Breaking Kate: The Acceptance Series (4 page)

I deserve this pain. I deserve to ache for the one girl who ever loved me, the one I loved with all my heart and soul. I miss her so much. I just want her back. I want
us
back. I’ve spent three years in denial, three long years missing her and acting like a fool. I don’t know if it’s too late, but when I get home I’m going to make some serious changes. I’m going to finally call my mom back, but not until I talk to Katherine, not until I make this right. I have only ever wanted one girl. From the first day I met her in second grade I
knew
I would marry her someday.

When I get home I’ll talk to Daniel; he’ll help me figure this all out. If there’s anyone that won’t judge me it will be him. Daniel already knows how I am with
women, he just doesn’t know the reason why. He doesn’t know I just use them to try and forget just for a little while. I don’t let them in—any of them—because my heart isn’t there, not anymore. I gave my heart away in second grade and I’ve never gotten it back. It always has, and always will, be hers to keep.

Chapter 2 - Kate 3 years later

“Oh, no you don’t, Kate. You are
not
doing this to me again!” yells Jess, my roommate and my best friend since…well…forever. Jess can be a bit of a drama queen at times, a trait she definitely gets from her mother.

I look up from my notebook and roll my eyes at her to let her know that her dramatics are not going to work on me. “Jess, I have to study if I’m going to stay on top of things and graduate on time. You know I hate the social scene here and I never want to fall behind again like I did freshman year.”

Jess looks at me with the biggest pouty face ever and begs, “Please, Kate? Please come with me to Connor’s party. I really want to go, and since I haven’t really known him that long I don’t want to go alone. Besides, you’re like his sister and he has someone he wants to introduce you to…”

Seriously?
How dare Connor just assume he can fix me up on some sort of blind sympathy date. He
knows
better. We only talked a few days ago about the possibility of me putting myself out there again and he’s presumptuous enough to think he can fix me up on my first date in ages? Of course he is; he’s Connor fucking Houston. As pissed off as I am, I have to admit a bit of morbid curiosity as to who it might be.

Over the past year, I have heard all about his best friends Daniel, Jake, Mike, and April. I have yet to meet any of them in person, although I sort of feel like I already know them from Connor’s stories. Connor Houston is HOT!
Scott Eastwood hot. Melt in your mouth hot. ‘Yes, you can fuck me right here, right now, in this room full of people just because you looked at me with come fuck me eyes and I don’t even know your name’ kind of hot. I can only
begin
to imagine what his friends look like. I won’t lie and say I wasn’t attracted to him at first. I met Connor last Spring when we shared a few classes together. I consider him one of my best friends, and even more so, I think of him like a brother. I am highly protective of him just as he is of me.

Connor came into my life when I had decided to move forward, in baby steps of course, because I had been withdrawn for so long. Once we started talking and really getting to know each other, we realized just how well our friendship worked for both of us. I wasn’t in a place where I wanted anything romantic with anyone and he was looking for a friendship with a girl who wasn’t after him for his money and status. Connor is really sweet and absolutely hilarious and our friendship happened almost overnight. At least, it did once we got past the initial sexual tension; we’re both naturally open people, so of course we talked about sex. With Connor’s sex life we talked about sex
a lot
. I honestly think that most of the tension we experienced came from the fact that Connor thought I should be alleviated from my dry spell. Although, I feel like he is trying to help end my sexual drought by setting me up with his friend. Even though this is a self-imposed drought, he still insists that it needs to end.

Connor, Jess, and I all have a sociology class together this semester. Jess has decided that Connor is meant to be her future boyfriend. She probably isn’t wrong, either. There’s so much sexual tension flowing between the two of them it’s a wonder they haven’t managed to be alone together yet or even go out on a real date. Connor has dated casually before, but never anything really serious. I’m pretty sure he likes Jess, I mean
really
likes her, and feels a little out of his element.  It doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. Jess is drop dead gorgeous. Her mom is an International model and is on husband number five. Jess is tall—five feet eleven inches—with legs for days and curves in all the right places. She has jet black hair and cerulean blue eyes which, depending on her mood, can either freeze you in your place or have you melting in a million pieces, giving into her every want and desire. Tonight is
not
going to be one of those nights where she gets her way. 

