Breakthrough (3 page)

AFTER THE
tour Jack needed some air. He let Marie and Doug have a few minutes alone with Rick. Truthfully it was all feeling like too much. Too much hope, too much emotion, too much intimacy. Too much in general. Jack was grateful for the chance to escape for a while and walk around outside, hoping to clear his head.

He found himself at the side of a pond. Benches sat under apple trees and wildflowers dotted the grass around the water. It was lovely.

“Needed a break?”

Jack jumped at the sound of an unfamiliar voice behind him. He looked around and saw a man he guessed to be in his thirties. Shaggy blond hair hung over his clear green eyes, and he wore a snug-fitting T-shirt with a hot pink triangle on it. His yoga pants managed to cling in all the best places.

Jack’s pulse kicked up a notch even as he tried to remind himself this could be one of the “guests.” Regardless, picking someone up at your son’s rehab center was probably frowned upon in most circles.

“You could say that,” he answered with a sheepish grin, extending a hand as the stranger stepped closer. “Jack.”

“Seth.” The smile Jack got was brilliant, warmer than the sun, and Seth’s hand was strong and tender when it met his own. “Gets to be a bit much sometimes, all the talking and sharing….”

Jack was so relieved to hear someone voice his unspoken thoughts, he blurted out, “God, yes.” When Seth laughed Jack caught himself and said, “I mean, it’s great. It’s working miracles for my son, but….”

Seth quirked a brow, giving him a knowing look. “You’re just not that guy?”

“Exactly.”

“I felt the same way at first too.” Seth stepped closer. He was still a foot away, but Jack could feel the warmth radiating off him. He had to force himself to pay attention to the conversation when Seth added, “It takes awhile to get used to it all.”

Unsure how appropriate it was, Jack asked, “Are you a….”

“Guest?” Seth offered with another breathy laugh. “No, I’m not a patient. My brother struggled for most of our lives with drugs, and… well, here I am.”

Nodding in understanding, Jack told him, “My son has been up and down for a while. This place seems to be helping more than anything else has.”

Seth chewed the inside of his cheek, looking like he was considering his words before he said, “Probably because he wants to be here. Having a place where they can leave any time they want, where it’s not court mandated but a choice… I think that makes a lot of difference.”

Jack hadn’t thought of it that way. He had wanted the security of a locked-down facility when they’d first discussed it. “That makes a lot of sense, actually.”

Flashing another one of those brilliant smiles, Seth’s sea green eyes shined with kindness and teasing and playfulness. “I always make sense.”

Chuckling, Jack told him, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

There was a pause, just a second, where Jack thought that something flirty and sinfully dirty was going to come out of Seth’s mouth, but instead Seth said, “I better get back. It was great to meet you.” He offered Jack another brief handshake, which made him feel steadier on his own feet.

“Nice to meet you too. Maybe I’ll bump into you again.” Jack was stalling, he knew, but he didn’t want to let go of that hand.

Seth’s right cheek dimpled when he smiled and pulled away. “I don’t doubt it.”

Jack let himself watch as Seth’s athletic body made easy work of the rough trail. He took in the way the muscles shifted under that tight little shirt and the way his ass moved under the clinging black fabric of his pants. God, I’m ridiculous. Jack felt like an old pervert for a moment before checking his watch. It was almost time for the family therapy session.

God help him.

RICK LED
the way up a long spiral flight of stairs, along a hardwood hallway, and into a large room that would have made a beautiful master bedroom. Jack saw more windows than walls, and a set of french doors led out to a small balcony.

He was surprised to find Seth sitting on a fluffy purple cushion next to one of the windows and wondered whether maybe they had the wrong room or whether their therapy session was for a different time slot.

“Davey,” Rick said, stepping forward as Seth stood. “This is my dad, Jack; my mom, Marie; and her husband, Doug.”

Seth stretched as if he’d been meditating for hours. He shook each hand and then said with a grin, “Jack and I met earlier on his walk.”

“Davey?” Jack asked, arching a brow at him.

Looking a little bashful, Seth explained, “Sorry about that. Last Halloween a few of the counselors and I dressed up as the Monkees. I was Davey Jones. They called me that for months, and then the new people thought that was my name. Now I have a genuine alias.”

