Breaking Free (19 page)

“I’m good. I’ve already eaten. I wouldn’t mind a beer though.”

“I think Hawk has some in the fridge.”

“Hey, Doc,” Derrick greeted him, “You arrived just in time. As soon as we eat we’re going to help Hawk finish the walls in his rec room.”

“That’s cool. I haven’t done anything more strenuous than lift my toothbrush for days. Had a bug that laid me low.”

Zoe studied him as she handed him his beer. He did look a little pale and worn down. “We wondered where you were,” Zoe said, handing him a beer. “Maybe you should just supervise with the construction, since you’ve been sick.”

“Naw, I’m back in the game now.” He smiled at Zoe. “So you’ve been talking and wondering about me, huh.” He ran a brief caress down her back.

Zoe fought the urge to roll her eyes at his flirting. “You were missed by everyone at the Marks’ barbeque two nights ago.”

“Zoe’s being nice. I didn’t miss your sorry ass at all,” Derrick said with a grin.

Doc narrowed his eyes. “I’ll remember that the next time I treat
your sorry ass
for jungle rot, out in the field. That next penicillin shot might be water.”

Their good-natured banter continued throughout the meal. After cleaning up, the entire group moved downstairs. The three men merged into a team, as they started hanging the remaining pieces of sheetrock.

“They’re something, aren’t they?” Marjorie said from beside her as she held the paint tray for her. “All my girlfriends are crazy with envy that I’m dating Derrick, his being a SEAL and all. But they don’t know the half of it. They have these kinds of reckless, wild man images, but they like--pull together when they’re in a group, like family. Sometimes I’m even jealous of the time he spends with the guys because there’s times, when we’re together, I feel he’s closer to these guys than he is to me. I mean how close would you have to be to lay down your life for someone?”

“They have to go into battle with one another, Marjorie. Their survival depends on their being able to work together. I suppose they have to know one another so well, they can communicate without words.”

Marjorie shifted the tray full of sheet rock mud. “It really does something to them. Every time they ship out, Derrick comes back kind of aggressive and jumpy, like his skin doesn’t fit him anymore. It takes him about a month to get back to normal, and then I’m still walking around on egg shells with him for a while.”

She peeled her attention away from the men to look at Zoe, her expression serious. “He’s been totally freaked about Cutter. They’ve been buddies since BUDS, and he just can’t deal. That’s why he doesn’t come to the hospital. He’d like to call and ask you about him every once in awhile, but the whole scene that went down when he showed up at the hospital that first time has made him believe you wouldn’t welcome him calling.”

Strong Man hadn’t thus far struck her as the sensitive soul Marjorie painted him, but Zoe hadn’t been around him enough to judge. She’d welcome his calls if it guaranteed he wouldn’t show up at the hospital again. It might keep her brother safe. “He’s welcome to call me any time to check on Brett. I won’t mind.”

“I told him that, but he didn’t believe me. Maybe you could tell him before we leave.”

Zoe nodded. She scooped up more drywall mud with the trowel and spread it along a seam. “All right.”

Marjorie helped her position a ladder close to the wall and held it steady, while Zoe climbed it. Zoe hooked the paint pan onto the ladder and scooped more mud.

“Where did you learn to do this?” Marjorie asked.

“My brother taught me. When he’s home he likes to do things around the house, like Hawk. He says it helps him relax. My dad did, too.”

“Was he in the military, too?”

“Yes, a career Marine. He was killed in Desert Storm by friendly fire.”

“Jesus,” Marjorie breathed. “I’m sorry.”

“Thanks,” She swallowed against the immediate thickness in her throat. Even after so long, it hurt.

“And now Cutter’s hurt, and you’re with Hawk. How do you deal with all that?”

She wasn’t exactly with Hawk, and she wasn’t certain she ever would be, but she wasn’t sharing that with a stranger. “You love them, despite their need to risk themselves. You don’t really have a choice. You can’t pick and choose who you love, can you?”

