Breaking Tackles: A Taking Flight Novel (10 page)

Courtney

Just as I grab my backpack and the suitcase of clothes from the backseat, my phone dings. I’m sure it’s Adam, asking how dorm move-in is going.

Since I returned to Missouri from my trip to New Orleans, things have been a little weird between us. He knows that something happened with me in the bathroom. He asked the next day if I needed to talk about anything, but I shrugged him off because how do you tell your fiancée that you put on lingerie that you bought so that you’d feel beautiful when you have sex for the first time, and then when you looked in the mirror realized that you looked like you were stuffed in sausage casing?

I had tried the underwear on when I bought it, and under the soft lights in the dressing room I thought I looked great. Curvy, sure, but the red lace made me feel sexy and buxom. Then, under the harsher lights in his bathroom, all I could see was cellulite and skin spilling over the fabric in a way that made it look like the underwear was too small.

I froze. I couldn’t stop looking at everything that was wrong. Suddenly, I knew that that was how Adam would see me if I stepped out of the bathroom in the bra and underwear. I felt, for the first time, ashamed of my body.

I made a decision that night. I’m going to change how I look. I’m going to diet and get in shape, and when I feel good about myself and my body, I’ll be ready to have sex.

Letting the call go to voice mail, I close the back door of my car with my hip and head to the dorm to check in and get my room key. Once I have everything, I head to the elevator, but then think better of it—the room is only on the fourth floor. Taking the stairs will be good for me.

When I get to the room, a bit out of breath, I unlock the door and walk in to survey the space. I already know that this room is going to be completely different from the tiny, cinder-block box I shared with another girl last year. This one is suite style, with three bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchenette, and a living room.

What I don’t expect to see is a towel-clad Luke coming out of the bathroom.

“Whoa,” I say, halting in the doorway.

“Courtney! Hey, sorry,” he says. “I’ll, uh, go to Sophie’s room.”

“Courtney?” Sophie says from behind the door.

“Hey, Soph.”

She opens the door and comes out into the hallway, wearing only a pair of shorts and a bra. I’d never have the confidence to do that. “Hey! I just called to find out what time you’d get here.”

“Yeah, I got it as I was getting stuff out of my car. I figured it was early enough that I’d be the first one here. Guess I should have checked my phone.”

“Whatever,” she says, as if me catching her boyfriend nearly naked is no big deal. Maybe to her it isn’t. “I’m just glad you’re here! I’ll finish getting dressed and help you move the rest of your stuff in.”

“Me, too,” Luke says.

I move to my bedroom, which is thankfully on the other side of the suite, and wonder why in the world it never occurred to me that being roommates with Sophie would also mean being roommates with Luke.

Figuring they’ll be longer than it would normally take a person to change clothes, I start unpacking my suitcase and putting things away. I set a few pictures on my desk: the one of me and Adam from the night of the draft, a group shot from the spring break ski trip, and a photo of me and the girls tailgating last year. I hear Sophie yell, “We’re ready when you are!”

After the next trip to my car, we’ve carried up the rest of my stuff and, after dumping it in my room, we sit on the couch in the living room.

“Is Kate able to meet us for lunch?” I ask.

“I don’t know,” Sophie says. “I’ll text and find out.”

“Are we picking Willa up from the airport?” Luke asks as Sophie taps out the text on her phone.

“No, her dad is gonna do that,” Sophie says. “I think she’s staying the night at his place tonight and moving in in the morning.”

“So how was New Orleans?” Luke asks me. “It was your first time there, right?”

“Yeah,” I say. “It was really good. The city is amazing.”

“Things are good with you and Adam?” Sophie asks.

“Yeah,” I say. “Obviously this is all a huge adjustment. But things are as good as they can be.”

“I’m dying to know, so I’m just going to ask,” Luke says. “Have you met any of the other team members?”

I can’t help but smile.

“You totally have and are holding out on us!” Sophie yells.

“I might have gone to a cookout at the Montgomery’s house.”

Sophie’s jaw drops and Luke says, “The Montgomerys. As in Jax and Melissa?”

“Uh huh.”

“You have to tell us everything immediately,” Sophie says. “Leave no detail undetailed. Especially about Melissa. Because I’m pretty sure she’s Wonder Woman.”

I smile and tell them about the party, glossing over the part about how awkward I felt around some of the other women. Kate texts back, saying that she won’t be free from her sorority stuff until tonight, so the three of us discuss lunch options.

