Bound by Bliss (12 page)

“I know what you mean,” he replied.

“I don’t see how you could. I mean…” Bliss glanced over her shoulder again and lost focus as she felt his gaze upon her, upon her cheeks and the lips, lips grown puffy from her nibbling.

“Don’t doubt yourself, my pet. I have always found you lovely, and yes, your flush only adds to it.”

“Oh,” she murmured, turning to stare further. “She still wants more. You should see her pressing back, pushing against him.”

“And you?” Duldon asked after a moment, his breath tickling the back of her neck, heating her further. “Do you want more and more?”

“Of course,” she answered without thought. “I am a Danser. I must want more and more.”

She felt his body stiffen and she turned back to peer at him. His lips appeared tight for the briefest of moments and even in the dim candlelight she thought she saw a myriad of emotions flash behind his eyes. “You should look again. I cannot imagine that Mr. Binkshaw can last much longer.”

Taking the escape his words offered, she pushed her face back to the wall.

“Oh, it’s over. How did I miss that?” She hoped she kept the disappointment from her voice. “They are lying there in each other’s arms. It really is quite sweet and darling.”

“I am not sure that any man would want to be described as sweet and darling after such a performance.”

She giggled and let the mood between them shift again. She tried to ease her body away from Duldon. It was better this way. She did not wish to feel those things. She might be curious but that didn’t mean…“It was a wonderful performance, although I don’t know why I am attempting reassurance when he cannot hear and it looks like he has not a care in the world. I wish you could see the look on his face as he looks at his wife and the care with which he has her cocooned in his arms. Perhaps they should have two peepholes here. Do you think we should suggest it to Madame Rouge? Would you like me to move so that you could take a look?” There was no way that she could move away from the peephole unless he moved first. Although perhaps she could use it as an excuse to back into him. The places where their bodies did connect were so delicious that she could only want more.

No, that was not what she had meant to think.

She did not want more. She should not want more.

Only…

“No,” Duldon replied. “I think I shall force myself to be content with your words. I have to confess that I have never found pleasure in watching another man, or watching in general. I will trust you on their expressions. I have on occasion seen that look myself.”

She was not sure whether he meant on himself or that he had been in circumstances where he had observed it on another couple. A part of her, deep in her gut, hoped that he had not looked at another woman that way. What was she thinking?

She must remember that he was not what she wanted, what she would ever want.

Only those were just words, an effort to not look too closely at what she knew must be true, what she had always known must be true. She did want him, want to feel his body pressing to hers—and she wanted so much more. No. She would think of that later, not now.

“Well, what about more holes? Is there a reason that they only have one?”

Duldon leaned forward, his lips brushing against the back of her neck. “I believe Ruby tries to discourage watchers. There are only a few couples that invite voyeurs. She may think that having more holes would only encourage patrons to sneak back here even when they were not wanted.” His breath vibrated upon the small hairs at the nape of her neck.

She was getting breathless again. Blast. Breathless and confused. How could the mood keep spiraling between them? One minute charged with energy and want and desire. One minute serious as she told him things she could not remember ever telling another. And the next a hint of humor would slip in, a giggle, a chuckle, a lightness of spirit that she rarely felt when not twirling upon the dance floor. She must work to keep herself level. “If she wishes to discourage viewers why have peepholes at all—or could she not just have them in rooms for patrons who wish to be watched?”

“The house has been here longer than Ruby has been running it. I believe it used to be called Madame Noir’s. And Ruby does use the holes. She is very protective of her girls and likes to be sure that all is as it should be. There can be great danger to those in their profession.”

“Oh, I suppose that is true. If young ladies are taught how dangerous men can be, I can only imagine how much greater the risks are to those who have no protection.”

“And so Ruby does her best to provide that protection.” Again his breath rustled the hairs on her neck.

Why did he not just kiss her there? Lick her? Taste her?

Was she really having these thoughts? Yes, she was. The hall was dark and narrow. No one would ever know what they did here. Perhaps she should just turn and kiss him, lick those hard lips, stroke the rough skin of his chin, run her tongue along his teeth…

Only she would know. He would know. And given that her feelings on marriage had not changed…No, it was better to keep things as they were, as they had been.

“I suppose we should be going now. The Binkshaws are done and you have fulfilled your promise.” She forced herself to sound calm and accepting as she spoke, ignoring his hand that still pressed her tight, awaking those delicious tingles of sensation.

She felt his hesitation, was not sure that he had made a sound, and yet she knew he was debating. “There is another room, if you are so daring. I am not sure that I have yet shown you what Madame Rouge’s is really about.”

—

Was he actually going to show her a homosexual encounter? When Ruby had first suggested it Duldon hadn’t taken the idea seriously. He assumed that Bliss would be horrified, as would most young gentlewomen. Even the idea was unimaginable to them. But having watched, and felt, Bliss’s response to the Binkshaws he could only wonder how she would feel about something even more risqué. He needed to know, to understand her response to each stimulus. He pushed down ruthlessly the thought that she would be interested in…But her eyes did darken whenever he gave her a command and she had seemed intrigued by the Binkshaws’ spanking play. But that didn’t matter. She was going to be his wife. He was merely indulging her desires, not satisfying his own curiosity.

She was going to be his wife, his respected wife. He forced the thought to circle through his brain, again and again. There must be some way to fight the need to turn her around, to take her lips, to bare her breasts and feast upon them, to rip those ridiculous breeches from her, to gaze upon her naked ass, to plunder…

He’d already gone further than he intended. His hands should never have touched her, he should never have asked her questions, never lead her to discuss her feelings over what she was seeing, never had her hint at the wants he could see so clearly. He should have stood back, let her peek, and then hurried her away.

Only, she was so irresistible. Even as his mind longed to treat her as his future wife, his body and desires fought free.

