Breathless

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The author makes no claims to, but instead acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of the following word marks mentioned in this work of fiction.

Copyright © 2014 by Krista McLaughlin.

BREATHLESS by Krista McLaughlin.

All rights reserved. Published in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without the written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Editor: Kyra Lennon

Cover designer: Rachel Morgan (Morgan Media)

Dedicated to my big sister, Stephanie, who always pretended to be mermaids with me and never thought it was weird and has always loved whatever I write.

Lainey’s lungs tightened, desperately seeking the air she knew was only a few feet away. But it didn’t matter. Not now. Just a few seconds longer and it had to be a new record. She burst above the surface, gasping as she drew in the fresh salty air. Checking her pink digital watch, Lainey smiled. Four minutes and ten seconds; it
was
a new record. She swam towards the beach, diving back under the water and opening her eyes. Lainey claimed the salt never bothered her eyes, even if it wasn’t always true. She spun around, letting her white sundress get wrapped around her as she moved.

Lainey broke the surface as her mother yelled.

“Lainey, it’s time to wash up for dinner! Lainey!”

“I’ll be there in a little bit.” She mumbled her words, not caring if her mom heard her.

Lainey swam to the shore, picked up her towel from the sand, and wrapped it around herself. She sat down and gazed over the water as it met the beautiful pink and red sky. She dropped her towel and ran back toward the waves. She could do better. Diving beneath the surface, she went out as far as she could. Once she was under, she closed her eyes and stopped moving, letting the waves take her.

One.

It would be easy just to give up.

Two.

Waves slammed into Lainey and she started to kick.

Three.

Lainey’s lungs started to burn, but she couldn’t give up. She started towards the surface.

Four.

Her body broke the surface and she gasped, sucking precious air into her lungs. It was too much. She let the water take her to the shore, and she lay upon the sand, letting the waves crash into her. Tears poured down her cheeks.

Night fell before Lainey could find the strength to stand. She wrapped her towel around her as she ran up the hill towards the old Victorian home she lived in. It was way past dinner, and she knew she’d be in trouble. She could hear them talking before she made it to the screen door. Her mother washed dishes in the sink as her stepfather, Peter, sat at the small kitchen table. Lainey watched them in silence.

“It’s been too long.” Peter picked up his cup of tea, but didn’t drink.

“She’ll come in when she is ready.” Her mom dropped the dish into the strainer.

“Did she spend all day on the beach?”

Lainey saw her mother nod.

“It’s summer. She always spends all day on the beach.” Her mother grabbed the towel from the oven door and started to dry the cups.

Peter stood up and moved towards his wife. “It’s not normal, Courtney. What does she think she will change if she wastes the life she was given?”

Lainey’s heart skipped a beat.

“I don’t want to talk about this again.” Her mom’s words were quick.

“It’s not healthy for Lainey. Hell, it’s not healthy for Rachel to see her big sister act so strange. We can’t let her continue.”

Lainey’s mother attacked the same cup over and over. “I don’t want to talk about this, Peter. Lainey is fine on the beach for now. Let her enjoy the sun.”

“She isn’t enjoying the sun! She spends all day swimming up and down the shore. She stays underwater for long periods of time. Sometimes I fear she won’t come back up. What does she think she’ll find? Rescuers searched for weeks and never found Becca’s body. Lainey won’t find anything either.” Peter’s cup clinked onto the table.

“I know! I think Lainey knows it too, but she’s lost, Peter. I don’t know how to help her. I tried to get her to think of anything else at breakfast, I even tossed around the idea of community college, but she said no. She doesn’t even care she graduated.”

Lainey didn’t want to listen anymore. She turned and ran down the stairs of the deck. It only took a few minutes to climb the drain pipe and slip into her bedroom. The light on her desk barely illuminated the small space. The raised voices downstairs continued for a few moments before stopping. She didn’t care. Lainey grabbed her blanket and pillow, and shoved them into her bag before quietly dropping the bag out the window. Several granola bars lined her dresser. She picked one and ate it quickly before climbing back out the window. She walked back towards the beach, grateful for the deck lights and the one street lamp to light the way down the small slope. Glancing around to make sure no one was following her, Lainey headed towards the rocky coral part of the beach, out of sight from the house. She lay her blanket down and listened to the waves as she stared up at the night sky. Becca would have loved this.