“I’m feeling Mexican,” Luke says.

Sophie says, “And I want barbecue.”

The two of them look at me and I say, “Sorry, Sophie, but a burrito sounds damn good right now.”

“Fine,” she says. “But we’re getting barbecue for dinner.”

After lunch, Luke heads over to the Delta Tau house so that he’s around to help his fraternity brothers move in. Sophie and I go back to our dorm, each of us starting to settle in to our bedrooms as we finish unpacking and begin decorating.

Once my bed is made and things are tidy, I snap a picture and send it to Adam, my mom, and my brothers Ryan and Robert. They’re twins and at twenty-two, the closest in age to me. Not that my two eldest brothers wouldn’t be interested in my dorm room…but I don’t think they’d be as interested. Tony and Kent tend to be the brothers I go to for life advice or suggestions on how to be grown-up.

I head back out to the living room and flip on the TV. Some wedding reality show is on, and my first instinct is to change the channel immediately. But then I remember that
I’m
getting married. Maybe watching a show about weddings is a good idea.

Ten minutes in, I absolutely hate everyone on the television. The wedding planner is a snarky jerk, the bride is an emotional mess who keeps yelling at her friends and family, and instead of trying to be understanding and helpful, said friends and family keep telling her she’s a bridezilla.

What a nightmare.

“Whatcha watching?” Sophie asks, settling on the couch beside me.

“This horrible wedding show about horrible wedding people.”

She laughs and says, “
Wedding Wrecks
? Yeah, this show is awful. But kind of makes you feel more sane, right?”

“I guess,” I say, shaking my head. “God, if I ever act like any of those idiots, please smack the hell out of me.”

“Duly noted,” Sophie says, smiling. “I think Kate is going to come over in about an hour.”

“Oh, good.”

“Yeah. Nearly have the whole gang back together. I’ve missed y’all.”

“Me, too,” I say. I think back to how lonely I felt over the summer, “I really missed you guys this summer. A lot.”

Suddenly, my throat feels thick with emotion and I’m blinking back tears.

“Hey,” Sophie says. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” I say, feeling dumb. “I don’t know why I just reacted like that.”

Sophie’s face softens and she says, “Well, your life has gone through a lot of upheaval lately.”

“Yeah,” I say. “I guess so.”

“But now you’re back and sophomore year is about to start and you have me and Kate and Willa. Things are going to be great.”

“I know,” I say.

“Is there something else?”

“I’ve just been feeling down lately, I think.”

“Why?”

I wrestle with whether or not to tell Sophie about the fact that I feel bad about myself. I used to look in the mirror and like what I saw. But now, I feel like all I see is an overweight, very average-looking girl who got lucky in landing an NFL player. Sophie, with her perfect, slim figure and unwavering confidence, would never be able to relate.

But she’s always been a great friend to me, so I take a deep breath and try to tell her.

“I don’t feel good about myself.”

“In what way?” she asks, furrowing her brows.

“I don’t think I’m very pretty. I need to lose weight.”

Sophie’s brow furrows deeper and she purses her lips before saying, “Well, if you feel like you need to lose weight, there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t think you look like you need to lose weight, but if you think that’s the best decision for yourself and that it will make you feel better, then I think you should do it.”

I nod, seeing the sense in that.

“I’ve never really been on a diet or anything before. I don’t even know where to start,” I say.

“I think the whole idea is about being mindful about what you’re putting in your body. Instead of grabbing whatever sounds good at the time, make a healthy, conscious choice about what your body needs instead of what’s convenient.”

“Right,” I say. “I can do that. More fruits and veggies, less junk food.”

“Exactly,” Sophie says. “But you’re not dieting tonight. Tonight, we eat barbecued meats and potato salad.”

I laugh and say, “Fair enough.”

“And Courtney?” Sophie says. “For the record, I think you’re very pretty. I’d kill for your curves.”

I smile in her direction and she says, “You know, Kate would probably have a heart attack if you told her you’d let her do your makeup. Maybe getting a makeover might help boost your ego.”

As if on cue, both our phones buzz with a text from Kate, letting us know that she’s downstairs.

“I’ll think about it,” I say, before asking, “Ready for your long-awaited barbecue?”

“Hell yes,” Sophie says. “Let’s eat!”