Breaking the Rules (49 page)

She and Ben had put on their regular clothes back at the wedding chapel, but Izzy still wore his dress uniform. He stood in the little foyer rather awkwardly, holding his duffel bag—a gleaming white monolith of a man, with rows of ribbons on his chest.

Ben had counted them before the ceremony. He had exactly the same number as Danny.

“I think it’s better if I camp out here, with Ben, tonight,” Izzy said to Eden, his voice low, as she emerged from the bedroom to get clean sheets from the hall closet.

“Oh,” she said. His words had stopped her in her tracks, and she glanced quickly over at Ben, who lowered his head, pretending he was focused on pricking his finger and testing his blood.

“I think it’s … best,” Izzy said again. “We need to talk and … I’m sorry, but I’m too tired to do it tonight.”

Eden turned away from him. “You can have the bedroom,” she said. “I’ll sleep out here.”

“I’m not going to put you out of your own bed.”

“It’s not my bed,” she told him. “It’s just the bed where I sleep. So it really doesn’t matter.”

“If it doesn’t matter,” Izzy started, “then—”

“For the love of God,” Ben interrupted them, “just flip a coin. Or better yet, apologize to each other. Everyone makes mistakes. Get over it, and move on!”

They both turned and stared at him.

“What’s your reading?” Eden asked.

Jesus. “I’m okay,” Ben said. “Will you just—”

But she’d already turned back to Izzy. “If the mattress on the floor is too uncomfortable—”

“It’s fine,” he told her.

“But if it’s not …”

“I’ll tell you,” Izzy said, “and we can trade.”

“Fine,” she said, and went into the bedroom and closed the door.

Izzy took his bag into the bathroom and closed
that
door, leaving Ben alone in the silence. This was even more fun than that awkward car ride home.

The SEAL wasn’t in the bathroom for very long. The toilet flushed, the water ran in the sink, and he came out in a T-shirt and boxers, still carrying his bag. He set it on the coffee table that had been pushed aside to make room for both mattresses, and flopped down on the larger one, pulling the sheets and blankets over him. “Get the lights when you’re ready to turn in, kid,” he mumbled. “No need to rush, I can sleep through a hurricane.” But then he opened his eyes and lifted his head. “Stupid thing to say. Sorry about that.”

“Whatever,” Ben said with a shrug.

“You okay on that smaller mattress?” he asked.

“It’s fine,” Ben told him, inwardly rolling his eyes. They were all fine. Everything was fine. Except it wasn’t. It was very, very un-fine. “Izzy, come on. You’ve got to go in there and talk to her. I know she’s not perfect, but you’re not, either. I mean, Jesus …”

But Izzy just shook his head. “I can’t do it right now,” he said. “I’m
still so …” He sighed heavily. “I’m angry—I’m not going to lie to you about that. But I haven’t done more than nap in two days, and I need to sleep before … Really, Ben, there’re times when talking doesn’t help. It only makes it worse, if you can’t be careful about what you say and how you say it. And I can’t, right now. I know myself well enough to … I’ll talk to her in the morning, I promise.”

Ben nodded, but he knew the truth.

They weren’t talking tonight, because
he
was here. And they wouldn’t really talk tomorrow, either, because Ben would still be in the way. They weren’t going to talk until they had real privacy, by which point it could well be too late.

Izzy had put his head back down on the pillow and it was possible he was already asleep.

Ben turned off the lights and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth, wishing that he’d never stopped to talk to Neesha in the mall. And yet, at the same time, he was glad that he had. Because without Eden’s help tonight, Neesha would have been killed.

Tomorrow? He was going to go out and find her. And he was going to persuade her to come home with him, and sit down with Danny and Izzy and Eden and Jenn. They would know what to do, and they would make sure that she was safe.

And maybe having someone with bigger problems to deal with would help Izzy and Eden realize that life was too short to throw away their relationship.

God, he hoped so …

For the first time in years, Ben had started looking forward to the future. Having Danny and Eden in his life again was a miracle he’d never dreamed possible. And then to add in both Izzy and Jenn …?

Over the past few days, he’d had a glimpse of what life with them would be like.

