BreakMeIn (9 page)

“I am.”

She was afraid he’d say as much. After everything he’d been
through he’d come back still seeking answers. But she’d given him an ultimatum
and he’d certainly lived up to his end of the deal. Even if it had been by
force. Now it was her turn to keep up her end of the bargain. “Then I can
introduce you to a few Dommes I think would suit you.”

“You could,” he said slowly. “But we both know better.”

“I know.”

“You’re stalling.”

“Transparent again. Damn.” She dropped a few bills on the
table and rose. Walking to her car, she listened to the crunch of Alex’s
footsteps behind her.

Was she crazy for even entertaining this idea? For even
considering taking on one of her oldest friends as her submissive? She always
liked a sub who would challenge her, but Alex brought a whole different set of
issues to the table. Not to mention the fact she had feelings for him she knew
she’d have to keep buried. Yet another intricate layer of their relationship
she’d have to contend with.

What frustrated her most was the fact it made sense. He
sought to find himself after a painful divorce. After an even more painful
recovery. He needed to know if he’d been right in the choice to ask Vivian in
the first place. Though she could tell him without going further it was. Vivian
had shown her true colors the moment she’d walked out the front door in a rage
simply because Alex was curious. If she’d truly loved Alex she would have
gotten over her snit and talked through their issues.

Communication was the key to any good, lasting relationship.

They’d known each other for years, had known each other’s
families for years. They’d partied together, studied together. All with Vivian
right at their side. The rift between her and Vivian had grown because Elena
couldn’t stand the way Alex let himself be treated by the supposed love of his
life. You were supposed to treasure the one you loved, not treat them as if they
were no better than a piece of mud dirtying your shoe.

Though Alex had always been like a brother to her, she never
mentioned the behavior she saw because he looked so happy. She would never get
in the way. It was the very reason why she should and shouldn’t agree.

With her as his Domme he would find what he sought because
she would make certain he got the answers. She just didn’t know if she was the
one to give them to him because of their closeness. Elena had kept her secret
desires for Alex to herself because they had no place since he was married.

If she agreed she would risk exposing this secret and
everyone could get hurt. If he had just been some passing participant at the
club she would never think twice.

But god how she was nearly salivating at the thought of
training him.

Never mind the fact she knew too much about his past. Knew
the abuse both brothers had suffered at the heavy hand of their sadistic
father. It made her more personally involved than she liked. She would know
things already another Domme would have to spend months uncovering.

Her familiarity with Alex would speed the process along.

In order to let him move on with his life he would need to
face some things he’d avoided. She wasn’t above doing what it took to get
someone over an obstacle, but Alex’s hurdle was as large and as expansive as
the Hoover Dam.

For him to overcome he would have to face the pain head-on.
At least by her hand it could be done compassionately because she did know him
so well. Seemed as though she was the perfect choice after all, as much as she
hated to admit the fact.

She turned, her breath hitching quietly at the gleam in
those liquid crystal eyes as he leaned closer. His hands settled on the roof of
her car, effectively caging her in so she couldn’t move. “You want to know just
as much as I do. A willing submissive offering himself with no strings attached
is a hard thing for you to resist.”

“But there are strings.”

“Strings that uncomplicate a hell of a lot of things. They
break down a lot of barriers you know you won’t have to deal with. I may be new
to this, but I’m not new to you. Your inventive mind is already working over
scenarios, dismissing what you think I can’t handle and devising scenes that
will break down my walls. It’s written all over your face. This way we’ll both
have our answers.”

His mouth brushed gently against hers, a slow sweep that
shook her knees and shattered a few of her defenses. Caught up in the feel of
such a loving, gentle touch, she opened to him, drawing his tongue into her
mouth as his body pressed tight against hers.

Their last kiss had been filled with a breath-stealing
concoction of stale liquor and sweat. Now the fresh, invigorating scent of his
soap and the coffee he’d had with his dinner filled her senses. There wasn’t
even a hint of any kind of vice to be had. Not even the faintest wisp of smoke.
Just pure, unadulterated male free from sin and debauchery.

Except Alex
was
sin.

Arousal flared low in her gut at the same time some
sensations she’d thought long buried rose to the surface. He was right, she did
want to know. She longed to see him bound up in her chains, sweat dripping down
his body as his hard cock strained away from his abdomen toward her.

