Breaking Love Full Hearts 2 (35 page)

“Meg, it’s Ian.” His voice was quiet.

“Ian? Oh, hi.”

“I just wanted to call to apologize for the other night. I was way out of line.” His voice was full of regret yet again.

“Oh, Ian, let’s forget about it, okay? It was just a really emotional moment between us. I’m fine, though, I promise.” Megan’s voice was soft as she spoke. She had turned and leaned against the counter to give him her full attention. The lunch could wait.

“I don’t know what came over me. . . .” He trailed off and paused for a moment. “Actually, I do. I just couldn’t stand to see you cry like that. I didn’t know what to do, so I kissed you. For some reason I thought that might stop you. I’m so stupid sometimes.”

“We don’t need to talk about it, Ian. I knew why you did it. We were both just caught up in the moment, I think. We’ve been through a lot together and we’ve never really had a chance to say goodbye, you know?”

“Yeah, I do. That’s exactly it.” His voice brightened.

“I know you’re with Georgie now, and I really am happy for you. I just want you to stay clean and healthy so you can be a part of Elliott’s life. A good part of his life.”

“Me too. I’m really happy with her, actually. I know you and I can’t ever go back to the way things were, but I really love Elliott and I want to see him a lot more. I didn’t realize how much I’d really missed out on until I saw him. He’s just getting so big. And he’s a great kid, Meg, and that’s all you. Everything good about him is from you.”

“He’s the best of both of us. Some of the most wonderful things about him are from you. He’s such a talented athlete and he’s adventurous, sometimes a little too much so, and he gets this little gleam in his eye when he’s about to play a joke on someone that is pure you.”

“Yeah, but I mean his values and his manners. The things you get from being raised right. That’s all you. I owe you for taking that all on, Meg, and managing it on your own while I’ve been missing. I don’t think there are enough ways I could ever thank you for that.”

“Just stay clean, call Elliott every few days to talk and come and see him as often as you can. That’s all I want.”

“I will, Meg. I’m going to be a good dad from now on.”

“I’m really happy to hear that. Now, I better go. Call back tomorrow to talk to Elliott?”

“I will.”

“Excellent. Good night, Ian.”

“Good night, Meg.”

TWENTY-SIX

Boulder—Two Weeks Later

The late afternoon sun softened the blue sky, bringing a pink glow to the mountains in the distance. Elliott ran around the playground with his cousins while Megan stood at a picnic table with her sister-in-law, Lenna, as the two prepared supper. Charlie and Helen watched over the kids as Mark started the portable barbecue to cook hamburgers.

Mark and Lenna had come to Boulder with the kids for spring break. Megan clipped the tablecloth onto the old wooden table and was unpacking the condiments from the cooler when the first whiff of the cooking meat hit her nostrils. Her stomach churned as a wave of nausea hit her. Her face grew pale with a sickly green colour as she steadied herself, taking a slow, deep breath to try to recover.

“But I don’t know. Maybe I should wait another year before going back to work full-time. I mean there’s no. . . .” Lenna’s voice trailed off as she glanced up at Megan’s face.

“Megan? Are you okay?” she asked quietly.

Megan’s eyes met hers, now looking dull as another swell of queasiness overtook her. “No,” she replied softly. “It’s the smell of the barbecue. It’s making me sick.”

“Come on, let’s go for a little walk and get away from it.” Lenna put a gentle arm around Megan, careful not to put any pressure on her as they moved toward the lake together.

Megan suddenly lurched forward to a nearby garbage can, emptying the contents of her stomach into it with three violent surges. Lenna hurried back to the table and grabbed a bottle of water and a napkin. She was back with Megan in seconds, pouring the liquid onto the napkin and handing it to her sister-in-law to wipe her brow and forehead.

“That was sudden, Megan. You seemed fine a few minutes ago.” Lenna’s voice was full of concern. “Here, have a sip of water.”