“Another room?” There was no mistaking the sudden eagerness in her voice.

He should have thought this through further, but Bliss seemed to rob him of reason. Every step forward placed them further in danger, made it harder to fight his own demons. Why did he always act too quickly with Bliss? “Yes, Ruby mentioned that there was another couple here this night that like to be watched—although, for reasons you will soon understand, this couple will be masked. They prefer to keep their identities secret.”

“I don’t need any explanation. I cannot imagine not wanting to keep one’s identity a secret. I can’t imagine being the Binkshaws.”

He paused, his mind again ablaze with possibilities. “How would you feel about being watched if no one knew who you were?”

She stiffened against him. “I am not sure. I can’t even imagine it—but then I can’t really imagine any of it. It is one thing to watch, but to actually participate…No, I cannot even think of being watched.”

Now that was not an outright rejection. How interesting. “Well, let us move a little down the hall and we can explore how adventurous you are willing to be, at least as far as watching is concerned.”

“You will need to move back then so that I can pass,” she said.

“You wish is my command, my lady,” he replied, but moved back only a scant half foot.

He could feel her consider, but after a few moments she slipped sideways, her whole body brushing against him. He was tempted to grab hold and keep her pressed tight to him, but he resisted, sanity winning for this one moment.

“How will I know which hole to look through?” she asked, her breasts a heavy weight against his chest. His fingers curled in an effort not reach up and squeeze those breasts until she could have no doubt of his feelings.

“I believe Ruby said it was the third one to the left.”

“What about the others? Who is behind them?”

“Perhaps nobody, perhaps somebody who does not wish to be seen. There really is no telling.”

“And would it be so awful if I did look? How would they ever know?”

“They probably never would. There are many brothels where it is a common practice to sell viewing rights—and the patrons never know, although it is a wise practice in such a place to always assume one is being watched.”

“And you have been to such a place?” Her voice was edged with disbelief.

How much more did he have to show her before she would admit to understanding? “Yes, perhaps upon an occasion or two.” Would she hear the sarcasm in his voice?

“I would not have expected that.” Did he finally hear consideration in her voice?

No, evidently there was a long way to go before she would accept him as he was.

But why did he want her to? It certainly was not necessary for marriage—and no matter what she might think at the moment, they
would
be married. He was coming to know Bliss far better than he ever had and while he did not understand her reluctance, it was certainly not because she actually disliked him, no matter what she might say. A woman who truly disliked a man was not as comfortable with his touch as Bliss had shown herself to be.

His mind twisted as he realized he was no longer sure what he wanted. Oh, he wanted Bliss, there was no doubt of that, but perhaps their marriage could be more than he’d ever expected. He still couldn’t imagine letting her see his true needs, but perhaps she would be more open than he had ever expected.

And didn’t he want that in a wife? Should he want that in a wife? It was not as easy a question as he would have expected.

He turned his gaze down and met her eyes. “Are you not yet realizing that I am unexpected, and not at all the dull don you have fashioned me?”

“You heard that?” He could hear the sudden shyness in her voice.

“Yes, but do not worry. I found it humorous, not disheartening.”

“Perhaps I would have wished you to find it disheartening.”

He smiled and leaning over, kissed the top of her head. The proper gesture for a future wife, and not at all the kiss he would have liked. “No, sweet. You would never wish to cause pain, not even to me.”

She turned away and he had the feeling that perhaps his words had touched upon a tender spot.

“Come, let us look upon the other room.” She moved to push away the sliding latch that covered the peephole.

He placed his hand over hers. “No, let me look first. I want to be sure that you do not find anything too surprising or even horrifying. I have to confess I have my own self-interest in mind. I would not be happy if you found anything so off-putting that you never wanted to play again.” Was he actually considering doing this again?

“Is that what you consider this, play? And I will begin to think you a prude again if you think to censor what I can and cannot watch.”

He would not bother to explain how much censorship was inherent in everything they did. If he truly did not care what they saw he would have been at an establishment far different than Ruby’s. “Remember you are learning to trust me. Trust me in this. I will promise that I will let you look at anything after I have had a chance to prepare you. Is that so unfair? You may want to pretend that you are not such an innocent, but you have to admit that before the library the other night you knew very little of what happens between men and women.”

“I am not sure that I would go as far as to say that I knew very little. I would agree that I had seen and experienced little, but many of my friends are married and they do talk, and I have several brothers and they are rarely as discreet as they believe.”

He sighed. Bliss did like to win an argument. He did not understand why she had such a problem admitting to being the sweet, innocent girl that she was. “I have already agreed that I will let you look. Do you really have such a problem with my peering in first so that I can explain what you see?”

“I just don’t understand how you can be so convinced it will be so different from what I have already seen. Are men so different? I know that women are not—and from what I have seen both of Lord Banks and Mr. Binkshaw, men are not that different either. A male member is a male member and…”

“Please don’t call it a male member. I find my own feels quite insulted by the term—a cock, a dick, even a prick, a Johnson, a pecker, or a John Thomas is far better than a male member. I’d rather you call it a
pego
than a member.”

“I think you are avoiding my point. Although is that really what a John Thomas is? I always thought my brothers had a friend by that name.”

There was no reply to that. “Step away from the peephole and I will take a look. And then I will let you see—although I take back my earlier promise. There may be a couple things I am not yet ready for you to experience. You will have to trust me.”

“As if I have a choice,” she grumbled, but she did move down the narrow hall just enough to give him space.

Sliding the door aside he peered in. The interior room was darker than the candlelit hall and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust. Ahh, not too bad. He had no doubt that Bliss would find it startling, but he had faith that she would manage it. He turned to her, but did not move so that she could peer in. “The most important thing is to put your prejudice aside. You will be surprised when you first look through, but take the time to consider.”