Break My Heart (The Heart Series Book 2) (32 page)

Someone in the government knows about Will and me—fan-fucking-tastic.

Will is in love with my grandmother and wants to find her, fucking up my life in the process—woopty-freaking-doo.

This is not a shit sandwich. This is an entire deli.

My emotional state needs to alert FEMA. There has been no reprieve to the barrage of spiritual disasters I’ve endured these past few days. However, despite everything that’s happened, I’m feeling physically better than I’ve felt in a while. I meant what I said to Will. No way am I helping him fuck up the past. It’s done. But part of me feels horrible for him. If it were Tommy that disappeared? I would never, ever stop looking for him. No stone unturned. No beat-down skipped. I would pillage and plunder, move heaven and Earth to find him, even just to make sure he was okay.

Traffic is light and I’m at the surveillance site in no time.

The second I enter the apartment, Adams grins and bolts up from the couch. He’s so eager to get going, I half expect him to call out “Last one there is a rotten egg.”

Jensen, Rios, McKay, and Chen are minding the cameras and window. They are our eyes and ears while we’re planting the bugs. All are in casual attire, and so am I: same outfit as this morning, except for changing to my tactical boots and my light leather jacket. My hair is up in a loose bun, safely tucked away.

Nelson nods in greeting, “So, is your friend still in town?”

His lame attempt at aloof fails. He can go fishing somewhere else.

“I thought you needed me. If you don’t, I’m leaving.” I don’t need this shit right now.

“B.” Charlie’s warning comes complete with a glare.

Nelson lets out a huge sigh of resignation. “Thanks for coming in.”     

I nod curtly at my fellow agent.

“Are you ready?” I call to Adams.

He’s smiling from ear to ear. “Yes, ma’am—I mean, yeah.”

I miss having that level of enthusiasm for my job.

“Adams! Go take a piss before we leave, trust me on this!” Charlie barks.

Adams nods eagerly and runs for the bathroom, and Charlie’s dimple flashes in amusement.

قلب

“Why don’t we call the building manager?” Adams whispers.

Charlie stops picking the lock and glares at him, followed by a glare my way. As in
fix it
. The ‘new guy’ is my partner, therefore, he’s my responsibility.

“We’re going in stealth,” I say, mouthing the words. Adams frowns, and starts to open his mouth again, but I bring my index finger up to my lips to silence him.

He complies. Within seconds, the door is open, and Nelson goes in first, closely followed by Charlie, myself, and Adams right behind me. We do a quick sweep to make sure we don’t have any company.

“Clear,” Nelson calls, followed up by Charlie, and soon we’ve cleared the entire apartment.

I close the door behind us and Adams starts playing twenty questions again.

Charlie is done. “Hey, Adams? Nothing personal,” he says quietly with a smile on his face, “but you need to shut the fuck up.”

Charlie shoots me another look, this time a definite
shut him up
glare, and I glare right back.
I’m trying.

“All right, let’s do this,” Nelson says and we get to it.

We proceed to bug everything stipulated on the warrant. So far there’s an array of nice little surprises in plain view: weapons, computers, and some drugs. My nerves are rattled from today’s events, and this operation is not helping. Dread hangs over my head like a raincloud.

“B! Get in here!” Charlie calls from the kitchen.

Rounding the corner, we stop.
Shit
.

Right on the kitchen counter, there’s a makeshift assembly line of homemade explosives.

What the hell have we stumbled upon here?

Alarms go off in my head. “Nelson, you need to call for CART and the bomb tech. This is—”

“I know.” Nelson’s tone is wary.

This is not good. Charlie backs off, making sure not to disturb anything.

We need to set a perimeter. “I’m going to get our raid jackets.”

“Harper, wait up,” Nelson says, pulling out his phone. “Let’s get out of here, guys.”

“I’ll be right behind you.” Charlie scrutinizes the living room. “I’m just going to do a quick sweep.”

“I’ll help Ryan,” Adams chimes in as I reach the door.

The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
Dammit
. “Adams, don’t touch anything without asking Ryan first, all right?”

He nods dismissively, but all I want is to get us out of here. Now.

Nelson opens the door and steps into the hallway and flinches, reaching for his weapon.

He drops to the floor like a marionette whose strings have been cut.