She wanted to break him in her chains.

She swallowed heavily as he pulled back, looking down at her
with hooded eyes. Damn he was gorgeous. And as hard it was for her to admit, he
was right. A submissive willingly offering himself with no strings? Talk about
the ultimate nirvana. But this was Alex, for shit’s sake, a man she considered
family.

Only family didn’t kiss her the way he just had.

A warm hand pressed against her cheek. “Throw whatever you
want my way, Elena. I can take it.”

The boldness of his statement slashed through her, reminding
her of how much was at stake. “No. You can’t.”

He leaned closer, brushing his erection against her thigh. “Try
me.”

She knew by agreeing to go along with this she was letting
him off easy. Far easier than he deserved, but what the hell else was she
supposed to do? The poor guy had been through so much and he was just trying to
get his life back together.

“I intend to.”

When his eyes flashed as the corners of his mouth turned up
in a clever grin, she knew she was in trouble. Sure, he’d get what he wanted,
but he needed to think again if he thought this would be a unicorn-pooping-rainbow-sprinkles
moment. “One session. No more.”

“One night. However many sessions it takes for me to have my
answers.”

Leave it to Alex to bargain. “You’re a fool if you think you’ll
have all the answers in one night.”

Alex’s grin widened before nodding. “Then we both agree it
should be longer.”

“No. One night. I’ll decide if you can handle more than one
scene.”

“Fine. What else?”

Jesus, she was really going to do this. “I have rules at
Sanctuary. You will abide by them and you will do as you’re instructed for your
safety. Some things are negotiable. Some aren’t.”

“Okay.”

“You will have a safeword. There is no negotiation there.
End of story.”

“I trust you to—”

She held up a finger to stop him. “No negotiation. You will
have one—period. No safety—no play.”

“Fine.”

He’d agreed too quickly for her tastes. “Oh no, I know you,
Conners. Don’t think you’ll get away so easily by brushing me aside. You will
use your safeword if necessary and not try to be a man about all this. Just
because you’re submissive doesn’t mean you’re weak.”

“I was once.” His gaze fell away from hers.

“No.” Determined to make him truly understand she lifted her
hand, closing her fingers around his chin so he looked directly at her. “This
just proves you aren’t. You just don’t know. Having questions doesn’t make you
weak either. Ignoring them does. Just because you want to submit doesn’t make
you a doormat with the rest of your life. You want to take control. You are
determined to change the course of your life and have the courage to actually
follow through. Vivian didn’t. She was too narrow-minded and weak to follow
through in her dreams so she felt the need to squash yours.”

“I really don’t understand what the big deal is. It’s just a
word.”

She eased her hold on his face, stroking her thumb gently
against his strong chin. “Which is exactly why you need a safeword. You have no
hands-on experience with this. Being blindfolded or tied up is fine in theory,
but you don’t know how you’ll react. You may get in the middle of a scene and
suddenly decide this isn’t for you after all. Which is why you will safeword
out if it’s too much. And you will not worry about hurting my feelings in the
process. I’ll be more upset if you simply try to take it because you think you
have to.” She leaned closer. “And I will know, with every part of my being, if
you are lying to me. So don’t even think about trying to outwit me.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

A shiver ran down her spine. Said in his deep, husky voice,
those words sounded absolutely magnificent. She nearly salivated at the thought
of how he’d sound under her flogger. When her hands were on his fabulous body.
When he came.

She was going to have to tread carefully with him.

Very, very carefully.

“I’ll call you when I’m ready.” He started to open his
mouth, but snapped it shut when she glared at him. “You want to play, you’re
going to play by my rules.”

He pressed his body against hers, his hands lifting to wrap
around the back of her neck. Her pulse beat hard against his thumbs as he gently
stroked her skin. Those magical lips brushed softly against her mouth, the tip
of his tongue teasing hers. “If you think I’m going to get bored and forget
about this you’re wrong. I’ve been waiting for this long, so I’m damn patient.”

Phew.

She wouldn’t object to him planting a few more of those on
her. She was still a woman, after all, and she’d be a fool to deny the power of
those kisses. “I’m not trying to wait you out. I’m not ashamed to admit you
caught me by surprise. I need some time to do some prep work.”

