Breaking All the Rules (23 page)

Bobby sensed the
others looking at him, waiting for his response. But suddenly he didn't have
one. The same fear he’d felt when he woken up without her beside him came
rushing back, gripping him tightly. His throat closed up, choking him.

He’d believed
they would work it out because they had to, because of what he knew they both
felt.

Because he
needed her.

What he’d never
considered—never
let
himself consider—was that maybe what she needed
wasn’t him.

AFTER MAKING A
FEW late afternoon deliveries, Nina finally arrived back at Sweet Sensations.
As she pulled into the parking lot, she glanced at the clock, only to flinch
when she saw the time.

Damn. She’d left
her last stop almost an hour ago, been gone more than three hours total. It
shouldn’t have taken her anywhere near that long, especially on her first day
back. The others had been covering for her the last several days. Jackie had
even found a sitter so she could come in for a few hours. Nina owed it to them
to be here, not taking her sweet time driving all over the city.

Unfortunately
she’d been distracted all day, which was why she hadn’t even noticed how long
it was taking her to get back. At the reminder of what—and who—had been dogging
her thoughts, she sighed, the same frustration that had been churning inside
her rising once more.

Bobby had called
to check on her that morning. She hadn’t wanted to be touched by the gesture
and his obvious concern.  It meant he wasn’t going to give up. Over the past
few days he’d only entrenched himself further in her life. It was going to be
that much harder to extricate him from it.

If she even
could.

Yet she’d had to
admit it had been nice to hear his voice. Frankly it had started to sound a
little too good to her lately. Which just made things worse. Because it didn’t
change anything. All day she’d been trying to figure out what to do.

Even after
spending most of the past few hours alone with her thoughts, she still didn’t have
any answers.

Enough
.
Shutting off the engine, she climbed out of the car, more than ready to think
about something—anything—else.

Ashley was
standing behind the counter when she stepped into the shop. Nina didn’t see any
sign of Jackie. Maybe Ashley had let her leave a little early. The place didn’t
look too busy. Still, Nina felt a pang of guilt for leaving Ashley to deal with
things on her own.

Then Ashley
glanced up, spotting her. Nina was about to open her mouth to call out a
greeting when she caught Ashley’s expression. Her face was tense, her eyes
wide. Nina detected a hint of relief in them when Ashley saw her.

Everything
inside her went on alert. Something was wrong. “Everything okay?” she asked
when she reached the counter.

“Come here,”
Ashley said, her voice tight.

The sound only
put Nina further on edge. As she moved behind the counter, Ashley shot a glance
around the room, and Nina could see how hard she was struggling to appear calm.
Before Nina could press her for more details, Ashley grabbed her arm and pulled
her into the kitchen.

The door had
barely fallen shut when Ash whirled to face her.
“Don't you ever answer your
phone?”

There was more
than a little anger in her voice—but much worse, Nina could hear the trace of
fear, and maybe even tears. She belatedly realized that she hadn't turned her
phone back on again after her last stop—or maybe it had been several before
that. She'd been so preoccupied with her own thoughts. Normally it wouldn’t be
a big deal, but evidently today it was.

“Ash, what is
it?” she asked gently. “What’s wrong?”

“Something
happened to Travis.”

It took Nina a
second to make any sense out of the words. She wasn’t even sure she heard them
over the sudden pounding of her heart in her ears.

Travis was
Jackie’s husband. Something had happened to Jackie’s husband…

“What are you
talking about?” she asked, the words echoing strangely in her head, almost like
someone else was saying them.

“Jackie got a
call from…somebody. They were looking for her. I didn’t get much of the details,
she left in such a hurry. All I know is something happened to him. It sounded
bad.”

He couldn’t
have been killed
, Nina thought numbly. They wouldn’t have called about
something like that. Someone would have come to see her in person about that.
But it still couldn’t be good that they were calling her at all. He’d been
hurt, seriously enough so that she’d been notified.