Laughing at that, picturing Seth in his costume, Jack said, “I guess that could come in handy.”

Seth nodded in agreement, his voice teasing as he said, “Yeah, if I ever flee the country, I’m sure it’ll be nice to have.”

Rick was busy shifting cushions around the room, forming a small circle with them. He’d already kicked off his shoes and done a couple small stretches. Seth’s gaze stayed on Jack for a beat longer before he said to everyone, “Why don’t you guys all get comfortable and we’ll get started.”

Jack glanced down at himself. He’d worn a suit for the day, partly because he liked the way he looked in it, and partly because he was more comfortable in his business clothes for things like this. He wore his suit like armor, hiding in it. “I’m fine like this—”

Jack’s comment was cut off by Seth. “Shoes off, and maybe the tie? No one can be comfortable when their toes are pinched, and a tie is too much like a noose.”

Raising a hand and shaking his head in playful protest, Jack told him, “They’re not pinched, I promise. These are handmade Italian loafers.”

Seth cocked his head to the side and waited without saying a word. Before another minute passed, Jack and Marie had slipped off their shoes, and Jack had tucked his tie into his pocket. He took his jacket off too, trying to show he was willing to participate. Despite that fact, his palms were already sweaty.

Doug, of course, had already made himself at home. He had his shoes off within seconds of seeing Rick do it. He sat on one of the cushions and smiled gamely, as if he did this every day. Jack’s mouth fell open as Doug asked happily, “Do we meditate first or anything?”

Jack wasn’t sure he could fake his way through a meditation session on top of everything else.

Taking a seat on the little cushion again, Seth flashed another grin and shook his head at Jack as if he were reading Jack’s thoughts. He told Doug, “If you like, sure. But we usually just have a little getting-to-know-you round and then start to dig a little deeper.”

Sighing inwardly, Jack sat between Rick and Doug, trying not to grit his teeth. He hadn’t smoked in over twenty-five years—not since Marie told him she was pregnant—but he found himself patting down his pockets, unconsciously looking for a pack of cigarettes.

Looking at Jack and seeming to catch the telltale signs of his body language, Seth told him, “Sorry, no smoking anywhere on the grounds.”

Feeling like a deer caught in headlights, Jack said quickly, “I don’t smoke. I mean, I haven’t in decades. I just….”

Rick looked at his father. “I didn’t know you smoked.”

Nodding, feeling a little foolish, Jack told him, “Before you were born.”

Smiling broadly, Seth chimed in, “See? We’re already getting to know each other.” He paused for a minute and glanced around the room before saying, “I realize you’re all pretty familiar with one another, but I want to open this like we would any group session, okay? I’ll start.” Seth settled more comfortably on the cushion, folding his legs under him and sitting up straight. “I’m Seth. My brother was an addict, and shortly after he died, I started volunteering and eventually got my degree in psychology, and I’m working on my certificates for drug and alcohol counseling. I’ve been here nearly a year, finishing up my work-study, and… I can help if you’ll let me.”

“I’M RICK
and I’m a drug addict.” Rick closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Jack realized then how hard all this must be on him. “I’ve got two great kids that I hope to see again soon. I’ve got a great family, and… I’ve made a lot of mistakes and a lot of bad choices, but I’m learning to cope with stress in positive ways and learning to take care of myself so that I can take care of my family. I hope.” At that last sentence, Seth shot him a pointed look, and Rick corrected himself. “I mean, I am. I’m learning how to cope with stress in positive ways and how to take care of myself.”

Marie scooted closer and pushed Rick’s hair off his face like she had done when he was little. She pressed a kiss to his cheek and hooked her arm through his. “I’ll go next,” she said quietly, smiling at Seth. “I’m Marie. I have a wonderful son and a wonderful husband.” She leaned over Rick to glance at Jack. “I even have a wonderful ex-husband. I live in Arizona and run my father’s software business. I’m—” She was already sniffling. “—I’m grateful beyond words to be here for my son.”

Rick leaned over and kissed the top of her head as she hid her face against his arm. The picture of them, mother and son, made Jack smile. All eyes were on him after a moment of silence passed, but he still didn’t know what to say. Doug saved him.

