Born Different (20 page)

Gabe went to
the car and got out the tent that his mum had put in the boot,
‘just in case’. Gabe’s mind wanted to think and obsess over whether
his mother was romantic and needed love herself but he battled not
to think of that, to concentrate on here and now instead. He was
feeling so good and high on life, he didn’t want to feel guilt.

Guilt is like a
weed, it might start small but as soon as you let it in, it takes
over and kills everything else. All the beauty and all the peace,
the guilt would eat it all up and devour it without hesitation.
Guilt like weeds, block out the light.

There would
come a time, and soon, when he wouldn’t be a burden to his mum
anymore. She would be free do to what she wanted and see who she
wanted. She could have her life back, be a woman rather than just a
mother. He would make her proud of him. That is the thought Gabe
kept in his mind, to keep all the other thoughts away for now.

I’ll make my
mum proud! I promise!
Gabe made the oath to himself and almost
believed it.

Gabe paced
around the hillock trying to find somewhere perfect to pitch the
tent. He assembled it quickly in a sheltered spot that was on
mostly flat ground and positioned the door looking out towards the
waterfall and the fields beyond. He filled the tent with all the
extra blankets and then he lay on the grass next to Grace. So near
that he could hear her breathing. As he lay his on his back on the
ground and looked out towards what his eyes could not see, Gabe
talked to the universe, he meditated with his eyes open. He cut all
thoughts out of his head and tried to remain in the quiet point
where his ego was not involved in the mental conversation, just
leaving the voice of his soul, the universal soul, his spirit. Gabe
wanted guidance, he wanted to follow the right path, and he wanted
to see signs and coincidences to let him know he was doing the
right thing. He loved Grace, he loved her so much it was actually
physically painful and if she didn’t feel the same, how would he
ever cope? Even the thought of her rejecting him made him want his
body to shatter into a million pieces.

He tried to
concentrate on his breathing, in time with hers, and he tried to
turn all his thoughts into butterflies that flew off as soon as
they entered his consciousness. He tried to see beyond the stars,
he tried to feel his chakras open up and spin. Gabe wanted to feel
a higher vibration of life, he wanted something to make sense. Gabe
asked for his spirit guide to talk to him, he breathed out all the
tensions he was feeling and he waited and waited to get an answer.
But the visions, angels, guides and the spirits seemed to have
abandoned him and if they had not abandoned him, Gabe thought that
perhaps he didn’t have any. That in essence he was always alone. At
the time he most needed to know what to do, he saw and heard
nothing. All he could see was Grace and the stars and all he could
hear was the breathing of the earth and nature and the breath of
the woman that he loved.

In the early
hours Grace woke him, she kissed Gabe on his cheek and he woke up
half dreaming with a smile on his face.

“Hey
beautiful,” he said without thinking.

“Shall we go
into the tent Gabe? It’s getting a bit cold.” Gabe realised that he
wasn’t dreaming and he wished he hadn’t called her beautiful. He
began to feel embarrassed. But she had kissed him, right? Hadn’t
she or was that part of the dream too?

Gabe had
already filled the tent with blankets and pillows, more so that
they didn’t get wet, but now it was a really comfortable space and
they both flopped into the tent and lay down among all the
cushions.

“You were
prepared weren’t you Gabe?”

Gabe didn’t
want Grace to think he did this sort of thing all of the time, with
different girls. Not that he did of course, about as far from it as
it was possible, but to explain that would that sound odd too.

“Mum keeps some
things in the car. We used to go off camping a lot, not so much
anymore. She used to have to just get out of the city at weekends,
me too. But we just got busy I guess. Didn’t one weekend, then the
next…”

“She’s like a
free spirit your mum, isn’t she? I hope I’m like her when I’m
older.”

Gabe laughed as
he always assumed that people didn’t really look up to his mum,
even though he didn’t know why they shouldn’t. She was the nicest
person he knew but people tended to go for the ones who seemed more
normal or more high maintenance, with loads of make-up on to make
them appear more glamorous.