And after the hell of Crossroads and the purgatory that had been his life with Greg, it was nirvana.

It wouldn’t be perfect. He knew that. Money was and would
remain an issue. And it wouldn’t be easy, either, when Danny and Izzy went overseas.

But there would be laughter.

And he would be hugged.

Even when he was little, Eden had been the only one who’d ever hugged him. But over the past few days, he’d been hugged by Izzy and Jenn and even Danny, too. That had been weird, and Ben had been surprised and he’d frozen before he could hug his brother back. But he’d hugged Danny tonight, after the wedding and …

It was amazing how such a little, seemingly insignificant thing could matter so much. It was amazing how quickly he could move from feeling isolated, desperate, and alone, to feeling surrounded by love and genuine affection.

Ben still didn’t quite feel completely safe, but that would change the moment they got into their car and drove away from this city and Greg. And yes, it was a little scary to think about living in San Diego. He’d never been there, not even to visit, and he had no idea what it would be like. School would probably suck, but school was probably going to suck wherever he lived.

It would be bearable, though, knowing he had a place to go—a home—where he could be himself, where he was
loved
for being himself.

Ben looked at himself in the bathroom mirror as he put his toothbrush back in the cup Eden had put out for him. With Dan, Jenni, and Izzy all staying here, all four of the slots had already been filled in the holder that stuck out from the wall.

Except, they weren’t. Not anymore.

There was an empty spot.

Which meant that Izzy had already packed his toothbrush.

Whatever talk he was intending to have with Eden in the morning? It was highly likely that it would include the word
good-bye
. That is, if he wasn’t lying to Ben, and was, in truth, planning to sneak away before the break of dawn, the way so many of Ivette’s countless boyfriends had done.

If Deshawndra were here, she would urge Ben to act. Helping Neesha
could
bring Izzy and Eden together. He could find the girl and kill two birds with one stone.

He could practically hear her voice:
Neesha needs your help. So do those two fools, sleeping in two separate beds tonight. Don’t wait for them—you’ll be waiting forever
.

But … The men who were after Neesha knew what Ben looked like. They were armed. And dangerous. He couldn’t just go to the mall and look for her.

But people see what they expect to see. You made yourself stand out. Now make yourself blend in
.

Ben leaned in close to look at his hair in the bathroom mirror. His roots were showing, but to get rid of the black dye job, he’d have to give himself a buzz cut. And he wasn’t ready for that.

No, instead he’d go blond. There was a twenty-four-hour drugstore down on the corner. He could sneak out and pick up some Miss Clairol Whatever and be back here in a matter of minutes. He could bleach and color and even cut his hair tonight, and be ready to pop on over to the mall first thing in the morning, stopping at the Salvation Army to trade in his black jeans and T-shirt for a pair of shorts and a shirt in bright colors.

Once he did that?

Without his Goth costume and makeup, his own brother and sister wouldn’t recognize him.

Do it
.

Ben left the bathroom and went back into the living room, where Izzy was sleeping soundly. He crept past him and lifted the chair cushion under which he’d hidden the stash of money that Izzy and Eden had removed from its hiding place in Greg and Ivette’s house. He didn’t take the entire envelope—he just grabbed a couple of twenties, because he was uncertain as to how much the hair color kit would cost.

One thing he
did
know? Coloring his hair was going to smell. When he’d dyed his hair black, it had stunk to high heavens.

With a little luck, both Eden and Izzy would sleep through it. If not, he would play dumb.
I couldn’t sleep, and I wanted a change …

Ben pocketed the money and turned off all the lights, and with his clothes and sneakers still on, he climbed beneath the sheets and blankets on the twin-sized air mattress. All he had to do was wait for Eden to emerge from her bedroom to use the bathroom, and mumble good night as if he were already falling asleep …

Then, after she went into her room, he could dash down to the drugstore and be back without either of them ever knowing he’d been gone.

Jenn didn’t let Danny carry her over the threshold when they went into the hotel honeymoon suite.