I look up at her and shake my head no. I seriously need to study; I can’t let her distract me this semester. It’s our last year of college, and if I don’t keep my grades up I’ll never make it in grad school. I’m pursuing a double major, not exactly my preference—it’s just to keep my dad off my back. My father is an overbearing, narcissistic ass who runs a very successful computer software company. There is nothing Joseph Moore wants more than for me to take over the family business. Actually, he doesn’t
want
it as much as
demand
it, which is part of the problem. I’m going to be a Child Psychologist, but to keep the peace
and
to keep him paying my tuition, I’m taking twice the course load as a double major and pretty much blowing off my entire college experience.

Honestly, it really isn’t that big of a deal, though. I hate parties. All through high school, Jess dragged me to one, if not two, every weekend. It was different then—the homework wasn’t as bad and going out with Jess meant getting out of the house and away from my father. It also meant spending more time with Michael. I’m deep in thought when I hear Jess’s cell phone ring and listen in on her side of the conversation.

“Hi, Connor. Of course I’ll be there, I wouldn’t miss it. I should be there in just about an hour or so. Hmmm, well that
is
a problem. Kate decided she doesn’t want to come.  Oh, well of course I can understand that. I’ve been trying to talk her into this for about two hours now!”

Oh my god, can you say drama queen? It’s been all of thirty minutes at the most! She sprung this whole thing on me at the last minute and I’m sure it was on purpose. Jess is looking at me and I know that look. She’s about to do something that I’m not going to like, I can totally tell.

“Of course, she’s right here. You can talk to her yourself. See you soon, Connor.” She hands the phone to me and shrugs her shoulders as she walks away.
I am seriously going to kill her!
I take a deep breath and answer the phone.

“Hi, Connor, what’s up?”

“Kate, this is a little awkward.  Jess told me you were for sure coming to my party, and I have this friend that I think you would really hit it off with, so I asked him to come down. It’s my friend Daniel; I’ve mentioned him to you before. He really doesn’t like to be set up, but I told him that you’re smart, funny, and super cute. I pretty much begged him to come to well, uh, score some points with Jess. Can you
please
come to the party for me? I’ll help you with your homework so you don’t get behind and I promise you don’t have to worry about Daniel. He’s coming off a break-up, and although I think the girl was a total bitch and it’s been over six months, he’s still nursing his wounds, so I don’t think he’ll try and make a move on you.”

There’s a long silence before I finally give him an answer, “Okay, Connor, I’ll come for you, so you don’t look like a jerk to your friend. But make no mistake, I’m not happy about it and you totally OWE me.”

I hear the biggest sigh of relief from Connor and have to laugh. “Thanks, Kate! You seriously have no idea how much this means to me! Daniel hates driving in Friday traffic; he’s already on the road and it’s about a two-hour trip from Santa Barbara, so I really do owe you! The last thing I need is to have you, Jess, and Daniel all mad at me on the same night. See you soon. Hey, do me a favor, Kate. Dress really sexy so he can see what he’s missing by not putting himself out there anymore.”

I’m not really sure how to respond to that so I don’t. “See you in a bit, Connor.” I hand Jess her phone back.

I know Jess did this on purpose, so I stare her down with my arms crossed and tap my foot.

“Okay, okay. Yes, I purposely didn’t tell you until a little while ago so you couldn’t back out. Seriously though, Kate, can you blame me? All you do is study! Occasionally, you will actually go to the gym and hang out with Marc, but lately you’ve been avoiding him, too. Don’t think he hasn’t noticed, either. I miss my friend, my party buddy, and it is long past time you finally get another boyfriend. I know you don’t like to talk about him, but Michael is in the past, the very
long
ago past, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it but move on. That asshole shattered your heart, and mine, into a million pieces. Even though my heartbreak was different than yours, it doesn’t make it any easier. Let’s make tonight a new beginning for both of us, swear off all assholes, and have some fun.”

