly away
Is it you who will hold him back
Is it I
What is it
He cannot fly away
Until he has eaten all
My heart
The source of blood
With my life inside
He will have my soul in his beak.”
JAMIE has lost his smirk and he seems drawn into the poem. KEVIN breaks the mood.
KEVIN
Jesus. Well he is talking about his bird so I guess he's talking about hisâ¦
(He grabs his crotch.)
Eh, Jame?
KRISTA
Thank you, Kevin. Jesus.
Jeepers.
The guy was dying. He had a heart something, so he knew he was dying. I have to write an essay describing my personal
bird of death
.
JAMIE
Death would be cancer or something. You're not dying.
KRISTA
Dagly told me to write how a marriage is a cage and a husband is the bird of death. I told him I'm not doing that.
JAMIE
The fag.
JAMIE and KEVIN start a small chorus of “fag, fag fag” â like
bullfrogs sounding off in a pond.
KRISTA
I can't get anything done here. I'm going home. Call me after the stag, Jamie. Jamie? Call me.
There was this article in the Wedding Digest and this girl's boyfriend died at his stag. Alcohol poisoning. You know Merv will get you too drunk.
JAMIE
The bird of death⦠alcohol â the bird of paradise, alcohol.
KEVIN
I'll drink to that. And may it fly up my nose.
KRISTA
Call me.
KRISTA leaves.
JAMIE
Well, Kev buddy, get your dress on and let's go fuck with Merv.
Lights out.
Â
Scene 7
At the river. Wednesday suppertime. CHICKY is waiting, checking her watch. While she has her back turned, ROBBY comes down.
ROBBY
Hi, Chicky.
CHICKY
Hey, Robby.
ROBBY
How are you?
CHICKY
I feel used up and spit out.
I feel like I've been fifty years old since I was three.
ROBBY
(pause)
How are you?
CHICKY
Good. How are you?
ROBBY
Good.
CHICKY
Was Reg at the farm when you left?
ROBBY
No. Reg and Carol went to town in the Ford truck.
CHICKY realizes REG is not coming.
(emphatically) I'm done working for Reg.
CHICKY
Are you?
ROBBY
(emphatically)
He said he don't need me no more.
CHICKY
You don't need Reg. I don't need Reg.
We don't need Reg.
ROBBY
We don't need Reg.
CHICKY
This is your chance, Robby. You can go anywhere in the world.
Take a plane anywhere.
ROBBY
I don't like planes.
CHICKY
It's better to drive, anyway. You see everything then.
Tell me where you want to go?
ROBBY
Don't know.
CHICKY
Some place you saw on TV. How about that?
ROBBY
Don't know.
CHICKY
You've been thinking about going away.
ROBBY
No.
CHICKY
Now you can.
ROBBY
No.
CHICKY
Paris, France.
ROBBY
French people there.
CHICKY
Australia⦠New York.
You going to ask me to come, too?
ROBBY
Okay.
No.
CHICKY
Robby and Donalda on the road.
ROBBY
Mom says no.
CHICKY
We'll bring her.
ROBBY
Mom has to stay with Lissa.
CHICKY
Bring Lissa, okay.
Got any money saved up?
I know you didn't think this would happen. I know you thought
I'm going to live here all my life. And something important, not important, some miracle was going to happen and it was going to
all work out, but now you need money, did you save up?
ROBBY
No.
CHICKY
Me neither. That's what happens when you're stupid.
Oh, Robby. I'm stupid. Me me I'm stupid. Stupid.
ROBBY
No you're smart, you passed me at school.
CHICKY
I'm stupid at life.
I'm Reg stupid.
ROBBY
(laughs)
Donalda?
CHICKY
That's right. See we're already on our way.
ROBBY
Got to hay for Reg tomorrow.
Reg said, “See you tomorrow.”
CHICKY
You said you were all done working for Reg.
ROBBY
Yup. Five o'clock all done, don't need me no more.
Tomorrow morning at ten. Haying.
CHICKY
I'm not going back, Robby.
I'm not going back.
I'm already half gone.
ROBBY
Supper now, got to go home for supper. You going now, Chicky?
CHICKY
Nope.
ROBBY
Bye, Chicky.
ROBBY leaves.
KEVIN steps into view up on the road. He swings his legs over the rail, like he is getting set to jump.
KEVIN
Hey, Chicky.
CHICKY
How long have you been up there?
KEVIN
“I feel used up and spit out.”
CHICKY
What are you doing up there, anyway?
KEVIN
Jumping.
CHICKY
Why are you in such a hurry to mess yourself up?
KEVIN comes down.
You still look bad.
KEVIN
Old Merv thinks we're done. I'm not done with him.
CHICKY
Remember, his wife calls the cops.
You not working today?
KEVIN
Nope. Been up to the Curl Hole.
CHICKY
Power company drained it, did they?
KEVIN
(nods)
I'll get some nice white pine out of there.
CHICKY
Why didn't they log it before they built the dam?
KEVIN
Don't know but lucky for me. Fifteen years underwater, man that wood's gonna be pretty when it's polished up.
