Breaking the Rules: The Honeybees, book 1 (14 page)

And as I got to know Devin better each time we spent time together, I fell for him harder and harder. I could no longer deny it: I couldn’t resist him, even though falling for someone was a terrifying emotional roller coaster.
 

In March, Devin went home to spent a week with his family in Denver, and I missed him like crazy. Taco lived with me while he was gone, and the dog and I fell into a comfortable routine of running together in the mornings and playing when I got home from work.
 

But I could tell Taco missed Devin too. Every time he heard a noise outside, his ears perked up like he thought Devin was about to knock on the door. Maybe I was reading too much into it, but as I got more and more attuned to Taco, I felt like I could understand what he was thinking in a way I’d never encountered before with a pet.

I passed the time waiting for Devin’s return by spending time with my own family and particularly with my older sister, January, and her fiancé, Ben, but the week dragged without Devin. We texted every day, but nothing was the same without him—the marathon training sessions were boring and monotonous without his jovial presence, and everyday runs were boring. I fell back into my old, boring habits when I cooked, and wished he were there to spice things up.

Devin had left his car with me, and I’d eagerly offered to pick him up from the airport when he got back. As the day got closer, I got increasingly giddy at the prospect of seeing Devin again.
 

Thank god for the vibrator Caroline had encouraged me to buy. Although Devin wasn’t gone for long, objectively speaking, some days it felt like the vibrator was the only thing keeping me sane in his absence.

On Friday, the day of his arrival, I was almost overwhelmed with excitement. His flight got in at seven, so I had a few hours after work to get home, shower, and change clothes before going to get him. I was so eager that I was all ready to go half an hour early. Rather than circling the arrivals gate at the airport, I decided to soothe my nerves by lying back on my bed and using the vibrator one last time before seeing Devin again.
 

When I was done, though, I checked the clock and realized the time had flown—I was now almost running late! I jumped out of bed, Taco rushing to see what the hurry was and join in the fun. I washed the toy quickly and shoved it in a drawer, then grabbed my purse and gave Taco a quick pat on the head.
 

“I’ll be back soon,” I told him. “And when I get back, I’ll have Devin with me!” He seemed to get more excited at the name, though maybe it was just a reflection of my own excitement.
 

Half an hour later, pulling up outside San Francisco International Airport, my stomach turned a flip-flop. Just a couple of minutes later, I got a text from Devin: “Just got my bags. Heading outside!” And when I looked up, there he was, coming through the doors. Devin. My boyfriend.

It was still strange to me to use that word for Devin. But I liked it.
 

I jumped out of the car to greet him. He dropped his two suitcases and wrapped me up in a huge bear hug. “I missed you so much, Sophie,” he said, and I sunk into his soft coat and firm chest beneath it.
 

“I missed you too. I’m so glad you’re back.”

He leaned down and kissed me, and it was just as magical as that very first time. I wondered if Devin’s lips would ever get old. I hoped not.
 

Taking one of his suitcases in one hand, I grabbed his hand in the other and led him to my car.
 

“Tell me all about your trip,” I said as I eased the car toward the freeway.
 

“It was nice,” he said. “We did some hiking in the mountains. And my sister-in-law is pregnant, so there was lots of talk of babies.”

“That’s exciting!” I said, and without meaning to pictured what a child Devin and I had together might look like before demanding to myself to stop it. Practical, pragmatic me—getting way ahead of myself like someone who let her emotions get the best of her. Totally unlike me.
 

“How’s your sister?” he asked, breaking through my thoughts.
 

“She’s good,” I said. “Her perfume is going to be released in two months, so it’s all finished, she’s just finishing up the decisions about what the packaging will look like.”

“That’s exciting,” he said.
 

