Breathe (9 page)

“What?” I asked confused.

He gave me a sheepish grin. “Sadie, when you smile at me it makes my heart do crazy things.” He blushed and flicked his gaze back toward the water. “I know I'm three years older than you, but you seem so much older than your age.” He took a deep breath. “Okay here goes, I'm trying to prepare myself for the set down, so bear with me.”

This could not be happening to me. I didn’t know what I would say. Would this mess up our friendship? If I said no, would he still be my friend? I stared at him, waiting for the words I feared would change our relationship forever, while a sick knot formed in my stomach. I didn’t want this to happen. It seemed so unfair. First I lost Jax, whom I never really had to begin with, and now I was going to lose my friend, the guy who always made me laugh when I needed it the most.

“Sadie.”

A voice I only heard in my dreams these days broke the silence, and I turned around. Jax was walking toward us. I wanted to cry. I wasn’t sure if it would be tears of joy from seeing the object of my obsession, or from hearing him say my name again.

“Jax,” I said, a little too breathless as I stood up and faced him.

His gaze brushed past Marcus. “You can go. I have arranged transportation for Sadie.” He dismissed Marcus as if he were angry at him.

I glanced at Marcus. A challenge flashed in his eyes, and I realized I would have to deny myself what I wanted most, time alone with Jax, in order to save my friend his job.

“Thank, you Jax, but I would really rather Marcus took me home.”

Jax’s eyes left mine, and he frowned at Marcus before turning back to me “Please, Sadie, I know I don’t deserve it, but I want to talk to you. I need to talk to you.”

My resolve cracked at hearing him say please. I didn’t think I could tell him no again. I looked back at Marcus, his face angrier than I’d ever seen him, and it once again brought me back to the reason I said no to begin with.

“Jax, this really isn’t necessary. Marcus takes me home every night, and we were in the middle of a conversation we need to finish. You have better things to do than take home your kitchen help.” I hadn’t meant for my words to come out so harsh, and when Jax winced, I hated myself.

He stepped aside so we could pass. “Of course,” he said, his eyes on the water instead of at me.

If hearts could shatter, mine just did.

Marcus took my hand and gently pulled me away from Jax toward his truck. I knew I should look away, but I couldn’t. As if he heard my thoughts, Jax turned toward me with a haunted expression in his eyes. I stopped walking, and Marcus dropped his hand from mine.

I heard Marcus’s frustrated sigh before he said, “I hope you know what you’re doing, Sadie. He is only going to hurt you.”

I nodded because I knew he was right. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

Marcus deserved an explanation, but I wouldn’t give him one. This was between Jax and me. I stepped forward and glanced back at my friend. “I have to.” It was the best explanation I could give him. I turned and left him there and walked back to Jax. A relieved smile spread over Jax’s face. I almost laughed when he took a deep breath as if he had been holding it, waiting to see if I would come back.

He squinted against the glare of the setting sun. “You were right. You should have left with him.”

I shook my head. “I tried, but I couldn’t do it.”

He reached out and took my hand in his. A warm tingly sensation coursed up my arm and through every other limb of my body.

“Come on, Sadie, let’s go for a walk.”

We held hands as we walked along the edge of the water. Neither of us spoke. I came back to him because I couldn’t walk away. I needed to know why he had come for me, but I didn’t ask. I just waited. Finally, he stopped and stared down at me.

“Do you know why I didn’t want Marcus to take you home?”

Allowing myself to believe he missed me wasn’t a safe path for my thoughts. I shook my head no.

Jax let out a small laugh. “I’m jealous, Sadie.”

I stood there, trying to let his admission sink in. If he said he missed me, I could believe him. Jealousy, however, seemed too hard to comprehend. “I’ve stood in my room watching the two of you drive away for the past two weeks, and it killed me each time I watched you leave with him. I would sit in my room and contemplate how I would handle it if you fell for him. How could I stay here and watch you look at him with those breathtaking eyes the way I wanted to see you looking at me?”