“Good.” His fingers brushed against her forearm as he
stepped back. “Later this week?”

“When I’m ready, not a second before.” He nodded, accepting
her statement. She swallowed carefully as he walked around her car, admiring
the gorgeous view of his denim-covered ass as he slid into the passenger seat.
Damn, she forgot she still had to drive him home.

A week later, even though she was committed, Elena still had
a few doubts that needed to be addressed. And she knew there was only one
person who would willingly slap some sense into her addled brain. Maybe he
would even try to talk her out of this madness.

Despite the threatening scent of a spring frost hanging in
the air, the wide door on the oversized building stood open to the elements. It
meant Ryan had either forgotten to close the door or he was so focused on his
newest creation he didn’t care about the weather. Given the fact he was famous
for working for days on end when he was in a zone, Elena guessed the answer.

Clad only in tight-fitting black jeans and steel-toe work
boots Ryan Flynn slid a shaver over the sloping curve of the hull. The peace of
the moment centered her. Ryan preferred to work in total silence, claiming the
sound of it helped him hear the wood beneath his hands. In reality he’d started
all this craftsmanship because it silenced the sound of very painful memories.
Now he had something—or rather,
someone
—else who quieted the chaos
instead.

There was stupid love again, rearing its ugly head.

“She’s gorgeous. Commissioned or just because?”

“Work.” Ryan slid his hand along the smooth surface, nodding
slightly when he was happy with the state of the wood. “Some millionaire in
California wants to impress his friends with his ability to spend more money
than them. Won’t hear me complaining too loudly. Keeps me doing what I love.”
He set the plane on the workbench behind him, grabbing a damp towel to brush
away the shavings. “What brings you out this way, Ms. Red?”

She chuckled at the nickname, feeling warmed by the easy air
they shared. Ryan was a gorgeous man, toned and fit in all the right places.
But they’d had their time. The short period had been fun, but they’d both been
smart enough to recognize things wouldn’t work. Instead Ryan had turned it to
his advantage, training Elena to hone her skills.

Now he had a brand-new love in his life. Gatlin Falls’
newest on-air talent at the only radio station in town, Elisbeth Lawson. A
relationship Elena was responsible for, as she’d recommended Ryan’s services as
a Dom when Beth had needed a sure, guiding hand to get her head back in the
right place. No woman—submissive or not—should have to endure the horrors she’d
overcome.

“Where’s Beth?”

“At the station. Apparently the trainee the station manager
hired to fill in for her has a different philosophy and work ethic. Saying they’re
clashing is an understatement.”

“If there’s anyone who can whip him into shape it’s Beth.”
She kicked a rock, frowning at the line of dirt now streaking across her
expensive leather heels.

“You didn’t come all this way to ask me how my wife is
doing.”

“Alex is back.”

“And you also didn’t drive all the way out here to tell me
the sloppy alcoholic Conners brother has returned either.” She hesitated,
rethinking her strategy. Alex had burned a lot of bridges last year because he’d
turned his back on so many people. Maybe talking to Ryan wasn’t the best idea.
At her pause he sighed and rolled his eyes. “At least tell me why you look like
a lost little puppy right now.”

She winced at his stern tone. “You people keep shattering
this notion that I possessed the ability to keep my thoughts to myself. You’re
busy, I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

“Relax. You know I always have time for you.” He tossed
aside the towel he’d used to wipe his hands.

“I know. You’re just busy and don’t have time to listen to
my…whatever. You’ve got your own shit to deal with.”

“I’m fine, Elena. Really. Thanks to you. A lot better than I
was this time a few years ago.” Grabbing her shoulders, he shook her lightly a
few times before pulling her into a tight hug. “I promise.”

A few minutes later in the small, rustic-looking one-room
cabin, she watched as he cracked open a longneck, took a few pulls and walked
over to sit at the table with her. “Let’s hear it.”

“I’m thinking of taking on a new submissive, but I’ve run
into a complication.”

Concern immediately darkened his expression and he leaned
forward to touch a finger to the back of her hand. “Are you all right?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” She loved the amount of concern he still
held for her. It was what made the trip so easy instead of calling. She hadn’t
even thought twice about making the long drive past the outskirts of town. “I’m
just looking for some advice I guess.”

