Breaking the Ice (34 page)

‘
You did what?’ Samantha asked, keeping a hold on the skater’s hair.

‘
I put scotch in Jimmy’s drink. Now please, let me go, you’re hurting,’ Dana begged, crying out loud.

Samantha let go of Dana’s hair and shoved her hard away causing her to fall into the sofa and knock Nigel’s cushion on the floor.

‘
There! The truth! At last! Did you hear it? Did you hear her admit it?’ Samantha questioned, staring wide-eyed at Nigel who was scrabbling on the floor for something to salvage his dignity.

‘
Yes, I heard,’ he replied.

‘
Good, that’s good. Well Jimmy seems to think you’re a fair man, so now you know the truth he can be back in the show regardless of who you wish to pleasure during your spare time - yes?’ Samantha spoke her voice verging on sounding triumphant.

‘
Sam, let’s go and get a drink,’ Jimmy suggested, taking her arm.

‘
No, not yet. Not until he says you’re back in the show. That’s what we’re here for, to see justice done. I couldn’t save the hall but at least I can get you back in the show where you belong,’ Samantha spoke, staying where she was, looking at Nigel and Dana.

‘
Sam, come on, let’s just go and get a drink. We can talk about it,’ Jimmy suggested, holding her hand.

‘
I don’t want a drink, I want him to say you’re back in the show. Why haven’t you said it yet?’ Samantha asked him.

‘
He won’t be telling me I’m back in the show,’ Jimmy told her bluntly.

Samantha turned to look at Jimmy, a bewildered expression on her face. She waited for an explanation, her mouth dry and her stomach contracting in anticipation of whatever she was about to hear.

‘
You should have done your homework Ms Manager, before you came storming in here. You don’t get back into the show when you’re an alcoholic who’s purchased a bottle of vodka. In the end Jimmy dug his own hole,’ Dana retorted a smug look on her face.

‘
Sam, come with me and let me explain,’ Jimmy spoke still holding her hand.

‘
I don’t understand. What’s happening here? She spiked your drink, you did nothing wrong and you’re not going to be reinstated in the show? Doesn’t he care about what she did? Did he know about it? Are they in this together?’ Samantha questioned as Jimmy led her to the door of the dressing room.

‘
Come on, I’ll get us some tea,’ Jimmy said, gently nudging Samantha towards the door as she began to cough violently.

A few minutes later Samantha found herself sat in the sound booth, looking down at the ice rink. It was beautiful and pure, white and glistening, and as empty as it had been the first time she had set eyes on it
a few weeks ago. So much had happened since then, so much was still happening. She felt exhausted. She wasn’t used to change and she wasn’t sure she liked even the idea of it. Anyway, change was what happened to other people.

The door opened and Jimmy entered, carrying two cups of tea. He had removed his skates and now had trainers on his feet. He handed Samantha one of the cups and sat down on the chair opposite her.

‘
It’s
camomile
- apparently they’re all out of blackberry,’ Jimmy remarked to her as he took a sip of his drink.

‘
What?! Out of blackberry?! They can’t be! We had a delivery yesterday - unless it was missed off the order. Who served you? Margaret or Mabel?’ Samantha questioned, becoming agitated.

‘
Sam, it doesn’t matter does it? Not for now,’ Jimmy spoke.

‘
No, it doesn’t matter. Let the place go to the dogs, it will all be rubble in a few months anyway,’ Samantha stated, placing her cup on the desk with a shaking hand.

‘
Don’t say that, you never know what might happen,’ Jimmy told her.

‘
No, I don’t any more do I? I used to know you know. I used to know exactly what would happen at every minute of every day and now I don’t. Now all I know is that nothing in life is fair. You think you can win, you think you know what’s right, you try your best and you don’t ask for much, just a fair chance. And then one day you wake up and you realise that life just isn’t like that! It’s hard and cold and mean and people lie and cheat and stamp all over you! And to top it all off they get rewarded for it!’ Samantha exclaimed.