One blink and my weapon is in my hand, pointing down the hall. There’s a guy lying in pool of blood. I don’t even remember shooting him.

Another blink and I’m kneeling by Nelson’s body, my hands pressing against his gut, trying to stop him from bleeding out.

Behind me, Charlie is shouting something.

I’m yelling, rattling off words, my eyes are blinking, and yet my brain….

Charlie’s on the phone, and Adams’s weapon is out. He rushes to the body in front of the elevators. Kneeling down, he checks for a pulse and shakes his head. Charlie is on the phone, kneeling with me next to Nelson.

Nelson is trying to talk, but I stop him. Blood is everywhere and I’m soaked in red. A high-pitched scream rings in my ears, like a banshee is loose inside my head. Charlie’s lips are moving, but I can’t hear a damn thing.

“Are you
hit
?” I think that’s it. He’s still on the phone.

Nothing registers but that shrill screeching from hell. I don’t think I’m hit. I don’t feel anything though I’m covered in blood.

“I don’t think so,” I reply numbly.

My eyes meet Nelson’s; he’s still trying to talk.

I lean in close to his ear. “You cannot die on me, Nelson. You can’t stick me with Chris. She’ll kill me for this.”

He smirks and then coughs, blood spraying from his mouth. His eyes close, his face loses all color, and he stops moving.

Words leave my mouth, my body’s on autopilot, but my brain is offline…watching from above, trying to process, but nothing comes.

“Ma’am! We need to get to him,” is the first thing I hear.

I stare up at the two paramedics, squad responders, and some of our fellow agents.

Nod
. I nod numbly, and pull away from Nelson. Hands grab me from behind, standing me up. It’s Charlie. His expression mirrors mine. Obliterated.

I was wrong.

Today
could
get worse.

Life changes in a blink of an eye. Another fraction of a second and my life has forever changed.

I will never get used to this feeling. Fucking cursed.

قلب

Charlie rides in the rig. He won’t leave Nelson’s side. I have to stay behind with Adams and follow procedure. I should be going with them. I should be there for Chris. She shouldn’t have to face this alone, especially in her condition.
The baby. Oh, no no no.

Try after try, Chris is not answering her cell, which tells me that most likely she’s on duty at Northwestern Memorial. Which is exactly where they are heading.

“Ma’am, we need to have you checked out—”

“It’s not my blood.” In one, robotic motion, I peel my shirt away and show the EMT my skin. “It’s Agent Nelson’s blood.”

Teague arrives on the scene, and tells me he wants me in tomorrow for a full briefing, weapons check, and a thorough inquiry on today’s events. Once he leaves for the hospital, Jensen and Rios are running the scene. The entire floor is sealed as the Evidence Response Team dissects, documents, and logs everything. CART and EU go inside to deal with the evidence in the apartment. I give my statement to Rios and Adams gives his to Jensen. Someone fetches some of my spare sweats from the surveillance apartment across the street. Undressing carefully, I hand each item of clothing to Jensen and she catalogues each item. If he doesn’t make it, they’ll be evidence in the murder of FBI Special Agent Brad Nelson.

قلب

Neighbors are a nightmare; like prairie dogs, they keep poking their heads out of their apartments, some can’t get through the hallway, and the press descended downstairs like vultures.

I’ve left two messages for Tommy to call me back, but I can’t bring myself to leave a voicemail telling him Nelson might be dying. Not yet.

I don’t know what I’ll say to Chris, whether she’ll blame me for this.

Shit like this doesn’t happen to them. This is what I expect life to throw my way, not Nelson’s. I’m the one that’s cursed. Not Chris and the love of her life.

My phone goes off, and it’s Charlie.

“How bad is it?”

“They got the blood loss under control but won’t know the extent of the damage until they take him up to the OR. He’s lost a lot of blood, Harper. Paramedics had to perform CPR.” Charlie’s voice is grated and raw, like someone ripped him open and yanked his heart out.

Chris. Jesus.
Ileana, stay strong for Chris.

“How is she?”

“Not good. They ordered us out of the room. So she’s with me.”

“Thank you,” I answer automatically. I should be there for Chris. I can’t even imagine.

Charlie’s voice carries over the line, “I got you, Pixie. B’s going to be fine, you’ll see.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can. Tell Chris…,” her name gets lodged in my throat, “just tell her…I’m coming.”

