Breaking Kate: The Acceptance Series (7 page)

I can’t help but laugh at that. She’s too damn cute for her own good.

“Kate, you could sit here and eat that entire pizza and I wouldn’t think any less of you. I love that you don’t care if I see you eat. Nothing irritates me more than taking a girl out and buying her a nice dinner, only to have her eat three bites of her food and try to play like she’s full or not hungry or whatever. I love cooking and eating, and I
especially
love watching a woman enjoy her food. I love making something decadent and sharing it with someone that enjoys the flavor of the food and enjoys eating it with me. I don’t know why, but it’s a huge turn on for me to know that a woman is confident enough with herself to do all the things she would do alone in front of me. That can be many things—from eating, singing, dancing, crying, working out, et cetera… those are the things I like to enjoy with my girl.

“I’m a simple person. I love hanging out with friends, watching movies, playing sports, going to the gym, just doing things that are low key. I’m not opposed to getting dressed up and going to events, charity functions, dinners,
or shows, as long as it’s not all the time. I work anywhere from forty to sixty-hour work weeks with my dad at his construction company, and when I have down time I thoroughly like to enjoy it. Well, that’s a little bit about me; now tell me a little about you. What is the one thing you look for in a boyfriend? One quality that is non-negotiable?”

I reach over for a slice of pizza as she moves her hand from my arm, grabs the vodka, and takes a swig. It’s really cute seeing her drink straight from the bottle then shake herself out a bit after the burn. I hand her a bottle of water and wait while she takes a drink and grabs a slice of pizza for herself.

“You really know how to start off with the deep questions, don’t you? I guess the main quality I’m looking for, besides the usual nice, caring, and faithful, is someone who, above all else, keeps our relationship about us. I want to find someone who understands that even though external forces can affect our relationship, it isn’t defined by that. I want someone that will stay by my side while we handle those problems together.  I want someone who loves me for me, who believes in me. Someone who will believe in us even if we are failing. Sometimes all love needs is two people who believe in it enough to resurrect it and keep it alive.” Suddenly, her eyes are piercing into me. I swear I can feel that look to the depths of my soul.

“Daniel, I don’t lie. Maybe it’s my one great attribute, but sometimes I feel as if it’s my greatest weakness. I may not always hand details over about things if I don’t feel it’s my place, but if I’m asked directly and I have the answer, I will never lie. I’m also not into casual relationships, which may be why I haven’t had one in a few years. The one person in my life that has ever held my heart in his hands broke it into tiny jagged pieces. I’m not looking to repeat that experience anytime soon.” Kate says the last sentence really fast like she just needs to get it out. The look in her eyes is such a painful one. I can’t stand to see her eyes filled with so much pain.

I move the pizza box and set it on the ground. Scooting over to close the gap between us, I wrap my arm around her shoulder and just let her lean into me. I don’t know how she’ll react, but I just can’t sit here and not comfort her. Obviously, her pain runs deep and I fully understand. After Vanessa, my pain ran deep, but that was nothing compared to hers—
that
I can tell. She said it’s been years but her pain looks fresh. I know she must have been deeply in love. She seems like the kind of girl that only knows how to fall in love with her whole heart. Her ex must be the biggest idiot on the planet. It’s almost impossible to find a girl who can love like that.  I don’t want to come across as a jerk, but I have to know if she’s ready to move past this pain, and more importantly, past him. She’s looking down, almost as if ashamed to look at me. I cup her chin, lifting her head up, and look into her eyes.

“Kate, I don’t think those are unreasonable things to want from a relationship. As a matter of fact, I think all of your wants
should
be a part of any healthy relationship. All of that falls under respect. If you don’t respect yourself and each other then it definitely isn’t a relationship worth having.  The look in your eyes tells me that talking about this is very painful for you. I’m so sorry that someone ever hurt you so much that you still carry around this kind of pain years later. Having a broken heart is a dangerous thing. In my experience, it leads to one of two general outcomes. A - A searing pain so raw that you lash out and do things out of character by trying to forget, whether that includes hurting yourself or others who get in your way or both. B - Suffering in an extreme state of sadness, loneliness, and depression which isn’t healthy at all. Eventually you have to move on, and it might not be easy, but living in the past isn’t healthy. I feel a little awkward asking you this, but do you think you’re finally in a place where you feel like you’re ready to move on?