“From me? I’m the last one who should give advice.”

“But you are someone I trust.”

“There is that.” He withdrew his hand from hers, taking a
sip from his beer before speaking again. “Go on.”

Alex coming back to town meant she had to revisit her old
ghosts. She hadn’t exactly hidden what happened, but she hadn’t screamed it
from the rooftops either. This was the part she hadn’t thought about. She
needed to talk to him, but how did she start this kind of conversation?

Screw it. She’d never been one for subtly. “I don’t think I
ever told you I was let go from the club.”

“What?” The amber bottle clinked heavily against the wood.
The concern in his eyes vanished, replaced with utter disbelief. “What’s going
on?”

“There was an incident on Open Door night. I was…asked to
resign my position. Hand in my whip as they say.”

“Holy shit, Elena.” Ryan blinked. Seeing him speechless
wasn’t usual.

“I’m surprised no one told you.”

“I haven’t stepped foot in the club for years. Chaplin and I
weren’t the best of friends to begin with. So it’s not likely he would call me
out of the blue to tell me. When was this?”

“Right after Patrick and Allison’s wedding.”

“Sorry we missed the joyous event.”

“I’m sure Patrick and Allison understood. There’s more,” she
admitted reluctantly.

“There damn well better be.”

“Alex was there. He was actually the reason I lost my
status.”

Ryan’s hand froze in midair, the beer sloshing around in the
bottle. “Do I want to know why he was at the club? I know for a fact he’s
vanilla. Patrick mentioned it enough. Especially after the huge fight they had.”

Elena took a calming breath, pressing her hands against the
table to steady her resolve. “He wants to know more. See if he’s really not
vanilla. But there was some trouble. He didn’t understand a very intense—very
physical—scene between a Dom and his sub and I stepped in.”

Ryan scowled. “You know, you really need to learn how to
curb this whole mother-hen thing you have going.”

“You know as well as I do—”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. It’s just part of the job description. So
I guess now you feel responsible for him?”

“Not exactly.”

“Oh.” He was quiet for a few moments and when his eyes
finally narrowed Elena knew, once again, she hadn’t been able to hide anything
from him. “You like him don’t you?”

“Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous. I simply meant he wants
me to show him and I agreed.” Despite the fact he’d just laid it all on the
line, in truth, Elena felt the need to defend herself. “It feels right to teach
him. But—”

Ryan’s laughter filled the small room as he sat back in the
chair, cocking it up on two legs to balance there. “Oh yeah. You really like
him.”

She rushed on to explain. “There’s more.”

“Isn’t there always more?” His knowing grin made her scowl.

Ass.

“Before he went to rehab I went over to his house. Had
dinner. Watched
Die Hard
and things got a little heated. Which was fine…”

“More than fine by the way you’re getting all flustered.”

At his unfaltering glare Elena looked away. He’d seen right
through her. He’d seen what she hid in her soul and had never admitted to
anyone. This was getting more embarrassing by the minute. Considering some of
the things she’d done in her life, it took a lot for her to feel this way. Maybe
coming here had been a mistake after all. “Everything was going well until he
asked me if I needed anything.”

“Which is a perfectly acceptable question when two people
are about to be intimate.”

“I’m not talking about condoms, Adam. He asked if I needed
anything special. Most notably my leathers or a whip.”

“I get it.” The chair dropped hard to the aged wood and the
sound reverberated off the stacked logs around her. “You’re afraid he only
wants you to help him discover if he isn’t so vanilla at all? You think he
wants you
because
of the BDSM. And you’re afraid of what happens if he
finds out it’s not for him and wants you to be plain old vanilla for him.”

“Yes,” she admitted with a heavy sigh. The shattered remains
of the night lay on the table in front of her, the shards still notching her
soul.

“And would you? Go vanilla for him?”

“Never in a million years. I know it’s a part of me I can’t
ignore.”

“Well.” Ryan finished the last of his beer, setting the
bottle to the side as he leaned forward, hands folded together. “Nothing says
you can’t stay impassive. Show him what you think he wants and then sever all
ties.” Elena felt Ryan’s intense stare and she shifted in the uncomfortable
chair. “You’re not confident you’ll be able to remove yourself from the
situation. Is that it?”