It was more than merely impractical when it came to caring for his recent injury. It was … too much for her to take after the wedding vows and the rings and that incredible kiss he’d given her at Mr. Fudd’s command …

You may kiss the bride
.

She felt as if she were doing role-playing make-believe with a lover who was far more into the game than she was.

It was doubly strange, because she’d always thought of Danny as someone who had a little trouble living in the moment. He worried a great deal about his family responsibilities, and he always seemed to carry those worries with him.

And yes, she knew he had to be different when out on one of his SEAL team missions. He would have to focus intensely, in order to keep himself and his teammates out of peril. Jenn suspected, at those times, that he compartmentalized and just pushed everything else aside.

Kind of the way he was doing right now.

Tonight,
she
was his full focus, and it was rather disarming.

She’d felt that focus before—on the night that he’d seduced her.
He’d pretended to read her palm and, because of the lines on her hand, accused her of being too pragmatic.

She’d proven him wrong by leaping into bed with him. Or maybe she’d proven him right, because having sex with men she’d just met was not in her usual no-nonsense repertoire.

Of course, Jenn had outdone herself tonight, in terms of nonpragmatic behavior. Or maybe this
was
pragmatic—marrying a man in order to help him save his brother from a terrible, life-threatening situation at home. But it should have been done quickly and quietly—matter-of-factly, minus the trumpet fanfare.

It definitely had felt weird to do it
this
way, all fancy and formal, with the dress and the uniform and the flowers and the pictures and the honeymoon suite.

Still, Dan was so clearly enjoying the entire experience, Jenn didn’t have the heart not to smile back at him as he opened the bottle of champagne that had been waiting for them in their suite, chilling in a bucket of ice.

There were roses, too—three giant bouquets—strategically placed around the spacious room.

Everything was lovely—and Danny was, too, dressed as he was all in white, with those colorful rows of ribbons adorning his broad chest.

He poured them both glasses and handed her one and smiled into her eyes as he touched his flute to hers and gave a toast. “To my beautiful wife, Mrs. Jennilyn Gillman.”

She’d surprised him at the chapel, when she’d declined to keep her own name. He’d clearly expected her to. He’d also clearly been charmingly pleased that she hadn’t, and she didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was a strategic move on her part. Although she had no idea if presenting such a unified front would help them gain custody of Ben, she knew it would be useful in the coming months when dealing with his schoolteachers and doctors—with all of whom she expected to have a large amount of contact.

And okay, yeah, maybe she
was
also guilty of being sappy and
sentimental, but part of her liked the fantasy elements that accompanied the tradition of a woman taking her man’s name. There was a sense of ownership there that went both ways. She was his woman, his wife. And he was her husband, her man.

And she certainly liked the idea of Dan Gillman being
her man
.

“You’ve been really quiet,” he said now as he gazed at her with those chocolate-brown eyes. “Are you okay?”

“I’m a little freaked out,” she admitted, taking another sip from her elegant glass.

“I’m not,” he said as he set his wineglass on the sideboard, his movement sure and commanding. Maybe it was the uniform, but he seemed bigger, too. Older and supremely confident. Not that he wasn’t all those things before, but somehow, tonight, it was amplified. “I
was
, though—a little bit. Right before the ceremony.” He smiled. “Zanella actually thought I was going to faint. I mean, I wasn’t, but … I guess I was looking a little pale. I
do
remember thinking,
Holy shit.
”

“I think that’s where I am right now,” Jenn confessed.

“Mine was a good
holy shit,
” he said as he took her glass from her and set it down next to his, turning back to her with a smile.

“Mine’s … heavy disbelief,” she told him. “Mixed with a little fear, you know. Of the unknown.”

He laughed as he took her hand and gently pulled her into his arms. She had to tilt her head to look up into his eyes, which was very nice.

“That’s kind of funny,” he told her, “because for the first time in forever, with you by my side? I feel like I can finally handle anything that the future brings.”

His soft words made him romance incarnate, but he took it a giant step further by leaning down, taking his time to look into her eyes before kissing her. It was a replay of the kiss he’d given her in the chapel. Sweet but thorough. Tender but laced with fire. And Jenn felt herself melting as she kissed him back.