Bradbury, Ray - SSC 10 (10 page)

Perish
the thought, Father. I just redecorated the
place a
bit.

He waves his hand at the other signs.

Father
(staring)

God help
us,
don't tell me
there's more?
(Squints)
Does
that
say
CONSIDER,
Finn?

Finn
It does.

Father
And that
THINK,
and that one
DO?

Finn

What eyes, for a man your age!

Father
Is fifty
old,
Finn?

Finn

It's neither in nor out of the casket. You'll be around a
while,
Father.

Father

I will, Finn, I will. And now suppose you tell me what
these
signs
mean?

Finn
(trying to recall the spiel)

Well,
CONSIDER
means . . . walk around, turn about
. . .
run your hand,
run your eyes over a thing . . .

Father
What thing, Finn?

Finn

/Anything, sir.

Father

Did it ever strike you, Finn, that maybe there are some
things
should not be
considered at all?

Finn
Like what, sir?

Father
Well, fornication, for one, if you force me
to it!

Finn
That's a
brave start, sir.

Father

Poverty's
another. It must be borne, not considered. If you have
no coal and no way to get coal and
never will
have any coal,
as often happens at the church, believe me, I do not
consider
coal!
Women, Mr. Finn, can have no
part in my life, so I do not
consider
women. Travel, I will never
travel, so I do not
consider
palm
trees and sandy beaches and twanging guitars. And since
I do not consider the above subjects as fit, to
begin with, that takes us on to your next sign, Finn:
THINK.
Since I
will not
consider
certain subjects to start with, that means they never
become objects of my thought. I do not
THINK
about
them.

Finn

That's
what the salesman said, you got to consider first, pick a subject, before you
can
THINK
about it.

Father

He
was right. And thus, through
disconsideration
and
unthought-fulness
, Finn, I am never tempted to climb the
ladder of a stock
ing—

Finn
Father, you
shock me!

Father

Sorry!
Ladder of a
silk
stocking! Nor do I perspire for straw
berry shortcakes, breathe hard for swimming in
warm equatorial waters, or ask for more than this rough stuff on my back. If
you
consider too much, you think too
much, and if you think too
much you
wind up
DOING,
Finn.
Doing.
Doing!

Finn

You're
right, Father, that's how women, and other things, get
done.

Father
Finn!

Finn
Sorry.
It was off my tongue before I knew.

Father

It
was! Now! (
The gimlet eye)
The salesman that sold you these,
was he from the
north
of
Ireland
?

Finn
I think not.

Father
Were
these articles
made
in
Orange
territory?

Finn

Why
don't we look, sir?

He hastens the three objects over and puts them down before

FATHER LEARY,
who peers.

What
do you see, Father?

Father
Hold on, I left my glasses at the rectory.

Finn
Borrow
mine, Father—here!

He holds them out.
father leary
hesitates.

Don't
be afraid, Father. You won't see the world much different
through these than through your own.

Father
I wouldn't
be so sure, Finn! Do you see near or far?

Finn

A bit of both, Father.
But it's best I leave the damn things off.
Without my glasses, the world looks fine, sinners look less like
Africans and more like angels, the shadows they
cast are short
and sweet, and the sun
stays up till
midnight
.

Father

God
help us, that kind of vision would turn a trough full of pigs
into the Last Supper. Put your glasses on, man,
and keep them
on!

Finn

It's
best to be a little blind in this sharp world, Father.

Father
Shut up,
and give me the loan.

leary
gets the
spectacles at last, puts them on,
peers
at the
"machines."

Finn
Well,
were
they made in the north of
Ireland
?

Father
No, the
western part of the
U.S.A.

Finn
That's
good, Father.

Father
Is
California
good,
Finn?

Finn
The north or the south of
California
, sir?

Father
(squints)
A
town with the name of—
Alhambra
!

Finn
(truly
enlightened)
Alhambra
!
Ain't
that Spanish? And aren't the Spanish Catholic?

Father
They're a
variety
of Catholic, you might say.

Finn
Might? I
always thought Catholic was Catholic!

Father

Finn,
you talk like a
blatherin
' infant!
There's
types and sizes.
There's Eye-
talian
Catholic, which is pretty good.

Finn
It is indeed!

Father
There's Spanish Catholic, which is fair.

Finn
Only fair?

Father

And
there's French Catholics, which is hardly Catholic at all.
It is rock-bottom Catholic, the fringe elements of
the Church.
Now if you want your
real
Catholic, it's here in
Ireland
he lives.
Not that we don't sin; we do. Not that we're perfect; we're not.
But there be varieties and varieties of Catholic,
never forget, and
the sad reflection
of my life is there was never a Pope named
Patrick!

Finn
(philosophically)
Ah
, well, we had a Saint!

Father
I'm
grateful, don't misunderstand.

Finn
(peering)
Alhambra
,
California
, sounds Catholic enough to me.

Father

Do
you have the facts and figures on church attendance in
Al
hambra
,
California
, close at hand, Finn?

Finn
I do not,
Father.

Father
Then
button
your lip and fill my glass.

Finn
What'll it be, Father, the
Same
or the Usual?

father leary
glares,
finn
subsides,
father
leary
peers.

Father

It says The
Monongaheela
Gimcrack Novelty Company Inc.
Mo
nongaheela
? That's pagan Indian,
ain't
it?

Finn
I wouldn't be surprised, Father.

Father
Are you
ever
surprised, Finn?

Finn

Like you, very rarely any more, Father.

Father

I wish you'd stop teaming us up, Finn.
(Reads)
"A
Little of
Something
for Everybody" is the motto of this manufactory in
Alhambra
,
California
.

Finn
(savoring it)
"A Little
of Something for Everybody"

Father

Now, if that doesn't sound
like the
title
for
a
Protestant
sermon,
I
never heard
one
—

Finn
Oh, now, Father—

Father

Mind
you, I don't
say this
manufactory
put these
signs out to make
trouble in the
world.
No,
far
from it.
In all
innocence, I
think they
thought they
was
putting
out lovely little
mottoes such
as
GOD
BLESS OUR HOME,
which they
were not. I forgive
them their blind fumbling, Finn. But think
of the misery they
have probably spread in the
world
wherever these signs be!

Finn

I'm thinking on it. And
I'm
filled
with
remorse.
You see,
that
salesman, he
talked as good as you, Father.
Yes, he
did,
he
had
a fine tongue, and first thing I knew I had
the
fevers.

Father
You know what you have to
do
now, Finn?

Finn

What, sir?

father leary
nods at the three items on the bar,
holds out his
hand.

(Groans)
Oh, no.

Father
Oh, yes, Finn.

Finn
But I've only had them an
hour,
it's
not been a true
test,
sir!

Father

Which is more important,
the
philosophy of this small town deep
in green
Ireland
, or
tuppence-hapenny
?

Finn
I wish it
was
tuppence-hapenny
, sir. Father, look—

He
hands over the shards and one sign.

Take
STOP
and
CONSIDER
with you. Leave
THINK
and
DO
with me.

Father
Finn—

Finn

At the first sign of outbreak, unease, riot, or so much
as a
headache on the
part of a villager, Father, you'll see these flying
through the air onto the stones!

Father
Finn—

Finn

Twenty-four
hours, then, just let me keep them
that
long. The
world was made in six days, Father, but
Heeber
Finn sure won't
undo it in one, will he?

father leary
sighs,
shaking his head, beaten.

Father
Twenty-four hours, then.
I don't want to be hard.

Finn
(smiling)
And
you're not! You're a man of reason. Here's to you,
Father!

FINN
drinks.