“Be in the moment at all times in order to focus on the
submissive. As I was trained.”

“Yes,” Ryan continued. “As you were trained. But there are
times when you need to throw your training out the window. There aren’t rules
in BDSM, Elena. Not about something like this. What works for one Dom and sub
doesn’t necessarily work for another.”

Startled, Elena lifted her head and met Ryan’s gaze squarely.
“Are you saying that as Ryan or the Dom who trained me?”

“There’s no difference.”

Her gaze fell away as he said exactly what her gut had
already told her. She was a Domme down in the depths of her soul. It sat
alongside the very marrow in her bones. “I know.”

“Then you’ve answered your own question. You’re fighting a
war which doesn’t exist. You either remove yourself from the situation entirely
or face him head-on. Only you can make the decision.”

“Where do I start?”

Ryan smiled as he pushed away from the table. “I find it
hard to believe you don’t know the answer to that particular question. You’re
going to have to drag those demons out of his soul and make him face some very
painful memories. You may even have to confess your love for him along the way.
Doing anything less wouldn’t be fair to either of you.” He disappeared behind
her and when Elena turned, she saw a car pulling into the driveway.

Ryan opened the door of the sleek muscle car and offered a
hand to the driver. A slender hand reached out and Ryan’s wife Beth appeared.
He pulled her into his arms, sweeping her up into a passionate and consuming
kiss. Elena swore she could feel the heat all the way in the house.

They parted, their foreheads touching and they both slid
their hands over Beth’s expanding belly. Pregnancy had only made Beth more
beautiful. Her friend waved as Elena stepped out onto the porch, pulling her
keys from her pocket.

“What brings you out this way?”

“Just visiting. Ryan says you’re running into some issues
with the new guy they’re training to help while you’re out on maternity leave.”

“I’ll whip him into shape. Don’t worry.”

Elena leaned forward and embraced her friend. “I’ll always
worry about you.”

“We need to have a girl’s night before this one comes
along.”

“Sounds fabulous.”

As Elena left she mulled over the conversation, feeling as
if she didn’t have the answers she wanted after talking to Ryan. But she really
couldn’t fault anyone but herself. He’d given her exactly the dose of medicine
she needed.

The truth.

But as she drove back to Gatlin Falls she continued to gnaw
on her lip as Ryan’s words echoed in her mind. She didn’t have any clear-cut
answers and her chest ached because what she did know worried her. In order to
give Alex what he wanted—no,
needed
—she’d have to bury her feelings for
him.

She knew she possessed the strength to do what needed to be
done, but for the rest of tonight she would go home, wallow in a hot bath, have
a glass of wine and hate the very thing in her life she loved the most.

Alex leaned against his car in front of Sanctuary, jingling
the key ring he’d stuffed into his pocket. Nervous energy filled his body.
Crawling out of bed this morning to open the shop, he’d been smiling and
joyous. Nothing could have brought his mood down out of the clouds lined with
silver.

By midafternoon, the buzz had worn off.

Now he couldn’t stop thinking about the night ahead.

A thought that kept his dick rock-hard despite his nerves.

When the door to the warehouse opened, his heart slammed
hard against his ribs. It tripped once, slammed again, reminding him he needed
to breathe. The air burned his lungs has he inhaled and his heart settled into
a normal rhythm.

Elena leaned against the casing, her red hair smooth and
sleek as the tips curled under her chin. She’d left her bangs straight tonight
so her hair framed her heart-shaped face. Her eyes shined brilliantly under the
fringe, her full red lips curving up into a sensual smile.

He was so taken by the sinful curve of her mouth, it took
him a few seconds to notice she wore a green corset. The very same one he’d
lusted heavily over when she’d worn it during Tony and Genevieve’s engagement party
last year. It had played a starring role in more than one masturbation fantasy
during his recovery time.

At least after his sex drive had returned.

To further add to the hot lust curling through his system he
noticed she hadn’t paired it with the men’s shirt. Instead her bare creamy
ivory skin was pillowed at the edge, her breasts threatening to spill over if
she moved.