Breaking Skin (32 page)

I’m not used to this position and it takes a moment to find my rhythm, but once I do, his eyelids fall to half-mast and he moves along with me. Instinct takes over, driving me to go faster as I chase my release. My breath comes in harsh pants, and Cole’s hands dig into my hips while his eyes hold mine with a look so piercingly intimate, it’s like he can see parts of me I’ve never shown to anyone before. All at once, my muscles grip him tight, and I cry out as waves of pleasure break over me.

Cole tenses with a shuddering groan. When his muscles relax and his head falls to the side, I collapse limply onto his chest, my hair fanning out over his skin. His heart races beneath my ear and when it finally slows, he murmurs my name.

I look up to find his eyes closed and realize he didn’t say my name to get my attention. He said it just to hear it, or maybe to feel it on his lips.

Smiling, I lay my head back down and experience the strangest feeling. Its essence is unrestrained and hopeful. It whispers to me, saying I can have something good without it disappearing or slipping through my fingers. It tries to convince me that I deserve this. That all my struggles led me to this moment, and Cole is the goodness I had no idea was out there waiting for me.

M
y mood is uncharacteristically buoyant. I’m sure Langley will notice but she’s oblivious, chatting about soccer practice and how Charlotte, a popular girl who has never spoken to her before, offered Langley some of her grapes during their break.

“Was I supposed to send you with a snack?” I glance at her in the rearview mirror.

“Yes, but if you did, Charlotte might never have talked to me.”

“Glad I could help then.”

“What’s for dinner?”

“Shouldn’t we have lunch first?”

“Oh yeah. I forgot about lunch. Can we go to the store and get stuff to make our own pizza? We could put hot dogs on it and peppers. I love peppers.”

I wrinkle my nose. “Hot dogs and peppers?”

“And pickles too.” She giggles.

My eyes narrow. “Don’t forget tuna. I like tuna on my pizza.”

“Seriously? That’s so gross.”

Laughing, I turn into the driveway and agree to homemade pizza minus the pickles, tuna, and hot dogs. “After you shower,” I add, looking at the caked mud on her knees.

Langley runs ahead of me up the walkway and bends down to pick up something in front of the door.

“What’s that?” I ask as I step around her to put my key into the lock.

“An envelope.” She shoves a white envelope at me and walks into the house.

I turn it over and see no writing. There’s no stamp either, so someone must have left it here.

Siegfried walks out of the kitchen to greet me. After dropping my purse on the couch, I scratch behind his ear and rip open the envelope. Inside is what looks like a photograph. Curious, I slip it out, and the person I see there makes me take a step back as the picture falls to the floor.

It falls image side up, and my heart pounds as I look down at it. The photo is of my father sitting on a couch in a room I don’t recognize. His hair is slightly grayer than I remember.

I haven’t seen his likeness since I moved away from home. Laying my eyes on him now, even in a photograph, feels like black sludge sliding over my skin, contaminating the happiness I felt only a moment ago, before I opened the envelope.

“Aunt Nikki!” Langley comes running down the stairs. “Can we get ice cream too?”

“Sure.” I grab the photograph and shove it back into the envelope.

Langley looks at the open envelope in my hand. “What’s in there?”

“It’s nothing. Have you found envelopes like this on the doorstep before?”

Langley nods. “One time.”

When she turns to walk away, I grab her arm. “When?”

Surprise flits across her face, and I realize how harsh I sound. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. Do you remember when?”

Langley’s wide eyes move between the envelope and my face. “What’s in there, Aunt Nikki?”

My lips press together. I don’t want to show her, but it’s only a photograph. It can’t hurt her.
He
can hurt her.

“It’s a picture of my father, your grandfather.”

“Can I see?”

Reluctantly, I take the picture from the envelope. “Have you seen a picture of him before?”

“Grandma showed me some.” She eyes it curiously.

“Do you remember when the other envelope came? Was it recently?”

“I think it was after our game with Sunnyvale last month. Do you think the other envelope had a picture in it too?”

Maybe
. I sigh and rub my forehead. “I don’t know.”

“I don’t get it. Why was this picture left at our door?”

Langley pulls open the front door and steps outside. Her gaze goes to the woods at the end of the cul-de-sac. “It looks like the same jacket.”

“What?”

I take the picture from her hand and look at again. I was so startled to see my father’s face, I didn’t notice he’s wearing the army jacket in the photo. I stare out at the woods now too with my heart lodged inside my throat.

“My grandfather’s dead, right?” Langley asks, her voice a hesitant whisper. “Mom told me he died.”

“He did. I’m sure the man you saw just has the same jacket. A lot of people have jackets like that.”

Too late, I realize it was probably a mistake to show her the photograph, because now she looks spooked. If the first envelope contained a similar picture, maybe Renee was spooked too. If I’m being honest with myself, they’re not the only ones.

My gaze lingers on the woods before I follow her into the house and close the door behind me.

The last thing I want is for Langley to know how uneasy I am. So we go to the grocery store as planned and buy everything we need to make pizza. If Langley is still thinking about the photograph when we get home, she doesn’t mention it. By the time lunch is over and the kitchen is cleaned up, I’m exhausted by the smile I’ve forced myself to wear all afternoon.