“I’ll go,” Doug said cheerfully. He was always cheerful.

In reality he was a good match for Marie and even a good friend to Jack. But in that moment, when Jack’s pulse was racing and his forehead was pricking with sweat at the idea of having to talk about his feelings, Doug’s eager attitude and constant optimism made Jack want to hit him.

“I’m Doug. I’m Marie’s husband. I live in Arizona and own a small architectural firm. I have a big, fun family who adores Marie. I love Ricky like my own, and I’m here to support him in any way I can.”

Simple, short. Jack felt like hitting him even more when he realized it was his turn. He took a deep breath and reminded himself this was the easy part. Introductions. He could do this. He did this all the time. “I’m Jack. I have a small accounting firm. And by ‘small’ I mean me, a secretary, and two junior accountants.” Business. That was easy. “It’s good, though. I set my own hours, make a decent living. And… I like it. I like numbers. I like making everything fit on paper, making everything work. There’s a right answer and a wrong answer, and it always makes sense.” He laughed, adding, “I even like doing taxes. I like filling out the forms and making sure everything is where it’s supposed to be.”

All four of the others looked at him expectantly, but nothing came to him.

Seth asked, “So… that’s it? That’s you? You’re Jack and you’re an accountant?”

Jack thought for a moment. “Pretty much, yes. I’m also a father—glad to be here—and a grandfather.” Even to his own ears, he sounded like he was introducing himself on a game show.

He heard a small snort on the other side of Rick. Jack was sure Marie was rolling her eyes.

She didn’t say anything until Seth asked, “That bothers you, Marie?”

Marie huffed out a frustrated breath. “Yes. Jack is a great father and grandfather. He’s got a lot of friends. He’s supportive of our son. He’s funny and kind and… he’s not just an accountant.” Her tone carried a hint of bitterness as she reached around Rick to give Jack’s shoulder a small smack.

Seth tried to stifle a laugh. “I’ll have to ask you not to hit while you’re in the circle.”

“Well, I’m sorry.” Marie didn’t sound sorry. “He’s just such an ass. He deflects every real emotion with sarcasm or an outright change of subject. He has a panic attack every time someone tries to get close to him, and then he wonders why he’s still single.”

Leaning around Rick to see her better, Jack asked, “How long have you been wanting to say that?”

Smiling sweetly, Marie countered, “How long have I known you, dear?” Jack thought she was done, but instead she asked Seth, “Do you know how many times I’ve seen that man cry?” Seth’s eyes widened as Marie went on. “Twice.” She put two fingers up so aggressively, it almost looked like she was flipping someone off. “I’ve known him thirty years, and I’ve seen him cry exactly twice. And both times he wasn’t just letting it out and getting some much-needed tension relief like a normal person.” With every word Marie made wilder gestures, waving her hands for emphasis. “No. He was angry and frustrated and cursing and trying to stop himself the whole time.”

Jack could tell she was winding up, ready to go on, but Seth asked softly, “What were you crying about, Jack?”

“I can’t remember.” He and Marie both knew he was lying, but denying it was a kneejerk reaction.

Marie called him out.

“Liar. You know perfectly well.” Marie turned to look at Seth as she continued. “Once when Ricky was a baby, not even three, we had to rush him to the hospital with a high fever.” She paused to explain. “He was so sick, and the doctors thought it might be meningitis and were running tests, and they wouldn’t let us in with him. That was the first time. Then, more than a decade later, when he came out to me.”

Seth looked at Jack, his head tilted to the side like he was listening for something quiet, an echo. Then he asked, “Why did those two things make you cry, Jack?”

Not really giving it much thought, Jack shrugged. “I don’t know. When your kid is sick, it’s scary stuff. And telling your wife you’ve failed her in the most basic and fundamental way….”

Furrowing his brow, Seth seemed to consider Jack’s answer. “Why those two events in particular, though? I’m sure Rick was sick other times. I know he broke his arm; he put himself in the hospital more than once after he started using… Why did those two things unglue you?”

Jack ran a frustrated hand through his hair. He wished more than ever for a cigarette, thinking he might be dead already if he hadn’t quit all those years ago. “Aren’t we supposed to be talking about Rick? Talking about his addiction, how it affects us? How we can help him?”