It might not
be that bad
, she tried to tell herself.

It could also be
absolutely terrible, even if he was still alive.

And just because
he’d been alive when they’d notified Jackie didn’t mean he still was…

Oh God.

He was so young.
He was…twenty-four? Twenty-five? And he had a baby.

The thought hit
her like a stab to the gut, all the air whooshing out of her lungs.

He’d never even
met his son. Might never…

No
. Nina
almost shook her head, as if that could get the thought out of her head. She
couldn’t think like that. None of them could. Not until there was reason to.
Not unless they absolutely had to.

But no matter
how hard she tried to shake the thought, she couldn’t. It wouldn’t go away. It
was impossible not to consider, as long as they didn’t know otherwise. And they
didn’t know. Where he was. How he was. What was happening.

Oh God.

Nina vaguely
registered that Ash was still talking, her voice choked with tears. “It was
awful. Jackie was crying and hysterical…. I didn’t think she should leave
alone, but she wouldn’t wait for me to close. Before I could even try she was
running for the door. And then she was gone, and I couldn’t reach you. I’ve
just been standing here, trying not to freak out in front of anybody, not
knowing what I should do—”

Nina made herself
snap out of her haze and get it together. “I’m sorry,” she said calmly, cutting
into Ash’s rambling. “I should have had my phone on. I should have been there
for you—for both of you.”

Ash took a deep
breath and let it out slowly, visibly regaining herself. “It’s okay,” she said,
her voice still shaking slightly. “It’s not like there’s anything you really
could have done.”

“Have you tried
calling her? Maybe she’s heard something. Or we can close now…”

Ash shook her
head. “I didn’t want to bother her, in case she was waiting for another call to
hear more or dealing with anything she might have heard. I sent her a text
telling her I was here if there was anything I could do.”

“That’s a good
idea,” Nina murmured. “I should send her one too. Does she have anyone? She
shouldn’t be alone—”

“She was going
to call her friend Paula. And she knows some other Navy wives. I’m sure they’ll
reach out to her.”

Yes, they’d know
what to say to her. They would know what she was going through.

Still, Nina
couldn’t fight the guilt that pulsed through her veins. Damn it, she should
have been here when they’d needed her, not driving around aimlessly, distracted
by Bobby—

Suddenly it hit
her, a punch to the throat when she was still reeling from the last one.

This is what
it would be like to have Bobby in my life
.

That same
strange echoing numbness fell over her as the knowledge sank in. She could feel
nothing but the pounding of her heart, the sound deafening in her ears.

She’d forgotten
about this. This uncertainty. The agony of not knowing. This was what it would
be to love someone in the military, someone who was away. Month after month,
day after day, hour after hour of
this
.

Not knowing
whether Bobby was okay. Not knowing if he was alive.

The idea was so
horrifying her stomach lurched. Nina felt bile surge into her throat. For an
instant, she was sure she was going to vomit.

When she was a
kid, the idea of death was something abstract, not quite real. But now she
understood the stakes all too well. The thought of being in Jackie’s shoes, of
something happening to Bobby, of not knowing…

No
.

The word was so
insistent in her head she was sure at first she must have said it out loud. But
Ashley didn’t respond, and Nina realized she hadn’t said anything at all, even
as the word continued to echo in her head like an unrelenting drumbeat.

No. No no no…

“I hate this,”
Ashley choked out, the words and the anguish in her voice matching everything
Nina felt churning inside her. She raised her head to meet Nina’s eyes. “What
can we do?”

There was only
one thing they could, as a crushing hopelessness washed over Nina, nearly
buckling her knees. Somehow she managed to stay upright, raising her chin to
meet Ashley’s gaze as calmly as she could.

“We pray.”

THEY WERE STILL
CONSIDERING closing the shop when Ashley got a text from Jackie. She didn’t
have many details on how badly Travis was hurt, only that he was being
transported back from somewhere overseas.