Helen, seeing what was happening, hurried over to help. “What’s wrong, sweetie?”

Megan was feeling a little better as she sloshed the water around in her mouth and spit it into the garbage can. “I don’t know; that hit fast.”

Lenna turned to her mother-in-law. “She got sick as soon as she smelled the barbecue. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were pregnant, Meg. That’s how you were with Elliott.”

* * *

Megan lay in bed that night staring at the ceiling for what seemed like hours. She was alone; Elliott had been invited to stay at his grandma’s to be with his cousins. Megan had managed to act casual enough with Lenna and her mom, brushing her temporary illness off as something she had eaten. Helen gave her a long, questioning look when they all parted ways at the park but said nothing.

“Shit! Shit! Shit,” Megan muttered as her eyes followed a beam of light created by a car passing her house. The room went black again as the sound of the car faded, leaving her utterly alone again. Tears streamed out of her eyes and down the sides of her face, falling into her hairline. A single drop managed to find her ear, bringing an itchy, wet sensation. She did nothing to stop the tears or wipe them away, but instead lay perfectly still, allowing them to pour out. Her throat held a lump so large that it had become difficult to swallow.

Panic consumed her. She was pregnant with Luc’s baby. What she had thought was just a vivid dream had actually happened. On the way home from the park, she had mentally calculated when her last period had been. It was more than two months earlier. That wasn’t the most unusual thing for her, however, as she had never been what she’d call regular. She had pulled into a drugstore on the way home and purchased three different brands of home pregnancy kits, all of which had confirmed her deepest fear.

Megan was already on her own with Elliot, and now, if she decided to go through with the pregnancy, she would have another mouth to feed. This time, she would have a difficult time explaining how that baby had gotten there. How would she explain it to Elliott? What would she say to the other moms at the school? What would she tell Ian? How would Luc react, finding out he was going to have a child in the world?

More and more fears and questions of how this would affect her life swirled around in her brain at a furious and unyielding pace. She cried until her eyes no longer had anything left to shed and her head pounded with the pain of it all. Sleep. She needed to sleep. Tomorrow she could figure out what to do. The answers would become clear in the morning.

* * *

The next morning found Megan sipping tea on her back deck, trying to let the warmth of the sun ease the tightly-wound ball of tension in her stomach. She was pregnant, and even though Luc lived in France, she had started to wonder if there might be a chance for them. Her mind wandered to her conversation with Harper. Luc had admitted to Harper that he had feelings for her. Megan knew without a doubt that she was completely in love with him. She hadn’t been able to get her mind off him, even before she knew about the baby. But loving someone wasn’t really enough. Both people had to
want
to be committed to each other.

Harper’s words came back to her.
There’s a reason you met
 . . . 
You could save each other. . . .

She thought of Luc, starting at the beginning of their relationship. It had only been a few months, but in that short time, she had felt more adored than she had ever thought possible. He had taken care of her and Elliott with such ease and seemed to be so genuinely happy to be with them. She could picture him laughing with Elliott and smiling at her with that look that made her feel like she was the only woman in the world. On top of all of that, he had proven that he would do whatever was necessary in order to protect not only her but Elliott as well. He had set aside his own happiness to make sure her little boy wouldn’t get hurt. Surely that had to speak more for his character than his own insistence that he would never be what she needed. He
had
been exactly what she needed, time and time again. If love was proven through one’s actions, he had certainly left no doubt that he was capable of real love. Maybe he could be a good father for the baby, even though he didn’t want to settle down with her.

Megan stood and walked back into her house, knowing what she needed to do now. She would email him. He deserved to know that she was going to have their baby. He could decide from there on what he wanted to do about it.

TWENTY-SEVEN

Paris

Luc woke with the same empty feeling that had followed him everywhere he went for the past several weeks. He threw on some shorts and running shoes, then stepped onto the treadmill in his home office. He needed to clear his head before his meetings and running would be the best way.

