Boy in a Band (A Morgan Mallory story) (26 page)

“Not that cold once you’re in
,” he said.

Up against him, no it didn’t feel so cold.

              “Okay, there is one good thing—the ocean's warmer in San Diego.”

             
“Baby steps,” he said.

             
“Ah,” I shrieked as he untied my top.

             
“I’m copping a feel,” he said, playing with my erect nipples.

             
“Obviously,” I laughed. “Now that you got a feel, can we get out?” I asked.

             
“I’m not finished,” he teased, sticking his hand down my bathing suit bottom.

              We lay flat on our backs in the sun holding hands. It felt lazy and warm. He would reach over and run his fingers down my side or my stomach, which in turn would make me want to kiss him. I would lean over and kiss his lips, his neck, his chest. And now and again he would pull my face to his and give me that kiss.

             
“Mathew?” I asked as I traced my fingers down the golden hair below his belly button to the band of his swimsuit.

             
“Hmm?”

             
He grabbed my hand and placed it on his cock rubbing through his suit. I felt the swelling between my legs and the blood race to my heart. We didn’t seem to be able to keep our hands off each other. He slowly rolled over on top of me, grinding his pelvis into mine.

“People can see
,” I said self-consciously.

             
“So what? If they're lucky, they’ll get to see the suits come off,” he said, looking mischievous.

“Uh
-uh,” I said, scanning the beach.

             
No one was close by, but there were still people in site. I pulled myself from underneath him to one side, resting on my elbow so I could look at him.
This person that could make me act crazy.

             
“What’s going to happen now?”

             
“Happen right now?” he asked with a grin.

             
“You know what I mean?”

             
I hated that I wanted answers, couldn’t just go with the moment.

             
“Well, I’d say for the rest of your stay, more of this. Morgan, let’s not plan. Let’s agree to let it happen,” he said.

I was fearful that this was a fleeting moment and, come tomorrow, everything would change back to his normal MO.

             
“I’ll agree to let it happen, if you promise not to hurt me.”

The move to San Diego had sealed the fate of us
being together for any length of time, and we both knew that. It wasn’t like we were adults and had a choice where we lived.

             
“I promise I won’t hurt you,” he said as he put his hand to his heart.

             
“I’m going to hold you to that. You do, and I’ll call Ben and ask him to kick your ass. He would no doubt honor that request.”

             
I chuckled and he smiled at me.

             
“He never liked me.”

             
“Maybe he had a feeling about our friendship. I know he was jealous of our time together.”

             
I untied my bikini top and let it fall. I pressed myself into his chest, my breasts against his skin, my softness against his roughness. I ran my tongue up his neck to his ear and traced the outside and then stuck my tongue gently in it.

             
“You’re gonna get me hard,” he groaned, wrapping his arms around me.

             
“That’s okay with me. I want you to teach me everything that makes you happy,” I said.

“You made me happy when you l
et me into your bed last night. You made me happy when you agreed to lose Ben.”

I
rose up slightly and looked into his face.

             
“When you asked me if I loved him, I realized it wasn’t right, but I wasn’t sure why you cared. Your motives almost always confuse me. With Ben, I guess, I was in love with the idea of love. We only were together those few short months before I moved. I should have guessed once I was gone, he would be off to someone new.”

             
I pushed my pelvis into his, communicating how much I wanted him, even now. He kissed me and once again we had a make out session that was unbelievable.

             
“I’ll be coming for you tonight, kid,” he whispered in a husky tone.

             
“I’m good with that,” I said, knowing I was in new erotic territory. “So good with that. Make sure we don’t get caught. Your mom would kill us.”

I only had three nights left in town. We kept our relationship hidden at the house. For the next three days, Mathew and I would go to the beach so we could be alone together. He took me to the Boardwalk, and we rode the Big Dipper. He even took me underneath the boardwalk and kissed me.

“You wanna do it here?” h
e teased, sliding his hand up my shirt.

             
“No. I still think that’s gross.”

             
“Teasing,” he said.

             
“I know,” I said, not so sure he was.

             
He wasn’t afraid to show his affection for me in public. He held my hand and put his arm around me. My heart ached when I thought about going home. Gayle came over to Mathew’s house a few times to visit. I was happy to see that neither one of them made it feel awkward. She was miffed at me for breaking it off with Ben and spending all my days with Mathew. She was sure that Mathew would use me and hurt me. I did feel used, in the best way I’d ever been used, and I swore to myself I wouldn’t be hurt.

