Bounce Down: 1st Quarter: Start of Play (23 page)

He stopped dead at my words and
I felt his body tense up. “What did you say?” I heard his whisper
from somewhere behind my head.

I whispered back. “You, I’ll
always want you.”

I felt a lump of emotion swell
up in my throat and found it difficult to breathe as I realised,
despite my admission, this was quite possibly the last time we
would be together.

I felt his breath on the back
of my neck as he kissed me, dropping sweet feather-light kisses on
my neck and shoulders and then surprisingly, he was no longer
dominating me, he was making love to me.

In the aftermath of our most
intimate union to date, we laid in each other’s arms, face to face.
He was gently caressing me, my hair, my face, while kissing me so
tenderly it almost made me cry. This was the Brendon I so
desperately wanted, the one who showed he had some modicum of
feeling for me.

“
Oh god, I’m
sorry!”

The romantic moment was
shattered as Diane stood at the door, glued to the spot with
obvious shock at seeing us together – naked. At some point during
our lovemaking, he had removed my top and now was gallantly
shielding me with his body, which left his rear fully exposed.

The door quickly shut and
although I did not see her face, I could imagine her blushing with
embarrassment. Surprisingly, he didn’t seem the least embarrassed
or annoyed. In fact, he appeared happy and more relaxed than I had
ever seen him.

“
Oops.” I
couldn’t help giggling.

“
I didn’t
realise you two had a no-need-to-knock policy. I’ll have to
remember to lock the door in future.”

I reached down to the floor to
retrieve my nightie and a sharp pain shoot through my head, causing
me to wince. Our lovemaking had been so passionate, yet tender,
that I had forgotten all about my heavy head. At least this time I
had no stomach complaints, due to the fact I had eaten. The usual
conclusion to a night on the town with Jeanette was a doner kebab
and this time was no exception.

Of course, he heard me gasp and
correctly guessed its cause. “So, you lost count? That tends to
happen if you drink to excess.” All the humour was now gone from
his voice and the disciplinarian was back.

“
I realise I
had a few too many.” I ignored his raised eyebrows at
few
and hurried on, “But
I didn’t want to be alone last night, so I went out to drown my
sorrows.”

He frowned at my comment. “Why
would you be drowning your sorrows? Surely your decision wasn’t the
reason? I take it by your declaration earlier that you’ve agreed to
my request?”

My mind was
still a bit foggy. What declaration? I was baffled. I didn’t
declare anything; anything except,
“I’ll
always want you”.
Damn it, I should have
held back my feelings.

These feelings were obviously
what prompted the change in him, his tender kisses and loving. Or
was he showing his gratitude, at my acceding to his wishes? Why
should he know how I felt, without him declaring his own feelings?
Because he didn’t feel the same about me, obviously.

I tried to back-track and
attempted to sound casual. “Oh, you mean about wanting you?”

He nodded. “I meant about the
sex, wasn’t that what you wanted to know?”

I saw his eyes widen and he
appeared puzzled. “But you said only you, always.”

“
Of course,
what girl wouldn’t want great sex,
always
?” I emphasised the last word
to confirm the meaning behind my so-called declaration.

He didn’t immediately reply.
“So you haven’t decided yet?”

I shook my head. “And you were
drowning your sorrows because…?”

I stared deep into his
exquisite blue eyes. “Because of you.”

He sighed and broke eye
contact, as he ran his fingers through his hair; his tell-tale sign
of frustration.

Not wanting to continue this
intense discussion with Diane in the house, I got out of bed and
reached for my nightie that had earlier been carelessly discarded.
After donning the oversized T-shirt, I turned to see him still
sitting on the bed, still naked, staring up at me with an
unreadable expression on his beautiful face.

“
I’m sorry, I
can’t offer you your own separate shower but, as you saw last
night, we only have the one. You can go first if you
want.”

Whatever he had been about to
say was abandoned, as he shook his head. He got to his feet on the
other side of the bed and quickly pulled on his clothes, before
walking around and taking my hands in his, to stare down at me.
“I’ll have a shower at home.”

This time it was my turn to
look away, as I hung my head. He was in such a hurry to leave, he
wouldn’t even stay to have a shower.

Within five minutes he was
gone.

Granted, last night I hadn’t
wanted him to stay and I didn’t want to shower with him this
morning, but I had been expecting some kind of resistance.

His parting comment gave me
something to think about. “I’ll give you the time alone I promised
you, but remember you can call me if you need questions
answered.”

After his sudden departure, I
showered and had some pills to counteract my headache, followed by
a cup of tea with Diane before she went off to bed.

“
Do you want
to talk?”

Of course she
was bursting with curiosity, especially after Brendon’s one word
“
hello”
to her
before making his quick exit.

“
I would, but
I don’t know where to start.”

She put her cup down before
speaking gently. “How about starting with yesterday? Why did you
bring your car back, what happened?”

In my depressed state, I hadn’t
spared a thought about how it would look from her perspective.

“
Sorry Di, I
should have left you a note. I went out with Jeanette.”

“
Jeanette? So
how did Brendon wind up in your bed this morning? God Suzie, the
only reason I came in was to check on you. I would never have… if I
had known you weren’t alone,” she blushed as she spoke. I couldn’t
help giggling at the guilty look on her face.

“
So, what did
you think?”

“
About
what?”

I gave her a questioning look.
We both knew what I meant by my cheeky question.

A smile broke out on her face.
“Not bad, not bad at all.”

We both laughed spontaneously
at her short, but accurate summary of Brendon’s body.

“
Well? Did
you meet up with him while you were out?”

