Bradbury, Ray - SSC 10 (7 page)

The Young Man
Give
something
else
up!

Mike

Ah,
Jesus, in all of
Ireland
, there's not so much joy, beauty, and
riotous pleasure about you can count them on more than five
fingers!
Gimme
the damn
thing!

The Young Man
Good
old Mike!

Mike
(eyeing
the bottle)
Do
I drink it
all?

The Young Man
Or
as much as will turn Mr. Hyde into Dr. Jekyll!

Mike
How's that?

The Young Man
(rephrasing
it)

Enough
so Mike will come for me tomorrow night, instead of
you.

Mike
Mike
instead of
me?
I'm
Mike.
Michael
Finneran
Seamus Kelly!

The Young Man
A
re
you?

He peers in at the fellow,
mike
gets his
meaning, uncorks the
bottle,
takes
a long swig.

Mike
Ah!

He takes another swig as
the young man
beams,
mike
leans
out,
his voice immediately softer, mellower.

Is
that better?

The Young Man
Mike,
Mike you're back!

Mike
{nods slowly)
I was long away.

The Young Man
You
were!

They clench hands in a great shake, steadfast, true.

Mike
Here now,
take
these
precious bits of pure gold!

He shoves over his cigarette pack.

The Young Man
(taking them)
Thanks, Mike.

Mike
(gently)
Ah, shut up.

The Young Man
See you tomorrow?

Mike
If we're both alive.

The Young Man
Do you doubt we will be?

Mike
(with a
last swig)
Strange—I'm thinking
now—I'll live forever.

He drives off, waving
beautifully,
the young man
watches the
car go. He lights one of
mike's
¹
cigarettes, studies it, studies the smoke on the air.

The Young Man

The Irish?
The Irish.
Here they come out of the mist.
There
they vanish into the rain.

He calls into the growing
darkness.

Michael
Finneran
Seamus Kelly!
Who
and
what
are
you?

He listens.

No
answer. And
(Checks watch)
—already, look! It's the
second
day of Lent! So—what am / giving up?

He looks at the cigarette pack, rips it open.
What indeed?!

He tears the cigarettes apart, sprinkles the tobacco about, beam
ing. A harp plays in the darkness offstage,
the young man,
hearing
it, laughs and shrugs.

All
right, all right! Let the harp play all it wants! I'm done,
finished,
through!

He moves briskly for the exit stage right as the harp lilts up
playing a zestful reel. Just before exiting,
the young man
turns
about
once, and maybe clicks his heels. When he is gone, from
the darkness
mike
reappears
on his throne, in his car, swinging
back
out in one long wonderful slow curve,
mike's
smile is mel
low. The motor is
quiet. The harp plays gently now, as
mike
vanishes
back into the Irish dark, and on away toward . . .

THE
  
END

CHARACTERS

HEEBER
 
FINN

KATHLEEN
  
(
HIS
 
WIFE
)

OLD
 
MAN

CASEY
TIMULTY

NOLAN

FATHER LEARY

HOOLIHAN
  
(THE
  
SALESMAN)

NOONAN

O'HARA

KELLY

At the rise
of curtain we see the bar of
Heeber
Finn's pub some
where deep in
Ireland
's jogs and rains, deserted in the
early-
morning hour. For
a change, a rosy glare comes through the
stained-glass windows to either side of the bar; the day
has be
gun with rare
weather.

heeber
FINN
enters, breathing the good
air, scratching him
self, yawning, fully dressed for a day of business. He looks
about at
the silent
room.

Finn

Ah,
there you are, waiting for it all to begin. What
will happen
today?
Only God knows in the morning. By ten tonight /'// know.
Some
day
I
should set it down.

He moves about, arranging the chairs.

His
Wife
(entering)
Set
what
down?

Finn

All that
happens, Katy,
in a single day with the doors open and
the
world flocking in.

His
Wife
Would
you rather write it or
live it?

Finn
Since you put it that way—living's
best.

His
Wife

Live
and
work.
I wish you'd do more of that.
There's much
needs
mending here. That chair leans favoring the left, the
table leans favoring the right. . . .

Finn
(polishing)

Playing
with these spigots is my work!

His
Wife

And
you play them fine, like the organist at the Variety Cinema in
Cork
, but—

Finn
But,
Woman! It's opening time!

His
Wife
(checking)
Ten seconds after.

Finn
(hustling)
Wait till I get set up! Peep
through the door! What do you see?

She peeps.

His
Wife

A band of hoodlums, as is usual, elbowing each
other and
smacking their lips.

Finn
Well, what are you waiting for?

His
Wife
(peeking through a chink)
It
does me good to make them stay out in the cold a
bit
over
time.

Finn
You've a
hard heart!

His
Wife
I thought you only worried about my soft behind.

She fiddles with the latch. There is a groan of relief from outside.

Ah,
listen to them
craitures
stir, will
ya
? Like so many cows in
need of milking!

She fiddles the latch again, smiling.
Another groan
from outside.
They're
fairly seething!

Finn
Inhuman
woman, let be!

She unlocks, unbolts, and lets the
Red Sea
in.

His
Wife
One at a time! No hurry!

The Old Man
(entering
indignant)
One
at a time? No hurry? What does she mean?

Casey
Out of
the way, Woman!

Timulty
Lift me to the bar, I'm too weak to make it alone!

Nolan
I'm
famished!

Finn
Come get
it, Men!