He ran his hand through his long dark hair and sighed. “Tonight I couldn’t stay in my room. I watched you out here all by yourself and fought the urge to come to you. Then he came walking out, and I watched the two of you together for longer than I should have. My resolve to stay away from you broke, and I made my way out here before I could stop myself.”

A frown creased his forehead, and he turned away. “He seems like a man who knows what he wants, and the problem is he wants what I want. If it were anything or anyone else, I could stand back and let him take it.” His blue eyes gazed back at me. “But I can’t let him have you.”

If he only knew how my every thought wrapped around him. “Marcus will always just be my friend. My feelings for him will never run any deeper than that.”

Jax reached out and twirled one of my loose curls around his finger. I held my breath and watched him. Finally, after a moment, he tucked it behind my ear.

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to sit back and watch you from a distance anymore. Trust me when I tell you I have tried hard to push you from my thoughts.” He stepped toward the water, focusing on something far off. “My life hasn’t been normal for years. This is the only time I get to be just me. The rest of the time, I’m on the road, and, several times, I am in the air on my way to Tokyo, Paris, or even Rome. I travel constantly. My name is all over the magazines with pictures of girls I am supposed to be in relationships with, but the fact is I have no time for a relationship. If another famous female teen is in the vicinity, they get our pictures taken together. It is just what is done and expected.”

He spoke of a guy I didn’t know. I hated being reminded that he was this untouchable idol. He turned back to me and smiled sadly.

“It’s selfish of me, but I don’t think I can stand it anymore. What little time I have for an average life....” He spread his hands out at the house and beachfront property around him and gave me a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Well, as average as my life can get, I want to spend with you. When I'm on the road this year, traveling from city to city, I want to have the memories of my time with you to keep me warm.”

He held out his hands as if offering himself. “I don’t want to beg or promise you things I can’t give you. There isn’t much of me to give, but what I have is yours. This is all up to you, Sadie. If you want me, I’m yours. If you can’t do this, then I will walk away and leave you alone. I swear.”

I stood and stared at the guy standing in front of me, and I knew I should tell him “no” and walk away. My heart reminded me with a loud thump in my chest I would always regret not saying “yes.” I doubted I’d ever feel the same way about anyone ever again. I stepped forward, and he immediately reached for me and pulled me against him. We stood there, me wrapped in his arms for a while before moving or speaking. I knew it wasn’t the smartest decision because, when September rolled around and summer was gone, I would just become the summer girl. Right now, nothing else mattered.

I whispered against his chest loud enough for him to hear me, “I want whatever part of you I can have.”

His arms tightened around me. This might eventually shatter me. I loved Jax. His lips touched my head, and I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sweetness of the moment. No one else’s arms could ever feel this right.

“I want to spend as much time with you as I can. I don’t want to waste a minute,” he said, and I nodded against his chest, and then leaned back and smiled up at him.

“Tomorrow, will you go deep sea fishing with me?”

I faltered at his question. I worked every day but Sunday, he knew my hours.

“I still have a job,” I reminded him.

Jax frowned and shook his head. “You’re not still going to work for me.”

I stiffened.

“Jax, I have to work. If you don’t want me here, I have to go find another job.”

He placed a finger over my lips and shook his head. “No, I’ll take care of your bills and needs.”

I stepped back away from his arms. My stomach clenched. I would not be like my mother. I didn’t need a man to take care of me. He wasn’t going to pay me to spend time with him. I took a deep breath hoping I could explain this so he understood.

“Jax, listen, it is important to me that I earn my own money. I can’t be paid to spend time with you because it would make it cheap somehow. I want to be with you. There should be no money involved. I need to be an equal, and as crazy as it sounds, the only way I can hope to achieve that in any way is to work for the money I earn. Please, I enjoy working with Ms. Mary and Mr. Greg and even Marcus. I could go somewhere else if you don’t want me working for you, but I really like it here.”

Jax sighed and reached out to take my hand. “I’m sorry. I am used to people taking my money with no reservation. You’re not like anyone I have ever known, so I should have realized you wouldn’t be comfortable with such an arrangement. You can remain here as long as you want. It will give me a reason to visit the kitchen more.” He winked, and I blushed.

“Thank you,” I said through the tightness in my throat from fighting back tears of relief and joy.