“
Oh god no,
we were at Razors.”

“
You’re
right, definitely not his scene. So, what gives?”

I couldn’t tell her the truth,
but maybe she would settle for a half-truth. “We had a
disagreement, that’s why I came home, that’s why I went out with
Jeanette and that’s why he was waiting for me when I got home.”

She was visibly shocked. “He
was waiting outside for you?”

I nodded in confirmation. “But
knowing Jeanette, it would have been in the early hours of the
morning?”

“
It was
around four, I think.”

She frowned at this. “So, if
you made up and he stayed the night, why didn’t he look happy? It
wasn’t because I interrupted, was it?”

I sighed and had another sip of
tea. “There’s still an issue to be resolved and before you ask, I’m
not going to go into specifics, okay?” I put my hand up as I spoke,
signalling it was a closed subject.

Back in my room, I checked the
messages on my phone to see how mad he got while waiting for
me.

‘
Call
me’,
the first one was short and to the
point, like all his instructions. The next few messages got
progressively more demanding.

I gasped out
loud at his last message, ‘
ffs suzie im
worried sic jus let me no yr ok.’
Did I
detect a note of raw emotion, especially in the words
for fuck’s sake
(ffs)?
Was he concerned because he did have feelings for me? Or was he was
feeling guilty because it was his fault?

“
I’m worried
sick.”
I repeated the words in my head.
They did not sound like the words of someone who didn’t care,
someone who was willing to break up with me, if I didn’t have the
procedure.

Several days later, I was
sitting across from Peter in the local lunch bar.

“
Okay, now
we’re alone it’s time to tell me what’s going on.”

Yet another nosey, albeit
well-meaning friend wanting to know about my private life. As Diane
had seemed satisfied with my explanation, I told the same story to
Mandy at our morning tea catch-up on Monday. However, I had been
avoiding Peter for the last three days and now looking at his
determined expression, I knew he would want more details.

I took another sip of my free
hot chocolate, courtesy of Peter, while I contemplated what,
exactly, I would tell him. “What are you talking about?”

He shook his head. “You’re
kidding, right? You’ve been in a foul mood all week. I’ve never
seen you like this before.”

I sighed and lowered my
gaze.

“
And every
time I ask you what’s wrong, you give me the brush off. Why can’t
you confide in me?”

I glanced back up at him.
“We’ve already had this conversation. I told you, this time it’s
different and I can’t talk about it.”

“
You said you
couldn’t tell me his name. We’re way past that stage
now.”

“
We had a
disagreement and it’s still not resolved. And I don’t want to talk
about it, to anybody.”

Now I had shocked him.

“
What, not
even Mandy or Jeanette?”

Again I shook my head in
confirmation and then gave my attention to my drink, to avoid
having to look at him.

“
This is
serious, isn’t it?”

My silence confirmed his
suspicions. He was spot on, it was serious and I was having a hard
time dealing with it, with my decision.

Peter eventually broke the
lengthening silence. “Why don’t you just break up with him?”

My head shot
up and eyes widened at his suggestion.
Why
was I so shocked?
It wasn’t as if I hadn’t
been thinking the same thing, ever since Brendon’s outrageous
proposal.

I acknowledged how this time
was different to my other break-ups; even though technically we
hadn’t ended our relationship, not until I said no.

On comparing Brendon with
Jason, I conceded they did have similarities, but Brendon was
dominating and serious most of the time, whereas Jason was less
demanding and more easy-going. Yet, I had broken up with Jason and
we were still good friends; a scenario I could not envisage with
Brendon.

“
He’s going
back to Melbourne for Christmas.”

“
That’s not
such a bad idea.”

I didn’t grasp his meaning,
until he explained. “To give you time to resolve whatever it is.
When’s he going?”

“
Tomorrow.” I
knew the word sounded bleak, even to my own ears.

“
Are you
going to see him before he goes?”

I shook my head slowly,
depressed I would not be seeing him this weekend and possibly every
weekend to follow.

“
Well in that
case, you can come out with the guys tomorrow night. You can ask
Mandy and the girls from Druggies, it should be a good
night.”

As I was
getting ready for bed, I recalled the
“Maybe”
response I had given Peter
to his invitation, despite the fact I had no intention of going.
Being out with the guys was the last thing I needed, having to put
on a happy face, while all I wanted to do was hide away in my
room.

The Crocs’ ringtone broke into
my sad reflections. “Hello.”

“
How are
you?”

“
Okay.” I
kept my response to one word, in the hope the emotions I was
feeling didn’t filter through to him.

“
Have you
come to a decision yet?”

Good old Brendon, straight to
the point as usual.

“
No, I’m
sorry.” This time I knew my tone sounded strained.

“
Do you mean
no, you haven’t decided, or is no your answer?” He sounded agitated
and tense.
Was it possible he may change
his mind and not let me go, if I refused?

“
No, I
haven’t decided yet.”

I heard him sigh deeply. “You
know I’m going tomorrow?”

“
Yes.” I was
back to my one word answers. How depressing.

“
I want to
see you tonight. Do you want to come over, or do you mind if I come
to you?”

He was obviously wanting my
answer before he left and by seeing me, was hoping to influence my
decision.

“
No, I’d
rather not see you until I’ve made up my mind.” I spoke the words,
even though every fibre of my being was screaming for me to say the
opposite.

It took him a moment to
respond. “Okay, if that’s what you want.”

“
It
is.”
Shit, would I ever see him
again?

“
I will be
back on the 2
^nd
, but that doesn’t mean you
can’t call or text me any time.”

“
I wouldn’t
want to intrude on your time with your family.”