“Gayle
, get over it,” I said when we were alone by the pool. “This has been the best thing for me. He’s made me happy. It, unfortunately, will end; we both understand that. We’ll still be friends when I go home.”

             
“So you’re still the
friend
, even now?”

             
“Okay, friends plus,” I said, using Mathew’s term. “Why do we have to name it? What’s our choice, Gayle? We’re sixteen and still in high school. We live with our parents. We now live in different cities, far, far away. Now
friend
is about the only option unless I want him to start lying to me like Ben did.”

             
“Don’t be so fucking rational for once,” she said frowning.

             
“He’s the best lover, ever,” I whispered.

             
“No details, please.”

“Shut up
. You already know a lot of the details, you bitch.”

She smiled.

              “Let’s not go there. I’m glad to see you happy, Morgan. It’s scary how happy he can make you sometimes.”

             
On our last night together, Mathew and I made love and talked till morning. It had only gotten better between us; time after time he was able to make me feel things I couldn’t imagine. He was sorry to have me go. He would miss me. I believed him. He drove me to the airport on Sunday. We had been lovers for four days, and he’d rocked my world. I didn’t want to go. Mathew joked around and played loud music, singing along, all the way to the airport. He tried to keep it light so I couldn’t be sad. He put his arm around me and walked me into the terminal. We sat at the gate, holding hands.

“Mathew?” I
asked, searching his face.

              He leaned over and kissed me.

“Morgan, we agreed at the beach to let what would
happen, happen,” he said.

             
“No, you agreed really,” I said, looking away.

             
“Don’t cry,” he said, turning my face back toward his.

             
“I won’t. I know you hate it,” I said, forcing a smile, fighting to keep the tears back. “I scarred you for life, crying during
Jeremiah Johnson
, didn’t I?”

             
Mathew, Sara, Sam, Pat, and I had gone to see the movie together when it first came out. Mathew had sat next to me and I’d cried hard.

             
“What were we, twelve, thirteen?” he asked.

“Thirteen
. That scene, where Jeremiah’s family gets killed, you told me you would move if I didn’t stop crying,” I said.

             
I remembered I was so glad to be sitting next to him, our arms touching slightly. Bathing in pure pleasure just to be close to him.

             
“How do you remember stuff like that?”

             
He grinned and squeezed my hand.
Oh, Mathew
.

             
“I remember a lot when it comes to you.”

             
“I’m sorry about threatening to move,” he teased.

             
“It’s not fair. I don’t want this to end, you and me.”

             
“We’ll keep in touch, you’ll come back,” he kissed me softly.

             
When the last boarding call came, he hugged me tightly to him. People rushed around us with their luggage. I waited until the last passenger had entered the door to the gate before I pulled away.

             
“Take care, kid,” he said, smiling.

I turned and walked quickly
towards the door. I didn’t look back. I didn’t want him to see the tears.

Chapter
30

The school year
was a hard one. I missed Mathew. I missed my friends. I tried to make new ones, but it wasn’t easy.

“When are you coming back
?” he’d asked on our last phone call.

He wasn’t great about keeping in touch, only calling occasionally, mostly I figured when there wasn’t a girl around.
I had to be realistic, he wasn’t waiting for me, and he was the lead singer in a rock and roll band.

“I don’t know yet
. I’ve got to work it out with my folks.”

             
It was during the last week of school when Gayle’s mother called me. Gayle had been hit head-on by a drunk driver on the expressway. He had been going the wrong way and she was in the hospital. Gayle had been crushed by the steering wheel and the front of the car. They’d had to cut her out with the Jaws of Life. It had broken both her legs and crushed a kneecap. She would be a long time healing.

             
“Jane, I’m coming right away,” I said.

             
“Morgan, she doesn’t want anyone to see her. She’s almost in a body cast. She might not be happy about it,” Jane said.

             
Jane wasn’t very persuasive and I thought she might actually be feeling it would be a good thing for Gayle if I came.

             
“I don’t care what she looks like. I need to come support her, be there for her. I was coming at some point anyway. Is it all right if I plan to stay awhile?” I asked.

“You can stay as long as you like
,” she said.