“Yeah, I’m so impressed with her. She’s really come a long way, and it’s all happened so fast.” January had agonized over all the details of her perfume after getting a contract to develop and release the fragrance after appearing on a reality TV show over the summer. To be honest, though, I was glad the holidays were over and I didn’t have to hear about the details of the perfume development process anymore. For someone not in the industry, listening to her discuss the differences between synthetic and natural scents had gotten a little tedious. And if I was totally honest with myself, it was hard sometimes to be around her when everything in her life was going so well: her dream job, a wonderful fiancé, thin, pretty—exactly where I wanted my life to be.

“So…” I looked up at him shyly. “Are you eager to get home? Or do you want to come to my place first?”

He grinned at me, that warming smile I’d missed so much in the past couple of weeks. “Oh, I definitely want to go to your place. We have some catching up to do.”

I blushed.
 

“Besides, I need to make sure you’ve been taking good care of that dog.”

“He’s missed you,” I told him. “He’ll be so happy you’re back.”

Devin squeezed my hand. “What about you? Are you happy I’m back?”

I squeezed his hand in return. “Devin, I’m thrilled.”

I parked in the garage beneath my house and we walked up the interior stairs. As I struggled with the door key, Devin held me from behind and tried to distract me with kisses. I giggled and playfully shoved him away as I pushed the door open—and then stopped cold.
 

Devin bumped into me, not yet realizing I’d stopped, and then we stared together at the horrible sight in the middle of the room: my bright purple vibrator was sitting in the middle of the living room rug, vibrating wildly. It was covered in dog hair and tooth marks. Beside it, Taco was just waking up from a peaceful sleep, and the moment he saw Devin he popped up and rushed toward him, jumping up and yipping in excitement.
 

I turned to Devin, horrified, feeling my cheeks redden instantly. “Um,” I stammered. “Oh. Oh god, I can’t believe this is happening.”

“It’s fine,” he told me, amusement playing in his eyes. I could tell he was trying hard not to laugh, and it didn’t look like he was going to succeed much longer—he was just measuring my reaction to see how amused he was allowed to be.
 

I, on the other hand, was almost hyperventilating in horror. I rushed over to the vibrator, turned it off, and ran out of the room to hide it away in my drawer—which I realized now I hadn’t closed all the way in my rush to leave the house.
 

How could I have done this? How could I face Devin now? This was humiliating. I didn’t even want a vibrator in the first place, and I’d let myself get talked into it, and now this had happened.

But when I got back to the living room, Devin was smiling at me with that familiar, kind amusement in his eyes.
 

“I’m so embarrassed,” I said.
 

“Don’t be,” he said. “If anyone should be embarrassed, it’s Paco.”
 

I smiled. Devin and I both persisted in using our own name for the dog, like a playful argument back and forth. He leaned down to kiss me deeply, and I melted into him. Devin was the only person in the entire world who could make me forget what had just happened, but soon I could think of nothing but getting his clothes off. I led him by the hand into my bedroom, and we crawled into bed together, exploring each other’s bodies.
 

Late at night, I lay in his arms hoping he’d never leave. When I was about to drift into sleep, I heard Devin whisper, “Hey Sophie.”

I turned my head. “Hmm?”

“We’re running the marathon together, right? Cheering each other on?”

I snugged in closer. “Definitely.”

I woke up in the morning and stared at the ceiling while the world pieced itself back together. Devin. Devin was here with me, his warm skin still pressed into mine.
 

But something was off. The sun was too bright outside the window. I sat up and looked at my clock. Five after nine. The marathon training session was almost over, and we’d missed it. My heart suddenly pounding, I jumped out of bed.

“Why didn’t you wake us up?” I wailed at Taco.
 

“He finally has both of us in the same place,” Devin mumbled, his eyes fluttering open. “He’s content.”

“But we’re missing training!” I said.
 

Devin reached out for me. “Come back to bed,” he said. “You can’t change it now.”
 

Mad at myself, I crawled back into bed and sat at the headboard, stroking his hair. Devin may not have been upset that we’d missed training, but I was. The marathon was supposed to be my top priority, and I’d gotten so carried away with Devin that I’d slipped up. Again. If I kept this up, I’d never be able to complete the marathon…and I’d have to face my old classmates overweight and unaccomplished.
 

