Bound by Bliss (16 page)

“Is that all? It is not much of a list.”

“What would you suggest?” Why did she think that his list would sound remarkably like himself?

“Well, you have made it clear that you do not want a dull man, so probably no scholars or farmers.”

“I have found both scholars and farmers interesting. It does all depend on how they discuss their interests and whether or not they can speak of anything else. But you are probably right that they are not my first choice.”

“What of age? And do you care if there was a wife before you? And what if he already has children?”

Children. She had not even considered that even though she had just mentioned them. Would it be different if the children were not her own? “I think I would prefer a man without children—although I do not necessarily think I would reject a man because of them. And not too old. I do not know what age is too old, but I want someone who still contains some youth. I want a man who will not find it a hardship to dance with me and ride with me and…”

“Follow you on whatever your next adventure is.”

“Exactly.”

“And what of property? Do you require a wealthy husband?”

Finally an easy question, and one she had considered. “Definitely not. I don’t care if he is quite without funds, although I draw the line at debt. I will have more than enough funds to support a decent life, but not so much that I can fish some fool out of a pond of debt and bills he has created. I do not mind a poor man, but I have no desire to be penniless myself.”

“That is sensible. Property? Title?” He shifted, placing a leg on either side of her skirts so that she felt quite trapped on the bench.

She ignored the feeling. “I feel the same about property as I do money. Although I admit that an estate in the country is desirable. I have always loved escaping to the simplicity of rural life. I enjoy parties and company, but in the end I want to walk through fields and ride to my heart’s content.”

“And title?”

“Makes not a whit of difference. If anything I prefer a man without one. I do not need the added responsibility of being a duchess—or a countess.” She shot him a very pointed look. “I would like a husband who is comfortable in society, however. I may not desire a title, but I am not proposing to marry one of my footmen or my brother’s valet.”

He did not answer her look. “Your brother’s valet would probably be more comfortable in society than any man I have ever known.”

There was so much truth to that, she could only laugh. “You are right about that, but I must admit I still do not want to wed him. And besides, he has seen how I leave my clothing at the end of the day and he would never have me. Hysterics would follow us both.”

It was his turn to chuckle. “I have to admit that you would make an unlikely pair. And you did say you wished a husband taller than you.”

“Yes, that would rather leave him out.”

“Your children would never grow tall enough to…”

For a moment her mind filled with tall blond children, children with…No, she was not going to think about what Duldon’s children would look like. She stilled her features and forced herself away from the dream that she would never allow.

“I am sorry,” Duldon said.

“For what?”

“For whatever I said that took the smile from your eyes. I had worked so hard to put it back in them.”

“It is nothing.” Only it didn’t feel like nothing.

“Well, one thing has become very clear.”

It was not the moment for riddles. “What?” Impatience rang in her voice.

“Our next adventure.” He reached across and took her hand, giving it a squeeze. “I will help you find a husband. I can guide you and help you find a man who meets your criteria. With such a detailed list you will need some help.”

Why did she have the feeling that in his mind there was only one man who was acceptable?

Chapter Ten

Duldon leaned back and swung his feet up onto his desk. The heels of his Hessians clacked against the hardwood. He glared up at the early afternoon sun that filled the room.

The plan to win Bliss was not the one that he originally envisioned, but it was a sound one. What better way to show Bliss that he was the man for her than to show her that every other man was not? And the more time they spent together, the more time he spent with his hands on her, the easier it would be to show her how things could be between them, how passion could be between them. Her fires burned hot every time he was near. He was determined that she understand how special this was, how special she was.

And he could determine if the dark fantasies that had begun to fill his mind could possibly be true. Could he reveal himself to Bliss, reveal his whole self?

His hand rose and brushed through tangled curls as he considered how good they would be together. She fulfilled every fantasy he’d ever had and then some. For years now he’d known that she was the wife for him, but only now did he understand how surely his instincts had led him. He’d always believed that he’d have to separate his desire for his wife and the coarser desires that ran through him. With Bliss he began to wonder if that was completely true. He would probably never wish to show her the true depths he had sometimes played with, but it had been a long time since he’d gotten much pleasure from extreme play.

He’d have to go gently—and they would probably not travel far along the road. But a single kiss with her was far better than any fuck he’d ever had. He might still need control, might still wish to play, but they could find a happy medium, one that would leave him wanting no other.

Which brought him back to his plan.

So how was he to go about finding her the right men to be husband material and yet to ensure that none of them were a better choice than himself? Not that he had doubt on that count. He was as right for Bliss as she was for him.

The only true issue might be her lack of desire for a title. He had to admit that he could well understand her lack of aspiration to be a countess. He found great satisfaction in being an earl, in caring for his tenants and his lands, but it was a great deal of work and he would never pretend that it was not. There were other men who ignored their responsibilities and merely enjoyed their privileges. That had never been his nature, and despite her espoused wildness he did not believe it was Bliss’s either. When she was his countess she would take her duties as seriously as did he.

“You’re looking a strange mixture of glum and gleeful,” Swanston said as he strode into the library.

Duldon peered over his shoulder. There was no sign of his porter. “Sneaking in again, are you?”

“I do get tired of all the fuss. But no, I merely told your man that I could see myself in.”

Duldon stared at his friend, showing no expression.

Swanston chuckled. “Fine, I commanded the man to find something else to do.”

“That sounds more like you. I would chide my servants for obeying orders other than my own, but I do know how you like to command—and how well you do it.”

“I am training to be a duke.”

They both knew that had nothing to do with Swanston’s desire to dominate. “I will make no comment. You can fetch yourself a brandy then, if you so desire.” He waved to the decanter and glasses on the sideboard. “If you will dismiss my servants you must take care of yourself.”

“Ever the gracious host.”

