Break My Heart (The Heart Series Book 2) (33 page)

The more I think about it, my grief and guilt turn to anger and rage. Why isn’t he answering his phone?

One call, and I’m there.

He made me promise and I’ve kept it.

I can’t dwell on him right now; I need to shower, try to get some sleep, and go back to the hospital tomorrow afternoon to stay with Chris while Charlie picks up the Nelsons. I wonder what they’ll think about being soon-to-be grandparents. She was going to surprise Nelson with the news this weekend. Christ.

I jump in the shower, and try to keep my calm.

Where could Tommy be? He’s undercover, but if there was a time to break protocol, I’d say this is it. As soon as I step out of the shower, I dig through our emergency notes and find what I’m looking for.

“Marcus,” he answers after two rings, soft music playing in the background.

“Marcus, this is Harper. Have you seen Tommy?”

He remains quiet as if debating whether to answer me or not. “Yeah...he’s here.”

“At The Mudd?”

“No, we’re at TEN, what’s up?”

That’s a really upscale bar and restaurant uptown.

Marcus must sense my hesitation so he jumps in. “You want me to go get him for you?”

“No, that’s not necessary. Thanks, Marcus.” Before he can respond, I hang up.

I march straight to my closet, and I dress for some upscale dining.

CHAPTER 31

Tommy

“What are you thinking?”

Victoria’s voice claws inside my brain. The piano music, the clinking of glasses and the mood lighting make the night drag on, and I can’t wait to get her home and crawl into Lil’s bed.

“Nothing.” Every five minutes with the same question.

“Don’t worry, baby. She’ll sign, everything will be fine.” She winks one false eyelash my way. That flowery stench coming from her makes my stomach turn. Before I open my mouth, I remember: she thinks I have a soon-to-be ex-wife.

“I know. It’s just going to take some time. Where’s your dad tonight?”
Intel, Colton, this is why you’re here
. In a place I usually wouldn’t be caught dead in.

Front and center, the bar looks like a UFO landed in the middle of the room. The counter is a perfect circle with purple lighting shining down from the high ceilings. Drinking patrons sit on the round velvet barstools like they’re waiting to beam up to the mother ship.

“Dad is in South America this week. Do you want to come up to the house?”

Yes, I do. But not for what you’re thinking
, is what I want to say.

“Are you almost done with your drink?” I change gears, dodging her question. I want to get the hell out of here. This night will cost the DEA an arm and a leg, and all I got to eat was two carrots and some green shit with a piece of fish.

“You’re avoiding my question.” She scoots closer on the leather booth, her hungry glare moving south to my crotch.

She’s wearing a skimpy silver number that shows her entire back and leaves nothing to the imagination. She twirls a long blonde curl over her bony shoulder, nuzzling against me.

“You and me, all alone, celebrating the long weekend. I’ll guarantee fireworks. Please?”

“Patience, Vic,” I whisper against her forehead, bringing my right arm around her while caressing her cheekbone with my left hand.

The next thing I know, she’s licking my lips, coaxing me to open up. Grabbing her hair, I pull back in challenge, biting down on her lower lip.

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” I growl, and she mistakes my irritation for lust and a hard-on.

She whimpers with a giggle, “You’re killing me, Tony. How much longer, babe?” Her hand moves to my crotch and that’s when our eyes lock.

Lil.

She’s sitting at the bar, watching us.

Holy fucking hell.
She just saw everything.

My heart pounds like a drum announcing an impending attack.

“About this weekend”—breaking eye contact, I gaze at Vic—“let me make a phone call, okay?”

She nods enthusiastically and gets busy checking messages on her cell.

I need to clear this up with Lil before she gets the wrong idea. I get up and stalk straight toward the bar where Lil is talking to a guy I don’t recognize. What the fuck is she doing here?

It’s past midnight. Is she on a date or a case?

Her hair is in disarray, pulled up by one of those claw things she uses. She’s wearing that black dress from that night at The Mudd. I’ll never forget that damn dress.

She throws her head back and laughs. He’s laughing too, looking pleased while checking out her tits. I’m going to fucking rip his eyeballs out. Those whiskey eyes meet mine. Half-lidded eyes and dilated pupils. There’re four empty shot glasses lined up in front of her.