‘
It isn’t like that, I don’t want you to think like that. The council’s decision is wrong, Dana is evil, but those things aren’t a true reflection of life as a whole. If we all thought like that then there’d be no hope for anyone or anything,’ Jimmy replied.

‘
Hooray! You get it! You’re catching on! That’s exactly what I’m saying. Everyone’s a liar and a cheat and people like that always seem to win. And me, plain old Samantha Smith, someone who’s done the right thing all her life has to watch everything she ever had and everything she ever wanted get trampled on,’ Samantha shrieked as she became hysterical.

‘
No, stop this. I don’t want you thinking like that. Leaving the show wasn’t about what Dana did or what Nigel said, or about how unfair life is - it’s about me,’ Jimmy stated, taking hold of Samantha’s hand and making her look at him.

‘
I don’t understand,’ Samantha replied, taking deep breaths.

‘
I told Nigel everything when I saw him earlier. There was no point telling him anything else. Despite the conclusion he jumped to yesterday he did give me a chance on this tour and I owed him the truth,’ Jimmy started.

‘
What truth? That witch spiked your drink,’ Samantha reminded him.

‘
I told him about buying the vodka. I told him I was angry because he didn’t believe me and my first thought was to have a drink to suppress that anger with alcohol,’ Jimmy explained.

‘
But why did you tell him? You didn’t drink it!
I
did,’ Samantha exclaimed.

‘
I told him because it proved that essentially his decision was right. I’m not strong enough yet if I can’t deal with things without my first thought being alcohol,’ Jimmy told her.

‘
But, the only reason you thought about it was because he didn’t believe you, because he didn’t trust you.
He
caused that reaction, the unfairness of his reaction caused you to think about drinking,’ Samantha told him with a sniff.

‘
Maybe, but the thoughts were mine and the action was mine. I bought the drink and I shouldn’t have,’ Jimmy responded.

‘
So what are you going to do now? Without the show? Are there other ice shows? There must be others, I mean, what are Torvill & Dean doing these days?’ Samantha asked him.

‘
I was going to talk to you about this tonight but I guess it can’t wait,’ Jimmy admitted a serious tone to his voice.

Samantha’s heart began to beat almost incessantly detecting his tone, frightened about what he was going to say next. She could feel the uncontrollable laughter rising up in her already.

‘
I’m going back to rehab,’ Jimmy told her.

Samantha laughed out loud and then coughed, her face turning almost purple such was the ferocity of the attack. She felt sick and panicked and she clutched at her chest, the pain like a thousand heavy duty kitchen knives.

‘
Hey, come on, there’s no need for that. It’s all going to be OK,’ Jimmy spoke, wrapping his arms around her as Samantha bent double, coughed and tried to keep breathing.

‘
OK? No, I don’t think so. I don’t think things are going to be OK, ever again,’ Samantha managed to speak.

‘
I need to go back Sam and see my
counsellor
. I need to go through the process again, I need to reaffirm my intentions and come out feeling one hundred percent able to get through it,’ Jimmy told her as he held her.

‘
But you are getting through it. You’ve been doing it - you didn’t drink,’ Samantha reminded him.

‘
No, but I was so close to drinking it’s scared me. I need reassurance. I need to know that I’m going to be strong enough to keep resisting it,’ Jimmy tried to explain.

‘
But I can - I can help you - here,’ Samantha said still struggling for breath.

‘
Oh Sam, you’ve already helped me, more than you realise. You’ve been like a breath of fresh air in my life,’ Jimmy told her, holding her face in his hands and gazing at her.

‘
But now you’re leaving. We spent the night together, just last night and you’re going. Didn’t it mean anything to you?’ Samantha asked desperately.

‘
Of course it did. It meant everything to me, I thought you knew that,’ Jimmy responded, smoothing down her hair with his hand.

Samantha just looked at him, tears threatening to spill from her eyes at any moment. She didn’t know what to say.