“As gracious as my guest.”

Swanston walked over and poured himself a good measure. He held the glass up to Duldon in question.

Duldon shook his head. He needed clear wits if he was going to figure out how to handle Bliss and her antipathy to marriage.

Swanston took his drink and then settled into a chair across from Duldon. He swung his feet up in duplicative action. “So why did you wish to see me? A footman mentioned you’d stopped by earlier and so I decided to call. I imagine it’s about my sister and that sliver of land you wish as a dowry.”

“Yes.” They both knew that the land was only an excuse, but it was a much more comfortable reason between the two men than the truth. Duldon well understood that no man wished to think of his sister and a good bedding in the same moment, particularly not men of their tastes.

“You are rarely verbose, but that degree of brevity will not get you the answers you wish.” Swanston took a large swallow of the brandy.

“Does your sister dislike children? She got the strangest expression when I mentioned them to her the other day.”

“Not as brief, but very direct. She doesn’t, at least, not that I’ve ever seen. When our oldest sister, Anne, visits she loves to play with the young ones. And she is always sending them trinkets and gifts. I’ve never seen any sign that she finds the task unpleasant. And they love and adore her. When she is with them she acts like another playmate. I’ve known her to let them tie her to a tree in the garden when playing pirates. I did have to insist that she not let them strip her to her shift. I’ve no idea why they felt that was a necessary part of the game, but the garden lads were finding it much too distracting.”

Duldon imagined it was. It was a good thing he had not been around at the time or he might have felt a great desire to pass out some punishment. “I believe you, and yet there was something. I though perhaps that was why she is not eager for marriage.”

“It is true a fear of childbirth is common. And our mother did not have an easy time with pregnancy. She was sick for months and that is not to mention the two stillbirths. Bliss was quite young at the time and I can see that she might find the whole matter frightening.”

Duldon stared up at the ceiling and considered. “That might explain some of it, but I am not sure it is that simple.”

“I think you are overreacting. I am sure that if Bliss does fear something you will figure it out and correct the matter.”

“Perhaps.” Duldon did not feel convinced. “I do wish I understood what was holding her back.”

Swanston smirked. “Perhaps she is afraid of the marriage bed. Our society tells women much of its horrors and little of its pleasures.”

Duldon had to resist rolling his eyes. “Do you know your sister at all?”

Swanston shrugged and took another sip of brandy. “I would admit that Bliss has never seemed shy. I know she used to peek at us boys when we swam. I always meant to scold her for it, but…”

Duldon had the feeling there had been a lot of “buts” in Bliss’s life. “No, I do not think she fears the marriage bed. For some reason she is simply opposed to marriage—and particularly marriage with me, although none of the reasons she gives make sense.”

“Does she need a reason to dislike you?” Swanston was almost laughing.

“She doesn’t seem to dislike me, just the thought of marriage to me—and she truly doesn’t seem that eager to wed anyone.”

Swanston’s smile stilled. “You are right about that. You would have thought I was asking her to walk over hot coals when I told her I wished her to marry you, but she didn’t seem much happier when I gave her the out of finding her own husband. Perhaps she does wish to avoid children. I will have to give the matter some thought. Perhaps I will have Louisa talk to her.”

It might not be a bad idea to have Louisa talk to Bliss, although perhaps about more than childbirth. Louisa seemed to be a quite satisfied wife. A sudden thought took him. He’d never heard Swanston talk of women and children in such a manner. “And what of Louisa? Does she have this desire for children?”

Swanston’s face grew flush with color. “Of course.”

“And have you done anything about that desire?”

An even deeper flush.

Duldon laughed. “And when is the happy date?”

“Blast you. Sometime early next year I expect. But please do not tell anyone. Louisa wishes to wait to pass on our happy news.”

“I will be discreet.” Duldon could not help the smile that formed upon his lips. A year ago he would never have believed he would see Swanston like this.

Now if only he could solve the problem of why Bliss was so opposed to marriage—and marriage to him.

—

Why had she let Duldon touch her in that manner? Bliss dropped her head as she considered. Why had she ever even agreed to go with him into a brothel? Well, the second question was unfair. It wasn’t as if she’d needed any persuading. He’d been the one opposed to the idea. No, she couldn’t blame him for that; she could only blame herself, and her curiosity. And Lady Ormande. What had the Countess been thinking? Granted, Bliss could not say she was sorry she’d gone. It had been most enlightening.

In fact, she wished she could go again, if she was completely honest. There were definitely more questions she’d like answered, more things she would like to see.

No, it was the touching she didn’t understand. Why had she let that happen?

Not once had she asked him to stop.

She’d barely moved away from his touch.

Blast. Blast. Blast.

She’d spent years trying not to think of Duldon in this manner, trying not to think of him as anything but dull, and now it seemed that her mind could not be controlled.

She had enjoyed his touch, reveled in it. It made her want to know how much more was possible. What would it be like if he’d suckled her breast like he’d wanted to? And what would it be like if he’d used his mouth on her like Lord Banks had on Julianna? And what if she used her mouth on him?

“What on earth are you thinking, Bliss? You almost walked into a tree,” Angela’s voice cut through her thoughts.

Bliss’s head jerked up.

She was in the park. She was taking a walk with her friend. They might even go feed the ducks.

Angela continued, “I’ve never seen you like this. You frequently drift off in conversation, but I’ve never seen you look like you didn’t know where you were.”

And she hadn’t. For the last few minutes she’d been at Madame Rouge’s, not strolling on a sunny afternoon. She shook her head. “I am sorry. I am distracted by this whole matter of marriage and trying to understand why Lady Perse did not give me an invitation.”

“I suppose I can see how that would be distracting. I always thought that Lady Perse liked you. I would have thought you would be among the first to receive an invitation.”