Nina and Ashley
both sent her texts offering to come and be with her while she waited and help
with the baby. Jackie responded a short time later saying they didn’t have to.
Some of the other Navy wives were there with her, taking care of her and
Joshua. They were already understaffed and there was no point in them closing
early or staying up with her when they needed to open in the morning and there
was nothing they could really do for her. Nina and Ashley both responded that
they wanted to do it, to be with her.

Jackie didn’t
respond. Nina wasn’t surprised. Jackie had to be dealing with a million
different things, so many different people and emotions and fears. As much as
they wanted to do something—anything—for her, Nina and Ashley were just a
distraction she didn't have time for.

“It seems wrong,
doesn’t it?” Ashley asked Nina. “Like we should be doing something?”

“Yeah,” Nina
agreed. “But it makes sense that she’d want to be with people who knows what
she’s going through. At least she knows we’re both thinking of her and sending
every last positive thought her and Travis’s way.” Even if that didn't seem
like nearly enough.

They decided to
stay open, though Nina was soon wishing they hadn’t. Trying to hide what they
were feeling and seem upbeat for their customers was brutal. When they finally
did close the shop at eight as usual, Nina was tempted to ask Ashley if she
wanted to go somewhere and get a drink. They could both use it. But as welcome
as it might be to get drunk for one night, they did have to be up the next
morning, and Nina wasn’t sure either of them was up for braving a bar.

Instead, they
simply locked up and made their way to the parking lot. Before Ash turned to
get in her car, Nina reached out and pulled her into a tight hug. Ash clung to
her just as fiercely, and Nina knew Ash had needed the hug just as much as she
had.

Finally,
entirely too soon, they broke apart. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Ash said, wiping
away a few tears.

“Hopefully
there’ll be good news then,” Nina said.

Ash smiled
weakly and nodded. “I hope so.” With one final little wave, she climbed into
her car.

Trying to
believe the words herself and hold on to every last bit of hope, Nina got in
her own car and headed toward home.

But when she
approached the intersection where she’d have to turn right to go to her
apartment, she eased her foot off the pedal and hesitated. She could turn left
instead.

Toward Bobby.

There were a
million reasons why she shouldn’t do it. It wasn’t fair to him. She’d be giving
him mixed signals. He might not even be home. It would just make things harder.
If she had an ounce of sense left in her, she wouldn’t go anywhere near him.

But sense had
nothing to do with what she was feeling.

She looked down
at her hands on the steering wheel. They were shaking.

She turned left.

Though she’d
only been to his apartment the one time, she had no trouble finding her way
there. She didn’t even have to think about it. The turns came automatically as
though some internal guidance system had come on, unerringly leading her there.

She parked out
front and waited a moment to give herself a chance to change her mind. It
didn’t happen. She climbed out and slowly made her way to the front of the
building.

She took a
breath as she climbed the steps to his apartment, her heart hammering in her
chest. When she reached his door, she hesitated only for a split second before
raising her hand and knocking.

The seconds
ticked by as she waited for a response, not entirely sure which one she wanted.

The door finally
swung open.

And then Bobby
was there, in front of her.

At the sight of
him, relief rushed through her, the feeling so strong her knees nearly buckled.

He leaned out of
the doorway, practically filling the frame with his own, surprise and pleasure
spread across his face. “Hey there. I guess this must be my lucky day.”

Staring at him,
she opened her mouth to reply. No sound came out. Now that she was here, she
had no idea what to say.

Whether it was
her lack of response or something in her expression, he must have realized
something was wrong. He took a step out of the apartment toward her, his gaze
instantly sharpening. “What’s going on?”

A flurry of
thoughts crowded her mind, so many she wasn’t sure where to start or how to
explain.

One rose above
the others, a fact so clear it drowned out the rest.

“I need you.”

He didn’t say a
word. He simply opened his arms to her, and she went into them.