As he started off at a light jog, his mind wandered to Megan and what she might be doing at that moment. It was his latest obsession and it was the most torturous one he had ever entertained. He would calculate the time in Boulder and then imagine what Megan was doing. Right now, it would be the middle of the night for her. Was she in bed with Ian right now? The image tore at his already shredded heart, causing him to pick up the pace to a full-out run, as though each powerful stride could carry him away from the pain of losing her.

Staring out the window in front of him, he took in the familiar sight of the Parisian skyline. Rain fell lightly over his city, the dark clouds looking as though they would be settling in for a long stay. They suited Luc’s mood perfectly. He felt dark and empty and angry. He was angry at himself for not being more than he was, for not being capable of something as simple as love. He had had everything in the palm of his hand, and he had let it slip through his fingers because he had been too frightened to just admit the truth when he had his chance.

He glanced over to his desk, seeing the little green soldier crouched near his computer, aiming at him. Luc was overcome by a sudden pang of regret. Elliott. Luc thought of Elliott’s questions the morning he had left. It was all so uncomplicated to a child. Luc was rich, he could live anywhere, so why not with them? Luc could see now that it could have been that simple, but it was too late now. Megan had moved on without him, and there was nothing he could or should do to try to win her back.

Luc heard a sound at the front door. It was Simone, letting herself in, a habit he wished he had not allowed her to get into in the first place. It definitely blurred the line for her of what she was to him. He continued to run, pretending he hadn’t heard her. A moment later, she knocked on the open door of his office. He turned and gave her a little nod. He could feel her staring at him as he slowed the machine down to a stop and got off, mentally making note of the fact that he should wear a shirt on workdays.

“Here,” she said, throwing a hand towel to him, her eyes shifting from his broad shoulders down to his abs. He caught it with one hand and began to mop his forehead.

“Thank you,” he replied. “How are you?”

“Fine. What’s wrong? You look like you’ve been brooding again.” There was something about the way she said it that smacked of disgust. She knew he had come home from his last trip to the US upset.

“I’m fine,” he replied curtly. “I’m going to have a quick shower, and then you can fill me in on today’s agenda.”

Simone was standing in the doorway, and he had to brush past her to exit the room. He avoided looking at her as he walked out. She plunked herself into his chair and turned on his computer, drumming her fingers on his desk restlessly as she waited for it to boot up. The image of his glistening, sculpted body, dressed only in shorts, filled her mind. He was just down the hall, naked at that very moment, showering. Simone ached to strip down, step into the shower with him and let her hands run over every magnificent inch of him. She could feel herself becoming wet with desire, which happened more often than she’d care to admit when it came to her boss.

She opened his email inbox, seeing that he had received a message from Megan. She listened for a second and could hear the shower still running. Opening the email, she could feel her heart in her throat, knowing this was both wrong and risky. She just had to know what Megan wanted to tell him.

Dear Luc,

I am writing because I have some news that will shock you, and I want to give you time to digest it before we speak. I have just discovered that I am carrying your child. I found out yesterday and am probably experiencing the same feelings that you will now that you know. I’m completely terrified.

I have wrestled with the idea of not allowing this life to grow inside me, knowing that things are over between us and that this will complicate both of our lives in ways we never wanted. I can’t bring myself to end the pregnancy, however. I didn’t realize until I found out about it that I very much want another child, a brother or sister for Elliott to love and who will love him and be his family when I’m gone.

I know this will not be welcome news for you, and I want to assure you that I don’t expect anything from you. I don’t want your money. I will add your name to the birth certificate only if you want me to. Otherwise, I will put Unknown. I am raising one child alone; I can manage two just as well.

I think of you every day, of how you used to look at me like I was the only woman in the world, of how tender you were, how you were so good to us when we needed you. And I chased you away, making you pay for Ian’s mistakes. I have regretted it every day since you left. I’m so sorry.

I won’t contact you again after this email. If I don’t hear from you, I will know that you don’t want to be a part of the baby’s life.