The Old Man
Finn,
why the delay? You opened twenty seconds late!

His
Wife
(snorting)
Twenty seconds! The shame of it!

She exits.

The Old Man
Has
she got the humors?

Finn

When
hasn't
she?

Nolan
Women!

The Old Man

I'm
glad you said that. Why is it, when a ship goes down, it's
always women and children first to the lifeboats?
Shouldn't it
be the other way round?

Casey

Oh,
my wife wouldn't mind going down with the ship. The
question is: Would
the ship mind going down with
her?

The Old Man

I
think we have found a proper subject to converse on for the
day.

All drink, assenting.

Casey
Break out the cards, we'll have a game!

All move away into the next room, dragging chairs, flourishing
a deck of cards, carrying their drinks, laughing
and warmly joy
ous. After the brief
riot, there is a little storm of silence in the
pub.
the wife
appears with a
basket, on her way out to shop.
She
peers into the next room, sniffs.

His
Wife
Well, the avalanche
is fair started down the mountain!

finn
eyes
her but she will not be eyed and goes off, away.
Another silent moment,
finn
polishes
glassware. Then:
The doors open. It is
father
leary,
from the church across
the way.

Finn
Father
Leary, come in! We don't see you often!

Father
I'm glad
to hear that. I was beginning to worry.

Finn
Will it
be the
Same
?

Father

First
you say you don't see me often,
then
you ask if it'll
be the
Same!

Finn
No
offense, Father.
What'U
it
be
?

Father
The
Usual.

Finn
(pouring)

Begging
your pardon, Father, but what's the difference between
the
Same
and
the
Usual?

Father
(drinking)

Same
is too blunt, cold,
hard a word.
Usual
is—well—more
savory,
at ease, you can roll it about on your tongue.
(He savors
the word)
Us—u-al.
Do you see?

Finn

As
far as I need to, Father. And how's business? I mean—the Church, are people
finding their way there through all the fog
lately?

Father
If they don't, I'll build
hellfires
to give them light.

Finn

Oh,
you can do that, all right. You know, Father, I was think
ing just the other day, you and me—
is
much alike. No offense.

Father
(pausing
in
midsip
)
It's
too early to tell. Go on.

Finn

I
mean,
the things you hear in the confessional and the
things
I hear behind the bar. There
is a rough
equivalation
, now.

Father
Very rough.

Finn
(sotto
voce)
And
neither of us can
breathe a word.

Father
Come now, Finn, you'll be putting on lace
next.

Finn

Father,
no word that's spoken goes back across this bar. I'm proud of my own peculiar
vow of silence. If the church
ain't
open,
Heeber
Finn's is.

Father
(controlling
himself beautifully)
You
must be absolutely
groaning with truckloads of sin.

Finn
I got me
share.

Father

You
don't imply now, do
you, that
you're in competition
with
the Church? Eh?

Finn

Heaven
forbid! And forgive my pride, but maybe I've eased
your burden a bit, Father.

Father

Do you mean by that that some sins get waylaid here
that I
never hear about?

Finn

I
only imply, Father, that I oil their tonsils so they can tell it
better by the time they get over to you, thus
cutting down the
fearsome time you
spend cooped up in the box—

Father
Why,
you're almost an annex to the Church, it seems!

Finn
Now look
what I've done—made you mad.

Father

I'm
not mad, Finn, just surprised, and mad at myself
...
for
I thought I was over being surprised at the
duplicity of man.
You did come on me
sudden, though, and I'd best leave.

He reaches in his pocket.

Finn
(hastily)
Put
it in the
poorbox
,
Father.

Father
I will!

Finn

Come
again for the—
er
—Usual, Father!

Half out the door,
father leary
turns,
frowning.

Father
Not the
Usual,
man!
(A beat)
—The
Same!

The wickets slam. He's gone.

finn
busies
himself, stacking glasses and wiping the bar. As
he does so, from a distance a high clear tenor voice is heard, approaching.
There is also the sound of footsteps coming near. The
song being sung is
as follows:

The Salesman's Voice
(Off)
"All through life
Mid
storm and strife . . .
With maid or wife,
It's the
thinkin
' Not the
drinkin
'
Makes it go."

The voice stops. The wickets open. A
salesman
stands looking
in and about the
pub.

finn
has
frozen at the words of the song. He does not turn
now as the stranger advances easily toward the
bar.

The Salesman

Though
I must admit, there be occasions when the very wheels
of Juggernaut are kept turning with drink. A
Guinness, please.

This friendly sally does not unfreeze
finn
at all; he draws the
drink
without looking up.

the salesman
looks
at
finn
and senses diplomacy is needed.
I see that your spine is all one piece because of
my song.

Finn
{turning
at last)
The
song was a touch subversive of
my business.

The Salesman
(sings)
"It's the
thinkin
'
And
the
drinkin
'
Makes
it go."
Is that better?

Finn
(putting
the drink on the bar)
Why
didn't you sing it
that way to start?

The Salesman
I'm
a proud man.

Finn
(letting
the drink go)

Pride's
no sin, if it has to do with your business. What line are
you in?

The Salesman
I guess you'd call me a Salesman of
Philosophy.

Finn
Now, how do you sell
that?

The Salesman
Here!

He swings a small case onto the
bar.

Do
you know the saying "Infinite riches in a little room"?

Finn
I know it now.

The Salesman
Well, in this
h'ttle
case is the "furniture" I'm selling.