Breaking the Governess’s Rules (27 page)

L
ouisa marched towards the main house, her fury at Jonathon’s high-handed behaviour growing with each step. In many ways, she had behaved like poor deluded Annie. She had even begun to believe that she could return to that innocent girl she had been all those years ago.

Already it seemed like the battlements were frowning at her, telling her that she had no place at Chesterholm. Louisa angrily shook her head. Today was her chance to finally slay demons and to demonstrate how far she had come.

She started towards the terrace doors, but Jonathon appeared in the centre of them. His face was drawn, but fire flared in his eyes when he spied her.

‘You have returned far sooner than I thought you would,’ he said, coming forwards and taking her arm, leading her towards the little summer house at the end of the terrace.

‘Is that a problem?’

‘You are never where I want you to be. You left this morning before I had a chance to learn your plans.’

‘Roberts knew,’ Louisa replied evenly.

‘It was supposed to be all day. Roberts informed me that you were picnicking at the ruins. I had hoped to join you. Why did you return?’

‘I had to.’ Louisa regarded the flagstones. The speech she had carefully composed in her head only a few moments before had disappeared utterly from her brain. The only thing she could think of was Jonathon standing next to her, looking at her with concern in his face. ‘I met Margaret.’

‘My sister has not yet done me the pleasure of greeting me.’ His eyebrows knitted. ‘She chose you instead.’

‘She will greet you, but she is busy forming an alliance with Miss Blandish.’ Louisa tilted her head. Her stomach ached from its knots. He had to know why she had come back. He had to tell her where to find Venetia. ‘But will your stepmother approve of Miss Blandish? Her antecedents are hardly top drawer.’

‘Margaret is my concern, not my stepmother’s,’ Jonathon said in a low furious voice.

‘Your concern?’

‘Margaret is my ward.’

‘Where is your stepmother?’ Louisa said, unable to bear it any longer as the pain in her stomach became unbearable.

‘She is in the house.’

He moved swiftly, coming over to her. His hands lightly skimmed her shoulders. ‘For the moment. She will be leaving shortly. I have permitted her time to say
goodbye to Margaret. I am not vindictive. I only seek to protect those I care about.’

Protect those I care about.
She crossed her arms and took a step back despite the overwhelming urge to rest her head against his chest. He was right last night when he accused her of using him as a shield. She did not want that. She had never asked him to fight her battles. Her entire life was based on her standing on her own feet. His arms fell to his sides.

‘Do you mean me?’ she whispered.

‘Yes, I promised to protect you. There is no need for you to confront her. You have suffered enough.’

Louisa clenched her fists as a fierce anger swept through her. He sought to protect her by keeping her in ignorance! Was she so pathetic in his eyes that she could not even face speaking to the woman? How dare he! She slowly counted to ten and regained control.

‘Did I ask you to confront Venetia for me?’ she asked between gritted teeth.

‘It had to be done, Louisa, and done quickly. Venetia will no longer trouble us.’

Louisa stared at Jonathon in astonishment. He was serious. He thought she’d be pleased with what he had done. ‘You explained the situation to Venetia,’ she said slowly. ‘For my sake? Or for yours?’

‘You continue to underestimate me, Louisa.’ His voice turned cold. ‘I refused to have my sister Margaret used as a pawn in a game between my stepmother and me. The confrontation had to be done before Venetia could suspect a thing.’

‘Where is your stepmother?’

‘She has gone to wait for her daughter to say goodbye.’
He paused. ‘Travelling does not agree with Margaret, and Venetia shall be departing soon … for an extended journey to France and then to Switzerland. Arrangements are in hand.’

‘Truly?’ Louisa found it difficult to breathe. Mrs Ponsby-Smythe was leaving. There were a thousand questions she wanted to ask. And a stab of regret ran through her. Jonathon was not telling her what they had discussed. He was simply informing her that his stepmother had lied.

‘We agreed to differ. Margaret is to stay here with me. I am her legal guardian. My stepmother understands the law.’