I can already tell this is going to be a long night, but I have to admit it will be nice to get out for a bit. I didn’t realize how hard I’ve been working until Jess just threw it all out there. I guess one night of fun won’t kill me.  I just hope that Jess doesn’t think she’s going to make me look like a slut because right now I would be super happy in a pair of shorts and a hoodie. I walk into the bathroom and Jess is bouncing up and down, happy to have a
girls night, and also reveling in the fact she gets to make me up for the night. 

“Here’s what I picked out for you to wear, and don’t even roll your eyes at me, you
know
I dress you better than you do. Now, let’s hurry up. We don’t have much time to get ready.”

I have to give her credit where it’s due. She didn’t do a bad job in picking out clothes. She stuck to my style and picked out a sexy pair of jeans that hug all my curves and a green V-neck long sleeved shirt that shows a good portion of my breasts, but in a tasteful way.

I look at my reflection in the mirror next to Jess. As a child, I did gymnastics and I still do some basic routines to keep toned, although I haven’t competed in years. Unlike Jess, I’m on the short side—five feet five inches in my bare feet—which in my opinion is why I get the ’cute’ title from guys instead of the sexy, gorgeous, and beautiful that Jess gets. I’m actually okay with that. I like being the girl next door, and if I could find the boy next door kind of guy I would be happy.

My best assets are my eyes, which are a bright emerald green, and my auburn hair that hangs down to the middle of my back with perfect, loose curls that almost always fall into place with no maintenance on my part. I inherited both assets from my mom and look more and more like her every day. I’m glad Jess picked out a green shirt because it really accentuates my eyes, which Jess is now covering with smoky eye makeup.

Finally, after what seems like forever, Jess declares us ready. “You’re done and you are perfect! No one is going to call you cute tonight. You are
beyond
hot. Actually, Kate, you’re a total sex goddess!” I just laugh and shake my head. God I love her, dramatics and all.

Jess and I have known each other since the first grade when she moved in down the street from me. She was a chubby little girl. Her mom was rarely home, always off on some tropical photo shoot.
Jess didn’t really have a relationship with her dad. He only came to town every now and then and usually took her to dinner one night and then stood her up the next. She was mostly raised by Maryanne, who is her aunt and her mom’s younger sister, but Jess always calls her mama. Maryanne has not yet had a family of her own but she was an incredible influence on Jess.

Whenever Jess’s mom, Chloe, would come to town she would say very inappropriate things about her being chubbier than most kids. It would break her heart when her supermodel mom, who is super famous and so nice to everyone else, would be so mean to her only daughter. Maryanne made things better for Jess and did her best to get Chloe to back off. Eventually, when we hit about twelve years old, Jess grew over a foot and the weight just fell off. I don’t think she was ever more than twenty pounds overweight, but the complex Chloe gave her about it has stuck with her forever.

Jess is probably the least superficial person I know, but she wants to look good for her man and wants me to look just as good so we can both land men at the same time. She would love nothing more than for the two of us to fall in love, get married, and have kids all at the same time. We are sisters in every way that counts; she is my oldest friend and my biggest confidant. She’s also a huge romantic at heart. Right now, she knows what I need probably more than I do and that is why I’m letting her make me up and take me out. With one last look in the mirror, we grab our purses, lock up the condo and head out to Jess’s BMW SUV.

When we’re about five minutes away, I start to get nervous. I know Jess can tell because she decides it’s time to sing and dance. She rolls down all the windows and starts singing along to the music, so as usual, I join in. We’re singing and dancing as we pull up to an audience mid Britney song.  They laugh and clap at our car performance. It’s hysterical; we do it all the time, just not with forty witnesses.  Par for the course, Jess gets out and bows to her audience which in turn causes more laughing and some high fives.

Jess wraps her arm though mine and tugs me close. “Come on, Kate. I need a drink, and
you
need to get drunk tonight and I don’t want to hear another word about it!” 

I actually don’t argue with her because I could honestly use a drink and a distraction. It’s been a long week and I really need to unwind.

Inside the house, the music is loud.
Mama Said Knock You Out
by LL Cool J is playing, and we soon spot Connor sitting on the stairs talking to a friend of his. Once he sees us, he excuses himself and gives us both a hug. He whispers in my ear, “Thanks, Kate, I really owe you one,” then flashes me one of his dazzling smiles. No wonder Jess wants him; he really is the whole package.