BREAKAWAY (The Dartmouth Cobras) (55 page)

When Richter had passed him in the hall on the way to Jami’s room, and told him Bower and Silver were still awake, Luke had decided to stop in for a visit. He got to feel the baby kick, which gave him something good to tell Jami when he went back to her. Maybe she’d stop thinking about what that sick freak, Lee, had almost done to her. Maybe she’d stop finding ways to blame herself.

“You really need to get some sleep, Carter,” Bower said, grinning when Luke arched a brow at him pointedly. “Yeah, yeah, so do I. I just hate hospitals. Dean’s already threatened to have the doctor give me something to knock me out. You better watch it or he’ll do the same to you.”

“No need. I’ll crash in Jami’s room for a bit. Maybe I can convince Seb to get some sleep too.”

“That’s a good idea. You guys need each other right now.”

“This whole thing . . . it doesn’t weird you out?”

“What, you and Ramos? Fuck no! He’s a great guy. I didn’t see it when I thought he was playing Jami, but it’s obviously not like that.”

“But he’s a
guy.
” Luke wasn’t sure why he felt the need to point that out. Did he want Bower to have a problem with it?

Bower’s brow furrowed as he studied Luke’s face. “It took you awhile to accept how you feel about him, kid, I get that. But that doesn’t mean everyone’s going to have a hard time with it. Not the people who matter.”

“I’m moving in with him.”

“Damn. Give Ramos my condolences.”

Luke laughed, gave Bower the finger, then bent down to hug Silver.
Very
carefully. “Keep an eye on this dumb lug for me, ‘
kay
, sweetie?”

“I will.” Silver patted his cheek. “And you take care of Jami. And Sebastian. You have no idea how lucky you are to have them.”

“Believe me.” Luke straightened, giving Bower a one armed hug before heading for the door. “I know
exactly
how lucky I am. And I don’t plan to ever forget it again.”

The hall was quiet as Luke made his way back to Jami’s room. The nurse at the desk glanced up from her papers as he passed, nodded, and moved on to the next clipboard. An orderly pushed an old man in a wheelchair into the private room across from Jami’s. Another man came out of the room with a mop and bucket. The scent of disinfectant filled the air.

As quietly as possible, Luke slipped into Jami’s room, lips curving a little when he saw Sebastian, on the chair transformed to a very small bed, by the large window, fast asleep. His body was way too big for the bed, but lying on his side, his head pillowed on his arm, he seemed comfortable enough.

Strands of dark, loose hair spread across Seb’s face, reaching the edge of the bed, as though Jami had been stroking it before he passed out. There was some tension in the big man’s jaw, shadows under his closed eyes. A lot of people looked vulnerable while sleeping, but not Seb. Tonight he looked physically and emotionally beaten.

Luke had done that to him. Not alone, but it wouldn’t happen again.

A soft, panicked sound from the bed snapped Luke’s gaze to Jami. She sat up straight, pressing her fist to her lips. Her broken arm in its blue cast slipped off the pile of pillows propping it up. She winced, then glanced over at Seb.

“Hey.” Luke stepped silently up to the other side of the bed, adjusting the pillows and sweeping Seb’s hair aside so Jami wouldn’t pull it and wake him up. He had a feeling she was doing her best not to bother him. He gently positioned her arm, then cupped her cheek in his hand. “You okay, boo?”

“
Shh
.” Jami touched her finger to his lips. She smiled shakily as she looked him over. “I might have to kill you if you wake him up.”

Luke grinned. “You’re such a flirt.”

“Luke, please. I’m serious. I’ve never seen him this stressed out. Not that you’d noticed.”

“I noticed. But he was trying to hide it, so I let him.”

“Oh,
that’s
helpful.”

“Jami, what would be helpful is neither of us giving him more stress.” Luke sighed, lifting himself up to sit beside her on the bed. “If he finds out you were awake, having another meltdown, and didn’t wake him up, he’s going to be mad. He’ll be less mad if he knows I made you feel all better.”

“There’s no way he’ll sleep through you making me ‘feel better’.” Jami sniffed and pulled the stuffed puppy he’d swung by Seb’s to pick up for her from under the sheets. She used an ear to dry her cheeks. “And I can honestly say I’m not in the mood.”

“Good. Neither am I.” He snorted at her doubtful look. “It happens. ‘specially when my girl won’t tell me how she’s doing. So not sexy.”