“Really? Yes, I
suppose.”

“She is
wonderful, don’t you think?”

Gabe didn’t
want to talk about his mum so he playfully squeezed Graces side
till she giggled. Still drowsy, she cuddled up next to him, right
into his chest and she acted like she was shivering cold and rubbed
herself like she was trying to warm up. Gabe reached out and zipped
the tent door shut and he pulled the blankets up around them. He
laid his head down next to Grace’s. Grace was yawning and obviously
half asleep but she took his hand and moved it around her waist so
that he had her in his arms and he waited for her to fall asleep
again. He wondered if she would kiss him again or go any further.
How was he going to react? When would she ask about his back? When
should he bring up the subject? How would he bring up the subject?
In a way, he wished he had already, at least then it would be over
and done with and she could run off or do whatever she was going to
do. But everything was just so nice as it was and Gabe didn’t want
to do anything to spoil it. He wrapped his arms around her tight
now and cradled her inside the concave of his body and she nuzzled
into him and got as close as she could get. She moved her hands
around his waist too and he could feel Grace stroking his lower
back. He could feel her breath and her breasts on his torso.

Gabe noticed
how his body heat warmed her up, enveloped her. He felt their
hearts start to beat in rhythm as they slowed right down. He felt
their bodies melt to form one being, until they were like one
heart, one body, dreaming one dream.

When the sun
rose bright and early, Gabe let himself out of the tent without
waking Grace and he walked for a while till he got to the cliff’s
edge. He sat staring out at the distance of the new dawn until he
felt Grace sit down beside him as she too looked out towards the
rising sun. Everything was new and perfect, it really was a pure
morning.

The Outcasts
park was getting fuller now with all the kids that had nothing to
do while they waited all summer for their results to be in from
their exams. Gabe and the usual crew met in their corner that they
now thought as theirs exclusively. They sat down in a circle and
were talking the usual. Gabe needed to ask for help with the
transportation of his art for The Exhibition, one last favour. And
of course they wanted to help which made Gabe feel bad as he knew
that they cared for him really. He guessed that no one had heard
about him spending time with Grace as they didn’t mention it and
Gabe wasn’t about to tell them.

Johnny cracked
opened a pack of beers and gave everyone a large can and they
saluted each other in a cheer.

“To the
future!”

“The
Exhibition!”

“To life, to
love, to laughter. To lessons learn and to going legit.”

They all
cheered in agreement.

“Which one of
you is Gabe?”

A man had
appeared in their space as if out of nowhere. He was only short and
skinny but seeing as they were all sat down, he towered above them
blocking out their sun.

The boys all
looked at each other, not knowing what to do. They wouldn’t offer
up who Gabe was, but most people had it sussed already, as it was
pretty easy to tell which one ‘Gabe’ was even before you had met
him. Like if someone had enquired for Dave, people would have said,
“You know, the one that shaves hair. The one with the chain!” And
they’d go, “Oh yes, I know the one you mean.” Or Frank, “The one
that’s into all that martial art shit. The camp one.” Everyone knew
Johnny anyway, he needed no explanation. And Gabe. “You know the
tall one. The one with the hump.”

Everyone knew
of the guy with the hump.

“Yeah, I’m
Gabe!” Gabe put his can of beer on the ground and stood up.

“Stay away from
Grace, you freak! This is not a warning, this is a fucking threat.
I am telling you, stay away from her! I do not need to spell it out
to you. She is not your type do you get it? She is too good for
you! Stay away from her or…” This other skinny man was now shaking
and spitting.

Johnny, ever
the charmer, stood up too. “Can I help you?”

“Gabe knows
what I’m talking about.”

Gabe didn’t
really know how to answer. He thought he should say something brave
or funny but his brain had just froze to empty. So instead, he said
nothing and tried to keep himself contained.

Gabe put his
shoulders back and he tried to remember to stand tall and to look
this other man in the eye.