‘Did you speak to her about me?’

He raised a brow. ‘It was unavoidable.’

‘I wish you would have waited. I wanted to be there. I wanted to speak to her, Jonathon. I surely have earned that right.’

‘You are determined to have your pound of flesh.’ He ran his fingers through his hair. ‘I cannot undo the past as much as I would like to.’

What exactly was he saying? That she was free to go? She hated the way her heart panged. ‘I live in the present, Jonathon. The past is something that happened.’

‘Ah, yes, the future. I presume you are running towards it with arms wide open.’

‘It is my future, Jonathon.’ Louisa wished he would take her in his arms and whisper words of love. He failed to understand that allowing him to fight her battles just made her dependent. ‘Is that all you wanted to say?’

‘Arthur needs a mother.’

‘No. I have no plans to marry you or anyone else.’

She hated the way her heart screamed, but she could not do that. She refused to be tied to a man who kept her in ignorance, who decided what was best for her. She wanted to be an equal, not a doll.

‘I was wrong to make you come here.’ He pressed his fingers against the table.

Louisa concentrated on keeping upright. When she got to her room, she’d weep. Her future would become as she had planned—no marriage, no large house, simply a cottage in Sorrento and the people she knew there. She knew she should be happy, but it felt as if all the light and bubbles had gone from the world. ‘I am pleased you have seen sense.’

‘I only wanted to do what was right, Louisa.’ He inclined his head. ‘I would have protected you if you had let me.’

‘By keeping me in ignorance! No, you wanted to protect the girl you thought I was. This type of protection would have destroyed me.’ She gave her head a small shake. ‘You know little about me and my life now. What I truly desire.’

‘If that is what you want to believe.’ He stood with the cool shadows of the summer house obscuring his features. Louisa longed to lay her head against his chest and say that she wanted him in her life, but she did not dare, not when he was in this mood.

‘And how much do you know of me? The man I am now? Or do you still mourn your long-ago lover?’ A faint smile touched his lips. ‘Give me a chance to prove that I do know this new you. Let us face the future together.’

‘I gave Miss Daphne my word. I will stay as long as
she stays.’ Louisa gathered what dignity she had left. She had to go from the summer house, or she’d be in his arms. ‘I expect to speak with your stepmother before she leaves. Please arrange it for me. You owe me this, Jonathon. I deserve the chance to face her.’

‘It will be arranged.’ He made a perfect bow. ‘Is it ever lonely standing on your pedestal, Louisa?’

Louisa used the strength remaining in her legs to carry her away from the summer house and into the hallway. She laid her cheek against the smooth wooden panelling. Half of her hoped he would come after her and the other half was delighted when he didn’t.

‘You are being awfully quiet,’ Miss Daphne said, reaching for her cameo brooch. ‘You have scarcely said a word since I returned from the Roman remains. I thought you would be bubbling over with news. You were wrong to worry about that long-ago mishap. Margaret Ponsby-Smythe was overjoyed to see you. It is a pity her mother is ill, but then Venetia Ponsby-Smythe always hated travelling.’

‘I understand Mrs Ponsby-Smythe is leaving for France.’

‘Curious, that.’ Miss Daphne tapped a finger against her mouth. ‘I wonder if Nella knows the reason.’

‘I doubt it.’

Louisa thought about the packed valise in her room.

‘Would you mind very much if we returned to Italy soon?’

‘Does it have to do Mrs Ponsby-Smythe’s arrival?’

‘There are other considerations.’

Miss Daphne’s gaze sharpened. ‘If you blame my
nephew’s infatuation with Miss Blandish, I shall not believe you, Louisa. You encouraged it. You only have yourself to blame.’

‘It has to do with keeping my heart guarded as Miss Mattie admonished on her deathbed.’ Louisa regarded her hands. It was impossible to explain about her earlier fight with Jonathon and how he’d accused her of using him as a shield against her problems rather than really seeing him.

‘My sister had no idea what she was asking. Never risking your heart makes for an unhappy, unfulfilled life. If you need proof of that, look at Mattie’s life.’

