Breaking Through (Atlanta #3) (19 page)

"Oh, fuck, Jen…"
 

He kissed her again to connect with her deeper and get their bodies twisted together in every way. She responded again with eager, hard kisses and beautiful, desperate sounds. He couldn't hold back anymore. He drove into her loudly with almost punishing strength until he came powerfully inside of her.
 

She hadn't quite gotten there again, so he didn't slow his movements at all. He let his words demand more from her. Luke told her exactly how to let go, how hot she was, and how much he needed to hear his name when she came. "Luke" ripped beautifully from her chest as he watched her face contort in agonizing pleasure.
Oh, what she does to me.

He eased his body down over hers and kissed her neck, breathing in the scent of sex and sweat and rain and Jenna. "Baby…I can't even…"

She giggled a soft sound of satisfaction through her still-heavy breathing. "Don't worry, I still get it."

He laughed the same soft sound, so happy. "You are so sexy in lace," he said with a smile in his lulling, sleepy voice, running his fingers along the lines of her bra again. "Keep this on. And nothing else."

She smiled and nodded.
 

Luke looked around at the fort again. This place was such a crazy mix of fun, relaxation, and fuck-pad. He noticed a nearby straw bench was covered with a thick quilt, so he scooted over to it, pulling Jenna along with him. He leaned against the quilt and moved Jenna to curl up beside him, resting her head on his strong thigh so he could see and touch her beautiful face. She reached for his hand and rested his palm directly on her breast. His angel wanted his touch again.

He brushed his fingers down the top curves of her breasts. They relaxed in the intimate quiet for a while before he remembered his good news.

"Oh, hey…I wanted to tell you something."

"What's that?" she asked, softly sighing from the gentle movements of his hands.
 

"Bill, that's Marcus's trainer and the gym owner, he got me in an exhibition fight to showcase new fighters who are coming up in the sport, but aren't to the level of sanctioned competition yet."

"That's amazing, Luke! Congratulations. I'm proud of you," she smiled. Having her proud of him felt pretty damn good.
 

"Yeah. The match is in a few weeks. We just found out Marcus is fighting some Latino guy in the featured match of the night. He's pretty pumped about it."

"Can I tell you some good news, too?" she asked with a big grin.

Luke nodded with an inquisitive look on his face.
 

"I'm going to see you fight. Cassie and Erin already talked me into going to see Marcus…I'll get to be there to see you, too."

Luke grinned a mile wide. "I was going to invite you anyway, but everyone else beat me to it."

"It's going to be tough pretending I don't know you," she said with a sad smile. "Too bad. I could have thrown my panties at you."

Luke laughed. "Any time you want to, baby."

"I might have to take you up on that," she said with a smile. "Are you getting hungry?"

"Starving. What'cha got?"
 

Jenna got up and laid out their clothes by the space heater to dry. She unpacked paper plates and filled them with a variety of picnic food: fresh fruit, sandwiches, pasta salad, and some cookies she made after her shift on Thursday. She grabbed two bottles of water to round out the meal.

"Thanks, baby. This looks great," Luke said, genuinely appreciating the gesture. Over dinner, they talked more about Luke's upcoming match and his apprenticeship with George. She filled him in on work gossip and Cassie's nursing studies.

After dinner they snuggled together again against the straw bale. Jenna smiled up at him with contented happiness on her face. He needed to be a part of her peace again. He eased himself down slowly beside her and covered her entire mouth with his. The kiss was deep, loving, and needing. He'd never experienced anything so powerful before as his connection with Jenna. The two of them were wrapped up in each other completely. Jenna was his entire universe in that moment.

When the kiss slowly broke, he gathered her into his arms and focused again on the rain tapping on the barn roof. She sighed contentedly as he caressed her. He felt her lips touch his chest in a precious kiss. He couldn't help but pull her in tighter.
 

"Sleep, baby. I'll hold you all night."

Jenna snuggled in a little deeper and sighed again as her entire body relaxed. He kissed her head gently and let her fall asleep in his arms. Luke, however, stayed awake for a long time, pondering every good thing in his life. If he could only banish the darkness within, his world would be in all ways right.
 