She’s lit. How long has she been watching us?

We stare at each other until I’m right next to her.

“What is going on, Lil?” Clutching her arm, I try to get her off the stool and guide her away from Vic’s line of vision, but she yanks away from my grasp.

“Why do you care?” she yells, loud enough to call attention. “Go away.”

Her companion makes a move, and I open my suit jacket, flashing my concealed Glock at him. “Get lost,” I growl.

He had better run. Raising his hands in defeat, he backs off. I pull her into the lounge area, heading for one of the columns separating it from the dining room. She’s digging in her heels and stumbling the whole way. This isn’t like her.

“Nice make-out session,” she mocks in dejection.

Lil has seen me make out with women before. The fact she just saw me and Vic? Makes my stomach revolt with disgust and self-loathing.

“I’m sorry you had to see that, I really am. I can’t imagine how I would feel if the roles were reversed. But you gotta know it didn’t mean anything. It’s just work.”

“Sure, work.” She motions with her hand and mouth, simulating a…
Jesus
.

“You’re being childish.”

“I think I’m allowed to be childish. I’ve been through hell and back in the twenty-nine years I’ve been alive. I’m entitled to be selfish and immature for once in my goddamn life!” she spits my way. “Now let go!”

She shoves against me but I don’t budge. Instead, I guide her toward the back and away from patrons. I manage to get us outside on the club’s sky view terrace. The night breeze and dimly lit seating limits the number of people out here as it is, but the threat of rain is keeping people inside. I don’t stop moving until we reach a secluded corner where it’s just the two of us, nothing but the skyscraper lights and lake wind.

“Well, fancy meeting you here,” she mumbles.

She giggles to herself like this is all horribly hilarious.

“What the fuck, Lil, you’re drunk. What are you doing here?” Frustration overtakes me. If Victoria sees me with Lil, it could blow my cover. I’m in deep shit.

“I got a better one. Why are
you
here,?”

I run my fingers through my hair and tug. “I’m working, that’s what I’m doing.”

She laughs and stumbles, steadying herself against the glass and steel railing. “Yeah, I can see that.
Wow
, working really hard.” Her voice drips with sarcasm as she rolls her eyes.

My self-hatred is nice and raw. I don’t need her to rub salt on my wound. “I’m calling you a taxi. Go home and sleep it off. We’ll talk once you sober up.”

“You don’t get to play the grownup, okay? You don’t get to dismiss me! And you know what? Fuck
you
, Tommy!” Her arms flail and she pushes away from me.

Who the fuck is this woman?
I know Agent Harper. I know my Lil, but this woman….

Her eyes are dull and red rimmed. She’s got no makeup on. Her hair is in disarray. This is more than getting drunk and being pissed at me. This is a woman that headed out to the mountains to fight all alone, and got her ass kicked.

Will.
That son of a bitch.

Oh, he’s fucking dead. I swear it. Red it is. Fury, rage, and vengeance consume me. He’s going to be sorry he ever laid eyes on Lil.

“Is this about that prick Will? I swear to God—” 

“This isn’t about Will.” She instantly sobers, and her demeanor changes.

Peace and acceptance smooth every worry line on her face, as if she’s seeing everything clearly for the first time.

Pushing away from the railing, she straightens her back. “And I can’t talk tonight. Nelson was shot today. He might die.”

The weight of her words punches through my chest like a cannonball.

Nelson got shot.
Chris. Charlie.

Fucking hell, Charlie and Chris must be losing their minds. I have a million questions and I have no clue where to start. “What the fuck happened?”
What went wrong?

“We were placing bugs and someone surprised us and put two bullets into Nelson. I shot him. He’s dead. I’ve got a briefing with Teague tomorrow….” She pauses, glancing at her watch. “I mean, today.” Her tone is even and calm, her voice barely a whisper.

My head is still reeling. This is the stuff of nightmares. “Why didn’t you call?”

Her tired eyes spark to life and lock in on me. “I did,” she seethes. “I’ve been calling you all damn day. But, stupid me, you’re
working
. That’s what I get for believing your promises.”