“For the first time in months I feel like
I
am. There’s something about you, and I would really like to get to know you better. Before I come on too strong, or cross a boundary that you aren’t ready for, or if you aren’t feeling the same way I just need to know and I’ll back off. More than anything, I would love to get to know you and be your friend, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t interested in seeing where this thing between us could go.”

Nothing like just putting myself out there, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to put myself through what I went through with Vanessa again. I can already tell that Kate is different than Vanessa. When she said she doesn’t lie, it was like she could see into my soul and know that my vulnerabilities and insecurities are because Vanessa lied to me and I was stupid enough to believe her. Trust is a huge thing for me—it is the core of any relationship—and Vanessa shattered my trust again and again. Kate’s also sweet, sensitive, sexy, and funny. I could fall so head over heels in love with this girl that it scares the living daylights out of me. I also know that if she says she’s not interested in moving on, I’ll be devastated, which is dumb because we
just
met. But my body feels connected to her in ways that I can’t ignore. I’m completely drawn to her. So for now, I continue to gaze into her beautiful eyes, still cupping her face in my hands, knowing I can wait like this forever until she gives me an answer.

Chapter 4
– Kate

He’s holding me and gazing deeply into my eyes. God help me, he’s one of the most beautiful men I have ever set eyes on. I just can’t seem to find my voice to answer him. He’s looking at me like he wants to devour me. It’s
the sexiest
thing I’ve ever seen and makes my stomach clench in ways I’ve never felt before. It’s starting to get cool outside but I’m heated just from his touch. I want him to do things to me—dirty, nasty, erotic things—that will make me scream his name repeatedly.
Oh. My. God. Where is this coming from?

I’ve never had a carnal urge to rip off someone’s clothes and enjoy every single inch of their body. It’s not like I’m a virgin; Michael and I had sex,
lots
of sex. We were together for four years and had known each other for so much longer. It was everything your first love is supposed to be. I thought we would grow up, get married, have kids, and a great life. Our families loved each other, and we spent so much time together it was obvious that we were destined to be, until our love shattered to pieces and left me utterly broken. I can’t imagine having that kind of love with anyone else, not ever, but right now I don’t want to think about Michael at all.

This must be lust. These feelings that are coursing through my veins are new and raw and I like them A LOT. I feel alive, wanted, desired, and a touch crazy since we just met.
Who feels so much for someone so quickly?
I can’t tell him I don’t want to move on, because right now I do, very much. I want to explore all of these new feelings and see where they take me but I’m so afraid to act on them. I love the way he’s looking at me, holding me, waiting patiently for my answer without pushing. My heart is beating so fast I think it might explode. I need to find the right words but the alcohol is clouding my judgment. I don’t know if what I want to say is going to come out the way I want it to but here it goes.

“Daniel, it’s been so long since I’ve tried a relationship with anyone. I completely closed myself off and just focused on school. Part of that was intentional so I could avoid having to feel anything again, and part of that was out of necessity so that I can graduate on time with my heavy course load. Being here with you—talking freely and hanging out—is making me realize I’ve been missing out on things. I miss having someone other than Jess, Marc, and Connor to talk to and have fun with. I think I would very much like to try and get to know you. I feel comfortable with you. Maybe that’s because I’ve heard so much about you from Connor already. My body responds to yours, the smallest touches feel electrifying, and that scares me, a lot. I feel like things could get out of control quickly between us, and I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. I’ve only had one long-term boyfriend and since then I’ve kept myself guarded.

“My ex, Michael, and I grew up together; our fathers were business partners. We went to elementary, junior high, and high school together. Michael lived two blocks over from me growing up. He was my first friend that was a boy, first crush, and in seventh grade he was my first kiss during a game of spin the bottle. Freshman year of high school we started dating, and we dated up until the summer before freshman year of college. It’s a story I’m not sure I’m ready to tell, but suffice it to say, it did
not
have a happy ending. Our families used to be close and now they don’t speak. What I thought would be my happily ever after became my worst nightmare. I completely shut down and I cried for weeks. If it weren’t for Jess, I would have never left the house. It got so much worse than I could have ever imagined, and it took a long time for me to recover. I’ve only been on two dates since Michael and neither of them ended with more than a goodnight kiss. I want to move on, but I have some unresolved business with Michael’s family that won’t be completed until next year. Once that’s taken care of, hopefully everything will be left in the past where it belongs and I can finally have the closure I need.