‘
Sam, I’m doing this for us - so we have the best chance,’ Jimmy told her sincerely his brown eyes looking into hers.

‘
I really don’t know how much more I can take,’ Samantha admitted, her shoulders beginning to heave with emotion.

‘
I know, but it’s going to be OK, I promise. We haven’t had the most conventional beginning but it can only get better and it will,’ Jimmy spoke as he took her in his arms and held her tightly to him.

He stroked her hair as she cried and then suddenly she moved out of his embrace and looked up at him again. She had had a flash of inspiration, a thought of pure genius. She could go with him. Yes, that’s what she would do. She didn’t wholly feel safe with the whole concept of flying, too many people, too flimsy a construction, but millions of other people did it all the time. If they could do it so could she! They would step out together in public, she would let Cleo dye her hair, she would go on an ‘eat nothing but your own body weight in lettuce’ diet and they would be a celebrity couple. She could be there supporting him while he did what he had to do. OK, so there would be a few cameras and reporters and people wanting to know every intimate thing about her. But she could cope with that couldn’t she? Just because she didn’t usually like her photo taken and hated talking about herself to anyone, didn’t mean that she couldn’t actually really do it if she put her mind to it. And she could put her mind to it for Jimmy.

‘
I could come with you,’ Samantha blurted out, swallowing a knot of fear as she conjured up images of her and Jimmy on Oprah talking about his alcohol issues and her panic attacks. She tried to envisage her newly dyed hair and matching luggage, carefully packed, and could almost see Cleo waving her off at the airport, wearing sunglasses and a new TopShop dress, pouting for the paparazzi.

‘
Oh Sam, it doesn’t work like that. Rehab is something you have to do on your own - completely on your own. You have no contact with the outside world at all - I won’t even be able to call you,’ Jimmy explained.

‘
But I could go to America with you. I could wait for you, in a hotel or something,’ Samantha told him, remembering an article she had once read about how many millions of viruses you could catch from air travel. She tried to erase it from her mind.

‘
America’s a big place Sam. You told me you get panicky when you go to another part of London. Let me tell you London has nothing on the vastness of the cities in the States,’ Jimmy responded.

Multi storey buildings rising up in front of her, hundreds of people all rushing somewhere, barking into their mobiles or walking tiny little dogs, and hundreds of yellow taxis all heading towards her beeping their horns. OK, now the
Oprah show was sounding positively tranquil.

‘
Well, when are you going? I mean in two weeks I won’t have anything to keep me here and I could go with you. I have to step outside of my box sometime, Cleo’s always telling me that,’ Samantha spoke banishing all imaginings from her mind.

That was just New York, he was
n’t going to New York, America was a big place, there was bound to be quiet there somewhere. Perhaps she could go to rehab too, she could certainly do with the rest.

‘
I’ve got a flight in the morning,’ Jimmy answered.

This time Samantha felt like her heart had actually stopped beating entirely. She could feel the colour draining away from her face, her hands felt icy cold and she knew she was trembling again. This was it. He was leaving her. He didn’t want her. He had spent one night with her and that was enough.

‘
You’re leaving tomorrow,’ Samantha said as best as she was able.

‘
Yeah,’ Jimmy replied.

‘
Tomorrow,’ Samantha said again, moving backwards on her wheeled chair, away from him.

She couldn’t be near him. What had she done? She thought he cared about her, she thought he found her liking black and white films cute and kooky.
He so obviously hadn’t.

‘
Yes, but I’m coming back. As soon as I’ve sorted myself out, the minute I know I’m ready I’ll be back,’ Jimmy told her.

‘
And how long will that take? Weeks? Months?’ Samantha questioned bitterly.

‘
I really don’t know. If I did I’d tell you, but you just can’t put a timescale on it,’ Jimmy spoke.

‘
You don’t know,’ Samantha repeated, getting off her chair and standing up.

‘
Sam, I
am
coming back,’ Jimmy reassured her.

‘
I don’t believe you,’ Samantha stated, her voice faltering as she avoided looking at him.