Her own words resonated. Did she love Hawk? She looked over to where he and the men worked. She studied him. His brows were drawn together in concentration, his pale gray eyes focused on the task at hand. With his lips pressed together in a thin line he looked intent and determined. Would he approach an emotional attachment with as much fervor? How would a woman go about inspiring that kind of response from him? She pressed her hand against the hollow sensation the thoughts triggered.

“No, you can’t.” Marjorie’s reply had her shifting her attention back to the woman in time to see an expression of sadness flicker across her face.

Finished with the strip from ceiling to mid-wall, Zoe climbed down the ladder. She stepped off the last rung and lost her balance. Grabbing at the ladder to stabilize herself, she caught Marjorie’s bell-shaped sleeve along with it. The other woman sucked in her breath and grimaced in pain.

“I’m sorry, Marjorie.” Releasing the fabric, Zoe caught her breath, a sickening, dropping sensation hitting her stomach. “Oh my God!”

CHAPTER 13

“Did I hurt you?” Zoe stared at the large bruise on the woman’s arm just above her wrist.

Marjorie jerked away. “No.” She shook her head as she smoothed her sleeve back over the injury. “It’s nothing. I just banged my arm on something the other day and have a bruise now. It’s a little sore.”

It didn’t look like an accidental injury. It looked like someone had grabbed her arm hard enough to leave the impression of every finger. Zoe studied the woman’s face, a prickly, numbing shock traveling down her body. She gathered her composure with an effort and looked into the woman’s face until Marjorie’s eyes rose to meet hers. “Is there anything I can do?”

“No. I’m fine.” Marjorie’s fingers smoothed the sleeve again. “But it might be a good idea for you to stay off that ladder. You almost fell.”

“Maybe you’re right.” She had to do something. If there was the slightest possibility Derrick Armstrong was abusive, she had to try and help Marjorie. She struggled to bring her scattered thoughts and emotions together. “Sometimes I don’t want to recognize my limitations. I just keep ignoring them, until they slap me in the face.”

“You seem to do pretty well,” Marjorie said. “And Hawk doesn’t seem to mind.”

“He’s very supportive, but there’s a line where support can turn into pity. Once that happens, the balance is thrown off.” Zoe’s attention strayed to Hawk as he used the drill to sink sheet rock screws. A ridge of muscle along his shoulder blade stood out beneath his t-shirt. Her mouth went dry as she thought about running her hand over his strong back and feeling the movement of his muscles beneath her hands. “Relationships are all about balance, don’t you think?”

Marjorie brushed her sun-streaked hair over her shoulder. “I hadn’t ever thought about it like that, but yeah, I guess you’re
right.”

“When one partner is too demanding or has unreasonable expectations, the relationship can escalate into something unhealthy and painful for both people.”

Marjorie’s features grew slack, then shuttered. “I suppose so.”

Zoe stifled a sigh. She sensed she’d gone as far as she could. She didn’t want the woman to shut down completely and push her away. She changed the subject. “What do you do, Marjorie?”

“I’m a software analyst for a corporation that makes computer games.”

“That sounds way more interesting than being a physical therapist.”

“It doesn’t to me,” Marjorie said with a smile. “All those jocks who come to you for treatment--” She fanned her face as though hot. “You and Hawk haven’t slept together yet, have you?”

Having the tables turned triggered an instant urge to retreat. Yet how was she to expect Marjorie to open up to her, if she wasn’t ready to do the same? She drew a deep breath and looked up from smoothing the compound at the bottom of the seam. “No we haven’t. I had a really bad experience in college, and it made me a little wary.”

“Hawk’s a really good guy. He’d never hurt you.”