“Sorry. I’m telling you too much too fast, or maybe I’m just too drunk to be having such a deep discussion. Back to my original point, yes I believe I’m ready to try again, but I wanted you to know exactly what you would be getting into because sometimes I’m kind of a mess. I’m inexperienced in a lot of ways. I have baggage and...Well, you get the point.” At some point during my very long explanation my eyes drifted down to the ground, and when I look back up into his amazing eyes he looks very deep in thought. I think I blew my chance. I couldn’t just say yes; I had to explain my whole life’s history.

“Kate,” he whispers, his eyes still locked on mine. He slowly lowers his face, his lips so close to mine I know he’s going to kiss me. It’s been a long time since I’ve been kissed. What if I forgot how? The rapid beating of my heart is loud, I’m sure he can hear it but I don’t care. I want this with him so badly. I don’t think I ever knew it was possible to crave someone’s touch until now. “Thank you for telling me the truth and not hiding your feelings, you have no idea what that means to me.”

His lips are almost brushing against mine, so close I can feel his breath caress my lips… it’s intoxicating. Daniel places one hand on the back of my head, pulling me forward to close the small gap between us as his perfect lips meet mine for a gentle, yet utterly heart-stopping kiss. This is the first kiss fairytales are spun from. My heartbeat is still rapid, my pulse is still racing, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why I have waited so long to find him. This man was obviously made just for me. Daniel stops kissing me, resting his forehead against mine.

I reach up and run my fingers through his hair, and I feel him suck in his breath as he slowly moves his lips to mine. Gently kissing me, he parts my lips with his tongue, making his way into my mouth. When his tongue caresses mine I feel butterflies in my stomach.
What the hell?
The feeling is exceptional; it’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. I’m lost in it and to it. How have I never felt this before? Was I so inexperienced that I didn’t get what it was supposed to be like? Or has it just been so long that I have built up sexual tension inside me that I wasn’t even aware of? I don’t care. This is pure bliss and completely unexpected. Jess was right—I just need to enjoy my gift tonight.

Daniel runs his hand through my hair while his other arm is wrapped around my waist. He pulls me in tighter and deepens the erotic dance he’s doing with my tongue. This feels so right, like the way soul mates meet and connect in those sappy romance novels. I can’t stop the moan that escapes me. I pull him even deeper into our kiss as he pulls me tighter. There’s no space between us anymore; I’m practically in his lap. After the longest, most passionate kiss I have ever experienced in all of my twenty-three years, we slowly break apart and take a minute to catch our breath. Daniel takes my hand and intertwines his fingers with mine as we sit and swing, both of us looking upward at the stars. It’s a comfortable silence which I’m grateful for because I’m not sure what to say.

“Kate, I’m sorry if that took you by surprise. It took me by surprise, too. I’m usually not this forward. I typically don’t kiss a girl until at least the
end
of our first date. There’s something about you, though. Something about how honest you are with me, how your eyes reflected your sadness and pain at the same time. Kissing you was instinctual and I don’t regret it. I hope you don’t, either, because that was hands down the most incredible kiss I have
ever
experienced.”  I can’t wipe the smile off my face. Those might be the sweetest words I’ve ever heard.

“Daniel, I’m sure I looked scared and sad because I was both. It makes me sad to think about Michael. I tend to dwell on the things I may or may not have been able to do differently when I think of the love we lost. I’m scared because I just aired my dirty laundry to a virtual stranger with the hope that not only will you understand it, but also be able to accept it. Most guys wouldn’t even bother. Hearing about the ex this soon is where your flight mechanism should kick in. So if you’re going to flee, can you do it now, please? I just had the kiss of a lifetime, and before I start liking it too much, I would like to know if there’s going to be a chance to do that again sometime.”  When Daniel laughs, his eyes sparkle and his whole face lights up with genuine happiness. I think that might be my favorite thing about him so far, besides how he kisses me.

“Kate, I don’t scare easily. I’ve got my own baggage—maybe we can find comfort in our matching set. Someday we can compare war stories, but for now let’s just say my last relationship sucked. I let it get out of hand, probably because it was a long relationship for me. I’ve had four serious girlfriends—one in high school, two in college and then Vanessa. None of them were right for me. None of them made me laugh as easily and as quickly as you have tonight. And absolutely
none
of them were as beautiful as you are. I am completely taken with you, so I propose an idea. Let’s talk tonight, really talk, uninhibited about anything. When we’re tired we’ll sleep, together, but not intimately. And in the morning when we wake up, you’ll let me take you out to breakfast and we’ll see where the day takes us. Are you game?”