قلب

It’s been four hours since they took Nelson up to surgery, and no news. Adams and I arrived about an hour ago to find the entire Reyes clan keeping vigil: Mr. and Mrs. Reyes, Manny, Rafe, and Junior and his wife. Even Charlie’s mom is here.

The second Chris saw me, she shattered into a million pieces. I just held her and muttered ‘I’m sorry’ over and over while she asked if I really got
him
.

The shooter? No relation to our investigation. Rios is looking into who the hell he was and what he was doing there. Charlie wants blood and vengeance. I just want a do-over.

Chris is just there, staring into space. She doesn’t move. Doesn’t eat. Everything is suspended for her as if life stopped the second Nelson was shot.

I want to crawl under my seat and cry. The
what if
s haunt me, the scene playing over and over in my mind. What did we miss? If I had just gotten there sooner, drew my weapon faster…what if he doesn’t make it? Their baby will never meet him, will have to grow up knowing that I failed his or her parents. How can Chris ever forgive me? It won’t matter; I will never forgive myself.

Tommy hasn’t called back. I’ve called repeatedly, each time getting voicemail. I left him another message.

I’ve tried to help as much as I can. Chris was able to articulate the need to call Nelson’s parents and brother. So I made the calls. Charlie offered to pick up Nelson’s parents from the airport tomorrow. His brother, Chad, is on his way already.

The surgeon finally walks into the waiting room and Chris springs from her chair as if zapped by a jolt of electricity.

He goes straight to Chris, and we all gather around. Half the bureau is here as well.

“He’s been moved to the ICU. We won’t know the extent of damage his injuries have caused for a while. We’ve had to do extensive reconstructive work on his stomach as well as his bowel. The slugs were removed, but he’s lost a lot of blood and his brain was deprived from oxygen well beyond the limits. All we can do is let his body heal, and wait.”

Chris takes a small gasp, covering her mouth. Reaching over, she squeezes her mother’s hand for support.

“Can I see him?” Her eyes are bloodshot from crying so much. I’ve never seen Chris like this. None of this can be good for her or the baby.

Anxiety and shock circle me like hungry wolves but I need to keep them at bay. I can’t even look Chris in the eye. This is hands down the biggest fuck-up of my career, and the cost…insurmountable.

“Just for a minute, Mrs. Nelson. You know what to expect.”

Chris nods at her parents and leaves with the surgeon, glancing back at us in gratitude.

“We’ll be right here, Pixie.” Charlie’s soothing voice assures her.

As she leaves, Rafe approaches me. “Where’s Colton?”

I wish I knew, but I cover for him since Rafe is not a member of the Colton fan club.

“He’s held up at work. He’ll be in soon.”

My face must give me away because Rafe is not buying it. Gratefully, he lets it go.

He squeezes my shoulder then steps away to answer his phone. The waiting room is closing in on me. Pristine linoleum flooring squeaking under my feet, fake plants, and the freezing temps of the air conditioner. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold my shit together.

“
Ileanita
, go home. Get some rest.” Mrs. Reyes’s voice startles me.

“I should be here for Chris.”
But I can’t face her.

She doesn’t relent. Giving my hand a little squeeze, she calls for reinforcements. “Ivan, tell her she needs to get some rest.”

“Irene is right. Go on. We’ll be here, and the boys will take turns staying with her. You did good today, young lady. It could have been a lot worse.” He pats my cheek with a glimmer of pride in his red-rimmed eyes.

I’ve known Mrs. Reyes for years. Chris is a pussycat compared to her. I don’t want to go, but I know she won’t stop until I comply. The truth is, I can’t stomach the fact that Chris’s world was destroyed in mere seconds and I was unable to stop it.

“All right. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

Her glassy eyes crinkle triumphantly. I hug them both goodbye and head home.

Did good my ass. If I’d done my job, Nelson wouldn’t be fighting for his life, and Chris’s world wouldn’t be falling apart this very moment.

All I want is Tommy.
Colton, where the hell are you?

قلب

Absolute silence and darkness greet me at home.

This day is going on record as one of the worst days of my life and Tommy has been a no-show. Where the fuck is he? It’s almost midnight. The press was all over the apartment building when we left for the hospital. I’m sure every Chicago news station is leading with this. He must not have seen it, because otherwise, he would have called.