The momentary possessive, predatory look of jealousy on his face as he had grasped her arm that morning in the bathroom came to mind. It had been jealousy, hadn’t it? Or had it been something else? He had never been out of control though, and had immediately backed off. “No, I don’t think he would ever hurt me, intentionally. I suppose all men have the potential, but it all boils down to control.” His behavior at the hospital after Brett had been slapped occurred to her. ”I’ve seen him furious, but he never lost it. He turned his anger toward getting something accomplished, not trying to destroy anything.” She had sensed his frustration tonight after returning from the hospital. He had done the same thing.

“I suppose it helps that they can go blow something up now and then and release their aggressions.”

Zoe nodded toward the three men hanging sheetrock. “Or they can do something constructive with a hammer and nails.”

When Marjorie remained silent Zoe looked up to find her studying Derrick’s broad back, a look of sadness on her face.

Emotion settled in the pit of her stomach as heavy as the bucket of sheet rock mud she dipped into. For as much sympathy and concern as Marjorie inspired, Zoe dreaded having to share her suspicions with Hawk just as much.

****

Hawk tossed the damp towel into the hamper and tugged on a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. He needed to talk to Zoe. But the things he needed to say couldn’t be said to anyone outside the team. God damn it! Every day something happened that hammered at his trust in his men. God he needed a drink, he needed something.

Leaving his room, he turned toward the kitchen, but noticed the light still on in the living room and changed direction.

He paused at the entrance and watched as Zoe rubbed a towel against the mass of hair she draped over her shoulder. She looked up as he took a step into the room.

I think Doc might be strung out on drugs
. He nearly said the words aloud just to feel the weight of them. He couldn’t be. The team was tested for drugs all the time. And even compounds like steroids showed up in the tests. Surely Zack wouldn’t risk getting canned from the team. Not for drugs. Not for anything.

He’d been alone so long. Held his own council over things that had revisited him over and over. Things he couldn’t share with her. But the pain of this was too much.

“There’s something going on with Doc. When I asked him if he and Bowie had been fishing lately, he said he hadn’t seen him in nearly two weeks. That’s some kind of record, because those two are tight and, besides chasing women, fishing is one of their favorite pass-times.”

Zoe set aside the towel and combed her fingers through her hair. “Maybe he’s really been sick and Bowie’s stayed away to keep from getting it.”

 
“I don’t know.” He rubbed the back of his neck, the muscles there tight with frustration. “I’m going over to his apartment tomorrow and have a talk with him.” He was tired of these suspicions. He was going to get to the bottom of this shit

“Hawk--“Her tone sounded tentative and laced with something else he couldn’t quite pinpoint. He focused on her. Her hesitancy had his stomach churning.

“I think Derrick might be abusing Marjorie.”

The shock of it hit him like a punch.

“She had a bruise on her arm that looked suspicious. She said she’d hit it on something, but you could see the finger marks. I tried to talk to her, but she clammed up.”

“Jesus! What the hell is going on with these guys?”

“They’re just guys, Hawk, under tremendous pressure. All of you are.” She rose to her feet and came to him. When she put her arms around his waist and pressed close, some of the pain eased.

“We send you to awful places and ask you to do things, terrible, painful, necessary things, and then we ask you not to think about it, remember it, or internalize any of it. We ask the impossible.”

She leaned back to look up at him. “Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe the circumstances surrounding our first meeting has affected how I feel about Derrick, made me suspicious of him to begin with. Maybe I read the whole situation wrong. Maybe it really was an accident.”

God, he hoped so. He ran his hands over her back and traced the slender shape of her through her t-shirt. Just touching her made him feel better. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow. See if I can draw him out. If these guys are in trouble, I have to reach out to them and get them squared away. They’re my men, Zoe.”

“I understand.”

Was that possible? Could she really understand how his loyalties were being pulled in a dozen directions? One of them might have attempted to murder a member of their team? The thought hit him in the solar plexus every time he thought it. It made him sick. But until he figured out who was responsible, they deserved the best he could do for them.

“I want whoever hurt Cutter to pay, Zoe. But unless he wakes up and tells us, we may never know.”