“I’m doing fine.” Jami hugged the stuffy. “The doctor only had to sedate me once.”

“I know. I was here.” He ran her fingers through her hair, tugging lightly when she avoided his gaze. “But that doesn’t explain why you were crying.”

“I wasn’t—”

“Boo, your ass
ain’t
broken. Lie to me again. I swear you won’t enjoy being pulled over my knee.” He added as she wet her lips with her tongue. “Try the truth. I swear, it won’t hurt.”

“That’s rich, coming from you.” She buried her face in fake fur. “You
gonna
tell me you’ve finally embraced the truth?”

“About what? About the fact that I love you? That I love Seb? Yeah, I’ve embraced it. So how ‘bout you stop changing the subject?”

“I had a nightmare. Lee wasn’t really dead. He came back.” She shivered, biting her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. “Ford and
Cort
were there, but they were too busy talking about how to kill him to notice he was . . . and you and Sebastian were running towards me, but you were too far away.” She pressed her eyes shut. Swallowed hard. Swiped impatiently at the few tears that spilled down her cheeks. “I almost woke Sebastian up when I realized it was a dream, but he needs his sleep.”

“Why did you want to wake him up, Jami?” Luke didn’t wait for her to answer. He already knew. “You need to feel that he’s real. That he’s really here.”

She let out an empty laugh. “Yeah. Selfish, right?”

“I don’t think so.” He curved his arm behind her back, easing her down to lie with her head on his shoulder. “But I’m awake. I’m here. Think I can stand in until he’s gotten some rest?”

Sighing, she snuggled close as she could without shifting her broken arm. “You’re not a stand in for him, stud. But I need to feel you’re real too. Can you just talk to me? Maybe I’ll hear your voice instead of . . . .”

Fresh tears damped his t-shirt. Luke clenched his jaw, wishing
Cort
had left something of Lee for him. He took a deep breath, speaking softly, even though, looking past Jami, he could see Seb’s eyes were open. “It’s a good thing you hate hockey. Without Bower, I don’t see us making it to the next round. I was thinking before that it doesn’t bug me as much as it should—”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve finally got more than the game.” He smiled. “I’m not saying getting my hands on The Cup wouldn’t be sweet, but for the first time, summer
ain’t
gonna
be time to kill before the next season. We’ll do stuff. Like visit my mom. Maybe take a trip somewhere. I was thinking of talking Seb into bringing us to Spain.”

“I’d like that, but . . . don’t give up, Luke. I don’t hate the game when you’re playing.” She tipped her head back, wrinkling her nose. “You’ve at least
gotta
take out the Sabres.”

“We don’t have a goalie.”

“Fuck off.” She scowled at him. “
Ingerslov
isn’t
that
bad. And the guy my dad is bringing up from the minors seems solid. Promise me you’ll win on Tuesday.”

“It means that much to you?” He inhaled as she nodded, not sure he should make a promise he probably couldn’t keep. But then he thought about it. It wasn’t impossible. They were one game away from sweeping the Sabres. Maybe he could do it. For her. “All right. I promise.”

 
For the next hour or so, the girl who hated hockey had him talking strategy, challenging him with keen observations even as she drifted into dreamland. Her last words mumbled words had him grinning at Seb.

“Nelson’s jealous, huh?” He lowered his voice. “Maybe you should invite him to your next party.”

Seb pushed up, his hair falling sleekly over half his face as he leaned over to kiss the back of Jami’s pale hand, right below the blue fiberglass cast. “It will be a long time before I host another party.”

Luke chewed on the inside of his cheek and decided not to comment on that. Besides, he was stuck on the promise. “You really think we can pull it off—winning on Tuesday?”

“Yes.” Seb fixed Luke with a hard look. “Jami does not ask much of us. Losing is not an option.”

“When is losing ever an option?”

Chuckling softly, Seb took Luke’s hand and squeezed hard. “That is a very good question, semental.”

Nodding quickly, Luke looked down at his hand in Seb’s. The air in the room was hot, making it hard to breath. Making his eyes sting. He forced a laugh. “I promised her. I’ll make it happen. I won’t lose . . . .” He stared up at the ceiling, swallowing past the lump in his throat. Jami was sleeping. There was no one else around. Just Seb. And he would understand. “We almost lost her. I can’t—I—”

Moving quietly, Seb came around the bed. He pulled Luke up and into his arms, tightening his grip when Luke stiffened. “It’s all right.”