Lainey fell asleep to the comforting sound and dreamed of her best friend.

*~*~*

Morning came too soon. Birds chirped, causing Lainey to groan. She sat up, rubbing her back. No one ever said rocks made good beds. The Flintstones must have been crazy. She looked up and saw her stepfather walking down the beach. His blue jeans were rolled up, and he was barefoot. For a moment, she could see why her mother fell for him. Peter’s hands were in his pockets, and the top button of his plaid shirt flapped in the breeze. His brown hair wasn’t too short or too long.

“Morning.”

“Hi,” Lainey mumbled.

“I’m guessing you heard your mom and me arguing last night. That’s why you slept out here.”

She nodded. “You guys are always arguing about me.”

“We’re just worried.”

“Well don’t.” Lainey stood and folded her blanket. “I’m fine.”

“Lainey, your mom and I are just concerned you aren’t moving on. It’s been a year. You were fine for a while, but something changed. You used to be so happy. You had dreams of –”

“Things change, Peter,” Lainey interrupted. “I’ve seen life and I don’t like it. I like my beach and the water.” She stuffed her blanket into the duffle bag. “This was a great conversation. I’m gonna go have breakfast, maybe cereal with a side of defeat and guilt.”

“Lainey, I didn’t mean –”

She shouldered her bag and started down the beach. Then she turned quickly. “Great talk, Dad. Oh wait, you’re not my dad! Mine walked out on me and I’m gonna do the same to you.”

Lainey didn’t stay to see Peter’s reaction. She ran up to the house and slammed the door. Her shoes dropped onto the rug, and she heard her mother talking to Rachel in the kitchen.

“Is that you, Lainey?” Her mom’s voice came over the sound of bacon sizzling.

“No, it’s a burglar. I’m here to steal all of your left socks, but not your left shoes.” Lainey walked into the kitchen and plopped down on the bar stool.

She smiled at Rachel, who was dressed in her typical white sundress with polka dots, rainbow leggings, and her hair in two braids. Only eleven, her sister could still get away with dressing how she wanted. The world hadn’t chewed her up and spit her out yet.

“How was the beach this morning?” Rachel took a bite of her Fruit Loops as she waited for an answer.

“Same as always, nothing changes there.”

Lainey took the offered bowl of cereal from her mom, who smiled and adjusted her bathrobe.

“Do you have any special plans for tomorrow?” Her mom returned her attention to the bacon.

“Not really.”

“But it’s your eighteenth birthday, aren’t you going to celebrate?” Rachel asked.

Lainey stared at the table. “No.”

Becca didn’t get an eighteenth birthday.
Lainey’s spoon dropped into the bowl with a clatter. She walked up to her bedroom without another word. She could hear her mom calling for her, but she collapsed onto her bed, holding her stuffed monkey named Igor. She lay still, staring up at her bulletin board decorated with pictures of her and Becca.
Naïve and stupid.
There were no more tears left to cry. She couldn’t wallow today. Lainey rolled to her feet and grabbed her towel, then headed towards the shower to wash away the salt from her skin. Distraction; it eased the pain.

“Happy Birthday, Lainey!”

Lainey closed her laptop and turned to face her family. Becca and Lainey had made plans to celebrate her eighteenth birthday stuffing their faces with cotton candy and taking a road trip to Disney World. She’d hidden in her room to avoid everyone instead. “Thanks, guys.”

“Look, I know you don’t want to do anything big for your birthday, but we have a gift for you.” Peter stood in the doorway with Rachel and her mom. “It’s big, but we think you’ll love it. Also, Rachel made you a cake.”

“You only turn eighteen once, honey.” Her mom’s voice was soft.

“I know,” Lainey whispered, standing up and looking at her mom. “I do like cake. Is it chocolate?”

“You only ask for chocolate cake every year,” Rachel teased. “Come down and eat!”

Lainey gave her sister a small smile before following her family downstairs. The bare wooden stairs creaked as they moved. The house was really getting towards the years of daily maintenance, despite the beauty of the outside. The sound of the waves crashing on the beach came in through the open kitchen window. Lainey loved the sound, even if it haunted her dreams. She sat down at the kitchen booth and slid over so Rachel could sit beside her. Peter brought the cake, and her mom lit the candles.