I don’t even have to think about it, this will be a great way to get to know him.

“Absolutely, as long as we agree up front that each question asked has to be answered by us both and with honest answers.” 

“Ah, finally, a girl after my own heart.
Definitely agreed. Now, don’t think I’m creepy or anything, but would you prefer to sleep out here under the stars or inside in the guest room?”

I hate camping in any form, and although this is far from camping, it’s still outdoors. It
is
quieter out here, though, and more secluded which definitely wins out over all else.

“I would like to stay out here; it’s definitely quieter and an easier place to get to know each other. I’m going to run inside, use the bathroom, and see if I can track Jess down to let her know where I’ll be.  I’ll meet you back out here?” I don’t know why I say it like a question when really it’s just a statement.

“That’s perfect. I keep a sleeping bag and a pillow out here in the shed, but that will give me time to run in to get another blanket and pillow so that we can both be comfortable.” Daniel grabs my hand and leads me toward the house. Once inside, we go our separate ways but before we do, he pulls my hand to his mouth and kisses it softly.

“See you in a few minutes.”

Oh my god, is this really happening to me?
I think I definitely owe Connor a thank you. I didn’t do
him
a favor, he did
me
one by getting me to come over here tonight. After chatting for a minute with a girl from my study group, I head to the guest room to use the bathroom. I’m sure it’s unoccupied and I hate having to wait in a line to go pee. On my way, I notice all of the pictures lining the hall upstairs which screams of a mother’s touch. I wonder if Daniel’s mom did this, too. There are pictures of Connor, someone who I assume is Jake, and Daniel all together. They look very close, almost like all three of them are brothers. There are football pictures of Daniel and Jake, graduation pictures from High School, those cheesy posed pictures from dances with the three of them together in some and just Daniel and Jake in others.

It’s nice to see them all so young and happy. True friends are hard to come by and it looks like they have it in spades. All the pictures seem to end around the time of Jake and Daniel’s graduation so there isn’t anything recent. Of course, in typical bachelor house style there’s not one picture of any girl. Not even April. Maybe only pictures of those three are allowed since I didn’t see any of
Mike, either. I wonder how often Jake and April come out to visit, or his other friend Mike. It might be nice for all of us to get together and barbecue or something one day. Shaking my head, I start walking toward the guestroom. You would think we were already coupled up and in love.
Come on, Kate, get with it. One thing at a time.
I open the door to the guestroom and walk in on Connor, Jess, and Daniel. Daniel’s digging in the closet and Jess and Connor are sitting on the bed, looking a little disheveled. Three guesses what they were just doing.

“Well, I didn’t think I would run into all of you in here. I guess it’s my lucky night. Now I don’t have to search for you in the masses. Why are you guys in here and not in Connor’s room?” 

“I forgot to lock my door and some lucky couple is getting lucky in my bed.”

I start laughing and it makes me really have to pee. “You sound so upset about it. Why didn’t you just kick them out? Please don’t make me laugh because I really have to pee.”

“Well, considering that
I
was hoping to get lucky, I’m a little mad, but who am I to stop someone else from having a good night? That’s why we have extra sheets. I told them they had an hour before I kicked them out, so we came in here to pass the time. I’m not letting their good time wreck mine. Although, from what Daniel says, we should be able to just stay in here since you two are romancing it out under the stars tonight. Care to comment, Kate?”

I roll my eyes at him. “I wouldn’t call it romancing. It’s just two people getting to know each other in a quieter setting. I was coming in to tell Jess but someone beat me to it. You two are fine. Stay here and enjoy yourselves, just let me pee first.”

I can still hear them laughing from the bathroom. I also hear Jess talking; she’s a little loud when she drinks or maybe it’s her way of letting me know she’s got my back. “Daniel, you better not try any smooth moves on my girl tonight. It has taken me
forever
to get her to agree to come out again, and if you screw it up then YOU.WILL.BE.ON.MY.LIST. Got it?” She’s so overly dramatic sometimes, but I totally love her for it. I take my time washing my hands so I can hear Daniel’s reply.