I planned on
a month. My mom spoke to Ann about staying at the O’Conner’s too if need be. Mathew was never far from my mind during the school year and I’d written him letters. He never wrote back. When we talked on the phone it was like we hadn’t missed a day, we talked about everything, except other relationships. We’d come to an unspoken agreement to not venture there. From digging with Gayle, I knew he’d dated, but it didn’t sound like any one seriously. Kingdom Come was playing around town in San Jose, all kind of gigs. The party scene followed the band and with it the girls. I didn’t even want to think of the girls that followed them.

I had gone to a few parties
in Escondido over the school year, nothing that interested me much. The kids at my school didn’t seem as experimental as the San Jose crowd. I didn’t see much except alcohol and pot. I felt like I’d gone backwards in time from where I’d come. Even the boy, girl relationships seemed immature compared to what I knew, or thought I knew. I tried to be interested in the boys but wasn’t. I compared them to Mathew, and no one measured up.

I flew into town the day Gayle got out of the hospital
. Mathew had promised he would pick me up. And he was there, waiting at the same gate I’d walked out of last summer. He was leaning against the wall, wearing loud clothes he’d started to love—I smiled at his paisley button-down shirt and white shorts. Tan, with his blond hair longer, he looked wonderful. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I had told myself not to expect too much, not be disappointed.

My heart thumped in my chest and butterflies filled my stomach,
and I wanted to race into his arms, but held back. When he saw me a big smile spread across his face. He didn’t move from his position against the wall, instead waited for me to reach him. I filed along with the exiting crowd.

“Hey
, kid,” he said pushing off of the wall when I reached him, grabbing me up in a hug. “I’ve missed you.”

I sucked in my
breath; he’d missed me, and was willing to say it.

             
“You don’t even know.”

             
We talked as we walked through the airport and then at baggage claim, about the flight, his parents, my parents, school, the weather, and Gayle. When we got in the car, he finally pulled me to him. The time apart vanished when he kissed me. My feelings came rushing back like a tidal wave, making me light-headed.

             
“I have a place we can go,” he said accompanied by his sexy grin.

             
I took this to mean we were back. The relief spread through me like warm water. Suddenly I was very aware of how much I had worried about this moment. As much as I wanted to go with him, I knew Jane was expecting me. Gayle didn’t know I was coming, and I couldn’t risk messing up the surprise.

             
“Mathew, I have to go to Gayle’s first. We’ll have time,” I said, pulling him back to me.

             
He held my face with his warm hands and gave me a quick taste of
that kiss
. My body responded to his touch like there had been no distance. He sat back in his seat smiling and started the car. I watched the muscles in his arm as he turned the key.

             
“I don’t like the answer, but I understand. I hear she’s in pretty bad shape,” he said.

As we drove I
asked Mathew what he knew about the accident, and he gave me the short version of what the papers had reported.

             
“I will call you about getting together,” I said when he dropped me at Gayle’s.

             
I physical ached to be with him, and still I worried what this trip would mean, wanting to get the Mathew back from last summer so badly.

             
“Make it soon,” he said.

Gayle was in the family room when I arrived; she started to cry when I walked in the room. Her whole lower body was in casts as was her wrist. White plaster ran the full length of each leg and then stopped at her hips, then another cast was around her pelvis. It looked miserable. Small cuts ran up and down her arms from the glass. I started to cry too. We’d been friends since we were eight. We grew up together, shared a lot of secrets, and always were there for each other. I went to her, hugging her gently, afraid if I touched her I could hurt her.

             
“Gayle, I’m so sorry,” I cried as I tried to ignore all the casts.

             
“I had planned on such a good summer, I was looking forward to your visit, and now it’s been completely destroyed,” she sobbed. “And who knows how all this will turn out, even the doctors aren’t sure.”

Jane
had forewarned me, but it still shook me. The first few days, I stayed solely with Gayle. We played games, watched movies on TV, I read to her. I helped Jane get her up and move her around. I talked with Mathew on the phone every day. He wanted to see me bad. Gayle and I caught up on the school year: our old friends in San Jose, my new friends in San Diego.

“Tell me about Mathew
,” she finally brought up one afternoon.

             
I smiled, feelings for him flooding into my head and heart.

“He picked me up at the airport,
and so far so good.”

She shifted her position
slowly and just watching her was painful.