CHAPTER 6

I woke up extra early on Sunday morning to try to make up for having slept in Saturday. This was exactly what I was trying to avoid, exactly why I’d been nervous about dating someone right now. I couldn’t let anything get between me and the marathon.
 

I’d let my guard down when I bought the vibrator. I’d let my guard down when I adopted Taco even after being told he was naughty. And I’d let my guard down when I started getting close to Devin, allowed him to distract me from my goals. How could I do this?
 

I know that getting stability back is the most important thing right now
, I thought,
but everything I’m doing is just throwing me more and more off-kilter!

I took a few deep breaths and set out on my morning run, pushing myself harder than normal. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to get far away from both Devin and Taco. Yet I didn’t
want
to get far away from them. I liked them—maybe, I admitted to myself, even loved them.
 

But could I remain focused on my rules for getting my life back on track—could I remain focused on the marathon—with them around?

I didn’t know. I just didn’t know. Some moments, I felt like I couldn’t live without Devin, and in those moments I didn’t care about anything else. I didn’t care about making my life stable, I didn’t care about my rules, I didn’t even care about the marathon. I only cared about lying there in Devin’s arms for a little while longer, even if it meant going to bed late, having a hard time waking up, not performing as well on my morning runs—sacrificing the one thing I was supposed to be pouring myself into.

I couldn’t believe how little sleep it sometimes seemed like Devin functioned on, and I knew that I couldn’t do that in my own life. I’d seen the way my performance had suffered when I gave in to my impulses to spend that time late at night with Devin.
 

And Taco was just pure chaos personified—or whatever the word for personified would be when referring to a dog. Caninified? The disorder that Taco brought into my life was in direct opposition to my goals for feeling stable and grounded.
 

I liked them. I wanted them in my life. Yet there were moments when I thought how foolish it was to accept their chaos into my life. I’d set a goal for myself of running a marathon, and I was not someone to take my goals lightly. I couldn’t mess this up. Devin’s spontaneity could lead me anywhere, and I wasn’t sure I had the ability to resist getting swept up in it. And then what would happen? I would lose my grounding, that much was sure. I’d already missed three marathon training sessions due to my involvement with Devin and Taco. I couldn’t afford to miss any more.

Even if Devin didn’t knock me off of my goals, could I really be with someone so spontaneous? I had liked that Matt was so predictable. Some people saw predictability as boring, but I saw it as a positive. Knowing what to expect from one day to the next made me feel grounded and stable. If I stayed with Devin, would I ever feel grounded? And could Devin ever really want to be with me for the long run when I liked to plan everything out in advance and he preferred to wing it?

Besides, I had my high school reunion coming up. What would my old classmates think if I told them I was still in the same place in my life as when I’d graduated from college and started teaching? My life hadn’t moved forward at all since then—only backward, when Matt had dumped me. And though I knew life was about more than checking off a bunch of boxes—career, relationship, house, kids—I couldn’t help but feel that losing those six years with Matt set me behind where I should be. And where all of my high school classmates would be. I had to at least have something to show for my time, like being able to say that I completed a marathon.

Wait
, I suddenly thought.
I
will
have completed the marathon by then, right?
I knew the date of the marathon by heart by that point, I’d been obsessing about it so much, trying to picture what it would be like, how I’d feel, whether or not Devin and I would run together or if he’d surge ahead, being faster than I was. The marathon was to take place on Saturday, May 28.
 

But the reunion, I had no idea. I had the vague feeling that it was over the summer, but when I’d gotten the invitation it had felt so far away that I’d simply RSVP’d without much thought to when it would actually happen.
 

I stopped running, taking my phone out of its armband. I searched back through my email for the confirmation I’d gotten that the planning committee had received my RSVP. “We look forward to seeing you at seven o’clock in the evening on Friday, May 27.”