He stared at his pure-dark tattoos wrapped around his pure-light woman and sighed. The darkness might be too much, and he didn't like seeing the pictures of his ugliness wrapped around his angel. He only wanted to protect her, not bring her down. He pondered all the horrid, shadowy corners of his brain that could hurt her. He clenched his jaw at the thought and worried about her all over again. He would fuck this up eventually.

Unfortunately, those dark thoughts were the last to linger as he drifted off.

Jenna awoke in the humid darkness quickly, hearing nothing but anguished muttering from Luke again. He was having another nightmare. She knew how disoriented he would be if she woke him up, but she didn't want him suffering through the terrors of his subconscious. His body twitched and thrashed while noise of pure fear and angst bellowed from deep in his chest loud enough to startle a bird from the rafters.

"Luke," she said loudly, pushing his shoulder strongly. "Luke, babe, wake up."

He gasped and jumped as he snapped sharply out of sleep, breathing heavily and shaking. "Shit, I'm sorry," he blurted when he realized where he was and what was going on. "Shit…"

"You ok?"

"Yeah," he gritted out as he got up and paced around the loft. His hands jumped to his temples and he squeezed, still naked and walking in circles.
 

"Luke?"

"I said I'm fucking fine!" he snapped. She'd never heard him speak in anger before. The tone broke her heart, but she knew his nightmare bit at her, not him. When he was himself, he was nothing but loving in his edgy, raw way.
Sex and flowers
, she reminded herself.
 

The floor squeaked as his bare feet worked their way along every surface of the loft. The rain stopped, leaving an eerie quiet behind. "Shit," he muttered again. Able to do nothing for him, she stayed in her spot where they slept and waited for him to come down from the stress.
 

"I have to get out…," he mumbled to no one.

He pulled his jeans over his naked body and moved out of the fort and down the ladder. Jenna quickly wrapped the sheet around her and followed him. She stopped on the landing and watched him descend. Trying to understand how to handle this, she watched, hoping he wouldn't drive away and leave her by herself in the middle of the night. Her old cellphone couldn't get a signal this far out; she would be completely stuck.

Thankfully, he only paced around the ground floor for a while with his palms gripping his temples and then out the door toward the trails. Jenna pulled her jeans on quickly and went down to follow him. She needed to make sure he was ok. In her denim and lace, she descended the ladder and ran to the door. Luke was doubled over in the grass, vomiting violently.
 

Unable to keep herself away, Jenna went quickly to his side and held his shoulders lovingly. "Shhh, babe. It's ok. I'll take care of you."

"Don't–" he started to say before he retched again. Twice more his stomach emptied until he had nothing left to expel. His stomached seized again anyway. By the time he rested back on his heels, he was sweating and couldn't stop his heavy breathing. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize, Luke," she said as she saw his face contort into darkness again. "I don't care. I promise. Let me help you."

He looked angry at her. "I don't need you anywhere near this shit!" He stood and stepped over his vomit to get away from her. Jenna followed anyway.
 

"Hey!" she barked, knowing Luke would understand
strong
more than he understood
sweet
when life got this gut-level hard. "Get over it! I'm here. Let me help."

She wished he would realize how good he was for her, and how good she could be for him, if he'd let her. Their connection was so true. The reality of the two of them could transcend all the ugly parts of life…
if
he'd let her break through his walls.
 

He was obviously stubborn and didn't want to. He stopped walking away from her, but he wouldn't turn to her, either. Hoping her actions would help again, she walked behind him and wrapped her arms around his ribs. She pushed herself against him like she did on his Harley and gently moved her hands along his abs. "It's ok," she breathed. "I can handle this."

She moved her lips to his tattoos, hoping to calm him again like she had the week before. His body tensed and he started shaking harder when she gently nuzzled his arm, placing sweet kisses every so often. Tonight, her kisses didn't calm him. If anything, he tensed up even more.

"Please…" he rasped through his bile-torn throat. "Please don't…"

"It's ok," she whispered. "I want to take care of you."

"No one
should
," he said even tighter. Was he holding back tears?