‘She was well respected. Content.’

Miss Daphne waved an impatient hand. ‘You are attempting to distract me, Louisa.’

‘I am seeking to reassure you.’ Louisa rearranged the items on the dressing table, making sure the bottles of scent and the hairbrush were precisely placed.

‘And what if someone needs you here?’

‘Who?’

‘I need you here, Louisa. It is vital. You must remain with me at Chesterholm. You promised.’ Miss Daphne’s bottom lip trembled and she looked little older than Nella Blandish. ‘There are still things I need to do, things Mattie would have approved of.’

‘But the plan has nothing to do with me.’

‘Are you frightened by that awful Ponsby-Smythe woman?’

‘How do you know Mrs Ponsby-Smythe is awful? Many in the
ton
fawn on her. She always has vouchers to Almack’s. She is a friend of the Duchess of Kent, the new queen’s mother. Or at least it is what I always
understood.’ Louisa’s voice trailed off at Miss Daphne’s amused expression.

‘Venetia Ponsby-Smythe is considered to be a social climber
par excellence.
I remember when she made her début.’

‘But …’

‘If you listen to the servants, you can find out things. Half of the servants are already up in arms. Her imminent departure is being greeted as a miracle and a salvation. It is rumoured that she is going to a private clinic in Switzerland for her nerves.’

‘You listen to servants’ gossip?’ Louisa stared at Miss Daphne.

Miss Daphne laughed. ‘I listen to Nella. She listens. It is a terribly useful arrangement.’

‘It makes no difference to me.’ A steady ache grew behind Louisa’s eyes. Before, when she’d been with Jonathon, she’d wanted nothing more than to see Venetia, but now she was not sure. She had lost so much the last time she encountered Venetia. And she knew how much she stood to lose this time. ‘I have been too long from Sorrento. It is time for me to return. We should depart sooner rather than later.’

‘You are running away, Louisa. You proclaim your independence, but you wear shackles. You are just like Mattie.’ Miss Daphne shook her head. ‘I wonder that I failed to see it before.’

‘I am not running.’

‘Then fight your demons and win. Why are you giving her the satisfaction of departing from the field before the fight begins?’

‘It is my life to live how I please.’

Louisa put her hand to her throat. Miss Daphne knew that she cared. Did Jonathon? She hoped he had not guessed. But Miss Daphne was right. She needed to stand and fight. After all these years, it was her life to do with as she pleased. Mrs Ponsby-Smythe could not harm her without harming Jonathon or Arthur, or indeed Margaret’s prospects.

‘You want to take the coward’s way out. Just as Mattie took the coward’s way out all those years ago with Arthur Fanshaw. You are in love with Lord Chesterholm. Anyone who is not blind in both eyes can see that. And love frightens you.’

‘You are being foolishly sentimental.’ Louisa balanced the tincture bottle in her hand. ‘I suspect you have been taking a sip or two of this. It does you no good.’

‘And now you are going to try to start a fight by calling me an old fool or worse? Have you been fighting so long, Louisa, that you have forgotten who is on your side? I am. Always.’ She reached out her gnarled hand. ‘Always.’

Louisa tucked the white lace shawl more firmly about Miss Daphne’s shoulders. ‘I would never dream of fighting with you. I respect you too much. But England holds nothing for me.’

‘By the time you reach my age, Louisa, you cease being amazed at people. I can see it in your eyes. Something happened between you and Lord Chesterholm when you were stuck in the storm.’ Miss Daphne held up her hand, stopping Louisa’s words. ‘I have no wish to hear what it was, but it has unsettled you. You will not be able to truly put your past behind until you solve your differences with Lord Chesterholm. You are in
danger of becoming exactly like Mattie. So afraid of being hurt that you are frightened to live.’

‘Miss Mattie was the most alive person I knew.’ Louisa gazed at the mirror. ‘She took delight in telling the world around her. She was interested in so many things—cameos and Roman pottery. She carried on a vast correspondence.’