“Fuck off!”
Dave said eventually. “Fuck off out of here!” He went to get up
whilst starting to take his gold chain necklace off and Frank
jumped up quick, into a stance of a warrior preparing to fight, and
the other guy backed off two steps in a topple, like he felt the
force of Franks energy push him back. And whatever Dave did worked
as he seemed a little bit freaked out by it and he turned and
scurried away before Dave had even managed to get to his feet.

Gabe sat down,
emotionally exhausted. He was confused, angry, hurt and sad. It was
all over before it had begun.

“You know who
that was don’t you? That was Grace’s brother, Nathan. Nathaniel! ”
Frank looked at Gabe accusingly.

“
Her
brother! Jeez, I thought I recognised him,” said Johnny who had
been trying to place where he had seen this skinny man on his
travels. “He looks different, he looks ill.”

“What the fuck
was he going on about Gabe?” Frank had got hysterical in record
time.

“Nothing!” Gabe
looked down at the ground, focusing on the droplets of beer he had
spilt as they collected specks of dust and dirt.

“Hmm…yeah… well
it didn’t sound like nothing. What’s going on with Grace and you?
Man! You and Grace, how did that happen?” Frank was acting so
incredulous that Gabe really wanted to answer him back with the
words that were on the tip of his tongue.
How did that happen?
Hmm, let me think. Probably similar to the way you and Alistair
happened Frank, what do you think?
But Gabe just answered
quietly, almost under his breath.

“It didn’t
happen. Nothing has happened. Not really, I don’t think. I just
spent a night camped out with her.”

“What!” All the
boys shouted at the same time but in different tones, independent
of each other’s.

“Yeah, well
stay away mate. I know she is beautiful, I know you have loved her
like forever. We all know that but you can’t man, it just can’t
happen.” Dave gave his unwanted and unasked for opinion.

“Man and you
fell for it! Alistair’s girlfriend and all, give me a break Gabe.
Did you tell her about the robbery? Did you tell her I got the box?
You chose to blab to her over your own mates?” Johnny spat his
little speech with Frank nodding along. Gabe couldn’t speak, let
alone argue back with the evident grand hypocrisy.

Gabe thought of
all the things he knew about Frank, Johnny and Dave that he could
throw back in their faces in his own self defence but it seemed
like too much effort. It would just devastate Gabe even more and he
was too devastated already.

“Bet she’s a
right goer though eh Gabe. I’ll tell you what the girls like…” But
Gabe wasn’t about to take any advice, let alone advice about women
and relationships, off of Dave. And if he carried on talking like
that, Gabe felt he would have no other option, other than to smack
him in the face.

They were all
just totally selfish and the biggest bunch of liars, they lied so
much that it seeped out of their pores and coloured everything they
did. They were the sick ones, the deluded ones and they obviously
didn’t give a shit about him. That is why he never told them about
the wings! His instincts had always known not to trust them.

Gabe hated them
all then. As much as he had ever loved them, he hated them now to
the same degree, if not more.

Gabe took a
swig of the beer and suddenly felt the need to get seriously
drunk.

“You are lovely
and all that mate but really, it’s like an unwritten rule. There’s
them and then there’s us. End of!” Dave was adamant.

“There are
those for who life is just a breeze, one long party. Then there are
us and we get the gift of being able to smell the bullshit. They
will all walk into good jobs whether they pass their exams or not
because they’re connected with CEO daddies and daddy’s friends in
high places. Whatever results we get, we will have to beg and
demean ourselves for some shitty job or pray for some kind of
miracle. They get to have all the stuff that’s in all the adverts
and then tell us that we need that stuff too to be happy. So we
save our money to buy it and it just makes them richer and keeps us
poor. It is a game and they are always the winners. It is the way
of the world and you can’t mix us, the plebeians and their masters.
You can mix a lot of things together Gabe, in fact nowadays you can
mix anything you want together, but the suits and the artists?”
Johnny spoke like a sage of knowledge. Johnny was planning on being
very rich, very rich indeed. One day. Then he would find a nice
girl, till then it was all stepping stones.

“I think she
does like me.” Gabe tried to sound positive but inside he was
crestfallen.