Jax smiled. “I should be the one saying thank you. I don’t deserve you, but I'm thankful you don’t realize it.”

I laughed at him.

“Come on inside with me while Kane gets our ride ready.”

We walked up to his house. I realized he was taking me through the family's entrance, and I stopped.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I, um, I need to go in through the side entrance.”

He shook his head. “I am agreeing to your working for me, but you are not going to be confined to the servants entrance only. You’re with me, Sadie. When you’re off the clock, you’re not my employee. You’re my...air.”

I frowned at him. “Your air?”

He grinned. “Well, girlfriend seems to be too shallow a word for what I feel for you. These past two weeks it’s been as if you control my breathing. When I watched you with Marcus, my chest would tighten, and it became hard to breathe. But then I would see you smile or laugh, and I could take a deep breath again.”

No wonder this guy wrote songs. My eyes stung, and I hated the fact I always seemed to get all weepy with him.

“Wow,” I whispered for lack of better words. I wasn’t gifted with his talent of weaving the English language so beautifully.

“So, does this mean I win? Will you do me the honor of accompanying me in my house as a guest, instead of the hired help?”

I grinned. “As long as I’m off the clock.”

He sighed in defeat. “I’ll take what I can get.”

He took my hand and led me into the house. I wasn’t sure how I would handle facing his mother or father. How were they going to react when they found out he was dating the help? But then again, I doubted if they even knew I worked here. Except for the one time I served Jax, I’d never been around either of his parents.

Jax squeezed my hand. “Wait here, let me grab my cell and have Kane get our ride brought around front.”

I nodded and watched him go to the coat closet and open it. He reached inside and took out the black leather jacket I remembered seeing him wear in a recent magazine photo.

He took a slim flat phone out of his pocket and tapped it a few times, and then slipped it into his pocket. He turned his smile on me and crooked his finger. My heart picked up its pace at the expression on his face.

“Your carriage awaits, my lady.”

I walked up to him and slipped my hand in his extended arm. “Ever the gentleman,” I teased.

“Whatever it takes to make the lady smile.”

Once home, I lay in bed staring at the ceiling and wondering how I could pack a lifetime into two short months. I wouldn’t be enough to hold Jax’s interest. But I’d love him enough to enjoy the short window of time we’d have together. When the summer ended, and he left, I’d have my mother and the new baby to be concerned about. If I threw myself into keeping my grade point average of 4.0, school may be an outlet to keep my mind off of the pain. But then again, I might never breathe again once he walked away from me.

Chapter Seven

I walked into the kitchen the next morning and hung my backpack up on the hook before glancing at the stove where I knew Ms. Mary would be working on the Stone’s breakfast.

“Morning, Ms. Mary, I will be back to help as soon as I get changed.”

Ms. Mary cut her eyes toward me and back toward the table with a frown. I followed her gaze. Leaning back in a kitchen chair, looking ridiculously sexy for seven in the morning, sat Jax. He gave me a crooked grin, and my heart went into a frenzy.

“Hey,” I said this without sounding affected by his presence. I knew he’d said he would be hanging out in the kitchen more often, but I hadn’t realized he meant this early in the morning. “What? Why are you here?”

He raised his eyebrows and grinned at me. “I would have thought that would have been obvious.”

I knew I was blushing. I turned to Ms. Mary and back at him. I knew she wasn’t happy about his presence, and I realized this might cause a problem.

“It’s okay, Sadie. She isn’t mad at you. She’s upset with me. You happen to be who she’s protecting.”

“I, um, need to go change. I’ll be right back,” I said, hoping Ms. Mary’s scowl wasn’t for me.

I walked toward the laundry room. My heart was racing from the frustration of my mixed feelings. Knowing Jax wanted to see me made me extremely happy, but I also didn’t want to upset Ms. Mary. Jax whispered something that sounded defensive. I needed to hurry up. I didn’t want to leave him by himself with Ms. Mary. Which seemed silly, since she worked for him.

“I am not going to hurt her. I know she is special and I tried to stay away, but when I’m with her I don’t feel so cold and alone.”