She glanced at the sad quote on his shoulder and her heart broke like the little picture after it. Hoping he'd let her in a little, she brushed the words gently with her fingertip and asked quietly, "Do you need to forgive or be forgiven?"
 

He snapped around and glared at her in anger again. "Drop it, Jenna. Go back to the loft. Give me a minute." His hands returned to his temples.

She sighed and knew he wouldn't say anything more about any of his darkness, but she wouldn't give up on him so easily. He didn't have to talk, but she wouldn't let him push her away, either.
 

"Come with me," she whispered, reaching for his hand. "Let's both let it go."

"It's not that simple," he said quietly, shaking his head in sadness again. His emotions bounced so erratically after a nightmare, she was beginning to understand.

"It's that simple tonight," she offered softly, trying to match his changing moods. "Right now, you can take a breath, take my hand, and take a break from all of it. That's the whole point of this place, isn't it?"

He looked deep into her. Even in the cloud-hazed moonlight, she could see those green eyes searching into her. Twice he looked as though he would speak, but didn't. Once he clenched his jaw. Jenna didn't move; she stood strong with her hand reaching out to him. One final time she spoke, hoping he'd respond.
 

"Let me hold you, whether you think someone should or not," she said strongly. "Because I
can
take care of you, I promise. I want to, and you need me to."

After another conflicted moment, Luke's body language changed from tense to broken. Jenna got dizzy from his range of emotions, but she stood strong anyway. Luke dropped to his knees in the grass as she walked to him. He wrapped his arms tight around her hips the second she got to him and rested his cheek on her soft tummy. She tucked his head into her as lovingly as she could and stroked his hair.
 

"I don't want to hurt you," he breathed.

"You won't, Luke. The only thing that would hurt is if you shut me out completely."

"But I'm so ugly…deep down…you have no idea…"

"I don't know
everything
deep down, but I know you have so much good in there, too. You couldn't love Sophie like that otherwise. You are
good
."
 

This time Jenna knew for certain he choked back a sob as he squeezed tighter around her, hanging on for dear life. He relied on her in that moment, and her heart soared as it broke for him. Whatever was eating him up inside weighed on him so heavily, but he finally let her carry a small piece of the pain for him.
 

After a long moment of letting himself be held quietly in the moonlight, Luke finally stood up and
saw
her. He seemed to realize again that Jenna was not an obstacle. His eyes gently caressed her soft form and he offered her the tiniest hint of a smile. With such deliberate care, he lifted her hand and kissed her palm. The words
thank you
didn't need to be spoken as he rested his cheek over her knuckles.

Jenna took his other hand and walked him into the barn and over by the ladder. She drew him into another warm embrace before climbing the wooden rungs to the loft. He followed right behind her, not speaking a word. The quilt waited for them to return to its soft comfort. Jenna left her jeans on and rested into the soft fabric.
 

"Come here," she whispered as she reached out to him. He slowly sank down to the blanket with her and curled up beside her like a child. Jenna directed his head to rest on her tummy again. She curled herself around him as much as she could and stroked his hair again. "Sleep, babe. I'll do my best to keep your nightmares away."

Luke draped a heavy arm over her hip and settled himself into her body. All the tension left his frame as he let her care for him. "That's right, I've got you…every time you need me."

Her fingers lightly rubbed his temple and stroked the scruff of his jaw. Not long after, Luke was asleep and resting peacefully. No tension remained on his face and she smiled. But then, Jenna shed a broken-hearted tear for him. Another tear fell in happiness, knowing the sweet expression on his face was there because of her. She stood strong for him and gave him rest. She shed one more tear for the dark pain he carried, and then took a deep breath. She refused to cry any more for Luke Baylor, her dark lover with a good soul.
 

CHAPTER NINE

By the end of April, things between Jenna and Luke were both hot and sweet. The two managed to balance a burning passion with a depth of connection neither anticipated. With the secrecy of the relationship, their time together was spent in blissful isolation. Jenna didn't have to share her time with Luke with anyone. Of course, she would have loved to have group outings with their friends or lunches in the park with Luke and Sophie together, but their time alone swirled with every kind of satisfaction, easing the sting of secrecy.