Jesus Christ. My cell. I left it behind at the decoy apartment Marcus and I are sharing after Vic saw me with it earlier today. I couldn’t risk Vic getting a hold of it.

My throat burns in panic. “Lil—”

“It’s my bad. I shouldn’t have bothered you,” she says, deadpan.

She tries to walk around me but I grab her by the arm, stopping her progress.

“It’s okay, Tommy.” Lil’s chin lowers, eyes zeroed in on my hand holding her hostage. “I’m sorry for interrupting your dinner.” That warm whiskey sea I love to swim in turns to me, cold and empty. “I would like you to start removing your things from my place. Or leave them. I don’t care anymore.”

“Lil,” I beg, raw and desperate, “you don’t mean that.”

Lil smiles, though her features show nothing but heartbreak and devastation. “Actually, I do. I haven’t been this clear minded in a long time. I keep forgetting we’re not partners anymore. I shouldn’t bother you with my problems.”

Thunder cracks above us and my hand falls to my side in defeat. She calmly steps around me. I’m rooted in place, the incoming rain dousing my spirit.

She killed a man today. She needed me and I wasn’t there for her.

Nelson is dying.

Vic waits impatiently inside by the terrace exit, shooting daggers my way through the floor-to-ceiling panoramic window.

She’s about to spit venom at Lil as soon as she opens the door when I hear Lil’s clinical, clean voice hammering the last nail in my coffin.

“He’s all yours,” she says to Vic.

Then she’s gone.

CHAPTER 32

Ileana

“My friend got shot.”

I’m still standing on the threshold, numb to the world.

“The truth is, I don’t know why I’m here.” And that is the most honest thing I’ve said in the last six months. “And I killed a man today,” I blurt out.

After leaving TEN like a robot, I came here instead of going to my apartment.

“Come in.” Will’s invitation is calm and soothing, a soft place for me to fall.

He guides me to a small couch in the middle of the semi-furnished apartment. His strong hand wraps around my shoulder, gingerly guiding me to sit down. Then he retreats to the kitchen.

I just stare at the floor, a shell of whatever is left of me. At this point, what does it matter? What does
any
of it matter?

“Drink this,” he orders, bringing a glass of clear liquid to my lips. He gently lifts my hand, placing it on the glass for me to hold it. “It’s just water. Just have some.” His voice is smooth and peaceful.

I obey, taking a small sip. Cool and fresh, the water hits my system. Alertness and comfort slowly returning to me, grounding me back into this world.

Kneeling, he stays with me, not breaking whatever contact he’s managed to make. He’s like a snake charmer, keeping control, silently commanding me as he wishes. Finally, I dare face him; take him in from his strong legs, to his massive upper body.

Noticing for the first time that his long curls are haphazardly sticking every which way, and a shadow of beard stubble is visible. His puffy eyes seem dull and tired, but that earnest, open, and solid presence is there. Seems he was already in bed when I came knocking. He’s wearing some of Nelson’s old pajama pants and a plain white tee.

Nelson
.

The pressure in my chest is so tight it might explode, releasing the anger, regret, guilt and all those God damn speculations locked up inside. My lungs freeze and I can’t breathe. Trying to catch my breath, I fight sobs from escaping my throat.

And then Will is there, catching me as I fall into despair and helplessness.

“Ileana, it will be fine,” he says with such determination, that, I have faith in him.

I want to believe him so badly; I nod, trying to convince myself. “You think so?” I’m a child desperately trying to cling to the last shred of hope a parent might offer.

But nothing is fine. Not me, not Nelson, not Chris, not Ryan. None of us. Not even Tommy.

He’s done.
We’re
done.

“I know so,” he answers with certainty.

Those bright blues are calm like the sunset. Locking with mine, he silently works his magic. That magic that found me in the past; alluring in a way that made me open up, not want to disappoint; urged me to spill all my secrets, be the best version of me that I could be.

“Okay.”

Without effort, he sits next to me, bringing his strong, reassuring arms around me. I melt into his chest, clutching to his tee for dear life. Those damn sobs, that weight trapped inside my chest pulling me down, breaks free, escaping and wreaking havoc as tears finally find release, spilling and clouding my vision.