CHICKY
You get Jamie's and Krista's table finished?
KEVIN
Yeah. Made you something, too.
CHICKY
What?
KEVIN takes something out of his pocket.
KEVIN
You got to come over here to see it, don't ya?
CHICKY comes forward and puts her hand out.
Well you got to give me a kiss first, don't ya!
CHICKY
No.
KEVIN tries to kiss her.
Kevin stop.
CHICKY takes the small object from his hand.
A baby porcupine, sleeping.
KEVIN
(sullen)
Maybe it's road kill.
CHICKY
Kev.
You are so good at this.
KEVIN
Not good enough for a kiss.
CHICKY brushes his cheek with her lips.
Come on, Chicky a real kissâ¦
KEVIN tries to kiss her.
CHICKY
Kev, your face. I don't think you're up to much⦠especially that.
KEVIN overreacts.
KEVIN
What does that mean? What are they saying? What are those
bastards saying about me?
KEVIN moves to put his arms around her.
CHICKY
Kevin, no! We're not⦠kissing cousins, okay.
KEVIN
We're not gonna be cousins, we will be in-laws⦠outlaws.
CHICKY ignores him.
I'll go away with you.
CHICKY
Where would I go?
KEVIN moves to kiss her again.
Jesus. Leave me alone.
KEVIN persists.
Keep your hands off me.
No. No!
You touch me again and I am telling Reg.
Shit.
CHICKY throws the carved porcupine back at him and leaves.
KEVIN
I'm sorry, here take it. I made it for you.
But CHICKY is gone.
Chicky, I'm sorry.
You slow danced with me.
Merv and them are lying.
I never did what they said I did.
KEVIN sits on the sand. He hits himself on the bruises. He is near tears.
I could do it with you, Chicky.
I could do it with you.
Above, LISSA, a plump girl of fourteen, comes out onto the bridge. She is humming “Happy Birthday” and carrying a colourful umbrella. She stops and looks down at KEVIN.
LISSA
Is my brother Robby here?
KEVIN
Do you see him?
KEVIN pulls himself together. She comes down calling.
LISSA
Robby? Robby, Robby, Robby.
KEVIN
He ain't here. He left.
LISSA
He's got to come home for supper.
It's his birthday.
Mom got a bucket of chicken.
Sarah Lee cake.
You hurt yourself?
KEVIN
Yeah it looks that way.
LISSA
(importantly)
Yeah, it looks that way.
KEVIN
How come you got that umbrella? It's not raining.
LISSA
Nope.
KEVIN
So how come you got it then?
LISSA
Mom got it in town.
KEVIN
Don't touch my eye.
LISSA
Does it hurt?
KEVIN
Yes it hurts.
LISSA
Mom kisses hurts.
KEVIN studies her a long moment. She gives his eye a quick kiss.
KEVIN
It feels better but it hurts right here.
LISSA kisses his cheek.
Now it hurts right there.
LISSA, giggling, kisses his other cheek quickly â shyly.
Didn't work that time.
LISSA kisses him with more intent.
You got it.
You got any hurts.
LISSA holds out the back of her hand.
LISSA
Cat scratched me, Keving.
KEVIN
I see that.
KEVIN kisses her hand very gently. LISSA smiles and brings her hand back.
I hurt under here too.
KEVIN points to under his T-shirt.
I can't even see all my hurts back there.
Do I got any?
KEVIN slips his T-shirt off. LISSA looks shyly, then begins to kiss his back in little flutters. She is so childlike.
LISSA
All done.
KEVIN
But now you got all my hurts on your lips.
KEVIN reaches for her and starts to pull her mouth towards his. This is still a game to LISSA. KEVIN lays her down and moves to kiss her. At that moment KEVIN realizes what he is doing is wrong, and he pulls on his T-shirt.
You better get home, Lissa.
Robby'll be waiting for his birthday supper.
LISSA
Don't want to.
KEVIN
You'll miss the birthday cake.
LISSA
Don't care.
KEVIN
And the present opening.
LISSA
(darkly)
Robby's presents.
KEVIN
You want a present?
LISSA
Mom says, “Not
your
birthday, missy.”
KEVIN
If I give you a present, will you go home?
LISSA
Don't know.
KEVIN
Okay. Too bad, it's a nice present.
LISSA
Okay okay okay!
KEVIN turns around and closes his hands around the little
porcupine. He turns back.
KEVIN
Okay, open my hands.
LISSA
That's not a present with
Happy Birthday!
paper.
KEVIN
It's better. It's harder to open.
LISSA half tries, but in the end he makes her work to get his hands apart.
LISSA
Oh, a porcupine. It's dead.
KEVIN
No. It's asleep.
LISSA
That's okay, it's not dead, it's asleep. It's mine, right Keving?
KEVIN
Yeah.
Before he is aware of what she is up to, she kisses him on the lips hard.
Lissa! Don't kiss me 'cause I give you something.
LISSA
(sulking)
I want to, Keving.
KEVIN
(angry at her innocence)
No you don't! Go home, now.
LISSA
Bye, Keving.
LISSA hurries away. Kevin sits with his head in his hands.
Lights down.
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