“Morgan
, be cautious,” she said, concerned.

             
“With Mathew, my Mathew, have I ever been cautious?” I joked.

             
“I’m serious.”

             
The TV was on low in the corner of the family room, voices on it almost inaudible. There were shelves above it that were full of books; Jane loved to read.

             
“Gayle, I wouldn’t expect anything different from you in regards to him. I’m a big girl. Mathew’s been in my life for years. You don’t think I know what he’s capable of? Good and bad?”

             
She moved her arm and I was tempted to jump up and help her, I felt so useless.

             
“He’s changed,” she said softly.

             
“Changed how? He looked the same to me, maybe even hotter. He still kisses me the same. He still makes me feel the same,” I said fanning my face.

             
“Oh god, already?” she moaned.

             
“Relax, we just kissed. I had to see you first.”

             
She rolled her eyes at me.

             
“Banged-up me over sex with Mathew? Now that does shock me,” she smiled. “Surprised you two didn’t do it while he was driving you here.”

             
“Believe me, I thought about it,” I laughed.

             
“Morgan, you’ve been away. A lot can change.”

             
I suddenly felt like there was more behind her concern. I thought maybe she knew about a girl he was seeing and didn’t want me to know. I thought about Ben, and last summer.

             
“Just tell me what you want to warn me about.”

“The band plays a lot now
: parties, clubs. They're well known. They play together. They party together. There are groupie girls who follow them around, and he’s more than popular. He’s really into it all. He likes the attention, thrives on it, Morgan.”

She had been to a fair share o
f events where Kingdom Come played. She probably was leaving out parts that might hurt me. Parts she’d witnessed firsthand.

“Gayle
, this isn’t new…girls fawning over him.”

             
“Not new maybe, but more. Don’t expect it to be the same as last summer. Be prepared.”

             
Her words stung.

             
“I can’t expect it to be the same. For one, it can’t be because I want to hang with you,” I said defensively.

             
“You know what I mean.”

             
I turned from her and stared at the TV.
I’d prepared myself hadn’t I?
I’d told myself not to be disappointed.

“Ok
ay, if it’s not, it’s not. That also would not be a surprise with Mathew. We have an understanding to let it be whatever it is,” I said.

Gayle gave me an exasperated look.

“Morgan, you are so full of shit. You talk big. You have loved him forever. You are blind when it comes to him, girl. I know you’re tough, but not where he’s concerned. Don’t let him hurt you.”

             
She was vulnerable and hurt, physically and emotionally. She didn’t want me to get hurt emotionally for more than one reason. She was not up to it.

             
“I won’t, I promise,” I answered.

             
If I did get hurt, I wouldn’t burden her with it. I owed her that.

             
“Since when did I love him forever?”

             
“Whatever,” she said, “keep lying to yourself.”

             
I called Mathew that night, and he asked about Gayle.

             
“She’s definitely fragile,” I said.

             
“Can you please get out tomorrow night?” he asked. “And stay?”

             
“Where?”

             
“We can stay at Jack’s place,” he said. “Dinner first?”

             
“A date,” I teased.

“No
, more comfortable,” he said with a smile in his voice.

             
I told Jane I wouldn’t be back that night. She was cool. She knew what was going on and didn’t pry. Gayle had filled her in. When Mathew picked me up, he seemed anxious. I thought maybe he wanted to go straight to Jack’s.

“Where are we going?”

              “Circus Room,” he said.

             
I laughed and he grinned at me, knowing.

“You’re kidding?”

              The Circus Room was a funky pool bar that served a mean burger in Old Almaden. Our parents had taken us there many times. I remembered us as kids shooting pool while our parents had drinks.

             
“No, I’m not kidding.”

             
I actually thought it was cool, a place from our past, a place that connected us in more ways than now. When we walked in, Mathew said
hello
to the bartender and got us a booth, sitting next to me instead of across.

             
“Hey, Matt,” the waitress greeted him with a smile.

This was clearly a place
where he was known.

             
“Betty, this is Morgan,” he introduced us.

She was mid
-thirties I guessed, bleached blonde hair, rough around the edges. I could tell she liked his looks.

             
“A pitcher to start,” Mathew said.

             
“You got it,” she said as she turned back toward the bar.

             
My mouth dropped open. No I.D.?” I leaned towards him.