“I know. She’s tough.” Luke’s clenched jaw was the only thing that kept a sob from following the words. She shouldn’t have had to be tough. She shouldn’t have been out there alone.

One of the guys on the team had swung by the wreck and sent pictures of Jami’s car. Luke didn’t think he’d ever get that image out of his head. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her climbing out of the car, hurt. Afraid. And that man chasing her, wanting to . . .

“Let go, Luke.” Seb whispered in his ear, still holding him close. “You were strong when she needed you to be, but now you need to let go.”

A rough sound tore out of Luke’s chest. Then another sob. He pressed his face against Seb’s chest, accepting his strength, his support, the way he wished Jami had done with them.

And he let go.

* * * *

The cool draft in the hospital corridor wisped around Jami’s bare legs as she left her first meeting with the therapist she would be seeing for the next few weeks, if not longer. Goosebumps covered every inch of her, and she couldn’t help tensing up every time a man passed. None of them looked like Lee, but for some reason, they all had his eyes. An elderly man smiled at her and her blood ran cold. She quickened her pace. She’d asked Sebastian, Luke, and her father to meet her back at her room, but now she
kinda
wished she’d asked them to stay.

Off to the left, two nurses in green scrubs pushed through swinging doors, chatting and laughing. Jami ducked her head as they passed. Rehashing everything made her feel raw, exposed, as if any stranger could look at her and know exactly what had happened to her. And why.

‘It is not your fault that man stalked you, Jami,” The therapist had said in a firm, no-nonsense tone at the end of the meeting. “He may have made you feel that way, but it is not your fault.”

Right. Easy to say it wasn’t Jami’s fault when she didn’t know all the details. When she didn’t know the things Jami had done with Lee right there, watching . . .

Get a grip, Jami
.

But it was too late. She could already hear the song, playing over and over in her head, the lyrics like tiny maggots, crawling all over her skin.

I’ll be watching you. I’ll be watching you. I’ll be
—

Jami reached out to press the button for the elevator. Her hand was shaking so hard, she pulled it back and stuffed it in her pocket before someone noticed and asked her what was wrong. She couldn’t tell just anyone. Her fingertips brushed over her cell phone, and she pulled it out without thinking. Found Sebastian’s number and sent him a text.

‘
I need you
’.

Her throat locked as she leaned against the wall. How
freakin
’ pathetic. All she had to do was get on the elevator and go up to her room. But she couldn’t seem to make herself move. Thinking of Sebastian was the only thing that kept that song out of her head.

The phone vibrated in her hand.

Seb: ‘Where are you?’

Before she had a chance to change her mind, she replied.
Right outside the office
.

Moments later he was stepping off the elevator, pulling her into his arms as she shook her head, opening and closing her mouth, not sure what she wanted to say. Part of her wanted to explain that he shouldn’t be touching her. Because . . .

“I am a whore, and I should have told her, but I couldn’t.” She fisted her hands to the front of his white shirt even while trying to twist out of his arms. “I have to tell you though. It’s not just words. The things I did—”

“Mi cielo, stop.” Sebastian gently pried her fingers from his shirt, then slid a hand up to the nape of her neck. The slight pressure steadied her, but she gasped in air as though she’d been running. Away from him. Towards him. She wasn’t sure which. He inhaled slowly, his eyes locked with hers. “Breathe with me. Slowly.”

She matched his breaths, feeling calm flow over her like a cool, silk sheet. Tears clung to her lashes and she tried to blink them away.

“Very good.” Sebastian kissed her forehead. “Now, tell me what you could not tell her.”

A tear ran down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away. “I’m a whore. A dirty, disgusting whore.”

“No. And I do not appreciate you saying such things about my gatita.” He gave her a hard look, then caught another teardrop on his finger, shaking his head when she tried to turn away from him to hide her tears. “You have every right to cry, Jami. Don’t try to hide it.” His throat worked as he swallowed. “I’ve cried for what was done to you. Because I couldn’t protect you.”

“I wouldn’t have needed protecting if I hadn’t been such a whore!” She covered her trembling lips with her hand, glancing up and down the hall to make sure no one had heard her. Speaking quietly, she brought her hand to his chest. “I know you love me, but I don’t think you understand what I did. He watched different men fuck me. He had every reason to believe he’d get his turn.”