When Langley asks if she can watch television in the family room, I say yes without hesitation and tell her I’m going to take Siegfried into the backyard for a little while. Before I go outside, I make sure the front door is locked and then I text Cole, hoping he’s home.

I’ve only been outside for a few minutes when he steps out onto his deck and grins at me across the distance. I smile back but it’s weak and stiff, and when he’s close enough, he notices.

“Hey,” he says as he leans down to give me a soft kiss. “Something wrong?”

I hold the envelope out to him. “This was on the doorstep when we got back from soccer.”

He gives me a curious look as he takes it.

“That’s my father,” I explain as he pulls out the picture.

He turns the envelope over and examines it the same way I did.

“Someone just left it. I don’t know where it was taken, but he looks older than I remember so it was probably after he moved out. And he’s wearing the army jacket. I showed the picture to Langley, and she said it looks like the same jacket the man she saw in the woods wearing. He must have left the photograph.”

Cole looks at me. “What happened to your father’s things when he died?”

“I don’t know.”

“You said when your mother went to ask him to move back in, he was living with a woman.”

I nod. “I suppose she could have his jacket and photographs of him. But Langley said the person in the woods is a man. She also said this wasn’t the first envelope left on the doorstep. There was another one last month.”

He hands back the envelope with a dark expression.

“This has something to do with why Renee left. If the other photograph was of my father and Renee already believed she saw him watching her from the woods, who knows what she was thinking.”

“She wouldn’t run and leave Langley behind if she thought there was any danger, would she?”

I cross my arms over my chest, unsure what to say because I don’t know the answer. I would hope not, but I just don’t know.

Cole sighs and rubs his neck, an unfamiliar tightness in his face and dark shadows beneath his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

He nods and glances away, but now that I think of it, he looks pale too.

“Cole?”

He expels a heavy breath. “It’s just a headache.”

“Are you sure, because—”

“We need to find out what happened to your father’s things. Who would know the name of the woman he was living with? Your mother?”

I can’t ignore the fact that Cole’s in pain. “Can you take something for it?”

His mouth presses into a firm line. “I did. Nothing touches it. I just have to wait it out.”

“How often do you get them?”

“I don’t want to fucking talk about a headache when there’s some psycho leaving pictures on your doorstep.”

My mouth clamps shut.

Cole squeezes his eyes closed and tilts his face toward the sky. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

When he opens his eyes and looks at me again, his regret and frustration are evident.

I appreciate the apology, but he already has enough to deal with. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I keep laying my problems at your feet when you’re already dealing with so much.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t. I’m glad you told me. If I don’t know, I can’t help you.”

I hate how much he’s hurting and trying not to show it. “What can I do for you? How can I help you?”

A soft smile appears. “Just knowing you want to helps.”

I’m glad for that but I wish I could do something.

“You should talk to your mother,” he says. “Find out who the woman was and if she was living with him when he passed away. I know you don’t want to see your mother, but I’ll go with you.”

Just the thought of seeing her makes my stomach hurt, and I would never subject Cole to her.

“Not my mother,” I say. “On Monday, when Langley’s at school, I’ll go down to the post office in San Mateo where my father worked. Maybe someone there knows who she was.”

“The post office here in town is open on Saturdays. I bet San Mateo’s is too. I can go over there now and ask some questions.”

I look at him carefully and shake my head. “I can’t let you do that. You should be resting and taking care of yourself.”

“It’s not a matter of you letting me do it.”

It’s the same thing he said when I told him I couldn’t afford a detective and he went ahead and hired one himself. So far, the detective has found no trace of Renee.

“Cole.”

He waits and listens, but I don’t know what I can say to change his mind. The look in his eyes is one of uncompromising determination, and I feel myself caving. To argue with him would be futile.

“I’d go with you but I’d have to bring Langley, and I don’t want her to know what’s going on,” I say weakly.

“Of course you don’t.” He glances at the house before he presses a soft kiss to my lips. “Does she know what’s going on with us?”

I shake my head. “Langley knows we’ve become friends, but I don’t think she suspects more. They other day she told me she knows that I like you. Then she said her mother likes you too.”

“Nikki—”

“I know.” I hold my hand up. “You don’t have to explain. I believe you about Renee. But I’d rather not say anything to Langley right now. I don’t know what she thinks about you and Renee, and I don’t want to give her anything more to worry about.”

“If that’s what you want.” He scratches his cheek, and I can tell that he doesn’t like what I said. Then he leans down and kisses me. “I’d better get to the post office before it closes. I don’t know your father’s first name.”

To my surprise, I hesitate, as if saying his name could somehow conjure him up. “Ronald Taylor or just Ron,” I say and then clear my throat of the sound. “That’s what he went by.”

Cole reaches out and touches my cheek. “I’ll call you if I find out anything.”

Then he leaves and I stand there for the longest time thinking about him. I don’t like seeing him in pain, and I don’t like secrets. But since Langley said Renee likes Cole, I’ve had a knot in the pit of my stomach. I want to ignore it, but each time I remember why it’s there, it twists a little tighter.

Before I go back inside, I leave another message on Renee’s voice mail. It occurs to me she must be accessing her voice mail or her mailbox would be full by now. She could be deleting messages without ever listening to them, but in case she isn’t, I’ll keep leaving them to let her know she’s loved and missed.

I won’t give up, especially now that I understand more, or at least I think I do.